Reflection (or I’m Totally Living My Dream)

The other night, I went out to dinner with my friend Erin. Erin is pretty amazing (she’s created a spoof series/rock opera) and she and I have been hanging out lately. First, we started hanging out because of our mutual love of “X-Files” (and me having a DVR when she doesn’t have cable), but we also are now working on putting together a project together. After we had an official meeting, we went to dinner to kill time during rush hour before she went home.

It’s seriously so inspirational to have friends who are really living their dream and doing exactly what they want to do with life. Sometimes I feel like I’m the farthest away from doing that, but nobody makes me feel less than or puts down the fact that I’m working multiple day jobs.

During our dinner, we did talk about what our ultimate dreams are (for me, it’s a series regular role on a sitcom-style tv show). And I really started to think about where I am in my life and how far I’ve come.

Yes, I’m still working multiple day jobs and I don’t make a living by being an actor. But honestly, I’m living everything that I dreamed of from when I decided to be an actor.

I moved to LA when I was 18 (to attend college) and have never moved away. In a couple of years, I will have lived in LA longer than I lived in the Bay Area. I have a really cool house that I rent and I’m able to afford my rent and bills. I have a working car and it gets me everywhere I need to go. I can go to the beach, see the Hollywood sign, and go to famous landmarks whenever I have the time if I want.

I am pursing acting. I have amazing agents who I love, casting directors who believe in me, and a community of fellow actors who are super supportive. I don’t audition as often as others may, but the auditions I get are usually for higher level parts than I would expect (series regulars versus auditioning for a 1 line part). I have acting coaches who I can work with when I need to prepare for a big audition. I’ve taking acting classes with amazing teachers and have more classes that I want to take. I have headshots that represent me and get me into auditions that are right for me and my type.

I have amazing friends in LA and in other parts of the country. There was a time when I wondered if I was going to be friendless for a long time (and it did feel like a really long time before I really built up my friends circle), but fortunately that changed. My friends are actors and non-actors, but everyone is equally supportive. I have friends who support me at my workouts, friends who support me at my auditions, friends who are helping me creating acting work, and friends who support me when times are tough. I know that if I needed something or someone that I could find a friend who would come to help me anytime day or night (and I would do the same for any of my friends).

I get to go on a bunch of fun adventures. A lot of adventures are local, but all of them are amazing. I can go to Disneyland whenever I have free time, I’ve been to secret clubs in LA, and I get invited to screenings year-round. When I do get to go out-of-town, there’s always something really awesome planned. While I’m hoping to be able to travel internationally again in the near future, there’s enough great stuff in California alone to keep me happy.

While I’m still battling my eating disorder, I’m now viewing it as a battle and not something completely out of my control. I know that one day this will be in my past and those demons will be gone from my life. But thinking of it as a battle has helped me make more progress this past year than I have in my entire life. And the fact that I have a regular workout routine is helping me in my battle and the workouts are making me so happy. I feel like I’m taking control of my health and that is awesome.

When I was hanging out with Erin, we talked about some of these things. Sometimes, I do have to remind myself that this is my life. There are times that I meet celebrities that I was obsessed with as a teenager at an event and get to chat with them for a bit. If the 14-year-old me knew that this was in my future, I’m sure that I would have been much less stressed about school. Honestly, things have happened in my life that I never would have believed would happen to me. It’s awesome that this has been my life so far, and I know that it’s only going to get better.

I already know that this year is going to be better than last year. I have some really amazing things coming up and in the works and I know that they will lead to bigger and better things. And with this year only being about a quarter of the way done, I’ve got plenty of time to make this year even more awesome!

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