Last year, I celebrated being in LA for 18 years. Being in LA for 18 years also meant that I have spent over half my life in LA. In some ways, it still doesn’t feel like that and that I lived in the Bay Area longer. In other ways, I feel like I’ve been here more than that and my time in the Bay Area was forever ago. I remember thinking when I moved to LA that I would have to live here for 18 years to be there as long as I was in the Bay Area and that seemed so far away. While I never considered living anywhere else, it still seemed like it was something so far in the future that I would never get there.
But I did get there last year. And I’m so glad I have stayed in LA because it always feels like this is where I was meant to live. When I was growing up, I always thought I should live in LA. Since I moved here, I’ve only had a few fleeting moments wondering if I should think about living somewhere else. But those moments are usually when I’m having a really bad day (like when I’m feeling so isolated from everyone in my life).
Next year, I will be celebrating 20 years in LA. That feels like a milestone just like being here for half my life. It’s a nice round number and while it’s not necessarily super significant to me, it still feels like a big deal.
This week, I’m marking being in LA for 19 years. That’s still an anniversary, but it feels like a weird nothing anniversary between 2 big ones. And because of everything going on in the world, it feels even less important or significant.
I feel like this year is the year that is slipping away. Time feels like it doesn’t really matter. Important dates like birthdays and anniversaries don’t feel the same as they normally do. I have joked that nobody should have to get older this year since it’s not a real year. But that is how it feels at times. So even if this year was a big milestone year, I don’t know if I would feel that way. I’m sure that if we weren’t in a pandemic that I would still feel a bit weird about it, and the pandemic just exasperates that feeling.
I don’t want to dismiss that I should be happy that I’ve been in LA for 19 years now. It’s not the easiest city to be in because of the cost. And I will say that I haven’t always fully supported myself while living here. But I still have worked to be more and more independent as I’ve been here. And I’ve made this city more and more my own. I do feel a bit disconnected from LA right now because I’m not going out and doing the things I love, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love the city. I’m sure it would be nice to be somewhere where there are fewer people and I could get out more, but that would only be nice for now. Once I can go out and do all the fun things I usually do, I will feel more like this is the place that has always felt like home.
Just like with so many other things, I’m excited to be having an important date and milestone, but it just doesn’t feel like it normally does. I don’t know if anything will feel that normal for a while. But like I’ve said before, anything to celebrate these days should be celebrated. We don’t have a lot to be excited about. So I will celebrate being here for 19 years because that is awesome! And here’s to hoping that when I celebrate 20 years in LA that I will be able to celebrate this city doing all the things I love and feel are so special about LA.
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