Category Archives: Uncategorized

My New Driver License (or It’s the End to That Cliffhanger)

Posted on August 7, 2012 | Comments Off on My New Driver License (or It’s the End to That Cliffhanger)

I had previously blogged about having to get a new driver license and a new picture to go with it. I was nervous how the new picture would look because I actually loved my old picture.

Yesterday in the mail, I got my new license, and I have to say, the picture isn’t too bad.

I’m happy I’m smiling and I don’t look like I’m mid sneeze or anything. I did find it weird that it looks like I have full bangs when I only have side swept bangs, but I’m super happy with my hair color (thanks to my friend Erin who does my hair).

I’m so glad that I’ve gotten my photo and I can stop stressing about what the picture would look like. Right now, I’ve got a lot to focus on with getting everything taken care of from the car accident.

Just to update you all, my car is in the shop and they’ve started to take my car apart to find everything that needs to be fixed. I got a rental car, but I’m switching to a new rental car because my current one smells like cigarette smoke. And I’m feeling bruised and sore, but all my bruises seem to be deep so my skin isn’t black and blue. That’s something I’m happy about because I don’t want to spend my birthday looking like I got beat up!

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Default ThumbnailAre You Freaking Kidding Me?!?!?!?! (or It Feels Like “Groundhog Day”) Default ThumbnailGetting Pushed Into Changing (or A Story About My Hair) Default ThumbnailCrash (or This is Totally Not What I Was Planning On Writing About) Default ThumbnailHit and Run (or I Don’t Want Car Accidents To Be An Annual Thing) Default ThumbnailGetting Pretty (or A Fresh Look For My New Pictures) Default ThumbnailTake Two With Day One Of Unemployment (or Doing Some Fun Stuff, Finally!)

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Going Back Instead of Forward (or Trying to Learn From the What Ifs)

Posted on August 1, 2012 | 1 comment

Last night, I watched the women’s gymnastics team win gold. That was an awesome moment. I’ve always felt a connection to gymnastics. I did gymnastics for a few years as a kid (I can still do a cartwheel, roundoff, somersaults, and the splits). But I think my gymnastics interest peaked in 1996.

That was the year that the magnificent seven won the team gold medal. And Amy Chow was one of those seven girls. Amy Chow trained at the same gym that I went to as a kid. We were there at the same time (but not at all at the same level). I remember my mom telling me during the ’96 Olympics that she remembered watching Amy at the gym and seeing how amazing she was as a kid.

Back then, I wondered what would have happened if I never quit gymnastics. I honestly don’t remember why I quit (I think it had something to do with being fearful of the back handspring, but I might be remembering it wrong). Could I have been an Olympic caliber gymnast too?

I look back at my life at various points and wonder what if. Sometimes, I drive myself crazy with what ifs. One that kills me is wondering what if I tried to lose the weight when I wasn’t as heavy. Or what if I had realized that I wasn’t horribly fat and just needed to lose a little weight.

The picture below is the day I moved into my freshman dorm at Loyola Marymount University. I’m standing next to my best friend Kate.

I remember feeling so unbelievably fat in that picture. Those shorts were bought at Lane Bryant, and they were the first item that I ever bought there. I was so embarrassed that I wasn’t shopping at BP in Nordstroms.

Now when I look at that picture, I wish I looked like that. Yes, I was bigger than my friend, but I looked pretty normal.

If only I knew then what I knew now. Along with my eating disorder, I was diagnosed with panic/anxiety disorder and body dysmorphia. I don’t see my body the same way that the world sees it.

When I lost weight in 2006, I had a trainer. And my trainer would compare my body to others working out in the gym so I could have a sense of what my smaller body looked like. But without her constantly in my ear, I stopped seeing the reality and started to see my fake body in my head.

This time, I’m focusing on my objective benchmarks. I have a love/hate relationship with my scale, so I will use that, but I can’t always trust it. I’m using a tape measure for waist/hip measurements as well as paying attention to my clothing size.

