As the title says, it’s my birthday! I love birthdays and usually try to celebrate mine as much as I can. This year hasn’t really been much of a celebration just yet, but that’s not because I don’t want to. I just will be delaying some birthday fun because of all the other things I have going on in my life. I had a few birthday plans that I thought would have already happened by now, but I think everything is just going to be pushed back a bit. That’s not a problem for me since I’m happy as long as I get to celebrate at some point. Growing up, I didn’t always get to celebrate on my birthday so I’m used to it.
As I’m writing this post, I have no real birthday plans. I have my normal workout and then I have to work. But I have nothing planned after work. I might end up doing something for dinner and I might just do absolutely nothing and sit on my couch and be lazy. Honestly, right now being lazy sounds so perfect to me. I don’t really care too much about what I end up doing today because even though I love birthdays I’m not obsessed about what I do on the actual day.
I’ve said before that my life is not where I expected to be at this point. By 36, I really thought I would be married and have kids. I thought I would be living in a house (although I guess technically I live in a tiny house that I rent) and I would have a dog and I’d be making a living by being an actor. Those things are not true, but that does not mean my life is a failure. My life is amazing and it is amazing in ways I never thought it could be. I never thought I could be involved in my union the way I am now. I have pinch-me moments all the time. Just this week, I spent the morning goofing off with someone who I watched on tv later that day. That’s so insane and amazing! I don’t get to do all the things I want to do with my life, but that gives me things to strive for and to want for.
And even the negative things in my life have brought good things to me. All the disaster dates I’ve been on have helped me create a book that I have written and re-written what feels like a million times. One day I will finish that book and I am sure I will be proud of it when it’s done. But it will be a work in progress for a while and that’s ok. I’m having fun with my horrible dates because I know they will make good stories. I am writing the stories in my head sometimes while on the bad dates to distract me from how bad the dates are.
I’ve had a lot of milestone birthdays, and I didn’t think of 36 being a milestone for me. But then I realized it’s almost a milestone. I moved to LA when I was 18. It wasn’t exactly on my 18th birthday, but it was only about 2 weeks after. But in my head, I’ve always considered my 18th birthday as the split from when I was growing up in the Bay Area to when I moved to LA. It’s been an easy way to think about it since it marks the change of being a kid to being an adult. So this would mean that now is basically the mark of when I have lived in LA for half my life. I’ll mark this more officially on my LA anniversary, but it’s still a cool thing to think about. I have lived half my life in each place. I don’t feel like that is possible, but it’s true. And in a few weeks, I will have live in LA for the majority of my life!
I jokingly say that I turn old every birthday, but I actually don’t feel like I’m turning old this year. I don’t feel 36. I don’t know what 36 should feel like, but I think it should feel older than what I feel now. I feel like I should be feeling something different than I do now. But I think that also what 36 was like for past generations is different than what it is like now. My mom has said a similar thing when she compares her age to when my grandma was her age, so I think it happens for multiple generations. I don’t think I look 36 (and other people say I don’t look it either) so that helps me believe that I am still younger. I am not delusional and I am aware that there are some things about my age that I have to be aware of, but I also don’t have to live in fear about it either. I can enjoy my life and see what happens.
Here’s to 36! May it be a year filled with awesomeness, possibilities, fun, and things that I could never expect but will make my life incredible!
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