Since I put myself out on dating apps again, my dating life seems to have a few different patterns it typically follows. And none of these patterns are really that great and it’s really frustrating.
The first (and most common pattern): I match with someone on a dating app. Either they message me if they can or I send the first message. If they message me, often it’s just “Hi” or an emoji and I respond and don’t hear back from them again. Or if I send the first message with an opening line that usually asks a question so they have something to respond to and I never hear from them (or if it’s Bumble, the match goes away after 24 hours). This is annoying, and I never understand why they would keep a match that they have no interest in talking to. Being unmatched after matching isn’t fun, but at least I can understand that behavior more.
The next pattern I see a lot is that I match with someone and we have a great back and forth messaging for a while. Sometimes this is for a day, sometimes it’s for a few days or a week. Occasionally, there is discussion about meeting up in person since I’d rather meet in real life over texting. And then, the next day I might message them to continue the conversation and I never hear from them again. I think some of these guys are using dating apps as something to boost their egos and only want to know that someone might be interested in them. I hate that I can’t figure out who might be this type of person before I have some hope that I might be able to meet them, but there aren’t necessarily signs leading up to this. Everything seems normal until it doesn’t.
And the most annoying pattern is when I’m messaging someone and all of a sudden the conversation takes a hard turn. This can be within the first day of messaging or even weeks later (if I’m messaging someone that long before I have the chance to meet them). And the turn usually goes from a normal conversation into them sending me a nude picture or their attempt to turn the conversation really sexual when it wasn’t like that at all before. I’ve had guys who have responded to my opening line, ask me something in return, and then their response to my answer is a naked photo. I will never know why guys do that, I highly doubt that many women have responded to a nude photo with something positive. Maybe they think they just need to keep trying and eventually someone will react the way they hope?
Of course, not every guy I match with on dating apps falls into these patterns. I think the main reason I still use apps is because of the ones that are different. They don’t happen often, but often enough that just when I’m feeling hopeless I get a new burst of hope and keep going. And I know that I don’t need every guy I match with to respond or be a person I want to meet. While it is a bit of a numbers game, it’s not a numbers game that way. I don’t need dozens of perfect matches. I just need one.
I wish that knowing these patterns happen so frequently would make it not as bad when it happens. But it does still bother me, especially when I’ve been talking to someone for a few days and they either stop responding or turn the conversation into something I’m not ok with. But I am not going to give up just yet and I just have to keep going. And I have to hope that pattern changes sometime soon.
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