I still hate how I have panic attacks when I go to the dentist. I am tired of them and it’s annoying for me. And because of how my panic attacks can manifest in my body, they can be exhausting and sometimes painful. And even though I haven’t had a lot of bad dentist appointments in the past few years, I can’t get over these attacks. I would think that having enough normal appointments would help. And when I’ve had more major work done, it’s been a lot better than it used to be. I have tried so many things to make dentist appointments easier for me, but I always have a horrible pit in my stomach every time I go.
I am still grateful that everyone at the dentist’s office is understanding how I get at appointments and they do try to make things as quick and easy for me as possible. But I still look miserable when I’m arriving and I think they have thought at times that I might pass out. One of the ways they help me work through my panic is by trying to keep things to a routine so I know what to expect and in what order. But when things are changed up, my attacks can get pretty bad. And unfortunately, that’s what happened at my last appointment.
I know I have to do x-rays every so often. The x-rays aren’t painful or bother me, but I know that doing x-rays can reveal things that are bigger problems. And I understand that’s the point, but it’s always tough knowing that’s going to happen and getting myself prepared for that. So when I went into my recent appointment and thought it was just a cleaning, it was a bit of a shock for me to find out that I was supposed to also do x-rays. I started shaking and feeling sick. And I feel pretty pathetic that I get that way but I can’t really control my panic attacks. Because of how I was reacting and how nervous they were that I would have an even worse panic attack, the plan changed for my appointment. They did detailed photos of each tooth instead of x-rays. That shows if there are any external issues with any of my teeth, which is mainly what my issues have been with cavities and chips in my crowns. I know that seeing the photos would make me panic even more, so I just kept my eyes closed and didn’t look at the photos when they were done. Again, I felt a bit silly and pathetic, but I knew I needed to do that to get through all the negative feelings I was having.
Fortunately, as expected everything was fine with my teeth and they were able to move on to the cleaning and get that done. I still was shaking throughout the appointment, but I also know different things I can do to distract myself a bit and that helps make the shaking not quite as bad. And since things are a bit better with the pandemic, they were able to use some of the tools they had to stop using because of the aerosol they create. But things like the ultrasonic tools help make my appointments easier to tolerate so I’m glad that those are back. And I wasn’t having additional panic attack issues because of the pandemic this time, so that was good too.
I will have to do my x-rays at my next appointment since I didn’t do them this time, but at least I will be more prepared for them at that point. I know it still won’t be easy for me and I’m sure I’ll have a panic attack going into that appointment, but it will be better than being surprised and not being prepared. At least I have 4 months until that next appointment and I don’t have to stress about things for a little while. And even though it seems extremely unlikely, maybe somehow my panic attacks won’t be as bad when I go in for that appointment.