Tag Archives: self-care

Really Having A Lazy Weekend (or I Guess Sometimes Bad Days Can Be Helpful)

Posted on August 30, 2022 | Comments Off on Really Having A Lazy Weekend (or I Guess Sometimes Bad Days Can Be Helpful)

My weekends have been busy but not busy since I moved. I’m usually doing something for my new place over the weekend. I might be organizing things, trying to unpack things that I have still in boxes, cleaning, or doing some shopping for things that I still want. Because I work Monday-Saturday, my weekends are more like a day and a half off each week, so I don’t always have all the time to do what I want to do. But sometimes it also feels like I don’t do much each weekend since I don’t see a lot of results from my work. It’s weird to feel like I’m so busy and I don’t have time, yet it seems like I didn’t do much when I’m preparing for another work week.

I don’t feel like I’ve had a really lazy weekend recently because of all the random busy work I’ve been doing, but this past weekend I was forced into having a lazy weekend. I was really feeling nauseous and in a lot of pain over the weekend so a lot of the things I wanted to get done were put off. I had a full list of errands that I wanted to run, but I had to limit it just to getting groceries for the coming week and everything else will just have to be done at another time.

So for my time after work on Saturday and most of Sunday, I was laying around my house. I did make it out to the grocery store on Sunday, but that’s the only thing I worried about doing. The rest of the time, I only did things I felt like doing and wanted to do. That really felt like a luxury and I think I needed this reset weekend. Most of the time, I was either in bed or on my couch reading. I got through multiple books this weekend which was really fun. I now have Kindle Unlimited, so my to be read list continues to grow and I got to work through some of the books I’ve been wanting to read. I watched a little tv, but I’ve been noticing that I’m not watching as much tv as I used to, especially when there aren’t new shows to be watching. I don’t usually watch reruns, and I don’t watch a lot of tv just randomly. I tend to watch things that I planned on watching or already recorded on my DVR.

Because of how I was feeling, it wasn’t the most relaxing weekend. I did have to deal with all the symptoms I was feeling and I tried to make sure I was taking care of myself. And there was plenty of time that I was just laying down with my eyes closed and waiting to let the nausea or the pain pass. But I was lucky and the bad moments really weren’t that much of my weekend and I was able to just enjoy the time I spent being lazy at home. And even with how I was feeling some of the time, it did feel like a bit of a reset weekend. And that’s not something I feel like I have really done in a while.

I have done resets for part of my weekend. Most weekends, my Sundays are all about getting ready for the week and getting groceries, doing laundry, and cleaning. But doing all the things I need to do to get ready for my week can feel tiring and like I never had a break. Because I really didn’t do much this past weekend (including not doing my usual Sunday cleaning), I got to have a bit of a mental reset instead of just getting my house and things reset for the week. And that almost felt like a bit of a splurge.

I know having a mental reset like this isn’t something I can do every weekend. I just don’t have enough time in my limited time off each week to take this much time to things that aren’t productive. But I think that I really needed this time this past weekend. I feel a lot better going into this week than I have for a while. I’m not necessarily feeling physically better, but I know that will come soon. But at least feeling bad physically allowed me to feel a bit better mentally.

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Default ThumbnailJust A Normal Weekend For Me (or Lazy Days Are Surprisingly Busy) Default ThumbnailLack Of Plans (or A Lazy Weekend) Default ThumbnailMaking Busy Days Busier (or I Guess I Like To Maximize Only Certain Days) Default ThumbnailHaving Another Lazy Weekend (or Trying Not To Feel Like I Missed Out) Default ThumbnailI Guess I’ve Been Very Lazy (or I’m Sorry This Isn’t That Interesting) Default ThumbnailI Wasn’t Expecting To Write About The Heat Again (or Lazy Days)

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Continuing To Get Back To Some Of My Old Routine (or I Really Appreciate Self-Care So Much Now)

Posted on April 22, 2021 | Comments Off on Continuing To Get Back To Some Of My Old Routine (or I Really Appreciate Self-Care So Much Now)

I’ve written a lot over the past year about how I miss things from my old life that were a part of a regular routine. Some of these things were related to going out or my workouts. And some of them were related to self-care. At times, I was embarrassed about how much I missed some of my self-care routines. I know it’s not that important to have my hair done or to get a pedicure, but those are things that make me feel like myself or bring me joy. And not having them has been hard, especially when compounded with everything else that’s been going on in our world this past year.

