A Moment Of Self-Consciousness (or Did I Look Like A Newbie?)

Yesterday I went to my spin class. I hadn’t been to this particular class time in about a week or two (I’ve had a bit of a crazy schedule).

The class was great and I really felt the workout this time. I pushed myself a lot harder than I’m comfortable doing (that’s the point of class) and I know that I was sweating like crazy.

I felt amazing after class. I knew I worked really hard and I’m feeling a lot stronger (I still have to do the entire class sitting down due to my hip, but I’m working on it).

I was sitting on a bench outside of class changing out of my bike shoes into my flip-flops when a guy who was in class with me came up to me. He congratulated me on getting through class. I said thank you and continued to get ready to head home. Then two more people came up to me and said that I did a good job in class.

It was kind of weird. Did they think that I was having a tough time in class and needed the encouragement? Did they think that this was my first class? Did I look like I didn’t belong?

I hate having these doubting thoughts in my head, but I can’t help it. I’ve had a tough time finding a place where I’m comfortable working out and not feeling like a freak. Even though I’m probably the heaviest person in the spin class, the employees there make me feel incredibly welcome (even giving me ideas of restaurants near my work that does take-out). And most of the time, I feel like everyone else there.

But with all those people coming up to me after class, I felt like an outsider. I know that there is a chance that they were just being polite and friendly to me, but it almost felt patronizing.

I’m not going to let this get to me. It’s taken me a long time to find a workout that I actually love (and not just tolerate). Maybe next time that someone comes up to me and says something like that, I’ll try to engage them in a conversation and not just say thank you. I should congratulate them for kicking butt in class too. It is an accomplishment that not everybody can do.

And I really should be proud of myself for doing it no matter how hard it is or how much of the class I have to do sitting down.

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