I feel like it’s been a while since I’ve shared a random dating story. Lately, it’s been more about life lessons from dating. But there have been so many one-off date stories lately and I haven’t been sharing them on here. Most of them are pretty simple. There have been guys who don’t match the photos that were in their profiles, guys that I don’t click with for some reason or another, and of course more guys that ghost at various points in time. But last week, I had another epic date story.
This guy seemed totally normal while we were messaging on the app. We chatted about a few different things and then decided to meet up for a drink since it’s important to see if there is chemistry in person. We didn’t really live too close to each other, so we decided to meet somewhere that was in the middle. And Hollywood was somewhat between us and I suggested that we meet at Wood & Vine. That worked for him and I was happy that we were meeting somewhere that I knew well and was comfortable with.
We were meeting there while a show was going on at the Pantages, so the restaurant only had a few people there. We sat at the bar and he ordered a beer and I had water. He was debating about getting food, but I was secretly hoping he wasn’t going to order anything because I still wasn’t sure how this was going to go and I didn’t want to have to feel like I had to stay there while he was eating.
He ended up not getting food and I am so grateful he didn’t because this date was just awful. I don’t even know how it started going wrong. The conversation was awkward as it sometimes is when you meet someone new, so I asked about what he did since that is usually a safe topic. Turns out he doesn’t work. He was a bit vague about how he pays for things, but I think he lives off of family money. And he seemed to be surprised that I had to work to make money. I don’t know why that is so surprising, but he also wasn’t American so I thought maybe he mixed up some words and said it wrong so I didn’t let it affect me too much.
Since he didn’t have work to talk about, I asked him what he did for fun. He had a long list of stereotypical LA things to say like yoga, go to the beach, swim, hike, self-improvement, cook, and be outside. Everything was generic and not much that I could connect to or start more of a conversation about. Finally, he mentioned reading and I could talk to him about that. So I asked what he reads and he said that he only reads things that will benefit him and that would be self-improvement or self-help. I then asked if he ever reads for fun and he almost laughed at the idea of that.
I said how I read for fun and he said something about how I needed to entertain myself by reading. That just made me made. I don’t have to entertain myself by reading. I love to read. I get so much pleasure out of it, and he made it seem like I needed it to not do something destructive or harmful. It was so annoying.
At this point, I was debating about just getting up and leaving because there was clearly no connection and this was not going to go anywhere and he asked me what I was thinking. The implication was if I wanted to go home with him. I couldn’t believe that he thought that things were going well! This wasn’t the worst date I had been on, but it was not good at all. I said that I didn’t feel the connection but I was glad that we met so we could at least see. You never know if you click with someone until you meet.
He didn’t seem to understand why I didn’t agree that there wasn’t a connection. He brought up that he likes big girls so I should want to be with him. He had no way of knowing that is one of my biggest pet peeves. I do not want to be with a guy that wants to be with a big girl because hopefully, I will not be this size my entire life. I want someone who wants to be with me for me and is attracted to me no matter my size. Someone who is attracted to big girls might stop being attracted to me when I lose weight (I’ve had it happen to me before). This guy seemed to think that because he was willing to be with me, I should be grateful and be with him. But I am not that type of girl.
We got up to leave (thank you again to the staff at Wood & Vine for helping make it a quick exit) and this guy still couldn’t get it in his head that I wasn’t interested and that it wasn’t going further. We were on the street and he kept bugging me to tell him why I didn’t want to continue this. Finally, I was tired of him bugging me and wanted him to leave me alone so I said I would tell him the truth. I said that I felt like he was a pompous asshole and a douchebag. I’m still a bit shocked that I said that to someone, but he deserved it and it felt good to be honest.
It might not have been the smartest move to say that because he didn’t take that well and he wanted to know why I felt that. He ended up saying I had no right to feel the way I felt and that I had to feel the way he said I should feel. It was ridiculous. And there was a small crowd starting to watch this happen which was odd and I just was ready to get out of there. The guy stormed off when I wouldn’t back down and agree with him that I wasn’t allowed to have my own emotions and I went back toward where my car was but waited off to the side before going to my car because I wanted to make sure he wasn’t following me or watching me.
And of course, I blocked and reported him on the dating app before I got to my car.
When I was driving home, I called my friend Dani and was shaking and crying. I don’t know why I was having that reaction because I wasn’t necessarily upset over what happened. I think it was more about the adreneline because I was so close to punching this guy. I’m glad I didn’t hit him because that wouldn’t have been wrong. But I am glad I said what I said even though it was not something I would normally do.
Maybe this guy is used to being with girls who look like me that will tolerate anything and will accept whatever comes their way. I was never that way, but I also know that I did tolerate more in the past than I do now. I don’t think I would have stood up for myself quite as much as I did this time if this happened a year ago. I wouldn’t have gone home with this guy or had a second date, but I probably would have played it off and just unmatched him later. I wouldn’t have told him that I had no interest in seeing him again. But now, I have found new confidence and power and have realized that I have the right to get what I want and not be embarrassed by that. And if I am treated in a way that I don’t deserve, I don’t have to stay quiet and take that.
I’m sure this guy will just be back on the app looking for another girl he can treat this way hoping that she will put up with it. But maybe in the back of his mind, he will think twice or have a little hesitation after I stood up to him and he realized that he can’t get away with it.
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