This past week of workouts was just a struggle for me. I had so many things working against me and I really couldn’t find a way out of it. I was dealing with a lack of motivation, lack of interest, and the pain and nausea that I was expecting. If I was feeling ok, I still didn’t want to work out. When I felt more like working out, I was feeling sick. I felt like I couldn’t win. And each time I had a bad workout, I felt even worse after it was done because I felt like I failed somehow.
I had video workouts on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday this past week. I tried to do what I could, but I wasn’t really doing the videos. I wasn’t feeling encouraged or motivated to do them. I felt like I wasn’t doing each exercise to the fullest and I was just kind of playing around. I know that doing something is better than doing nothing, but I couldn’t convince my brain that was true.
It didn’t help that I’ve been seeing friends in different parts of the country able to go to their gyms again. I’m especially jealous of my friends who can go to Orangetheory where they live. My last class in the studio was 5 months ago. And I miss it more and more every week that I’m not back there. I miss the coaches, everyone in the class, the workouts, the community feeling and encouragement, and feeling like I’m accomplishing something amazing when I finish a workout. I feel like my workouts when I’m dealing with nausea are so much better when I’m in the studio because I can work with so many more modifications. I used to feel more confident about when we would be able to go back, but now I’m less optimistic about it. I’m scared that it won’t be until next year that we can be back. And feeling like I’m missing a huge part of my life isn’t easy. I know that I’m not the only person dealing with this right now, but that doesn’t necessarily make it easier.
So for now, I just have to do what I can on my own. And for right now, that does mean doing the video workouts 3 days a week. I am working on finding alternatives to those because maybe I just need more variety. But it’s also easy to just do those videos since I know how to get everything set up and I don’t have to think too much about it.
What does help is having one workout each week on Zoom. This week, we had to move it to Saturday, so it was my last workout of the week. Having someone coach me feels so good and so familiar. Having my friends on the screen with me makes me feel less alone. Even though I was feeling the worst on Saturday, I know that was my best workout. It also was easily the hardest. If I could do Zoom workouts every time, I think that might be perfect (and I am looking into seeing if that could happen with different coaches).
Our workout on Saturday was a great all-over workout. We worked core, legs, and arms. And some of the exercises were not just strength but cardio too. For most of the workout, we all work together on intervals. For example, we have 6 different exercises that we do for 40 seconds on and 15 seconds off and go through the series 2 or 3 times. We also had one block where we had 3 exercises to do in 1 minute. It didn’t take the full minute, so whatever time we had leftover we got to rest. And we did that 5 times. I still don’t have my weights that I am getting for my birthday, but I was feeling really weak so the weights I use right now (like my water bottles) worked fine for me.
Even though there were a few times where I truly thought I would have to run to my bathroom to throw up, I finished that workout feeling amazing. I know I didn’t work as hard as I could when I feel normal, but I still finished that workout on the high that I am used to. It was the best way I could end my workout week.
I potentially have another week of dealing with pain and nausea this week. And I’m going to try my best to do what I can. My new weights might also be arriving this week, so that could be awesome if it happens. I know that I won’t be able to do the best or hardest workouts if I’m feeling ill, but I know I will try. And for me right now, trying is sometimes all I can ask of myself. If I’m not feeling like I want to work out, I just have to try. I can’t give up and do nothing. Even though there definitely were days this past week where I felt like it.
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