I know that I can’t go back and change what I’ve done, but I’m really trying hard to learn my lessons from the past.

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Default ThumbnailAnother Set Back (or Why Can’t I Just Learn My Lesson) Default ThumbnailBiggest Loser Finale (or I Wish I Didn’t Have To Write About This) Default ThumbnailGetting Weighed In (or A New Orangetheory Challenge) Default ThumbnailMy Love/Hate Relationship with the Scale (or Can I Drop Kick a Scale without Hurting Myself?) Default ThumbnailWeight Loss Update (or Why I’m Trying Not To Get Frustrated) Default ThumbnailLunch and Learn (or Learning More About My Next 5K)

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Blogs That Inspire Me (or Yes, I’m a Copycat)

Posted on July 23, 2012 | 2 comments

One of the reasons I wanted to write a blog is that I love reading blogs so much! Maybe I’m a nosy person, but I love hearing about other people’s lives and the cool things that they come up with.

So here is a list of blogs that inspire me:

The Spohrs Are Multiplying (Heather is the one who convinced me to start my own blog!)

Matt, Liz, and Madeline

Daily Garnish

Wan Life to Live

Keeping Up With Katie

Keep It Up, David!

The Actor’s Diet

The Working Actress

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Default ThumbnailTrying to Not Be Defensive (or Accepting Myself) Default ThumbnailFinding A Balance (or Eating Healthy And Fun At The Same Time) Default ThumbnailAlternative Motivation (or Why Can’t I Transfer My Dedication From One Area to Another) Default ThumbnailJob vs. Career (or Being Undercover At My Day Job) Default ThumbnailBeing A Better Blogger (or Joining The Community) Default ThumbnailDirty Shirley (or My Signature Drink)

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Letting Go (or Why I Want to Keep a 14 Year Old Driver License Photo)

Posted on July 20, 2012 | 1 comment

The current photo on my driver license is the original photo from my first driver license. But that picture is even older than that! The picture is actually from when I passed my learners permit test! So when I got my renewal notice recently and found out I had to do a new picture, I was pretty upset.

First of all, I love my picture on my license! I look cute, happy, and I was thinner back then.

Image

I still know exactly what shirt I’m wearing (my “Peter Pan” cast t-shirt). I had to do a new passport photo earlier this year, and I hate my new picture. I think part of the reason is that you can’t smile in passport photos, but still, that’s not the point.

Getting a new license photo for the first time since I was 15 is tough. And I know it’s because I still want to think that I’m that 15 year old girl and I can fix all the times I’ve screwed up in my life. I want to still be able to tell myself then that I wasn’t so horribly fat. I could get the body I want so easily. Instead, here I am, with over 100 pounds to lose.

So today, I’m going to try to look super cute, do my makeup really nicely, and wear a cute top. Because I want to remember that this photo is at the beginning of what I hope will be an amazing journey.

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Default ThumbnailTrying To Stay Calm (or Not Letting Panic Take Over) Default ThumbnailOne Year (or Actually One Year And A Couple Of Days) Default ThumbnailGetting In My Disneyland Fix (or One Last Bit Of Christmas Time In The New Year) Default ThumbnailNew Photo (or It Reminds Me of The Old Me) Default Thumbnail52 Weeks (or What Can I Do in a Year?) Default ThumbnailTraining For A 5K Without Planning On Doing Them (or I Think I’m Only Doing 3 5Ks This Year)

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Day to Day Life (or What I Do All Day)

Posted on July 18, 2012 | 1 comment

I mentioned yesterday that I’m packing my lunch for work each day. So I thought that I should mention what exactly it is I do.

Mainly, I’m an actress. I have amazing agents who loves me and push really hard for me. I’m not the typical actress, so auditions don’t come to me as often as some other people. But I love it, and I know eventually all my hard work (and my agents’ hard work) will pay off.

