I know that I often write about negative things about dating or dating apps. And this is going to be another negative story. But I also want to say that it’s not all horrible and bad. But the good stories tend to not be as interesting to share. There are plenty of guys I’ve gone out with and had a nice date but it didn’t go any further. Sometimes I’m the one who declines a second date and sometimes it’s the guy. And yes, sometimes they tell me by ghosting me and that’s not fun. But for the most part, the dates I go on are either good or neutral. They are rarely really bad.
And it’s even rarer when I don’t even make it on a date and it turns out really bad. I have gotten a lot of messages that have taken a turn really quickly and they went from seeming nice to writing something really dirty or gross. And that’s annoying, but it’s easy enough to unmatch with someone and block them or report them if I feel like that’s necessary. I no longer have a lot of tolerance for messages that feel inappropriate and I’ll admit that I’m quick to unmatch. But I also don’t feel like I need to entertain someone’s bad behavior. If they seem like they made a bad joke, I might see if things change back. But I don’t have to keep giving strangers multiple chances, especially when they should be on their best behavior when they are just starting to message with me.
And then sometimes, things take a turn for the worst so quickly that I am completely shocked. And that’s what happened to me the other day.
I matched with someone new the other day. This match was on Bumble, so I had to message him first. I have a few different go-to opening lines that hopefully will start a conversation, so I asked him what question he wished someone would ask him on Bumble that he is never asked. He wrote back saying he’d like to know how his matches like to take care of others. It was a bit of an odd answer, but nothing too bad. We exchanged another message or two and then he called me. You can make voice and video calls through Bumble (which I like because I’d prefer not to give out my number until I meet someone in real life), but most people don’t make calls. This guy’s profile did mention he required a call before meeting (which I don’t require but can respect), but I wasn’t expecting him to call him so quickly.
And the call got off to a weird start. I know I was awkward. I was in the middle of doing some work around my house and not in the best headspace to talk on the phone (but I also felt weird declining the call). He said that he requires calls so I should be surprised, but I would have expected him to ask me if I could talk at the time or try to set up a good time to talk later. Then he went into what felt like a very rehearsed introduction. He said his name, what he does, how he doesn’t live in LA but is moving here soon, and a few other details about himself. He sped through saying it all so it was hard to catch everything he said, but I tried to listen. And then I told him a little about myself, but not quite as much as he shared with me.
He asked me about being an actor and joked how I was just another struggling actress in LA. I was really taken aback by that statement and said that while I might not make my living as an actor right now that I wouldn’t call myself struggling (I might consider myself that a bit, but he doesn’t need to know that). Then he asked me why I swiped right on him. Honestly, I was wondering that myself at that point. I said something like how he seemed interesting and I’m trying to give more people chances. And then I asked him why he swiped right on me.
He said he didn’t. He pays for Bumble and when you pay you can see who has already swiped right on you (I pay for this as well and have access to do the same, but I swipe through the feed too). He said that he doesn’t swipe himself, he only approves of the women who already swiped right on him. And he doesn’t look at their profiles or photos. He approves everyone and then decides if they are worthwhile when he talks to them. He went on and on about how he gets 400 matches a day and that he doesn’t have time to look at any profiles so he needs the women to explain why they are good matches to him. Basically, he wanted me to sell myself to him to try to convince him to want to date me. And I don’t need to do that.
I don’t need to be a living breathing version of my profile when someone claims they can’t waste time reading my profile. I have no interest in talking to someone who only matched with me because I swiped on them and that they have no interest in me until I prove it to him. I have nothing I owe someone or need to prove to them. If they want to date me and I want to date them, then awesome. But I’m not going to fawn all over someone just because they matched with me to get a date with them.
I’ll admit that I called this guy a few choice names before ending the call and unmatching and blocking him. I also reported him for a few things he called me that were inappropriate. From the time that he and I matched to the time that I blocked him was only 15 minutes. It felt like it was so much longer and I also couldn’t believe how much happen in that short of time. But I am grateful that I didn’t waste more time on someone who didn’t seem like a decent person.
I know that his profile got removed (I doubt I was the only one to complain about his behavior), but I have seen a new profile by him so I blocked that as well. And hopefully I’m able to block any future profiles he might create. I don’t have any desire to talk to this guy again. Even if he’s changed his ways and now acts more normal on apps, I gave him a chance and don’t feel the need to give him another chance.
And I was mad and annoyed at the time when this all happened because it is frustrating when I waste time and find out a match isn’t someone I’d really want to talk to. But it also gives me another funny and crazy story to share about my adventures in online dating. And at least others can get some entertainment out of what happens to me.
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