Miss You Already (or Women Filmmakers and Cancer Patients)

I recently had an opportunity to see an advance screening of “Miss You Already”. I was excited enough to go see a new movie, but this screening also had a Q&A with the director, Catherine Hardwicke, as well as with Toni Collette and Tyson Ritter, who are actors in the film. While going to screenings are a fairly regular occurrence through my union, my WIF membership, or other industry opportunities; this one ended up being very special for me.

The first thing that was so special about this screening was the casualness of the entire event. Usually when there is a screening with a Q&A, after the Q&A is done the cast and crew are whisked away by their publicists and other handlers and are in their cars before the audience gets to move. There’s almost never interaction between the audience and the guests.

That was not the case with this screening. It seemed to be not only a WIF event, but a crew and production team screening. Many people in the audience were involved with the film in various positions and they had a little after party after the screening that my friend who joined me for the screening and I got invited to join.

I got to talk to Catherine Hardwicke a little bit. She’s seriously amazing. She’s a big advocate for making sure that more movies are made with female directors and writers. Men are a majority of writers and directors and things really should be more balanced. She is an incredible director and I feel honored that I got to meet her and she spent a little bit of time talking with me (and taking this awesome picture with me).

The other reason why this screening was so special to me was the subject. Without giving a ton of spoilers away, one of the characters in the film gets a breast cancer diagnosis. The character has to go through several of the same treatments that my mom went through (the character had a similar type of breast cancer). But the way the character reacted to her cancer was very different from how my mom did and that made me feel so grateful for my mom.

When my mom was diagnosed, she told me pretty much right away. I wasn’t able to share it with friends right away because we wanted family to know first and my mom to get through some things before the news was shared. But it was a pretty open discussion with us all. I could ask my mom anything I wanted to without fear of her reaction or upsetting her. A lot of things were (and still are) unknowns, but nothing was hidden from me or anyone else in the family who wanted to know.

After my mom’s surgery, I saw her in Tahoe when I went to visit my family. While I was there, I got to see my mom’s scar and what things looked like. That helped me feel much more comfortable with everything. When you look up post-mastectomy photos online, they can seem both scary and unbelievable. Seeing what it looked like on my mom normalized things.

Through surgery, chemo, and radiation; my mom kept a very positive attitude. Yes, technically cancer at any stage can kill you (or the treatments can kill you or make you sick), but as a family we just focused on positivity and recovery and believed that my mom would get through this just fine. That’s exactly what happened, but I know that even if it wasn’t that way my mom would have still maintained her positivity. Again, that all made me feel much better about the circumstances and helped me avoid googling things that I shouldn’t.

For all I know, my mom just put on a brave face for us all and it was much scarier and more horrible than I know; but if she did protect me from the negativity I appreciate that.

Obviously, my mom’s cancer story isn’t everyone’s cancer story. Not everyone has the ability to stay positive or immediately get a fatal diagnosis. And my family is much luckier than most because almost everyone is in medicine so we understood things without having to do as much research (and that research is so terrifying). And even though the story in “Miss You Already” isn’t my mom’s story, it’s so refreshing to see a cancer story that tells things honestly and doesn’t make it seem easy or so hard that life is over from the moment you are diagnosed.

“Miss You Already” opens this weekend and I really encourage you all to go and see it. Not only will you be supporting a fabulous movie, you will be telling the studios that films by female directors are popular and there should be more of them. Both of those things are very worthy things to support.

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A Screening At The Walt Disney Studios Lot (or “What The F@#- Is Cancer And Why Does Everyone Have It?” Cancer Questions (or Hopefully This Will Help Someone Else) An Evening Of Fabulous Women (or Getting More Involved At Women In Film) My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 (or A Movie With A Fun Friend) F#*k Cancer (or Proof That My Mom Is A Badass) The Sorority Nobody Wants To Belong To (or Getting Support From Strangers)