There are plenty of self-care routines that I’m still putting off for a little while. As much as I miss pedicures, I can wait longer before I go in for one. This isn’t just for my own safety and health (even though I’m vaccinated, that doesn’t mean I don’t have to be careful), but also for the safety and health of the employees at the salon. And I’m still waiting on getting waxed even though I know the waxer I go to is working again. For me, waxing isn’t just a vanity thing but one of the only safe hair removal options for my upper legs with my autoimmune condition. Shaving can actually be very painful and cause issues with my skin, so I avoid it when I can. I know there are other options besides waxing (there is a chance that laser hair removal could partially be covered by insurance and I’m planning on asking about that soon), so I can wait a little longer before going back to waxing. I don’t love having to wait, but it’s easier on me to wait on that than it is for me to wait on getting my hair cut or colored.

Getting my hair done this past year has been interesting. I know I don’t need to get it cut or colored, but it’s really hard on me when it’s not colored and my gray hair seems out of control. At the beginning of the pandemic, I was coloring my hair at home. It wasn’t perfect, but it worked. And even though my hair was getting long and a bit scraggly, since I keep it away from my face at home it didn’t bother me too much. There have been times where I really didn’t pay attention to how long my hair got until it seemed almost out of control. But I would just put it back in a clip and not think about it more than that.

I have slowly started to get back to having my hair done more professionally. I’ve been back to a salon once when there weren’t many people around (and we were masked) and I went to my friend’s house to have her do my hair as well. I waited a bit longer than normal between those appointments, but that was partially due to feeling like it was a bit of a risk going even with all the precautions because I wasn’t vaccinated. But now that I’m vaccinated, it’s a little less stressful for me to think about getting my hair done with my friend at her house.

So last week, I got my hair done again. It was at her house again and we were masked, so it felt like we were keeping things as safe as we could. This time, it was a cut and color so I feel even more like myself. I didn’t do anything drastic even though I’m tempted to do so. I just wanted to have my hair look like me again. And that’s exactly what I got to do when I had my hair done. And not only did I have a boost in my mental health from having my hair done and feeling like myself, but I also got to have hangout time with a friend which is something else I don’t get to do that often!

I know that I’ve always appreciated having my hair done or doing any other self-care things I have done in the past. It’s a privilege having the time and money to do these things. And I live somewhere that makes it easy for me to find places to go for different appointments. But I appreciate any self-care thing I can do even more right now. It feels so special to have the chance to do them. I’m so grateful I have ways to go and still feel safe. And I’m grateful that I am working again so I have the money to spend on things like this.

I can’t wait until I can add my other self-care things back to my life again and I hope it will happen soon. But we don’t know when things will be better, so it’s just something I will have to wait and see. But I continue to feel like things are improving each day and that we are only getting closer to what feels like normal.

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Default ThumbnailWorking On Self-Care (or Continuing To Try To Fill My Day) Default ThumbnailSelf-Care Is So Important (or At-Home Beauty) Default ThumbnailDoing Some Skincare Basics (or Slowly Changing My Self-Care Routine) Default ThumbnailContinuing To Get Back To Me (I Needed My Hair Done!) Default ThumbnailFeeling A Bit More Like Me (or A Little Bit Of Pampering) Default ThumbnailBringing More Good Things To Me And Others (or Happiness and Self-Care)

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Self-Care Is So Important (or At-Home Beauty)

Posted on August 13, 2020 | Comments Off on Self-Care Is So Important (or At-Home Beauty)

For the last several months, I rarely leave my house. I know this is for the best and it’s what we all need to do in order to slow the spread of the pandemic. And I’ve complained a lot about staying home and the mental toll that has taken on me. But there are other things I’ve noticed about staying inside that have been getting to me. While I’m not going out and seeing people, I’m not really taking as much care or effort in my appearance.

I’m still doing basic things so it’s not like I have skipped washing my hair for weeks or that I’m not clean. I shower daily, wash my hair regularly, use lotion, and do basic beauty maintenance. And there are some beauty things that I can’t accomplish on my own or do not have the skills to do that I understand I can’t do (I have no talent with doing my own brows or pedicure so I’m not worried about that). I haven’t had my hair cut since March, but I might do a light dusting trim to get some of the split ends off (I have discussed this with a hairstylist so I know what to do and I won’t be really cutting my hair). And I did some at-home color earlier this year because I wanted to cover the grays in my hair.

