It’s been a very slow transition back for me, but I’ve slowly been trying to make plans. Some things are not very soon, so I’ve been feeling ok about having plans that aren’t for another month or two. I know that there has been discussion about the fall being worse, but maybe the increase of cases now will get more people vaccinated so the fall won’t have another surge. But nobody can predict what will happen. I honestly thought we wouldn’t have a surge like we are having now. But it only took a few weeks and things are now what they were like when things were much more restrictive all over California. So even when I’ve been making plans lately, they are being made with the assumption that they might have to be canceled.
And that’s exactly what’s happening right now. I had plans for tonight, but those have been postponed since we want to not have to worry as much about if anyone feels unsafe. It’s unfortunate, but I have been starting to think more and more about what risks I would be willing to take. I know that breakthrough cases are rare and when they happen they tend to be mild, but it’s not a guarantee. That can change and breakthrough cases could get worse. And I’ve worked hard for over a year to not get sick and stay healthy. As much as I’m ready for regular life again, it’s not regular times yet and we can’t forget that things aren’t great right now.
And with plans I have coming up being canceled, it’s making me wonder about my birthday this year. It’s coming up and I originally wanted to have some sort of gathering since I miss my friends. I wasn’t going to plan anything too crazy, but maybe a hangout somewhere so people could come and go. And I know I could do something in a park or another public place, but I’m starting to lose a little motivation to plan something this year. It feels weird to be celebrating when it doesn’t feel like a very celebratory time. The 4th of July was different because things were still looking good. Now, I don’t feel the same hope and joy that I felt only a few weeks ago. I’ll still do a few of my usual traditions, but they might be slightly different as they were last year. But right now, I’m really hesitant to plan for much more than that.
I’m not planning for total isolation again and I’m going to have some social time since (at least for now) I’m still able to go to my workout classes. But I’m also not really making the same plans I was trying to make earlier this month. I still have done very few things with friends, but I was at least trying to figure out what we could go do. Now, I feel more like I want to wait and see and make sure I’m not taking risks that seem like just too much right now.
And I know there is no way to predict if things are going to be getting better or worse now, but it’s hard not to fear it will be getting worse. I just have to be hopeful that something will change, people will get vaccinated, and we can really get back to normal and having normal plans again. I know it will happen eventually, but I hope that eventually doesn’t take that much longer. And while we are waiting, I will just have to keep evaluating things and hope that I find enough things that feel safe and allow me to see the people that I’ve missed for way too long.
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