My last “normal” date was at the beginning of this year. I actually don’t remember what my last date was before the pandemic really hit here, but I know that it had to be before March. Everything changed in LA in the middle of March. And since then, I’ve been trying to figure out what it means to be single and dating during this time.
Even though I wouldn’t say I’m an expert at dating (nor do I really want to be considered one), I had a pretty great routine that I had when I matched with someone. I had no fear of asking to meet up for coffee or a drink quickly. I had a lot of places that I felt safe to go for a first meeting. And I’ve slowly gotten better at not tolerating bad dates and finding a way to leave if I really had no interest in talking to the guy anymore. And then when everything changed, I had to figure out what to do if I was going to still try to be active on dating apps.
I’ve been trying lots of new things like doing video dates or trying to have socially distant dates. I’ve been messaging with guys significantly longer than I’m used to. Before, I liked to try to set up an in-person date quickly as figuring out if there is chemistry in person is so important. I don’t like days or weeks or texting only to be disappointed that when I meet them I don’t want to date them. And I only remember one guy that I spoke to on the phone before meeting him for the first time before the pandemic. I’m not a big phone person, and I don’t like to give out my number before I meet someone in real life (now, most apps have voice calling within the app so that solves that problem).
There have been a few guys that I have been talking to for a little bit of time. Some of them I know that I am only talking to them because of the current situation and I don’t think I would want to date them (some of them I have been honest with this about and we both agree that we are just being pen pals for now). Some of them seem to have potential and then they fade away. Usually, I get annoyed when I’m messaging with a guy and he stops messaging back, but I’m a bit more patient now. I’m not necessarily unmatching with guys as quickly as I used to for lack of communication. I know that it’s a weird time and maybe dating has to take a bit of a backseat.
And if there is someone I actually would want to meet with in person, there are so many things to consider now that I never had to think about before. I have to figure out good places to meet up with them that are not only in public but also open (since bars aren’t open) and allow us to be a bit distant but still able to have a real conversation. Parks seem to be a safe option, but some parks have been getting crowded since it’s one of the few places that are open and outdoors so a lot of people go there.
And even after deciding to meet up with someone in person and finding a safe place to go, it can all be brought to a halt if they discover that they have been around someone who is a suspected COVID case. And that’s what recently happened with a date I was planning. We had everything set to meet up, and then that day he let me know that he just found out that he had been around someone who might have been exposed to COVID. Even though it was not a direct exposure, he had been distant around that person and not right next to them, and nobody had been diagnosed; it still seemed best to cancel our meeting. I don’t want to put myself at risk and he didn’t want to get me sick either. So the hangout was canceled and that was that for the day. Fortunately, the suspected COVID case did not have COVID. Everything is ok, but it was still a huge reality check.
I don’t know how to be safe and date these days. I guess the safest thing would be to not date, which is what I’ve been doing since March. And I have said that this is the lost year so maybe I just won’t be able to date until things are safe again. But that might be a year away still, so I have to figure out what I can do and still be safe. I don’t think anyone really knows the answer to this because you can be super safe and it’s not a guarantee that nobody will get sick. You really have to trust the other person to be safe and not around other people without a mask, and that trust is hard to have when it’s with someone you don’t really know.
Figuring out how to date these days is something a lot of my single friends have been trying to do. For the first few months, I think all of us were ok with the idea of taking a break from dating until things are safe. I doubt any of us expected to still be in this situation 6 months later. There are so many things about being safe during this time that are so hard, so I understand the desire to want to still date and try to find your person. But nobody has dated during a pandemic prior to this time so figuring out how to do it is something that is a big unknown that all of us are figuring out together.
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