Doing Some More Dating Reflection (or It’s Been An Interesting Year)

About a year ago, I got back into online dating. It wasn’t the first time I had tried online dating, but from the very beginning this time was so different. Immediately, I was getting more matches and more dates than I had in the past. There are a few reasons my friends and I joke about why this could happen, but there is really no good reason I can think of. It’s ok that I can’t think of a reason because it really doesn’t matter. And when I got back into online dating, I didn’t really have a timeline of how long I’d be doing it. I know for sure I didn’t think I’d still be doing it a year later.

To be totally honest, I really hoped that I would meet someone incredible and that I wouldn’t need online dating a year later. I’ve met some great guys (and I’m still seeing a few to see if it turns into anything), but nothing significant has come out of my dating adventures. Well, I should probably rephrase that and say that no significant relationship has come out of it. But some significant things have happened to me.

As much as I hate to say that I gained confidence by being wanted, that’s something that happened to me. After being told by someone that I was not worthy of people caring about me, I do like having the validation that it’s not true. I’m not dependent on others to gain confidence, but it did help me at first. Now I’m not feeling the same need to be wanted, but it’s still nice to have.

I’ve also gained some strength in knowing what I want and not tolerating what I don’t want. In the past, I would tolerate things that I shouldn’t have to because I was scared that I would not be able to find someone better. I know that that’s not the truth for sure now and if there is something that is a deal breaker for me I don’t feel the need to see if I could put up with it and see if I could make the relationship last (or make a date turn into a relationship). While I do have a little lingering fear that I will end up alone the rest of my life, being alone forever is a better option that putting up with crap and I’m glad I’m confident in that idea now.

It hasn’t all been good. I’ve encountered more guys that I’d like to think about who are online and trying to cheat on their significant other. I’ve been getting good and figuring out those guys and I usually call them out about it. And of course there are a ton of scammers and fake accounts on all the different sites I use. Those are usually easy to figure out too, but sometimes it takes a few messages exchanged before I realize they are fake. There’s only been one faker that I feel like I wasted way too much time with, but he was a pretty good fake account. But as soon as I figured it out, I moved on. The only thing that annoyed me was the time wasted and not that he wasn’t real.

I’m still pretty active with a few different dating sites. There are 3 that I pretty much only use but I’ve got 2 others on my phone that I’ll check occasionally. And I do try to check the main 3 apps every day for at least a few minutes. I know how easy it could be to just not bother with it, but I do want to try to find someone who I really like and wants to possibly be serious with me. And as much as I don’t love online dating, I know it’s the best chance for me to meet someone these days. So I just have to keep chugging along and making an effort to put myself out there each day.

I would love it if I don’t have to celebrate 2 years (or more) of being back on online dating. I really am trying to stay hopeful that I will find a guy who becomes the person who gets me to delete all the apps. I am trying to find the fun in dating and with first dates, but they can be a bit stressful too. I just keep trying to remind myself that each new first date is a potential new chapter in the book I’m working on about my adventures in online dating. But I’d love to have the final chapter figured out so I could just move on from the first date portion of my life.

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