I really needed to color my hair again, so I did color it at home (with salon color from my stylist) yesterday. It’s still not as good as when it’s professionally done, but it is better than nothing.

And even with the little bit of color that I was able to add to my hair, it made me feel so much better about myself. I haven’t really been making an effort with how I look, and it was getting to me. I hated seeing how many gray hairs were in my hair and how it just didn’t look or feel like me. So getting a bit of a color refresh was something that I really needed to do. I hope that I will be able to have it professionally done the next time I need it, but if not I know I won’t wait as long this time to buy some dye and I’ll do it myself for the third time.

Making an effort with my hair did perk me up a bit. And then I focused a bit on my clothes. Just like with other things, I’m not making much of an effort with my outfits each day. I’m almost always wearing yoga capris and a tank top. I don’t need anything else for just sitting in my house. Technically, I don’t have to even wear that much, but I don’t believe in wearing the same thing all day that you slept in. So I do always change my clothes in the morning. But I’m not feeling cute with what I’m wearing. My outfits feel very utilitarian and not stylish. Part of it is that I know I gained weight and don’t want to try on my clothes because I’m scared of how I’ll feel. But I do need to put more effort into myself.

Just because I’m spending almost all my time alone in my house doesn’t mean I shouldn’t care. I should care about how I feel about myself, even if nobody else sees it. I can dress cute if I want to or make an effort with makeup just for fun. Maybe I should take this time to experiment with makeup and hairstyles because nobody will see my mistakes. I can’t just be in a rut with not caring about myself beyond what needs to be done for hygiene. It’s hard for me to think about doing things for me when I usually make an effort for someone else or because I’m going out to do something fun. But because I don’t see this pandemic ending soon, I need to learn how to practice self-care just for me and not because someone else might be seeing me.

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Default ThumbnailDoing Some Beautification (or Feeling Better From The Outside In) Default ThumbnailDoing Some Skincare Basics (or Slowly Changing My Self-Care Routine) Default ThumbnailFinally It Feels Like Things Are Normal (or A Week Of Various Self-Care) Default ThumbnailTrying To Avoid Holiday Burnout (or Staying Home For Self-Care) Default ThumbnailCoconut Oil Hair Mask (or Trying A Simple DIY Beauty Trick) Default ThumbnailBringing More Good Things To Me And Others (or Happiness and Self-Care)

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Working On Self-Care (or Continuing To Try To Fill My Day)

Posted on April 30, 2020 | Comments Off on Working On Self-Care (or Continuing To Try To Fill My Day)

My days aren’t filled with too much right now. I have very little work. I do my workouts, but those only take about an hour (and I don’t spend extra time driving there and back or talking with friends). I do virtual movie hangouts with friends, but I don’t do those every day. There is only so much tv I can watch (although I am watching a ton of tv). And even reading can’t fill all of my day every day.

I remember not that long ago wishing I had a day where I didn’t have anything to do. Now, I would do anything to be overscheduled again. I’m not used to being bored the way that I am right now. And I know that boredom could potentially lead to some destructive behavior. So I’m trying to find ways to fill my time with things that are good for me.

I’ll be writing about some of the things I’ve been doing around my house next week because that is still a work-in-progress and I’m hoping to have a lot of it done before I share. House projects have been a majority of the good stuff I’ve been doing. But I’ve also been taking time to do good things for myself as well.

I have been a big advocate for self-care for a while. And I do have some regular self-care routines that I have been doing for years. But there are several things that I haven’t done for one reason or another. Often, I don’t have the time to do something. But now, I have nothing but time.

One of the more basic things I’ve been doing for my self-care is what I’ve been doing for my hair. Or I guess it’s more about what I haven’t been doing. Unless I need to look good for some reason (like a self-tape audition), I am not using any heat tools on my hair. I usually don’t let my hair air dry because it is a weird curly texture that isn’t very uniform. And my hair sometimes takes a long time to dry and if I shower before I work I don’t want to work with wet hair. But now, I usually have nothing I have to do after I wash my hair, so I can sit around with wet hair with no issues. This is letting my hair take a bit of a break from the damage that heat tools can cause. I don’t know if my hair will look any better after not doing it, but I know that it’s not adding any damage.

