I Really Don’t Feel Older (or Doing A Double Take With My Age)

Leading up to my birthday, a lot of people asked me if I was feeling older. And in many ways, I feel like I’ve aged decades since March 2020. Some of it was growth that I appreciate gaining because I have learned more about myself that I don’t think I would have figured out for a while unless I was isolated at home. And some of it is growth that I see physically that I don’t love. I’m glad I’m back to doing some of my beauty routines again because that does help me feel better about myself, but I’m not doing everything yet so I still feel like I look older than I want to.

I don’t think about what my actual age is that often. I don’t think I look or feel my age. And the saying that age is just a number is really true. What 38-year-olds were doing a generation or two ago has nothing to do with what they are doing now at the same age. I don’t have to compare myself to what others did when they were my age or what younger people are doing now that I didn’t do. And it’s not often that people ask me how old I am, so there are plenty of times that I honestly have to think about what my age is.

One of the few times that I’m confronted by my age a lot is on dating apps. I don’t believe in lying about my age on there because the truth will be revealed at some point. And if a guy lies to me about his age, I know it’s an innocent lie, but it makes me wonder what other lies he has told me. So I’m honest with my age and if anyone wants to judge me on that, that’s their problem. I don’t see my age while on dating apps that often because I only see it when I’m looking at my own profile. But I do like to look at it right before and then on my birthday because it shows the new age. And that’s usually the first time I will see my new age out there.

And I know that being 38 for a few days shouldn’t feel that different from the entire time I was 37. But I don’t feel like I was ever 37 since I spent most of that year not doing much or seeing others. Obviously, I know it doesn’t work that way, but I feel like I am still owed time from being 36 since the last half of that age was isolated at home.

I haven’t felt my age for a long time, so I know it’s not just becuase of the pandemic. But I think the last year and a half being at home made me feel even less like my age. I know I will still have to think about my age when someone asks me or if I am filling out a form. And maybe I’ll be like this the rest of my life. But even though I forget my own age and don’t feel it most of the time, I do still celebrate being 38. Aging isn’t something everyone gets to do and it is something to be celebrated!

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