It was only a few weeks ago that I wrote about how I rematched with guys from my past. Those were guys I matched with on dating apps for the second time, but I do think that for both of them I had messaged with them outside of the dating apps. So I think they both had my number, but they never reached out again until we rematched on the app. And I wrote about how I was open to seeing what would happen, but I was cautious.
For both of them, I ended up unmatching with them. For one guy, I knew it couldn’t lead to anything serious because of his work situation. I was open to seeing him again because our date before was really nice, and it seemed at first that he was open to that as well. But things just didn’t happen and it seemed like he either lost interest or was only willing to message me when he had free time and not plan. So I unmatched with him because I don’t want to be someone’s backup plan and there’s no reason for me to continue something without a future.
For the other guy, I was willing to hear out why he ghosted me before, but he never seemed to want to answer that question. And there were other issues with him that made me feel less certain about him. I didn’t like that he was lying about his age. Whenever someone does that, it makes me wonder what else they might be lying about. I know that they might only be lying about their age to get different results in the app’s algorithm, but I still feel that’s weird. Also, this guy doesn’t live that close to me. When we went out a few years ago, he mentioned possibly moving more toward my part of LA, but he hasn’t done that. So I figured between not getting answers from what happened before and the other issues, there was no point in moving forward. I did tell him that it was nice to chat again but I don’t think we are a match this time, so at least I didn’t ghost him.
And again, another person from my past has come back. This time, it wasn’t from matching on an app again. He and I went out years ago and we had each other’s phone numbers. And he has texted me over the years. But last year, I said that I would be willing to give him a chance if he would call me and not text because calls can get things done while texts can take a while to get a response from. And he wasn’t understanding me or didn’t believe me because he continued to just text. But we finally had a phone call this past week and I said that as long as he continued to call and not text, I would consider seeing him again.
When he and I stopped seeing each other, it wasn’t because anything bad happened. We wanted different things and he had some issues with following through with seeing me. Just like I said before, I’m not someone’s backup plan. I want someone who wants to make plans with me, not just see if I’m free when they are free at the last minute. And I told him this when we talked this week. If he wants to see me, there has to be a plan and there has to be effort. I don’t need anything fancy. Even just asking if I wanted to meet up for coffee or something simple would be fine as long as it was a plan.
And I’m trying to stay strong with this mindset. It’s really easy for me to just accept something less because I was told by people for a long time that I don’t deserve nice things and should just be happy that anyone would be interested in me. I know I deserve more than what I have gotten in the past. I know that someone should be as excited as I am about going on dates. I don’t know what will happen with this guy or if we will end up going out, but I’m really trying to hold him to the standard that I’m asking for. I know I’m not asking for much, and if he decides that he’s not ok with that then we aren’t meant to go out again.
I have been trying to be stronger with how I am with my dating life. I am not playing the cool girl or acting like I’m good with whatever I’m offered. I don’t need to put up with a situation that I’m not happy with just because the alternative is not dating anyone at the moment. The pandemic really taught me the difference between being alone and being lonely. And as long as I have time with others in my life like seeing friends or going to my workouts, I’m not lonely. And being alone can be better than being in an unfulfilling dating situation that makes me feel insecure.
It’s not always easy to remember that, especially when I want someone to like me, but I’m trying. And hopefully, whether it’s this guy from my past or someone new, they will respect that I’m standing up for myself and what I want and will be happy to meet my standards (and hopefully exceed them).
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