I also have been taking this time to learn how to do my makeup better. I’ve never been great at makeup, but now I can practice without the fear of someone seeing it. So far, it’s mainly been learning how to do eyeliner (which is something I never could do) and it’s been going ok. I will be practicing looks and trying to perfect things so that when things start coming back that I will have a great look that I know I can do!

But the self-care thing I’ve been most excited about was something I did for my feet. My feet aren’t that great. I wish I could get pedicures more often so that they would look better. And now, I have no clue when pedicures will be an option again. I had heard about the Baby Foot foot peel before, but everyone said that you need to do it when you know that nobody will be seeing your feet for about 2 weeks. I never knew when I could do it before, but now is the perfect time to do it!

I asked friends who have used it for any advice that they had. The main thing they said was to soak your feet before using it and doing daily foot soaks starting the day after using it. Your feet start to peel after a few days, and it doesn’t really hurt.

The day I used the peel, I got everything set up in my room before starting. I knew that once I used it, I was going to be stuck for about an hour. My hips were getting a bit uncomfortable, but nothing was causing pain in my feet. And for the few days after doing it, I soaked my feet in a basin for at least 15 minutes.

I was worried that it wasn’t working on me because I didn’t see anything happening. But yesterday, that all changed. I won’t share photos because my feet look like a zombie or a snake shedding its skin (if you really want to see examples, there are plenty online). But it’s definitely working! And I’m really glad that I did this when I’m not going to be out in public. The peeling should be done in a week or so, and I can’t wait to see how good my feet look by then!

With so much time to kill every day, adding new self-care practices will probably continue to be something I do. I can use this time to be a bit selfish if I want. And these don’t have to be things that I keep doing. They can be one-offs like the foot peel. But at least the time is being used for something good.

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Almost Deja Vu (or Not My Usual Hair Appointment)

Posted on March 4, 2020 | Comments Off on Almost Deja Vu (or Not My Usual Hair Appointment)

I’m not someone who changes things that often. If I have something in my life that is good or works, I continue doing that. I don’t fear change most of the time, but I also don’t like to change things up if I don’t have a reason that I need to. With my hair, I have a mix of changing things up and keeping them the same. I have changed my hair cut and color over the years, but for almost 14 years I have had the same person doing my hair.

My friend Erin started doing my hair in 2006. I went to a salon that a friend recommended to me and Erin was the stylist that I randomly was booked with. I followed her to another salon when she switched and when she started working from her home, I started going to her house for my hair. We were strangers when I started going to her, but we quickly have become friends and I love that she does such an amazing job with my hair.

I was trying to find a time for her to do my hair at the end of last month and she thought she would be able to fit me in. Sadly, there was a family emergency and she had to let me know that she wouldn’t be able to find a time for me to come over. I completely understand that she wasn’t something that she thought would happen and I told her that she should focus on her family and we would chat again soon about hair. I wasn’t going to bother her when she was dealing with something, but I did want to get my hair done since it had been a bit too long since the last time it was cut or colored.

In a weird coincidence, I have another friend that is also named Erin who does hair. We met at Orangetheory and I have known for a while that she was a hairstylist. We’ve chatted before and after our workouts about our work and for some reason, I never knew the name of the salon she worked at until recently. And I almost did a double-take when she told me where she worked. She works at the salon that I went to when I moved to LA in 2001. It was close to my college and they offered all students a really good discount. I went to that salon from the time I moved to LA until I saw not-Orangetheory Erin at the first salon we met at. I don’t remember the reason why I stopped going to that salon, but I think that maybe the stylist I was seeing wasn’t there anymore.

I asked Orangetheory Erin (I guess I will have to use nicknames like this to keep them straight in this story) if she could fit me in for hair, and she was able to do so this past Sunday. The salon is in a different location now, but it’s still the same salon as the one I started going to when I was 18. It was such a weird realization about how full circle this moment felt.

I didn’t think about taking before and after pictures of my hair, so I don’t have any to share (sorry!). But I’m so grateful that Orangetheory Erin was able to fit me into her schedule with little notice so I didn’t have to wait a while to get my hair refreshed. Because I have such dark hair, the gray hairs that I have are really obvious. I’m lucky that there aren’t too many, but there are enough to bother me and I was using some cover-up stuff to hide them. I just wanted my hair dyed so I didn’t have to worry about it because I have a few things coming up that I want my hair to look nice for.

