When I was setting up my profiles on dating apps several years ago, I was very careful about what photos I added to them. I wanted to make sure they were good photos of myself, but also photos that really represented who I am and what I look like. I know some people might say to not do full-body photos since you might get more matches, I’d prefer to represent my authentic self so nobody is surprised if we meet up. I’ve gone on plenty of first dates where I didn’t see my date at first because they look nothing like their photos. I didn’t want anyone to accuse me of doing that.
I tried to change up some of the photos from time to time, especially if I got a new photo that I really loved. I don’t think I’ve changed how I look too much in the last few years, but I still want to keep more recent photos in my profile if possible. I didn’t always change all the photos, but I would change one or two at a time if I had a new favorite. But I did always try to make sure I had at least one full-body shot and that any closer photos or selfies didn’t have weird angles where I looked drastically different.
I haven’t changed my photos that much in the past few years because I haven’t felt like I’ve had many photos that I loved. But that was also because I just wasn’t taking photos when I was isolated at home. I would take some random ones from time to time to send to friends, but they weren’t photos that I would want to put onto a dating app. I don’t think a photo of me in my tiny living room while attempting to work out would be the best representation of myself. They did show my personality, but they weren’t flattering because I didn’t really care how I looked in those photos.
But earlier this week, I just was starting to get sick of the endless cycle I feel like I’ve gotten into with dating apps. I will match with people, message them for a while, and they will either ghost me or we’ll go on a date or two and that’s where it ends. It’s hard to not be frustrated when it seems like the same things happen over and over again. I have tried to change things that are within my control, such as not tolerating messaging that crossed a line instead of just trying to see what happens.
I changed up a profile a bit, but since I actually really love what it says I didn’t make a lot of changes. But I tried to make things a bit clearer. And when I went to try to change out photos, I started searching back in my photos for which ones I could include instead of the ones I already use. And I just don’t have many photos of myself from the past year. I have a few, but most of those have already been added to my profiles before. Or I have group photos, but they aren’t the most flattering or easiest to see me in and I don’t want someone seeing a photo but they can’t find me in it or it will turn them off.
I used to take more photos when I would do things out with friends like go to Disneyland. And since I’m not doing stuff like that anymore, I just don’t feel like taking photos when I’m out that have me in them. I have a lot of photos of going out to fun dinners or shows, but they don’t have me in them. I need to get better about asking friends to take photos of me or I need to just stage a little photo shoot in my place using a tripod and setting up my phone. I want to be able to replace more of the photos that I’ve been using for a while. I know that changing up a dating app profile can help more people see you, but it’s not just for that reason. I just want it to feel like it accurately represents me now and not just what I was like a few years ago.
Of course, I still think in the back of my mind that maybe I’ll meet the right person before I go through this effort and change things up, but I also know that sitting back and hoping for things to happen isn’t the best way to go about life. I need to make an effort, and hopefully taking more photos and changing up my profiles will be a good enough effort for me to have some different results.
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