It’s my birthday today! I’ve been someone who celebrates throughout the month, but the past few years have been harder for celebrating. I haven’t been able to do a big party because of the pandemic or my lack of organizing something. I still don’t know if I’d want to do a big thing because of the risk of getting sick. I’ve tried to keep up my birthday traditions however I can, but it seems like there are fewer traditions I’m keeping these days so my birthday celebrations don’t take up as many days. But I do still love to celebrate my birthday even if I’m not doing much for the actual day.
For today, as far as I know, I won’t be doing too much. I have my usual work routine plus I am doing a workout this morning even though I normally don’t go on Tuesdays. I don’t have plans after work, but I know that could change if I decide to do something or if a friend reaches out to me to see if I want to get dinner or something. But even if I don’t do much other than work, that’s ok. I have my other traditions that will happen on other days and I’ll be able to feel like I’m celebrating then.
I don’t usually feel my age, and I think knowing that I’m turning 39 now makes me feel even more disconnected from my age. I know that what other generations were doing by 39 doesn’t really mean much for what I should have in my life. And I know that I don’t look how I would expect 39 to be. Of course, I think so many people of my generation says that as we age and look at what our parents or grandparents were doing at our age. And I’m lucky that there isn’t any pressure from friends or family to be at any specific lifetime milestones so I don’t feel like I’m missing out. There are things that I wonder about and if I’ll have things in my life, but it’s not really a feeling of sadness or missing something. It’s more of a curiosity.
And I do love that everyone my age is redefining what this age means. I remember when I was younger and people were talking about getting close to 40 or turning 40 and how they were old and over the hill. And yes, I know that I could be past the halfway point of my life, but I also don’t see it that way. I see getting older as something interesting now. I don’t fear my age and I don’t lie to people to seem younger. I’m proud to be 39 and there’s nothing wrong with not having kids, being single, or anything else that is happening in my life right now.
Just because I feel good mentally about being in the last year of my 30s doesn’t mean my body is the same. I do have more pain now than I did before. I notice certain foods affect me in different ways and if I’m not sleeping well it takes longer to recover. But that just means I need to be more aware of what I do each day and accept that sometimes I might not recover from something crazy the way I used to. That’s nothing to be too upset about, just to be aware of.
I think I had a much harder time as I was getting closer to 30 than I am now. I didn’t really write about things when I was turning 29 about worrying about being 30, but I do remember being a bit more nervous about leaving my 20s behind and what my 30s would bring. And while there were negative or sad moments in my 30s so far, there were also some really great things that I never could have imagined. My life isn’t what I thought it would be, but that’s not always a negative thing. I have to celebrate the unbelievable things that have come my way as well. Even a year ago for my 38th birthday, I had no clue that the place I had been living in would be sold and I would be moving.
So much can happen in a year, and I’m excited to see what comes in my last year of being in my 30s to kick off a huge milestone birthday next year!
