Another post about the start of a new year! This time, it’s about my word of the year. I’ve been doing these for the past few years and I really love the time I spend trying to figure out what word I want as my theme for the year. I feel like I’ve always picked words that are around the general idea of being strong or tough. This year, I still think the word is about being tough, but it’s also about being gentle at the same time.
My word for 2019 is trust.
This is a word that is not just about what I need to feel about myself, but what I need to feel about others. With my year of being fearless this past year, I put myself in situations that were unfamiliar to me. I allowed myself to be open to possibilities and that didn’t always work in my favor. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just what happened. But I think because of my history and things that have happened in my past, I struggled to let things that happened go. Just because one person hurt me doesn’t mean another one will do the same. I’ve struggled with this many times in my life, but I think it was highlighted by putting myself out there more this past year. And I want to fix that.
I need to learn to trust people around me. I need to learn to allow others to help me when needed and know that they will do the right thing. I’m trying to surround myself by all amazing people so they can help me build that trust, but I know it’s going to be hard. I’ve said to my bosses in the past that because I have lost many jobs before that I’m always terrified that I’m going to be fired. I still have that fear, but it’s gotten better. I need to apply that same mindset to other aspects of my life.
But this isn’t just about learning to trust other people. I have to learn to trust myself too. I need to trust that things will work out for me. I’ve been working on that idea with my job hunt, but I know that I have so many other parts of my life where I don’t feel positive that things will go my way. One good example with this is dating. I’ve matched with so many men since I started online dating. A lot of times, I’ll message with them for a bit and then I never hear from them again. I didn’t want to delete those conversations because I was worried that maybe they would reach out again and realize they couldn’t. I need to trust that if that guy is the right guy, they wouldn’t leave me waiting for a message back. I’ve occasionally done clean ups of my matches and gotten rid of people I didn’t talk to, but I still kept some that probably should have been deleted. And the other day, I finally did that. I wish I had counted how many matches I deleted, but I know it was over 100. I still have a bit of fear in my head that I screwed up something, but I’m trying to remember that if it was meant to be I would be matched with them again.
I have a feeling that while the idea of the word trust is to be gentle in a way, it will end up making me tougher. Hopefully I will be able to drop people and things that are not worthy of my trust quicker and I can put my energy to those who are trustworthy. And I’m sure as the year goes on I will have more feelings about what trust will bring to my life and I’m excited to see what focusing on trust will result in.
And as I have in the past few years, I got the MantraBand with the word trust on it so I can wear it to remind me about what I want to focus on.
I also love what it says.
To trust is to know and have faith that there is a divine plan in every moment in your life. Let go of what you cannot control and trust the process. Be present and experience life as it unfolds. Trust your journey. All is well.
I feel like that sums up what I hope a year of trust will bring to me.
