Audition Horror Stories (or Sometimes I Like Things To Be Boring)

I had an audition for a tv movie yesterday. Everything in the audition room happened the way it should happen. I said my lines, I got a smile from the casting director, and I left the room quickly. However when I was leaving the audition, I did almost get trapped in the hallway (there were two doors between the audition room and waiting area and when I closed one door it was so dark I couldn’t find the handle for the other door). I have no idea if I booked this job, but to me, it’s more important to impress the casting director so that they want me to come back again then to book every job I audition for.

But overall, this was a typical audition. But those few seconds of being stuck between the doors made me think of some of my bad auditions, and I figured I’d share some of them so you can all enjoy some of my not-so-graceful moments.

One of my absolute worst auditions ever happened when I was auditioning for a job in a theme park. We were all held outside the audition room and were only taken in one at a time. I probably had waited about an hour or two before it was my turn. I walked into the room, and right in front of the boss’s table, I fell banana peel style on the ground (and by banana peel style I mean I flew up into the air and landed hard on the ground). After trying to recover, we all noticed that there was a huge puddle of water on the floor. Someone who auditioned before me must have spilled it and I was the lucky one to walk right into it. After the audition, I was taken to the first-aid at the park to have my toes taped because they were looking pretty bad. I didn’t need first-aid, but I’m sure that they did it for their protection. I didn’t get that job.

I also remember an audition years ago for an employee training video for the fitness industry. In the audition notice, it was written in bold and in all caps that ALL ACTORS MUST READ THE SCRIPT EXACTLY AS WRITTEN. NO IMPROVISATION ALLOWED. I took this very seriously so I worked very hard at getting all the lines exactly as they were on the paper. I was partnered up with another actor in the audition and we got started. I read my lines as written but the other actor was making everything up as he went. I still said my next lines as written even though it made absolutely no sense. I wish that I had the courage to have asked the casting directors if I could try that scene again (hopefully with a new scene partner), but I didn’t.

Another audition for a commercial was a little crazy. I don’t remember what type of commercial it was, but I remember that the premise was that the character I was auditioning for was caught in bed with another character by my character’s husband. In the audition notice, they asked us to wear skimpy clothing to help imply a state of undress. I wore a tank top and shorts (with a sweatshirt to wear over the outfit when I was walking to and from my car). Once in the audition room, the guy I was paired with stripped down to a speedo. It was pretty funny, but I wish the other actor had given me a heads up.

The final story to leave you with today was another commercial audition. All I had to do in the audition was climb into a duffel bag and zip myself inside. I might not be the skinniest girl out there, but I am pretty flexible (I can do the splits and bend down and touch my toes with little effort). So in the room, I got in the bag and got it zipped up. The only problem came when I was trying to get out of the bag. I got a little tripped up in the bag and straps and had to get out of the bag while sitting and pulling it off of my feet.

So there are some highlights of some of the crazy auditions that I’ve been on. Most of the crazy stories happened years ago, before I knew how to stand up for myself (and before I had union protection). There are so many more stories that I could tell, and I know that there will be more stories to share that happen in the future. But I wanted to give you all a glimpse inside my sometimes crazy life.

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