Tag Archives: normal

Feeling More Back To Normal (or A Good Week Of Hell Week Prep)

After having weird workout weeks the past few weeks, I’m happy that this past week was almost back to normal for me. I’m finally feeling almost better from this cold that I’ve had for a few weeks and I was able to push myself more in my workouts. It wasn’t always back to what I know I can do, but it was much more normal. And that’s good because this week is going to be a crazy workout week (but more on that in next week’s post).

Monday’s workout was a power workout. Normally I would work on my running, but I wasn’t feeling ready to get back to running that day. But I was finally back at my normal treadmill speed for power walking. It still felt a bit fast to be back at that speed, but it was something I could do for the shorter segments that we had on the treadmill. Everything on the treadmill was a push pace to an all out pace and the longest segment was 2 minutes total. All of the all out paces were 30 seconds long and the push paces varied. While I wished I had been able to run, I was just so happy to be back at my normal treadmill speed.

The floor work was 2 blocks. The first block was push ups, chest presses, and single arm snatches. And the second block was pull ups on the straps, skaters, plank work, and crunches. Most of the floor work was uneventful for me (which was actually a good thing because it meant I was back to normal), but my skaters were significantly better than they ever have been. I had much better balance than I could remember and I was able to jump to the side further. I have no idea how that got better, but it was pretty exciting. And on the rower we had 2 blocks. The first block was decreasing rows with squats between each round and the second block was increasing rows with lunges between each round.

Wednesday was the workout that made me feel the most like myself this past week. It was an endurance run/row day and the run/row started with a 1 mile run. I know that I’ve run for a mile without stopping before, but I hadn’t really done any running for a few weeks so I didn’t want to push it that much. But I still wanted to push myself so I decided to go for longer intervals that I normally do. I did 3 minutes of running and then 1 minute of walking. Sometimes the 3 minutes were tough to get through, but I just tried to zone out and not think about it too much. I increased the speed for the last minute because I really wanted to see how fast I could get the mile done in. I had a goal originally of just being under 14 minutes, but I ended up beating that by quite a bit.

It wasn’t my best mile time, but it was one of the better ones I’ve had. After the mile run, I went to the rower for a 400 meter row. Then I was back on the treadmill where I was going to do the rest of the run segments as a power walk. I was only partially through that run segment when time was called to switch to the floor. I know that I would have gotten further through the run/row if I had power walked the first segment (it would have only been .5 miles instead of a full mile), but knowing that I was able to run like that again was worth the limited run/row work I did.

The floor was 3 blocks that all had a focus on shoulder work. That was nice after my legs were feeling pretty tired from the run/row. The first block was front raises, triceps, and biceps on the straps. The second block was ground to press with weights, plank leg raises, and tricep work on the straps. And the last block was strap Ys, strap roll outs, and crunches.

Friday was a power day, but it felt like an endurance day to me. So I didn’t do any running on the treadmill even though I probably could have done some. The treadmill work had 3 blocks. The first block and second block were similar with a 3 minute push pace to an all out pace plus a stand alone all out pace. Because it was a longer push to all out pace, I knew walking would be the best option for me. But again I was back to my normal treadmill speed and inclines so I was happy with that compared to the slow treadmill work I had been doing the week before. The last block on the treadmill was all shorter push to all out paces and I probably should have tried to run those. Something was holding me back, but I think it was just a mental block.

On the floor, we had a mix of floor work and rowing. The first block was on the floor and had goblet squats and single arm swings. Most of the time I will do both of those moves with a 20lb weight, but this time I pushed myself and used a 25lb weight. The second block was on the rowers where we had 200 meter rows with squats using the medicine ball in between each row. The goal was to get faster each time we rowed, and I managed to take about a second off each time I did a 200 meter row. And the last block was strap rows, squats, and plank work. While I left that workout regretting not working on my running, using heavier weights made up for that in my mind.

