Posted onMay 26, 2014|Comments Off on Thank You (or You All Made Me Feel Less Alone)
I wanted to do an update post on something I wrote about last week: being fat-shamed while bra shopping. I honestly wrote that post as a rant and didn’t feel like many people would be able to relate to it.
The response I got was so unexpected and it made me feel so good. First of all, thank you to everyone who commented (here, Facebook, and on twitter). I also got emails and text messages from people about the post. Most of the reactions to the post were shock. People couldn’t believe that I was treated like that.
I heard from people who I haven’t heard from in a decade telling me their bra shopping horror stories. I heard from people who I’ve never met before telling me the same thing.
It seems like feeling shame and frustration while bra shopping is an almost universal feeling. And I know this may seem stupid, but while writing that post I really wondered if anyone would understand my frustration. Most of the people I know can walk into any store and find something that fits them. For me, I sometimes have to drive miles to find a store with my size. And even then, many times my size is sold out (because they only have one or two items in my size). But it turns out that even my “straight-size” friends understood. I wasn’t expecting that.
Besides people telling me their stories, I also got some advice on other places to look for a sports bra in my size. Sadly, many of the places recommended to me won’t work out. Most don’t have my band size. And the few places that have my band size don’t have a cup size small enough for me.
But I think I might have found something that could work. I got a recommendation for this bra from RoadRunner Sports. They do have my size, but only carry it in black or white (why can’t I get a cute color?!?). I ordered a couple of different sizes in black and I’m waiting for them to arrive so I can try them on. Hopefully one will work and then I can return the others (sports bras aren’t cheap!).
Again, thank you to everyone who read, responded, or shared that post. You helped me feel less alone and less self-conscious about wanting to find workout clothes that make working out easier and more comfortable for me. You helped to make me realize that I am worthy of finding something that is right for me and that I shouldn’t let mean salespeople get me down.
I had a really horrible encounter at a store yesterday and I really wanted to share it with you all. I know this will sound like a rant, but this is the perfect place for me to rant.
I’ve been wanting to get a new sports bra for a while. I had one that I loved that fell apart in the wash a while ago. Since then, I’ve gotten a few others, but they fit into one of two categories. Either they have very little support and create a uniboob or they are crazy compression garments and take like 20 minutes to put on. The compression one is great for spin class, but I want something simple, basic, and flattering for hiking and other low impact activities.
I had gotten the one that I previously loved at a specialty lingerie store in the valley, so I decided to make the drive over there again and see what I could get this time.
The store is called Sara’s Lingerie and it is supposed to be great for any type of specialty bras (nursing, prosthetic, plus size, custom). I remembered that the prices for many of the bras were really expensive (like $250 for a bra), but the sports one I got last time was $40. And that’s pretty much what I wanted to find again. I lucked out with finding a meter right in front, so I figured that would be a good sign of things to come.
I was totally wrong.
When I walked in, there were 3 sales ladies at the register (one of whom I believe is the owner, Sara). They asked me what I was looking for and I told them that I wanted a simple sports bra and how I had been there a few years ago and they found me the perfect one. They actually keep records on what all their past customers have purchased, so they looked me up and saw what I had gotten before. They said that they didn’t carry that one, but they would try to find me something similar.
I was then led into one of the fitting rooms where I had a proper bra fitting. If you’ve never had a proper bra fitting before, it’s done topless. You can’t find out what size you are if you have a top or bra on. I’ve been through a fitting at the store before, so having to be topless didn’t surprise me.
The saleswoman then left the dressing room to find some bras for me. While she was out there, I heard her and the other two sales ladies talking in another language. They would occasionally glance over back at me or gesture to me while they were talking. It made me feel pretty self-conscious. Whether or not they were talking about me, I automatically felt like they were saying some not-so-nice things about me (if they weren’t talking badly about me, why couldn’t they speak in English?).
The saleswoman came back with a selection of bras, and as soon as I saw them, I figured she didn’t realize I needed a sports bra. She brought me several lacy bras with no real support. I said to her that I only needed a sports bra, and she kept insisting that these bras were sports bras (since when did sports bras have lace and the option to be strapless?). I tried them on to prove to her that they weren’t right. But she kept insisting that each of the bras that she brought me (even the no underwire lace ones) were designed for sports. I jumped up and down a few times in the dressing room to show that they had no support, and she said she’d bring me a few more to try on.
She then brought me a few other bras that are made for women who have had a mastectomy and need to fit a prosthetic breast inside of their bra (my mom has one of these types of bras). Again, I said that I wanted a sports bra not a bra that fit a prosthetic breast. The saleswoman told me again that they could be used for sports activities. I refused to try those bras on.
She finally brought me one sports bra into the fitting room, but it was 2 sizes too small. When I asked her if she could bring me that bra in the proper size, she told me she didn’t carry it in the store. It would be special ordered because she doesn’t have people my size coming into her store asking for sports bras. And if someone my size does ask for a sports bra, they never buy them.
I was shocked that she said that to me. I’m sure I took it more sensitively than most people would, but I pretty much felt fat-shamed in that fitting room (I was topless when she said it too and that didn’t help my self-esteem). Why did she waste my time with all these other bras if she knew that she wouldn’t have anything for me?
The one bra that she could special order for me would have to come from Germany and would cost over $100, so I wasn’t interested. I asked her if there was anything else she could show me, and she said that they don’t carry plus size sports bras because there is no want for them.
I left the store pretty pissed off (if you follow me on Facebook, twitter, or Instagram you saw my mini-rant about this). I know that it is tough to go shopping at my size, but when people make it more difficult or make me feel guilty for wanting to buy something it just makes it worse. I’m sure when some people see me walking down the street they think to themselves that I should just go and workout.
Well, I want to, but clearly the clothing industry doesn’t want to make things easy for me.
After posting my mini-rant on social media, I got a few suggestions of places that also carry specialty bras (since that’s what plus size sports bras are). I tried sporting goods stores, but they don’t have my size. Some other friends suggested Lululemon, but I think we all know how they feel about plus sizes.
In the meantime, I do have one sports bra that I can wear and hopefully one of the locations that my friends have suggested will carry another one that I can purchase. But I can say one thing for sure. I will never shop at Sara’s Lingerie again. There is not need for stores to be fat-shaming their customers.
And doing it while the customer is topless is just cruel.
A Personal Boycott (or Getting Fat Shamed While At A Bra Fitting)