The salon didn’t look the same as it did at the old location, but there were still a few things there that for some reason gave me feelings of deja vu. I don’t know why the setup of some of the stations made me feel that way, but I also realized that it had been a long time since I was at a regular salon. I am just so used to going to a house for my hair and that’s what my normal is. So I guess going to a salon felt so weird to me that I was connecting it to an old memory of being at one. And I was trying to connect that to when I was at that same salon at the old location.

It was definitely different going to a different place and having a different person do my hair, but I’m so grateful that I have a friend that can be a backup for doing my hair when I need it!

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Thinking Of Changing Up My Monthly Challenge (or I Guess This Would Be A First)

Posted on January 9, 2020 | Comments Off on Thinking Of Changing Up My Monthly Challenge (or I Guess This Would Be A First)

I’m only 9 days into the month, but I’m already rethinking the monthly challenge that I set for January. I said that I wanted to have all my reading this month be self-help or self-improvement books. This challenge was something I chose because I realized I was behind in my more serious reading because I was enjoying my fun reading too much. I have gotten books that I know I need to read because they will teach me something I need to know but I just kept putting it off. I didn’t want to have that excuse anymore and I wanted to get through my book list. I knew I probably had enough to read for the month, but I also thought maybe this challenge would help me find more self-help books that I should read.

I really thought this would be a great challenge for me. I knew it might not be easy because I do like to have some fluff reading in my life, but the idea of a challenge is to push myself. And I thought this would be a good push and that I would be able to do it.

But 9 days later, I’m thinking that this might not have been the best challenge for me.

Reading has always been one of the ways I relax and escape. I love getting lost in a good book and getting sucked into a story. It’s something I do every night when I’m getting ready to go to bed. And even though I can read something serious or intense when winding down for the night, it’s not the only thing I want to read. I need to have some of that entertainment and escape from time to time. Sometimes I have a stressful day and all I want to do before going to sleep is to have something easy to read that will calm me down a bit.

And I have had some of those stressful days the past few days. It’s nothing horrible, but I haven’t been calm and relaxed when I was trying to sleep. And I continued to read the self-help book that I started this month as my bedtime reading, but it just was starting to stress me out a bit more. The book isn’t about anything crazy, but it is something that is making me think a lot and that keeps me up later when I already can’t quiet my mind about everything I dealt with during the day. I pushed through when I could, but on Tuesday night I had a bit a breakdown and realized I just needed to switch up my books and read some fluff.

And honestly, reading that fluff that night was exactly what I needed to do. I was able to be a lot calmer as I fell asleep and I slept a lot better that night. I know that things haven’t been completely normal for me lately, but I still felt so guilty that I had already failed my monthly challenge. I hate knowing that I won’t be able to be successful in what I set out to do.

And I let that feeling sit with me for a day before I realized that I didn’t have to make this challenge a fail. I could change what the challenge would be. There’s nothing that says I can’t change the challenge if I realize that this isn’t going to work for me. And this might be a good opportunity to change it to fit what I need the challenge to be. I’m still playing around with what I would want the new version of the challenge to be, but I’m thinking about making a list of the top 3 or 4 self-help books that I want to read this month and making the challenge completing the list. I’m not sure that’s what I want the new challenge to be, but it gives me a starting point for reworking it.

I’m glad that I was able to change my mindset and not think of this as a failure of my monthly challenge but an opportunity to find a better way to challenge myself. But it still bugs me a bit that I wanted to push myself to do something that I knew would be hard and I wasn’t able to do it. I know I’m very competitive with myself and that’s probably something I need to work on. But I can’t help thinking that I can accomplish any goals that are within my control. But I guess it’s a sign of growth that even though I have those feelings that I was still able to reframe it and make the situation a bit more positive.

I’m going to take the rest of this week to figure out what my new version of the monthly challenge will be, but I probably won’t be posting about it again until I do my challenge recap. I don’t think I will need to change it more than once, but I also want to give myself permission to do that if I need to.

