Even though I work from home, I have ways to communicate with my co-workers at my customer service job. We use an online chat system to assist customers, and we can also use it to chat with each other. This has been very helpful when we have a question from a customer that we don’t know the answer to or a customer is saying one of told them something that doesn’t seem right. But we often also chat socially with each other in our chat system since our job can be very lonely when it’s not busy and we are all working at our own homes alone.
I probably chat the most with my manager. We always are sharing funny and random things we find online. Sometimes that is what keeps me feeling sane on a day that is driving me crazy. And earlier this week, she sent me a funny meme about how when you apply for a job the hiring manager should be more upfront about what to expect with the job. Such as if you are willing to bend over backward for a customer or get them a manager immediately. And she and I were coming up with our own lines of what we would want to ask future employees doing our job.
Then she said something that hit me a lot harder than it probably should have. She joked that customers should say they are ok with hearing abuse from customers and still be polite and kind to them (we are told often that we are ruining someone’s life because a show is sold out or by enforcing our policies so we do get yelled at on a somewhat regular basis). And as soon as she wrote that, I realized that I do tolerate a lot at this job and I don’t let it affect how I treat a customer while I’m helping them. I don’t stand up for myself (nor can I really in a customer service job) and I have gotten very used to hearing some awful things. When I’m called a bitch on the phone by a customer, I don’t even flinch. It’s something I’m used to and almost expect at times.
But it got me wondering if tolerating this sort of inappropriate behavior at work is also making me tolerate bad behavior in life. More specifically, am I tolerating things I shouldn’t in dating?
That was a bit of a glass-shattering moment for me and I started thinking back at guys I have dated recently or chatted with on the apps. And I know that I have become more open-minded and am not as strict with dating anymore, which is a good thing. I have learned that not everything has to be a dealbreaker for me, sometimes it just needs to be a conversation to understand it more. But I shouldn’t tolerate anything just to be nice.
I know that there are plenty of times that I haven’t tolerated when a guy said something disgusting to me. If they are going to shame me for any part of me or my life, it’s no question that I want to unmatch with them. I don’t have to have someone be abusive toward me to get a date. But there are so many guys that I have realized are between being good guys and horrible guys that I probably shouldn’t have continued talking to.
There aren’t any hard and fast rules about what I am tolerating that I shouldn’t, but it’s making me reevaluate a lot of things. For example, if I am messaging someone and trying to set up plans, I don’t have to tolerate it if they don’t message me for a week and then ignore that we were discussing meeting up. I can bring up that I’m happy to chat with them more in person, but I should push for what I want to do. I know I don’t want to message with someone, I want to meet them and see if we click.
There is a bit of fear still in my mind about rejecting someone who could be my “last chance” (which I know isn’t true because if they aren’t right then they weren’t supposed to be my person). I hate that fear is still there, but I’ve realized that this feeling is so much more than just this fear. I want to be liked and not create conflict, but by doing that I am allowing behavior that I shouldn’t be ok with.
This isn’t going to be a quick fix where I learn how to stand up for myself more, but it’s something that I’m aware of now that I never thought about before. And I don’t want to swing to the other extreme and not tolerate anything that might be slightly different than what I thought. Being open-minded has been such a good thing for me and I don’t want to become closed-off. Finding balance is the key.
And yes, this all relates back to my word for this year. No wonder I felt so drawn to picking balance as my word.
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Figuring Out Some Self-Care (or Working On My Physical And Mental Health)
World Mental Health Day (or Seeing So Many People Be So Open)
