Tag Archives: miracle

Forgetting A Medical Miracle Anniversary (or It’s Nice That This Isn’t Something I Think About)

Posted on April 27, 2023 | Comments Off on Forgetting A Medical Miracle Anniversary (or It’s Nice That This Isn’t Something I Think About)

I completely forgot to celebrate the anniversary of my not needing to have liver surgery! I’m usually pretty good about remembering dates and anniversaries, even the weird ones, and somehow this one just slipped my mind. I know it’s not something that I have to remember every year, and with my liver, there are a few different dates that are milestones. But I usually seem to remember to celebrate mid-April when I found out the tumors were shrinking and when I was supposed to have surgery but didn’t need it. I don’t always celebrate on the same date, but April 20th is when the surgery was supposed to be so that date usually sticks in my head.

I’m not too upset that I forgot to celebrate this. I do like to celebrate how awesome it is that this all worked out this way for me, but it’s also nice that it’s not something that dominates my mind anymore. From when I found out about the tumors until the surgery was canceled, this really was a huge focus of my life. I tried to not always think about it, but it’s hard not to when you are preparing for a major surgery and staying in the hospital for an unknown amount of time. Even just planning things out with my parents and where I’d be recovering took a lot of time and organization. And after we found out the tumors were shrinking, I still thought about the tumors a lot because I was always worried that my next scan would show that they grew or something else was wrong.

When I had my last liver MRI, which was exactly 5 years to the day since the first one, the tumors didn’t show any growth or change and my liver surgeon agreed that I no longer need to be monitored. I will always probably have at least one of the tumors (only one is visible but the other two might still be there but too small to be seen), but they are no longer a health risk for me. And since I don’t have to be monitored, I’m not really thinking about it anymore. I don’t have to be scared that something will happen because of how big the tumors are or the various risks that I was warned about when they were found.

This is different from how things are with my hip. I’m frequently reminded of the pain and the fact that I still need surgeries in the future. I can’t ignore that this is still an ongoing health issue for me. I guess the tumors can be considered an ongoing health issue as well, but it’s not something I have to confront on a regular basis. I’m not ignoring the fact that I have them, so I’m still not really drinking since that can stress my liver and I won’t go back on hormonal birth control since that would likely make the tumors grow again. There are a few things in my future that might require me to be monitored again, but they aren’t things that I need to worry about or that would happen unexpectedly.

And the more I’m removed from thinking that I need to have surgery, the more likely it will be that I forgot to remember about it. I’ve had so many random health things I’ve had to deal with over the years, and it’s not a bad thing to not always remember all of them. And yes, celebrating something awesome like not needing surgery is good. But not having to spend time thinking about a stressful time in my life is probably better.

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5 Year Anniversary Of Being A Medical Miracle (or Somehow This Feels Like The Last Big Milestone)

Posted on April 20, 2022 | Comments Off on 5 Year Anniversary Of Being A Medical Miracle (or Somehow This Feels Like The Last Big Milestone)

5 years ago today, I was supposed to have my liver surgery. Because I seem to be a medical miracle and my tumors shrank, the surgery was pushed off. I think originally we thought that we would see what size they would stabilize at and then plan for the surgery. Obviously, the smaller the tumors are, the easier the surgery would be. And because of how my tumors are stuck in my liver, the smaller the tumors would be when I had surgery, the more of my liver I could keep. I know livers are weird and can regenerate, but it’s always better to not have to regenerate as much. Originally, I think we were thinking that I would lose 20-30% of my liver in the surgery. But if the tumors shrank and I only had to lose 10%, that would be a much easier recovery for me.

Even with how much the tumors shrank within the first 6 months, I never expected that the surgery would be completely put off. But every time I went in for my MRIs, the tumors seemed to get smaller and smaller. And at one of my last in-person appointments with my liver surgeon, we discussed that my situation was now where they wouldn’t recommend surgery for me. The tumors were small enough that they were no longer as life-threatening (although there are still things that could happen that would be more dangerous for me than for others because of them). And the placement of the tumors would actually be harder to remove than when they were at the biggest size. It would be more of an issue to remove them than to leave them there. So the plan was that I would do one more MRI and as long as they didn’t grow I wouldn’t have to worry about them anymore.