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First Monthly Challenge Of The Year (or Setting Up For The Year And Self-Improvement)

Posted on January 3, 2020 | Comments Off on First Monthly Challenge Of The Year (or Setting Up For The Year And Self-Improvement)

As I have done for several years, I am using a Volt Planner to work on my goal setting for the year. And that includes the monthly challenges that I’ve been doing every year I’ve had the planner. When I started using it, I think I was a bit more successful with the monthly challenges. Maybe I was doing easier challenges or maybe it was the novelty of it. But in the past year or so, I haven’t been completing them as much as I used to. I don’t know what I can do to change that, but I’m going to try hard to pick challenges that push me but are doable.

And my challenge for December was one that I was able to be successful with. I wanted to spend my month getting prepared for this year. A lot of that meant getting organized because I know a cluttered space makes things more chaotic for me. I did get a lot of organizing done with different spaces in my house. It’s not a completed project, but it’s significantly better than it was before. I also wanted to be in a better mental place for the new year and I feel like I was finally able to release some negative feelings and people from my life. I didn’t do anything special to do that, but I did make a focus on why I was dealing with those feelings and somehow they faded away. Maybe I just needed to acknowledge them and that allowed my brain to know they were there and I didn’t have to think about it more. I still have a few things that bring me down that I want to let go, but just like my organizing, it is a work in progress. But the most important thing is that I got started on the right path and I know it will be better for me.

Going along with the idea of being ready for the year and in a better mental place, my January challenge will be another one that hopefully will put me in a better space. My challenge for this month is to only read self-help and self-improvement books. I usually do a mix of self-help/improvement books with fiction or fluff books. Lately, I’ve been neglecting the non-fiction books and I’ve just been reading things that make me happy or are an escape. But I want to get back into the habit of changing up what I read and I want to catch up on books that I’ve been putting off.

I have several books on my Kindle that are self-help/improvement ones that I bought when they were super cheap and told myself that I would read them soon. So I already have lots of books to choose from. I don’t know if I have enough to read to get through the entire month, but if I need more I know I can get some e-books from the library. I have been putting some books on my wishlist that would be good options. I usually buy these books instead of getting them from the library because I like to take my time reading them. But I think that reasoning isn’t the best one. I can always get something from the library to make sure I like it and then if I want more time with it I can buy it. My book purchasing habit is significantly less than it was before, but I do want to find more ways to save and this is one way. Fortunately, I’m pretty sure all the books I bought are ones that I will like so I’m not too worried that I wasted money.

Since I read every day, I know I’ll get a lot of reading done this month. And since I will only be reading books that fit into this challenge, I feel very good that I can be successful at it. I will need to resist the temptation to read something silly as a break, but maybe I can find a self-help/improvement book that isn’t as serious or intense to read if I need that mental break. But challenging myself to not go easy on me is a part of this challenge that I want to try to do. I know that I can try to do something hard but I want to prove that I can complete what I set out to do. And hopefully, that will give me the boost I need to keep pushing through future challenges if they seem too hard to do.

I’m excited to work through this challenge this month. Not just for proving to myself that I can do it, but also to see what I will learn from what I read. I know that I will learn something from every book I read even if it’s not exactly the perfect book for me or my situation. And those things I learn can only benefit me in my life.

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Default ThumbnailAnother Monthly Challenge Down (or July and August Challenges) Default ThumbnailAdjusting Monthly Challenges (or Books And Happiness) Default ThumbnailNot Perfect This Month (or Challenged With The Monthly Challenge) Default ThumbnailMonthly Challenge Update Time (or One More For 2017) Default ThumbnailDecember Monthly Challenge (or Wrapping Up For The Year) Default ThumbnailAlmost Through A Year Of Monthly Challenges (or Picking A Good Challenge For November)

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I Needed A Week Long Nap (or Dealing With Exhaustion)

Posted on October 22, 2019 | Comments Off on I Needed A Week Long Nap (or Dealing With Exhaustion)

Last week was not a very exciting week for me. After everything that happened, I was exhausted. Physically exhausted, mentally exhausted, and emotionally exhausted. If I had just had the convention, I probably would have been exhausted for the week. Having that plus my grandma passing away brought my exhaustion to a new level.

