I just wrote about how I had my Hot Mess Day on Sunday. It was seriously an epically bad day and I just couldn’t get over how things just seemed to be working against me. I was trying to stay a little positive and try to look on the bright side, but I couldn’t force myself to believe that when I was in the middle of that day. On Sunday I had reached out to friends who told me things would improve as well as getting some messages from readers on here, but even yesterday morning I was still thinking that bad things would be coming my way.
But yesterday day I had a moment of clarity. For some reason, I was still living in the negativity of that bad day. Nothing too bad happened to me on Monday or Tuesday. I was dealing with pain and nausea, but nothing else beyond that. Those days were pretty neutral. But because nothing good was happening either, I think I was still in the mindset that they were still bad days. But when I was thinking yesterday about things, I realized that I was thinking that way and I had to snap out of it.
A neutral day does not mean I’m still in the middle of the bad days. That means that my bad day was over and I’m just not having a good day. I had to remind myself that when I usually don’t. But I think that’s because of how bad Sunday was for me. While I normally can get back to a better mindset quickly, this time I had to make a bit of an effort and take a few steps to get there. But I did get there and I’m feeling much better.
It also helps that some of the physical things are getting better. I really thought I had a significant injury to my ankle. I don’t know if it wasn’t as bad as I thought or all the things I did to make it better helped, but it’s almost back to normal. I still have a little bit of pain and tenderness sometimes while walking, especially when I get up from a chair or out of bed, but the swelling is down and it doesn’t look bruised as it did before. I was expecting to be limping and struggle all week, as well as possibly still have pain next week. It was a nice surprise when that didn’t happen. I’m still being careful and cautious so I don’t reinjure it, but at least my week isn’t being affected by it.
And my pain and nausea have been getting better each day this week. I have joked that there is a certain amount of nausea I have to experience each cycle. Sometimes it’s mild nausea for more days and sometimes it’s extreme nausea for only a few days. I know that doesn’t make sense, but that’s really what it feels like for me. And this cycle, it seems like I had extreme nausea for a few days scenario. I still have a little bit of nausea left, but when I have gotten used to such horrible days the mild ones aren’t as bad. Plus, the mild days seem to be able to be reduced further by medication when the extreme days seem to not be helped by medication at all. Again, I know that doesn’t make sense, but that’s what seems to be happening with me.
After my realization on Wednesday, I really tried to find the positives that I had over the past few days. That’s what inspired this post. I needed to remind myself that there are good things happening to me and even if there aren’t, neutral things aren’t bad. I’m sure there will be other days in my future that are like my Hot Mess Day where I can’t snap out of it like I can with a normal bad day. Hopefully I will remember what I learned yesterday about neutral days being ok and have the same turnaround that I was able to have this time.
I also just wanted to thank those of you who reached out to me. Sometimes writing these posts feel like I’m writing into a void and I don’t think about someone else reading what I wrote. I knew when I wrote that post that I was going to be ok, but I know that it didn’t necessarily read that way. I am humbled that some of you reached out to me to check in to make sure I was fine. It’s just another positive thing I have to remember when I have bad days. There are people who do care about me and will reach out to me even if I don’t directly reach out to them.
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