I know that there are many single people who hate Valentine’s Day. I completely understand why people might feel that way. It’s a weird holiday that doesn’t mean a lot to people who are in relationships. But when you are single, you are bombarded with the idea that you should be coupled up and you are somehow missing out on something by being single.
I’ve never been in a relationship on Valentine’s Day. Last year, I actually ended up having a date that night, but it wasn’t until later we realized it was Valentine’s Day. We only planned something because we both happened to be free that evening. So it was more of a date on Valentine’s Day and not a Valentine’s Day date. But it didn’t mean more to me than a date on any other night.
And this year, as always, I’m single. I’m dealing with being betrayed by someone who I thought cared about me which isn’t that fun, but I’m getting so much support from my friends and that is what matters more to me than any guy that I have dated.
So this year on Valentine’s Day, I want to celebrate the love I have from my friends. I am so incredibly grateful and lucky to have the friends that I have in my life. They are amazing and so supportive and I don’t know what I would do without them. When I’m upset about anything, even if it’s something really stupid, I know I can call someone and they will be able to talk me down.
With this recent betrayal by a guy, I’ve had friends remind me that I am lovable and worthy of so much more than what I was getting. They also helped me realize that a lot of the hurt that I am feeling is not about what this guy did to me, but the fact that I will never get answers or the closure that I would like. I am the type of person who will research something until I understand it completely. I will never understand why this person decided to hurt me or what made them see me as not worthy of being treated how I deserve to be treated. And letting go of the idea of wanting the answers is tough and I’m working through that.
But my friends also support me in the silly problems I have. When I was stressed out about my procedure with my dermatologist, I was going down a bit of a spiral thinking I was about to ruin my face. A friend reminded me that there are so many plastic surgery options for me if the scar was horrible and if it did create a divot in my face that I could always get fillers done. That’s not something I could do for a while, but just having someone remind me that this does not have to be the end of the road if I’m not happy with the results was enough to calm me down and help me remember that I was making the right decision.
And of course, I try to be there as much for my friends (if not more) than they are there for me. But I still feel like I don’t do enough considering how much they help me out and how often they remind me of things that I need to be reminded about. I know that I have mental health issues that make me think I’m not worthy and I can go to a dark place. It’s never that horrible, but it’s not a good place to be. And my friends never hesitate to help me out when I have those moments. They are never annoyed that it happened again or that they have to tell me something they have told me multiple times before.
While I have had a great example of what a successful relationship looks like from my parents, I also feel like I have been given examples of that as well through my friends. I know that being with someone romantically is different from being platonic, but I have learned how I should be treated by how my friends treat me. I have learned how to have a supportive and balanced relationship through those friendships. And I am hopeful that when I do find the guy that I want to spend the rest of my life with, I will be able to remember the relationships with my friends and use those as guidelines for how that relationship should be.
I’m writing this early enough that there is still potential for me to have a date tonight (although I don’t know if I want to go out with stitches in my face), but that doesn’t matter. If I’m spending tonight alone at home watching tv, that’s fine. While Valentine’s Day doesn’t really matter to me as a holiday, I am using it as a good excuse to be grateful for the love I do have in my life and remembering how lucky I am.
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