I have realized that I didn’t really give myself time to grieve much in the days after my grandma passing away. I had to stay focused on the work I was doing at the convention and that’s what she would have wanted me to do. I was grateful for the distraction, but that also meant that things finally started to hit me more last week when I had the time to think about them. I had a big breakdown on the day she passed away, but after that, I had mini-breakdowns each day. I have been able to get myself together after a few minutes, and it gets easier each day. I’m worried that it will hit me so much more at Thanksgiving, but there’s nothing I can do in advance to help make that easier.

Crying and grieving is tiring. And being exhausted from lack of sleep didn’t help that feeling. So last week, I really just spent the week doing what I had to do and not much else. I worked and went to my workouts, but I didn’t do much beyond that. The week was a bit of a blur for me, but I honestly don’t think I left my house much last week. I went to the grocery store and ran errands, but I didn’t do anything social. And being home was probably the best thing for me because I could rest when I needed to.

And I also needed to focus on a lot of housework. The days I was working at the convention were packed and I wasn’t home much at all. When I got home, I would put my stuff down, make sure my bag was packed for the next day and go to bed. I had piles of things around my house that I put down and knew I would deal with later. And last week was the later time I had to worry about it. Fortunately, a lot of the things I had around my house was stuff that I didn’t need or had a very obvious storage place. But there are a few things that I still need to figure out if I will keep them and if I do where they will go. And besides organizing, I had the normal cleaning stuff I had to do. I hated how dirty my house felt because I hadn’t cleaned in a few days. I finally have it back to how I like it and it feels much better.

While I don’t love that I basically took a week to recover from a crazy few days, it’s exactly what I needed to do. If I hadn’t taken that time, I think I would still be dragging on a bit right now. I would have pushed myself to do more and I would still be exhausted. I’m still grieving a bit and dealing with the emotional exhaustion, but it’s much easier to deal with when I’m not physically exhausted. And I am dealing with a lot of pain and nausea right now which I think would have been much harder to deal with if I was tired. I still am taking naps occasionally, but this is normal for me when I’m feeling nauseous.

And at least I’ve got some fun things planned for this week and I’m feeling much more up to them than I would have last week. I’ve got some Halloween parties to go to and a Halloween costume to make. I haven’t started the work on my costume, but I have the idea and hopefully, it will be easy to make once I have the supplies. And since Halloween is one of my favorite holidays I think that will boost my spirits even more.

And even though I am not fully back to my normal self, I’m glad I’m much closer than I was last week. I am still being gentle with myself and making sure I don’t overschedule things, but I also know that if I don’t start doing things again that it will also affect me. I just have to slowly add things back in and not be worried to cancel them if I need to.

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Refocusing And Getting Back To Me (or Doing A Bit Of The Same This Month)

Posted on October 2, 2019 | Comments Off on Refocusing And Getting Back To Me (or Doing A Bit Of The Same This Month)

Last month, my monthly challenge was to reset myself. I had been dealing with so much in my life over the summer and I really needed to get back to me. I felt like I was not in the best mental space and I was feeling the effects physically too. I knew I needed to get back to myself and figure out how to make it work again.

I did my best with the challenge. Where I had the most success was getting my sleep back on track. There were still some nights where I was up too late or didn’t get a lot of sleep (like the night before my Dri-Tri), but in general, I was doing much better last month with my sleep. I was getting to bed closer to the time that I knew I needed to and I wasn’t as tired when I woke up. I know I should feel lucky that my sleep issues didn’t include oversleeping, but when I was staying up late and had the chance to sleep in, it would have been nice if I could do that. But I guess it was better that I only had to work on my bedtime when I was working on myself.

I didn’t make as much progress in working on my food or self-care practices. Food is always going to be a struggle for me, I know that. But I wanted to do a little better and be a bit more structured. I think the structure is improving and I am not having extreme hunger issues, but the quality of what I’m eating needs to be worked on (like it always does). And my self-care did improve a bit with making time for myself. But I always wanted to work on self-care practices for my skin and appearance. That is still not back to my normal routine yet, but I have worked on some of it and I’m slowly getting back to what I know makes my skin look better and makes me happy.

After spending last month working on refocusing and getting back to my normal self, I realized that there are other places I need to refocus in my life as well. And the biggest one is my acting career. Lately, it has felt like I have been doing so much for my career because of all my work with the election. But that doesn’t help my career directly. I still work on self-submitting every day and networking when I can, but there is more that I can do and I haven’t been doing it.

