Having Health Paranoia (or I’m Sure I Am Just Fine)

I’ve probably earned the right to be a bit paranoid about my health. I’ve had ongoing health issues most of my life. I’ve had some very random things that have come up as an adult that are now ongoing and cause problems a majority of the time. And I’ve discovered new health problems when I thought I was being checked out for a more routine one. I’ve also written on here about my body disconnect I’ve felt and I think that has made me wonder what is happening with me more often. I think that disconnect has been one of the main reasons I have a bit of paranoia now.

When I had my first gallbladder attack in a long time, I was terrified it would last forever or that it was the start of the attacks happening as often as they did before. I’m still worried that I will have another attack and any time I have even the smallest symptom that could be related to my gallbladder I brace myself for more. Fortunately, I haven’t had another attack yet, but I am still on edge and waiting to see when the next one will happen. I’m aware that I could just get my gallbladder removed and I wouldn’t have to worry anymore. But that’s not a super easy surgery and there are issues I could have once my gallbladder is gone.

I try not to be too paranoid about things, but I know it’s just something that unfortunately seems to be my default setting. I’m like that with my dentist appointments. I’m always sure that I will be told that something horrible is happening with my teeth and I need to do a lot of major work. No matter how many times I am proved wrong, I still think that way.

So this week, when I started having random symptoms, my paranoia kicked in. I still don’t know what is wrong, but things have been getting better. I’ve been very tired and having some moments of being light-headed. I know that those can be because of the heat and weather changes so those symptoms alone didn’t concern me. But then I started having some odd abdominal pain. It wasn’t sharp and painful but it wasn’t as severe as the dull pain I get with my gallbladder. It was more like an annoying dull pain that would come and go.

I have learned not to try to find out what’s wrong with me by looking things up. Usually, as a woman, it will either say that I could have cancer or could be pregnant. Or it will be some very dangerous issues that can happen with your reproductive system. I guess technically there could be something wrong with my uterus, but I really doubt it (and I know I’m not pregnant and I doubt I have cancer). Nothing good can come from trying to figure out what’s wrong online so I don’t even attempt it.

If I was in extreme pain or this was lasting several days, of course I would go to the doctor to get checked out. I don’t mess around with health issues because I do know how serious they could be. And maybe if I had the same health insurance I had when I was growing up (where everything was free), I might try to get an appointment sooner. But now, I know I need to at least wait it out a few days to see if there is still something to be worried about. If I still have the same symptoms after a few days, then it is something to double check. But more often than not, these issues go away on their own and I never find out what’s wrong. I’m sure there are some aches and pains that are nothing to worry about even if they technically aren’t normal. I don’t have to worry that every little thing is going to lead to something huge. But I can’t help but worry about it ending up like that.

As far as my current health situation goes, it has been getting better each day. I still have most of the symptoms, but they aren’t as severe or as frequent. So I guess this will be just another one that goes away on its own.

Comments are closed.