I’ve been active on dating apps for almost 4 years now. This isn’t the first time I’ve used dating apps (or dating websites), but I feel like the past 4 years have been a very different time than any other time I used them. I have had a bit more of a purpose and a slightly more open mind. And I feel like I have been much more active this time than I ever had before.
And I know I am using apps more than many people. Now during the pandemic, I’m sure this is even more true. But even before the pandemic, I know that I was more active than many others. This is particularly due to having a thick skin and tolerating things a bit better than some. I’ve had friends who have taken extended breaks from apps after they got ghosted. I have taken little breaks, but rarely longer than a week unless I was seeing someone that I thought was going to go somewhere.
I don’t really track how many people I match with or message on dating apps because it would be just too much. But I learned a few weeks ago that there is a way to see some of that information in Bumble. Bumble has a program called Moves Making Impact. It’s a free and optional program that allows you to help raise money for a charity every time you send an opening message. I signed up for it since it’s free and doesn’t affect my profile at all. But someone mentioned that if you go back to that section of the profile settings, it lets you know how many first messages you have sent since selecting a charity.
But it also shows you how many first messages you have sent since signing up for Bumble! At the time, it was just under 5,000 for me. I wasn’t going to go out of my way to match and message people I didn’t care about just to get the number to 5,000, but it wasn’t that long before I hit that milestone.
But this is only tracking Bumble and that’s not the only app that I’m on. So I would say it’s a safe bet that between the various apps that I use, I have matched and messaged at least 10,000 men.
I’m not embarrassed by this number. It’s a sign that I’m trying to date and find my person. But it is a little frustrating that I have gone through 10,000 men and still am single. I never thought I’d need to talk to that many people that I would reject (or that would reject me). Of course, when I started on the apps again, I was hopeful that I would be one of the rare cases that meet their person within the first few messages, but I knew that was unlikely. But I never expected that 4 years and 10,000 men later, I’d still be as single as I was before.
Of course, I have learned a lot about myself while dating. They say it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert in a new skill. So maybe messaging 10,000 men makes me a little bit of an expert in dating. I wouldn’t consider myself an expert, but maybe a little bit of one. But even if I’m not an expert in dating, I’m an expert in what I want in dating and what I know I deserve. I know what I do not have to stand for and what my hard lines and boundaries are. I know what I am looking for more than ever and have a much clearer idea of what I want my future to be like with another person. Some people learn this by being in relationships. I learned it by not really being in one. But I still learned it and am happy that I have had that growth.
Will I get to 10,000 first messages on Bumble? I have no idea. I honestly hope that I don’t because I do want to find my person. I don’t want to date endlessly and still be single. But I do know that could happen and I won’t be mad at myself if that is my future. I know for sure that if I was in a relationship with anyone that I had gone out with before that I wouldn’t be happy. Maybe right now during the pandemic, I wouldn’t be as lonely, but I know I am happier now than I would be if I was with any of them. So it is for the best.
I will continue to try dating the best I can during the pandemic. I don’t know if I’ll meet my person with how we have to date now, but maybe I will. And if I don’t, I will be back to dating normally when it is safe to do so. And if I get to another milestone number in the future, at least I know that it is a sign that I am trying and hopefully am closer to finding my person.
You Might Also Like
More Thoughts On Pandemic Dating (or I Wish I Didn’t Miss Dating As Much)
Still Trying To Figure Out Pandemic Dating (or Sometimes You Can’t Plan For Things)
Dating In Isolation (or Another Thing I’m Trying To Keep Normal)
Doing Some More Dating Reflection (or It’s Been An Interesting Year)
Dating Life Update (or I Guess I’m Lucky I’m Still Seeing Humor In This)
Still Figuring Out Dating During COVID (or Phone Calls, Video Chats, And Social Distances Meetups)