Some of the things I should be doing are things I can’t do because of money issues. I’d love to be in an on-going acting class and I haven’t found one that fits what I’m looking for and my budget. But I want to keep looking to see if I can find the perfect class for me. And I know I need new headshots, but those aren’t cheap (or if you do them cheaply, they don’t usually look good). But I have been saving for those and I am going to try to find a way to get them done soon.

So this month, I want to work on refocusing myself on my acting career. I want to make some good steps forward with things that I can control. I have a lot working in my favor, and I just need to make the effort to take advantage of them. But I don’t always know what the path is to do that and I can work on figuring that out without spending money. I don’t have any specifics on what I want to do this month (I know, another abstract challenge), but I have some ideas of things I can do or focus on. And while I doubt I will see results with auditions or bookings within the month, doing these things are going to be setting me up for those in the future.

It’s so easy to call yourself an actor because you don’t have to prove that you are doing anything. I know that I’m not just claiming to be an actor, but I also know there is so much more I can do for my career while I am not fully living as an actor. And this month, I want to add more of those things into my life and see where it takes me. I can only benefit from doing this, so it will be worth challenging myself and seeing what’s possible.

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Working On Self-Care and Taking Time For Myself (or Trying Not To Think Of It As Letting Others Down)

Posted on July 17, 2019 | 1 comment

This past Sunday was going to be a very crazy day for me. I knew I had probably too much scheduled, but I had figured out a way to accomplish everything I had to do and wanted to do. I knew it would be hard to do it, but I was determined to make it to everything so I wouldn’t have any regrets that I missed something I had been looking forward to.

I was optimistic that it would be fine to get everything into my schedule and it was crazy how much I prepared. I looked at the locations for everything and planned what would make the most sense with driving to and from everything to make it everywhere on time even if for some of the things I would have to leave early. I even did prep on Saturday with some of the chores I normally do on Sundays to make sure I had that time free and ready for everything else. I went to bed on Saturday night believing that I was going to pull it off and make it everywhere.

Sunday morning did not go as smoothly as I had hoped. And with a few of the things on my schedule being things I had to go to, I had to start dropping some of the things that I wanted to go to. One of those things was a friend’s birthday party. I had already told her that I was going to try my best to make it but that my day was packed. But I still felt guilty when I told her that I wasn’t going to make it because of other things in my day.

I had a union-related event that I had to go to and I am very glad I was there. It was important for me to be there so I could get some information that I needed plus I was able to provide answers to others. And even though I would have enjoyed my friend’s party, I know having the energy and focus at the union event was more important for me to have.

I also had something after that event that I had to get to, but that will be in tomorrow’s post. Driving to and from things was a bit stressful with traffic and I was worried I was going to be late or miss things. I tried to not stress out about things I couldn’t control. Fortunately, even with all the traffic issues I had, I made it to the things I was able to go to on time.

I know that saying no to events is a part of self-care and it’s a thing I struggle with. I never want to feel like I’m letting someone down or disappointing them if they had thought I was going to make it. But I’m also trying to be better about explaining what my time commitments are like right now so my last-minute changes are not as random. With union election work taking up so much of my time, I’m grateful I’m down one job. I do need the money, but I don’t have the time or the energy right now for anything else on my plate. I know this is a temporary thing and my schedule will be back to normal soon, but I did tell people in my life what is going on so they understand why I’m not always making it to things when I used to always make it. I think explaining it ahead of time does help, but my guilt is still the same and I’m working on that.

With my schedule this past Sunday, when I didn’t make it to things it was because I had other things I had to make it to. But I also need to work on turning down things just so I have time to myself. I am noticing some signs of burnout in my life right now and I don’t want to get to the point where I am emotionally and physically exhausted and need a lot of time to recovery. I need to take the little breaks over time to keep myself in balance. And I know taking those breaks will allow me to be there for other people more than if I burn out and need that long break. I just need to keep reminding myself about that when I have that guilty feeling.

I know I will get through this crazy time and I will keep reminding myself that taking time for myself isn’t necessarily selfish. And even if it is, it is ok to be selfish from time to time when it is not harming others. I think this is something that is a common struggle, but it doesn’t make it easier for me to deal with it. I just have to keep working on it and hopefully, it will become more natural for me to do it one day.

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