I got my hair done last week since I was due for at least a root touch-up. I’m trying to be good about going every 6-8 weeks for my hair since I know that is ideal. And I wanted to time my hair with seeing my family in just over a month. So going last week will make it exactly 6 weeks until the day I’m hoping to get it done next. I think that worked out perfectly.
My hair has been an interesting journey over my lifetime. I used to have insanely thick hair and it felt unmanageable at times. Then I started to lose my hair when I was 14 and that was another journey to go on. I was lucky then because my hair was so thick that you didn’t see the bald spots unless I had my hair back. And my hair did grow back after a few months, so that first experience with alopecia wasn’t too bad. But I have been mindful of the fact that I get bald spots since then and I knew from that point that I could experience other types of hair loss as well.
I got my first few gray hairs when I was in my early 20s, but there were really only a few and it didn’t bother me too much since they weren’t that obvious. But also in my 20s, I noticed my hair getting much thinner. The individual strands were getting thinner and I had less hair overall on my head. I wasn’t experiencing as many bald spots or as frequently, but this new type of hair loss almost felt worse.
I try to be careful with what I do to my hair so I don’t damage it more. I rarely use heat on my hair. I don’t love airdrying it, but I know that’s the better option for me. So I normally let it air dry and put it back in a clip, so I don’t notice how frizzy it is. I’m careful with what products I use and try to make sure any hair ties I use don’t have any metal parts so they don’t rip out my hair. But even with all the things I do to protect my hair as much as I can, it’s not getting any better.
I know that having my hair go gray isn’t due to any of my own actions. Some people go gray earlier than others and it can be at very different rates. I only had a few gray hairs for a long time before it seems like I noticed a ton of my hair had gone gray. And I can’t tell now if it’s getting worse or not, but it’s a significant amount of my hair. I do love the idea of letting my hair go natural and not caring, but I think it almost needs to be grayer than it is now.
And what I think makes my gray hair stand out more is that my hair is getting even thinner. I can see my scalp a lot when I have my hair down. I miss feeling like I had fuller hair and now it makes me sad when I see how scraggly it can look at times. That’s another reason why I tend to wear my hair up in a clip. When I put it back like that, I can usually make the front look a bit better.
I have looked into getting a hair topper and I’m still considering it because I know that will help both the thinning and gray roots. If I have a topper on top of my regular hair, my gray roots won’t be showing through it. I know that I will still see gray hair when if I’m not wearing the topper, but I can feel more confident when I’m in public.
I know this is very superficial and it doesn’t matter if my hair is falling out or going gray, but it bothers me. It’s not an aging thing, it’s just something that doesn’t make me feel like myself. And I miss the days when I wasn’t worried about these things. Before my hair got as gray as it is now, I remember being pretty lazy about getting my hair done because my roots weren’t as bad as they are now. I remember not stressing out about what my hairline looks like and wondering if I need to put some powder on my scalp so it’s not so obvious. I used to be so carefree about my hair and now it’s something that I really worry about. And I do wish I didn’t care, but I do. I’m not sure why it’s such a thing for me, nobody has ever said anything weird about my hair when it wasn’t looking the best. But it really is a thing for me when I have a bad hair day. I don’t avoid seeing people or anything, but my confidence is much lower when I don’t think my hair looks good.
At least getting my hair done last week helped with me not being down about having gray roots since they are all covered up. But the thinning hair will always be an issue for me. While my hair was being cut, I tried to not look in the mirror since I know sometimes when it’s being clipped up to separate sections, it can look even thinner than it is. So I just zoned out a bit and only looked when it was done. And it does look great. I think my hair always looks amazing after it’s done, and then a few weeks later I start seeing my roots come in again and the cycle of my feelings about my hair continues.
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