And I made it to my Saturday workout so I was back to my 4 workout week! This workout was a mix of endurance, strength, and power. I started on the treadmill where we had 2 blocks. The first block had a 3 minute push pace, a 90 second push pace, and a 30 second all out pace. I ended up walking all of these because I was feeling a bit off when I started the workout. Fortunately, by the second treadmill block I was feeling more like myself because it ended up a good block to do some running. For that block we had a 30 second all out pace and after we did that we did frogger squats. After the squats, we went back to the treadmill for another 30 second all out pace but we increased the incline by 1%. In that block, I was able to run a 30 second all out pace at 1%, 2%, 3%, and 4%. I rarely run on inclines but 30 seconds is short enough to feel ok doing it.

After the treadmill, my group moved to the floor. On the floor we started with strap work, lunges with uppercuts using weights, and ab work. And on the next block we had chest presses, triceps, and walk outs to plank jacks. The floor work was a bit tough for me, but I used heavier weights than normal for my chest press and triceps so that might have been making things difficult. And finally I was on the rower where we had decreasing rows with squats between each round and timed rows at the end.

I’m glad that I got back to my 4 workout week. I needed this sense of normalcy back in my life. And it’s still crazy to me to think that having a good workout schedule gives me a sense of normalcy. This week and the beginning of next week will be Hell Week and I’m as ready as I can be for it! But it’s not only Hell Week, this week will be my first attempt at a 5 workout week and next week I will be hitting a milestone workout. But that will all be shared soon.

Feeling Normal Again (or Happy To Be Back In Control)

My last few posts have been about getting back to my usual self. While I haven’t been writing about that too much, I think this is something that I’ve been struggling with for a while. It’s easiest to say that I’ve been struggling since I found out about the tumors because it seems like I’m splitting my life into before tumors and after tumors.

As soon as I knew about the tumors, my life got crazy. There was the scheduling of tests and planning for surgery, but that wasn’t what really got to me as much. It was the disconnect I felt with my body and life because I couldn’t understand how I could have massive tumors and not know about them. I felt out of control and not in charge of my own body and life. It’s such an odd feeling and I wasn’t able to express myself properly.

Control is a weird thing for me. Eating disorders are usually all about control. I question if mine is a control thing since I’ve likely had my eating disorder since I was a kid, but maybe it has a little to do with that. I control what I eat, how much I eat, and when I eat. While I do feel like I’m in a trace while I’m having a binge episode, maybe there is an element of control in that. So to feel out of control isn’t the best thing for my eating disorder.

And when I found out the surgery was cancelled, my first feeling wasn’t one of relief but one of feeling out of control even more. Now, not only did I have tumors and not know about them but they were able to shrink and there’s no way to know why and I can’t control the shrinking. Also, I didn’t know my tumors were shrinking so I was not able to control anything about that.

I really do feel like my soul and body have healed a lot in the past few days. I don’t know what triggered it, but getting back to my regular life is probably a lot of it. I’m a creature of habit and routine and being able to get back into my routine from pre-tumor time is nice. I haven’t had that since October (when we found out there was something wrong with me) and now that I’ve had a few days in my old routine it’s been very reassuring for me. There are still tumor related things in my life (no birth control pill, needing more medical tests, the possibility of surgery in the future), but this is the closest I’ve been to my old routine in a long time.

I’ve been having such a feeling of calm while doing things that I’m used to doing. Being back to a normal work schedule (and not having to work extra hours to bank them for time off) is so nice. I have free time 2 work mornings a week so I can do errands or just take my time getting ready for the day. I’m adding fun things back into my calendar and not stressing about how I’m spending my time after work (before, I was worried if I should be doing something to prepare for surgery instead of having fun). I’m able to get back to auditioning when opportunities come up and not worry about when the shoot dates are. And I can put the idea of my tumors in the back of my mind when I can.

I’m sure that the tumors are going to be something I worry about the rest of my life. Even if at my next MRI they appear to be completely gone, I will still be at risk for them to come back with any hormonal changes I will have in my life (pregnancy and menopause are the two biggest ones I’ll have to worry about). And if I am pregnant in the future, I will have to be monitored a bit more than most women. But I’m lucky that I have an awesome OB/GYN who has been doing so much research on the tumors and how to take care of patients with them. So I think I’m going to be fine as long as I have her as my doctor.

It’s weird how nice it is to feel like I have control again in my life, but I’m glad that I figured out what was making me feel off and how I could fix it. I’ve been wanting to feel normal again for so long and I guess it just took some self-discovery to figure out what it would take to make that happen.