First, I have to apologize that a lot of what I am going to write in this post will be a bit vague. But it’s for a good reason. And hopefully, you all will understand.
I’ve been pretty open about my crazy experiences with dating. Almost everything I post has something funny or an element of humor in it. Even the stories that are about rejection or being hurt is usually done in a positive way. Most of those stories have a lesson that I can share that makes them not as bad. And even the stories about me being heartbroken are able to have something good in them. I haven’t been hurt that much, but when I have it’s usually something I can move past or learn from.
But I have also had some bad experiences with dating that I wouldn’t want to happen to anyone else. I know that my experiences are not unique and they are way too common, but knowing that I’m not alone in those experiences doesn’t make it better. But we are now in a time where more people are coming forward and sharing what happened to them so people don’t have to feel alone. And there is research being done to understand how common this is and what people experience after something happens.
Through a friend, I learned about some research being done about dating and experiences like mine. I can’t go into a lot of detail about what they were researching or what the plan is because they are still working on it and I don’t want to ruin anything they might be doing. But when I learned about what they were doing I was intrigued. And when I learned that they were asking for people to share their experiences, I filled out the form that was online. In the form, it asked if we would be willing to speak to someone further about our stories and I clicked that I agreed to that. But I figured that they probably had a ton of people who said they would talk so I didn’t expect anything to come from it.
But last week, I got an email from someone involved in the research asking me if I was still willing to talk to them. I didn’t respond right away because I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to do this. Even though I am pretty open here about what I’ve been through, I am in control of what is written here. If someone else was writing about me or sharing my story, I lose control or what bias might be added. But after thinking about it for about a day, I decided that there was no harm in at least talking to them on the phone and finding out more about what they were doing or what they wanted from me.
I had my phone call earlier this week, and it wasn’t easy. Sharing some of these bad experiences that are still fresh in my mind did make me cry. Fortunately, the person I spoke to understood and wasn’t impatient or frustrated that I needed to take moments when I did. They told me I could end the call whenever I wanted to or change my mind about wanting to share what happened. I was given a few options with how they could potentially share my story, and I decided that they could share it in their research but that they wouldn’t use my name or any identifying details about me. I feel like that’s probably the best option because I don’t necessarily want it to be connected to me but I don’t want my story to be ignored.
I will have at least one follow-up call in the next week or so, and there may be more calls after that. Once things are further in their research, they may have more questions for me or want some things to be clarified. And I’m willing to do that. The hard part was sharing my story and being vulnerable in allowing someone else to share it. Now, hopefully, the follow-up call (or calls) will be a bit easier and not as intense for me. And if this research does use my story and something comes of it, I will probably share it online. I don’t know if I will share it and say that my story is in it, but I can decide that if/when it happens.
It’s interesting to me how it can be so easy for me to be open at times and how difficult it can be at other times. But no matter how tough it was this time, I have no regrets. Sharing what happened to me does give me some power over the situation. I can make sure that people hear my experience and I can hope that they will understand what happened. I got some judgment after I wrote my blog post about it and people said I was overreacting to a bad date. But I know that’s not what happened to me and I will take opportunities when I can share my side of the story so the next person who experiences this hopefully won’t get the same judgment that I got.
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