For most of the time that I have used dating apps, I have seen guys come up in my feed multiple times. Most of the time, they are guys that I never matched with and I usually swipe the same way on them that I did the previous times that I saw them. And occasionally, I would see a guy come across my feed that I had gone out with before. If I had gone out with them and didn’t want to see them again, I usually block them but occasionally I forget to do so. So if I see them again in my feed, I’ll block them that time. But sometimes, I see someone in my feed that I had gone out with and was ghosted by. That’s always a weird thing.
Getting ghosted sucks. There’s no eloquent way to say that. Even if I wasn’t sure about seeing them again, I respect someone more who can tell me that over ghosting. And I try to do the same for guys I go out with. I have only ghosted on occasions where I feel like that is best for my safety. I hate telling someone I don’t want to see them again, but I know they deserve that respect from me.
So when I see someone who ghosted me in the past come across my feed, it’s usually weird emotions. I usually am angry about what they did and I have no interest in hearing what they might have to say. Rarely, I will swipe right to see if we will match. I don’t know what I expect if I match someone who ghosted me, but for some reason, I will have a pull to consider giving someone another chance. And it usually doesn’t end in anything good. The best example of that is when I gave someone another chance and they ghosted me again. But it did give me a sense of closure that I didn’t have before. The first ghosting hurt and made me wonder what I did wrong. The second ghosting showed me that they really are an inconsiderate person and that I don’t have any interest in being with someone who would treat me like that.
For some reason in the past few weeks, I have been seeing more and more guys from my past on dating apps. Maybe they were seeing someone and it ended and they are all getting back on the apps now. I don’t know why it’s happening so much now, but I have also been a bit more open to giving people second chances or at least trying to hear them out. So I have swiped right on a few of them and have matched with 2. One guy technically didn’t ghost me, it was more of a slow fade but I think I was more interested in continuing things than he was and he never said it.
But the second one really did ghost me and I have always wondered what happened. But after matching with him again, I question if I care to see what his excuse or explanation is. He doesn’t live that close to me so when we went out it usually was a big ordeal to figure out traffic. And after matching with him again I realized that he was either lying about his age before or now. I think he’s lying now, but 4 years ago he had his age as 37 and now he has it as 34. I know that some people lie about their age, but it always makes me wonder what the end game is for them when they do that. They will have to reveal the truth if they want to see someone more than just casually and I would always wonder what else they were lying about. But since it doesn’t take me much effort to text with him and hear him out, I will give him a chance but proceed with caution.
I know that I have learned things from everyone that I have gone out with, but sometimes there is something that makes me wonder if our story was really over. There are some people who will never get a second chance (like those who have hurt me or lied about serious things such as being married), but I am trying to be open to opportunities in dating and elsewhere in my life. So giving someone from my past a potential second chance could lead to something. But I also know that giving someone a chance doesn’t give them a free pass either. So if they want another chance beyond matching and texting, they do have to earn it.
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