In the meantime, I have to have a day job (or a thrival job as some of my friends call it). In the past, I’ve worked at a major theme park, been a substitute teacher, been a temp, nannied, been a receptionist, worked data entry for credit card disputes, and so many other jobs that I can’t even remember. Currently, I work 6 days a week at a performing arts center selling memberships and tickets. I actually enjoy this day job. Working 6 days a week is tough, but it’s needed because this job is only seasonal.

The toughest thing about this job is the schedule and trying to eat healthy and work out. 3 days a week, I work 12:30-9. That’s great for getting a workout in in the morning, but not so great for an eating schedule. I normally eat breakfast at 11am, lunch at 4:30pm, and a snack when I get home. 1 day a week I work 9-5:30. That’s great for food, but I’m normally too tired after work to workout. On Fridays I work 9-1 and Saturdays 10-2. Those days are pretty neutral. I don’t work out in the morning, but there’s plenty of time after work.

At least I’m busy!

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Default ThumbnailScheduling Life (or Trying To Remember What Day Of The Week It Is) Default ThumbnailWhat I’ve Been Eating (or Does It Really Matter If I’m Still Under My Calories?) Default ThumbnailWorking On Figuring It Out (or I Wish This Was Easier) Default ThumbnailBack To Real Life (or One Week Of Normalcy) Default ThumbnailReadjusting (or I Guess I Forgot What It Felt Like To Work My Work Schedule) Default ThumbnailFinding A Work/Life Balance (or Preparing to Not Be Unemployed)

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Why a Bombshell? (or Yay, I’m Still Blogging)

Posted on July 17, 2012 | Comments Off on Why a Bombshell? (or Yay, I’m Still Blogging)

Why do I want to be a bombshell? Well, the idea started from watching “Smash” and Megan Hilty. Megan Hilty has the bombshell body that the characters want to play Marilyn Monroe.

So I started thinking, what bombshell body do I want to have? Then it hit me, I don’t need to have a bombshell body, I need to have the confidence of someone with a bombshell body. And that’s how I came up with the idea of becoming a bombshell.

One of the things I need to have this confidence is better health. I know that I’m not healthy at my current weight and I wish I could do more things than I can. Some of my limitations are due to my bad hips (that’s a story for another blog post), but I know that I can do more if I get healthier. So that’s what I’m focusing on for now.

My goal this week, is to eat only what I’ve prepared at home or at a nice restaurant (my Girls Night Out group is going to Magic Castle this week so I have to allow for that restaurant). Every day, I’ve been eating breakfast and packing my lunch to take to work. When you only get 30 minutes for lunch, it’s so much nicer when you don’t have to go out and get your food somewhere.

That’s it for today! I’m off to make my lunch for work.

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Default ThumbnailMargaritas and Mexican Food (or Girls Night Out!) Default ThumbnailGirls Night Out (or How to Find a Cute Dress When You Are Bigger Than a Size 18) Default ThumbnailFabulous Lunch Food (or Enjoying Champagne on a Beer Budget) Default ThumbnailPutting Myself Out There (or No Time For Fakery) Default ThumbnailSpending The Next 2 Months Going Orange! (or A Bombshell Partnership!) Default ThumbnailCreating My Bombshell House (or I’m Glad I’m Mom Is Great At Decorating)

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Hello (or Tomorrow Never Comes)

Posted on July 16, 2012 | 3 comments

I’ve been putting off writing this post for a long time. I wanted to wait until I had an idea of what this blog would be about, or when I had my page looking beautiful, or when I had something amazing to write, or after I had written a lot of posts offline and then was able to post them all at once…

Procrastination sucks.

So, here I am writing this post finally. I don’t know exactly what to say, but I’m saying something. I created this blog because I wanted to find a way to keep me accountable as I try to lose weight (for the millionth time) and as I try to start being more financially responsible. Turns out, being overweight and having credit card debit can be related (http://www.fivecentnickel.com/2010/11/10/debt-and-obesity-whats-the-connection/).

So here I am trying to create a healthy lifestyle and checkbook at the same time. Hope you enjoy my journey. I’m not quite sure where it’s going, but it’s going somewhere.

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