For the majority of my life, dating was pretty normal. I know some people might not think of online dating as normal, but it’s common enough that it’s not weird. And until March 2020, I would say that for the most part, my dating life might have been crazy and filled with lots of stories, but it was what I was used to and nothing seemed that strange as far as finding dates and going on them.
As we all know, the pandemic changed so much of that. Meeting in person became risky. Doing virtual dates started to be more popular and the apps created new ways to date without having to leave your home, not just to find dates. And I started to do a lot of phone calls with dates, something I rarely did as an adult. And some of these things are things I’ll probably keep in my dating life because they made some things easier (virtual dates are nice when you don’t have to deal with driving or looking cute below what the camera sees). But it wasn’t perfect either.
Dating needs to involve in-person meetings too. I’ve had too many experiences where things seemed great over text, phone calls, and virtual dates. The conversation flowed and it felt like there was a lot of chemistry. But then when you meet in real life, the chemistry just isn’t there. This isn’t about attraction or something that I might think would grow. There’s just something about chemistry and I can tell if I have an interest in dating someone or not. And it’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes the chemistry is platonic and they are just meant to be someone I’m friends with and not someone to date. But it’s still tough when you are so hopeful before a date and then you realize that it’s not what you wanted.
And even in a pandemic, there have been plenty of the same things I’ve always dealt with. I’ve had text conversations with guys and they either unmatch with me without saying anything or just stop responding (and I’ll usually delete those matches after a bit of time). I’ve been ghosted by guys I’ve had in-person dates with. And getting ghosted still hurts. The last guy who ghosted me was someone I was only seeing for a few weeks, but we had fun dates and great conversations. We actually discussed how horrible ghosting is and said that we would tell the other if we didn’t want to see each other again. There were some things about him that I was hesitant about, nothing bad but I know I held back a bit. But after texting to plan our next date, he stopped responding to me and I’m officially ghosted again. I won’t lie and say it didn’t hurt, but I’ve started to build a bit of a thick skin when it comes to getting ghosted and I have learned how to move past it a bit faster than before. And if someone who ghosted me shows up again (which happens), I know that things can’t just pick up and I can’t guarantee I’d give them another chance.
I had hopes that dating might return to more normalcy now with things reopening. But we know that didn’t really happen since cases are increasing again. And while I’m still more willing to meet in person than I was a year ago, it’s not always easy since a lot of my usual places are closed or have limited availability. And meeting somewhere inside means masks have to be worn, which does make getting to know someone harder. I still wear a mask for safety on dates (although most people now openly share their vaccination status). But it’s been nice when I meet someone outdoors and someplace not too crowded so we can take our masks off if we both feel safe.
And who knows. Maybe dating will never go back to the way it was before 2020. Maybe it will be good and maybe it won’t. All I know is that I will continue to find ways to date (and date safely) because I know more than ever now that I don’t want to always be alone.
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