Showing My Stress (or Hoping Things Will Get Better Now)

There is no question that things have been stressful in my life lately. There are lots of different things that have causing me stress, but the biggest one has been my job hunt. Finding a job has been surprisingly difficult for me. I’ve applied for so many jobs and most of them have turned out to either be scams or misleading. Companies will post that their job is a remote position but then when you have an interview they tell you that it’s not and the pay rate is significantly lower than what they posted. I don’t know if they figure that since you went to the interview you would be ok with any changes or what. But it’s been very annoying to be spending time on interviews that are for jobs that aren’t what I believe them to be.

I’ve had several breakdowns while doing this job hunt. There have been days where I can’t stop thinking about my situation and will be calling different friends or family members crying hysterically. I’ve had to limit how much time I spend job hunting because when I didn’t limit myself I would feel so much worse about things. I’ve tried to keep thinking positively about things, but it’s not easy when it seems like you can’t make any progress or have even the smallest of victories or wins.

Stress is never really that good for anyone. I’m sure having minor stress in your life is good for something, but not having the type of stress I have been dealing with for the past few months. But I also have a few different auto immune diseases and I know that stress makes them so much worse. I was lucky that things hadn’t been that bad for me until recently, but it’s definitely hit me now and it’s showing on my body.

My auto immune diseases have different physical symptoms, but only one is really obvious when I’m out and about. I have alopecia which means I have patches of hair loss. This started when I was 14 when we discovered that behind both of my ears I lost a lot of hair. My parents took me to the doctor where I was diagnosed and we did some different treatments to make my hair come back. I’ve had patchy bald spots from time to time on my head and in my eyebrows, but it’s never been as bad as that first time. Most of time, it’s been weird little patches that are hidden by my hair. I sometimes see them and my friend who does my hair will see them. But when the bald spots aren’t on my hairline they aren’t as obvious.

But a few weeks ago, I started to notice my hair falling out more than normal. I would wash my hair and have handfuls of hair coming out. I didn’t find any bald spots so I assumed it was just all over hair loss (something else I have to deal with). But then I noticed a big patch on the back of my head where I lost my hair. I think I’m lucky because the way it fell out it looks more like that’s my natural hairline. But I can tell the difference and it’s very obvious to me. It is on my hairline on the back of my head, so there is a chance that it had been a bunch of smaller bald spots that just got worse recently. But all I know is that I only discovered the bald spot about a week ago.

There are some treatment options for me to try, but I’m not too sure if I want to do them. The best option that has worked for me is to get a bunch of shots in the bald spot. If it was worse looking, I probably would do it. I think I’m the only one who is really noticing it now and I don’t want to have to do all of the shots I know I’d need to do.

And the other reason I’m not going to do treatments now is that my stress has been lessened quite a bit. I still don’t have another job that I can count on, but I did get an email from my old boss last week. There is not a contract for my old job, but she was able to offer me a contract for a temporary job! I will be working for about 4 months and it will be more hours per week than I had on my old contract. It’s not enough in those 4 months to cover an entire year, but it will give me some time to breathe and figure out my next step. I will still be job hunting like I have been doing, but now I will be able to pay my bills.

I hate how much the stress has affected me, but I also know that how my body reacts isn’t always in my control. Auto immune diseases are complicated and I have had to learn how to roll with the punches with them. I’m just glad it wasn’t worse and that there’s a chance that it will start getting better now.

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Over A Month On Vyvanse (or A Meeting With My Therapist) Trying To Not Let My Stress Get To Me (or Continuing To Find Ways To Cope With Isolation) At Least A Little More Work (or Getting My Contract Extended Again) Day One Of Unemployment (or Trying To Not Stress Out) Double Shift Days (or Hoping To Make Enough Money By Payday) A Bit Over-Scheduled (or Starting To Stress Out)