One of the first posts I wrote on this blog was about having credit card debt. I was so embarrassed to share that I had debt, but it was a relief to no longer have to keep it a secret or hide it. And because I was so open about the debt, I had friends share with me different things that helped them pay their debt off. I also discovered tricks on my own that I had been using to work on paying it off. And while I had made dents in it, I still had a lot of debt left.
I knew that I needed to pay this off because I was wasting money having to pay interest each month. But I just didn’t have the money to pay it as quickly as I would have liked to. Even though I had been getting things more in control, I always wished I could do more. But I had to just be ok with what I was able to do and know that one day I would be able to be debt-free.
And my intention was to work on paying it off as long as I needed to. I knew my plan would take a lot of time, but it was a plan which is better than I had been doing years ago. And then things changed for me not too long ago.
Without going into a lot of details, I was given the money I needed to pay off my credit card debt. Being able to pay it all off was an amazing gift and I’m so grateful for it. This was something that I have wanted to accomplish for so long and I still can’t believe it finally happened. But I have to say that making that payment online was a very scary moment for me.
I’m not sure why it was so scary, but I think because the debt has been a part of my life for so long it was about letting go of something that felt like a part of my personality. Or maybe it was because I felt like I was doing something that I didn’t earn. While I had been working hard to work on this, the majority of it wasn’t due to my work or effort. It was easy to do and I didn’t have to sacrifice for it. I think that the idea of not earning it comes from some past experiences with weight loss that I’ve had. When I have lost weight due to extreme circumstances, I’m so happy that I lost the weight but it doesn’t feel like I have ownership over it. And from my past experiences losing weight that way, it doesn’t last. And I really don’t want that to happen with my debt.
I know that I’m probably in a better place to be able to maintain my debt-free life than I am with weight loss since I don’t have a medical issue behind it. But it’s still scary that this could happen to me again. So I’m already taking a lot of steps to make sure that I stay on top of things.
Of course, I’m already in the habit of doing a budget and tracking my income and spending. This is something I wasn’t doing when I got into debt. I’m also in a much more stable job, and even though I still need to make more money I have guaranteed money coming in. I’m looking for something better, but I don’t have to lose all my income while I do that which is helpful. And I think I’m just in a different place in my life where I value my money differently and don’t spend the same way that I used to. I don’t stress about getting the best or nicest of things and I work on saving money when I can. I also don’t feel the same need to have immediate gratification with buying stuff so I can wait until it’s on sale or I find a better deal. All those things should be helping me stay debt-free now.
I’m trying to focus only on the positives and be excited that this burden is no longer something I have to worry about. And I’m sure that soon I will be feeling that a lot more. I’m still feeling a bit scared about how this was just finished like it was no big deal when it really is a big deal. But I’m excited to move forward with this new chapter in my life without having to worry about debt and hopefully that will allow me to manage my money better for the things I want to spend it on as well as have a better and less stressed mindset.
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