My last MRI got pushed off by a year because of the pandemic. But it worked out just fine because at my last appointment my surgeon said I could do the next MRI in 1 year or 2, so I was still following the recommendations he gave to me. And as I wrote in my post after the MRI, the tumors were the same size they were 2 years prior. Of the 3 tumors I had originally, only 1 could be seen and it was 10% of the original size. I didn’t even have an in-person follow-up with my surgeon after the results. He let me know the tumors were stable and that I no longer needed to be monitored.

My last MRI was 5 years to the day from my first MRI, and that made the 5-year mark feel extra special. And since today marks 5 years since I didn’t need surgery, it somehow feels like the end too. I won’t have future MRIs to check on things (unless things take a drastic turn) so I won’t be celebrating the tumors shrinking or being stable. And I know I can continue to celebrate each year that passes after I didn’t have to have surgery, but there’s something about knowing I had the last MRI that makes this non-surgery anniversary feel like it’s the last one too. Then again, I still celebrate how many years have passed since my hip surgery, so there’s a good chance I’ll continue to celebrate this too.

And maybe this feels a bit like the end because I’m moving away from the place I was living the entire time I dealt with the tumor saga. I had a similar feeling when I moved away from the apartment I lived in during the time I had my hip surgery, but it wasn’t as strong. But my hip issues continue to this day versus the tumors which really don’t have to be something I think about all the time.

Whether or not I continue to celebrate this medical miracle anniversary, I love knowing that I’m 5 years past the date that I was supposed to have major surgery. And while for a few years after it was a little stressful not having the surgery and still being worried about the tumors, I’m still grateful I didn’t have to go through that and I have been told by my surgeon that I can move on and not think about this anymore.

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Medical Miracle Anniversary (or A Year Of My Liver Being A Badass)

Posted on April 20, 2018 | 1 comment

1 year ago today I was supposed to have my liver surgery to remove my tumors and about 30% of my liver. And as you know if you’ve followed my blog for a while, that surgery didn’t happen. Even though the research shows that the type of tumors I have don’t typically shrink on their own, somehow mine did. The tumors were caused by hormonal birth control and I guess going off of it made the tumors smaller. I’ve done some research on my own and it seems like even though this situation is still very rare, it is a bit more common than we previously thought.

For my hip surgery, it’s easy to know what the anniversary is because it happened on a certain date. For this medical situation, it was a bit tougher to pick what my anniversary date would be. There was the date when my OB/GYN called me to tell me my MRI results were in and the tumors shrank. At that time I only knew the tumors shrank and that it was almost unheard of that happening. She didn’t know what was the next step and I assumed I might still be having surgery. Then there was the phone call I had with my liver surgeon that happened 2 days before I was supposed to go in for my pre-op appointment. That was when my surgery was officially cancelled and I knew that I was a medical miracle.

But to me, I think I want to consider my non-surgery date as my medical miracle anniversary since it is the anniversary of my surgery not happening. It’s also an easier date to remember because I have to look back at a calendar to figure out what dates I got the phone calls from the doctors. And the surgery date was ingrained in my head while I prepped for it so it will be hard for me to forget it. So that mean today marks my 1 year anniversary of being a medical miracle.

It’s weird to think that 1 year ago I would have either still been in surgery or in a recovery room recovering from a major surgery. While I was looking forward to the surgery because I knew that I needed it, I’m much happier that I didn’t have to deal with a very long recovery from a major surgery. While I’ve had a few surgeries in my life, this would have been the biggest one and the first time I would have been in the hospital overnight (I would have been there for multiple days and nights to recover before going home).

When my surgery was initially cancelled, I did have a bit of a struggle because it felt like something in my life was unfinished. I also felt a bit out of control and disconnected because I had no sense that this was happening with my body (both the tumors existing and the tumors shrinking). It took a while for that feeling to go away, but now I’m just so grateful that I was lucky enough to not need a major surgery. As much as I prepared for that recovery, I know that there really isn’t a way to prepare and I was worried about how painful it might be and what my body may not be able to do for a while. I’m glad I didn’t have to have those worries but instead just got to enjoy a long visit with my parents instead of being in the hospital.

