It’s been about a year since I really got back into online dating and it’s been a crazy year! I still don’t understand what has changed that has gotten me more dates in the past year than I ever have had, but I’m grateful for it. I know it sounds bad that I’m learning about myself through dating, but it is helping me figure things out and I’m glad for that. And lately, I’ve had the chance to work on being more open-minded because of some experiences with dates. I used to joke that I was the queen of first dates because I didn’t waste my time with a second date if I didn’t think there could be anything there. And I’ve realized now that maybe I needed to be a bit more open to possibilities.
A little while ago, I went on a date with a guy who checked off all the boxes that I should want in a guy. He was kind, he was looking for something toward being serious (I’m looking for something serious, but I’m also not trying to jump into a relationship so I’m fine with things taking time), and he was really interesting. But there just wasn’t chemistry there and I was feeling horrible about it. I should have really liked this guy and I didn’t. And the voice in the back of my head was telling me that I shouldn’t expect anything better so I should just go with it.
I know now that I do deserve someone who I want to be with, but I also know that chemistry isn’t always something that you always feel. So after some discussion with a friend, I decided to give the guy a second date because I figured that I needed to see if it was just first date awkwardness. In the end, there just wasn’t chemistry there and I felt much better saying that I didn’t think there should be a 3rd date. I still had a bit of guilt because I feel like I should have liked him, but I also know enough now to not try to force something that doesn’t feel like it’s working.
There’s another guy that I went out with at the end of last year. We had a great first date, texted for a little while after, and things just ended. I had no idea why. But we were still matched on the dating app we connected on so last week I decided to reach out that way (instead of texting). He immediately responded and we went out again. He said he never got my texts and I joked that he must have blocked my number or used a burner number with me. But when we were together I tried texting him again and for some reason my texts weren’t always appearing on his phone! He would text me and it would be fine, but only half of my texts were showing up for him. It was so weird! But I know that he wasn’t deliberately ignoring me now. And again, this was because I gave him a second chance.
Of course, I don’t give everyone a second chance. There was a guy who called me delusional for thinking I could be an actress. There was another guy who was flirting with a different woman at the bar and introduced me as his friend (and couldn’t understand why I would be upset he would do that on a date). And there was another guy who didn’t show up for our date and then tried to convince me to come to his place to meet him there (I refused because I knew that it wouldn’t lead to anything good and I wasn’t going to put myself in a risky position).
There are some times where I’m torn about if I should give someone another chance and that’s when I’m so grateful for my friends who can be amazing sounding boards for me. There was someone I was seeing for a few weeks over the summer and things fell apart. He basically disappeared and when I tried to give him another chance he disappeared again. I told him I wasn’t interested in seeing him anymore but he didn’t seem to get that. He messaged me once a month for the next few months and I always responded with telling him that things were done. It had been a few months since he messaged me, and recently he reached out to me again. I wondered if I should give him another chance, but my friend helped me realize that I had already given him multiple chances and he screwed those up. And he couldn’t seem to respect my decision to not want to see him again, so if I went out with him again I couldn’t expect respect from him in other ways.
While I am having fun with all the randomness I’ve encountered with dating and I do feel like I’m making up for lost time in a way. But I’m really hoping that sooner rather than later I meet someone who will be more than just a few dates. I do want to be in a relationship and that’s not easy to find when you do know what you want. But I’m going to try to keep being open-minded and giving guys more than one chance and hopefully that leads to something good for me soon.
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