I know I just wrote about dating the other day. But honestly, it’s one of the few things I do that isn’t just about me being isolated at home. It’s still not super easy to figure out how to go out and date, but doing virtual dates or phone calls at least makes me feel a bit less isolated. And I know that this past year and a half has really taught me what I’m looking for in another person because I know my limits for being alone. I have always known I didn’t need a boyfriend or husband, but I wanted one. But now I know more about how I could fit someone into my life and what type of support I would want from another person. And I think being clearer on what I’m looking for is one of the things that keeps me going on dating apps when it can be so overwhelming and upsetting.
Before the pandemic, I would always try to meet up with someone as soon as possible. You can have amazing chemistry over text and not have it in person. There are some people who are only on dating apps just to text and get an ego boost. So meeting in person can help eliminate those who have no interest in meeting at all and those with who you don’t have great chemistry with.
And it is a little easier now to feel ok meeting up in person. Especially with people very happy to share that they are vaccinated (I wouldn’t meet with someone who said they weren’t vaccinated right now). And so many have their vaccination cards on their profiles which is nice. And even though I don’t feel safe going to a lot of places, I know I can still find places to have dates. And that’s what I did this week.
I matched with someone last week and we were texting for a few days before having a phone call. And it was a really great call and we ended up talking for hours. I try to not get too excited before meeting in person, but I was thinking he could be a really great match for me. A lot of what we talked about were more intense topics than you’d normally discuss with someone new, but it also allowed us to know we were on the same page with a lot of things. He agreed to come to my part of LA and we decided to meet up in downtown Culver City where there are a lot of nice places to sit outside and talk.
I knew I’d get there first because it’s so close to my house. So I found a nice picnic table to sit at and wait for him to arrive. It’s been really hot in LA, but I was in the shade and it was starting to cool down. So I was just enjoying the view and being outside while waiting.
And he ended up being about an hour late. It wasn’t really his fault and we were texting while he was late. But where we met has a similar name to another location and his rideshare driver convinced him that he was going to the wrong place. He wasn’t, but he didn’t know so the driver took him to a different location that was about a mile or two away. He was confused about where I was and I told him he went to the wrong place. So he walked over to where I was. I can’t fault him for being late since he really didn’t know and if his rideshare driver didn’t think they knew better, he would have been on time. And I was enjoying the people watching so it didn’t seem like I was waiting that long.
And unfortunately, we just didn’t click and connect in person the way we had on the phone or over text. I know he was upset about being late, but I told him that it was fine and I wasn’t upset. And if I wasn’t ok waiting, I would have left. I don’t know what was making our meeting so awkward for me, but it wasn’t the usual awkwardness from a first date or meeting. It was just more of a sense of knowing this isn’t someone I’m meant to date. I tried to give him a chance, but I couldn’t shake the feeling. I ended up staying later than I originally planned to since I wanted to see if my feelings changed. And when I said goodbye, I didn’t imply that I felt the way I did (but I didn’t say anything about seeing each other again either).
I hoped after that, he would message me saying he didn’t think we clicked so I could know we felt the same way. I know how much it can hurt when you think you are on a good date and then find out from the other person they didn’t feel the same way. But I also didn’t want to wait too long and leave him thinking something different. I hate to be the one to reject someone. I don’t want to hurt anyone. And I have the little voice in the back of my head saying to me that I have no right to reject someone because I don’t deserve anything good. But I knew I had to say something.
I sent him a message saying that I was grateful we could meet and thanking him for coming to my side of town, but that I didn’t think we clicked in person the same way we did on the phone. And I wished him luck and told him that I hoped he found someone amazing because I know he deserves that. And I don’t know if he felt the same way or what, but his response back to me was very low key and just thanking me and saying that sounds good. After his messages, I unmatched with him since I knew he saw my rejection. And I can move on.
Even though I know he and I weren’t a good match, I still have that annoying voice in my head making me question it. I hate being the bad guy, but I had to. I know more than ever now the type of person I deserve and what I want, and this guy just didn’t match that. He’s not a bad person or anything, he just wasn’t what I’m looking for. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I just have to keep telling the voice in my head that same thing.
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