For almost 2 years now, I have worn a mask pretty much everywhere I have gone. There are a few exceptions such as eating outdoors (I still have not eaten inside a restaurant since the beginning of 2020) or going over to a friend’s house if we both are ok being unmasked. And while this may be a choice others find risky, I do go without a mask at my workouts since they have allowed us to do so. But I only do that because they do require proof of vaccination and I know everyone there is taking the situation as seriously as I do. I still bring a mask with me to my workouts so I can put it on if I feel like I need to wear it.
But other than those few rare occasions, I always have a mask on when I’m around others. I remember at the start of the pandemic when I didn’t have proper masks and I was trying to make them out of whatever I had at my house. Now, I have a collection of masks and I always have at least one with me. I have one that is always in my car and one that is always in my purse. And I have a bunch at my front door where I keep my purse when I’m home so I can always grab a different one since some are better for different activities or circumstances. And I quickly learned that masks do trigger my claustrophobia so I have had quite a few panic attacks while wearing them. But there is no doubt that wearing a mask has kept me safe and healthy for almost 2 years. While I do wonder if I had Covid at the very beginning of 2020 (I lost my sense of taste and smell for almost a week, but that was before that was a known symptom), I haven’t gotten sick since I started to wear masks. And I’m grateful for that and I have no regrets about how careful I have been.
But things have taken a turn for the better with the pandemic. While the number of cases every day isn’t the lowest it’s been, the number of people who are in the hospital is dropping significantly every day. And that’s a good measure about how things are going since we know there is a chance this may just become a normal cold that is rarely fatal. Because things look better, more and more changes to return back to the old normal are happening. One of those changes is not requiring masks indoors as long as you are fully vaccinated.
Of course, a lot of places are relying on others and believing that they are fully vaccinated without requiring proof. And I have a feeling that most people who choose not to be vaccinated would also choose to not wear a mask if they could help it. So I didn’t think too much about the mask mandate being changed since I knew I would keep a mask on while indoors unless I knew they were requiring proof of vaccination. And I didn’t think too much about this until I went to the grocery store this past weekend.
I only had to pick up a few things and I didn’t want to wait until I might do a grocery delivery, so I went to the store myself on a Sunday afternoon. And even though I knew that they might not require masks, I think I briefly forgot about that because it was a shock to see people inside without masks on. Especially since there was nobody who checked to make sure anyone unvaccinated was still wearing a mask. A majority of the people inside were still wearing masks, so I wasn’t the only one still making that choice. But there were plenty of people inside without masks and it honestly felt a bit weird. It shouldn’t be weird since a majority of my life people weren’t wearing masks inside, but for some reason it really just hit me. And I was feeling a lot of anxiety being inside there so I quickly did my shopping and went home.
I know that this is a good thing that we can even consider not wearing masks, but I’m not ready for that just yet with a lot of situations. I’m sure that in the future, I will be so grateful I don’t have to think about masks anymore and we will be back to whatever normal means at that time. But for now, it still feels like a bit of an in-between time where some people still have the same fears and concerns that I do and others are ready to be over the pandemic and back to the old normal. I haven’t had to confront this feeling too often in public because masks have been required for so long, but I do feel ok with the choices I’m still making for myself and making sure that any risks I take are acceptable to me.
And maybe in a week or two, I will feel differently and will be ok not wearing a mask indoors and around others that may or may not be vaccinated. One thing I have learned over and over again for the past 2 years is how I need to be able to adapt based on the information I have available to me and be flexible in my thinking. But for now, I’m just not ready to change that much.
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