Since my medical miracle, there has been very little I’ve had to do with my liver. I am still limiting my drinking since I know alcohol can stress my liver (and I doubt stress is good for it). I’m taking some supplements for liver health because I figured it can’t hurt to do that and it’s not expensive to take them. And while I don’t have to worry about the tumor breaking off and causing me to bleed internally as much as I did before, I’m continuing to be cautious of not bumping my stomach into anything and avoiding any trauma I can to my abdomen.

I had an MRI 6 months after the miracle because my surgeon had no idea what really would happen with the tumors. The hope was that they would continue to shrink, but there was the possibility that they would either stay the same or grow and that would have led to me needing surgery. Fortunately, they did shrink a bit more (but not nearly as significantly as they did previously) and my surgeon and I went over what the plan would be. The plan is pretty limited as this is not the normal path, but basically I’m just continuing doing what I’m doing and then I’ll have another MRI in October (1 year from the most recent MRI).

Even a year later, I still think I’m a bit shocked about how this all turned out. Discovering I had a tumor was pretty dramatic with a full day at the hospital. Discovering what type of tumor I had and how large they were was pretty crazy too. And then being a medical miracle and having my surgery cancelled is something I never believed could happen. Even though my family always believes in the best for medical situations, my tumors shrinking to the point of my surgery being unnecessary didn’t really enter any of our minds. Hopefully the dramatics with these tumors is done now and my next MRI and all future ones will show the tumors shrinking. I guess I’ll find out in 6 more months.

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Taking Back A Medical Miracle (or Getting My Eyes Checked Again)

Posted on August 11, 2017 | Comments Off on Taking Back A Medical Miracle (or Getting My Eyes Checked Again)

I wrote recently about how I got my eyes checked and how I had another medical miracle. It was so crazy to be told that my eyes were getting better, especially since my prescription hasn’t changed in about a decade. But after talking to my mom, we figured that maybe when I went off hormonal birth control something might have changed with my eyes. When I was looking into it, your vision can get worse when you start birth control. When I started it, my eyes were getting worse every year so I wouldn’t have noticed it.

I was so excited and ordered new contacts and lenses for my glasses right away. I had a slight issue when the lenses for my new glasses came in, but I was able to resolve it (and get a partial refund because I was able to go with a cheaper option). I didn’t notice how my vision was in the glasses because I was wearing my contacts while I was there. I didn’t want to take out my contacts and just figured it would be fine. But because of the issue, I had to get my old lenses back in my glasses while they ordered the second set.

Then my new contact lenses arrived at my house. The day after they arrived, I tossed my old lenses (with my old prescription) and put in a pair of the new lenses. And everything seemed fine for the first few minutes. New contacts always feel nice when you put them in, so I was getting used to that feeling fora minute. But then I sat down on my couch to watch the news that morning and realized that things weren’t right. There is a clock on my cable box and I wasn’t able to read the time on it clearly. Then I started to look around my house and noticed that things were blurry that never have been blurry for me before.

I knew that something was up and I immediately put the new lenses in a spare case and put the last pair of contacts with my old prescription in and everything stopped being blurry. I was told my vision had been overcorrected, but I knew that I should be able to see things within my house without them being blurry. So I called the appointment call center to see what could be done. They agreed that I should come in to get my eyes checked again, but I wouldn’t be able to be seen for a few weeks.

So I waited patiently and this week I went in to get my eyes checked again to see what was happening. Long story short, while my vision is slightly better than what it was 5 years ago, it’s not improved enough to change my prescription. I could go to a slightly weaker prescription, but in my case it’s better to overcorrect things a bit (it becomes a problem in 6 years when I’ll be 40). The doctor I saw the second time was so nice to me and explained that so many things could have caused my eyes to be weird and to make it seem like I had improved vision. But in the end, I’m keeping everything the same.

I was able to get a straight exchange of the contacts I bought (I’m just waiting for the new ones with the old prescription to be shipped to me) and I was able to cancel and get a refund for the new lenses for my glasses that I ordered. And since this appointment was a re-check of my eyes, I didn’t have to pay for the appointment. Basically I walked out with everything being the same as it was before I walked in for my first appointment.

I know that some people would probably be a bit disappointed to not have another medical miracle. But honestly for me, I’m actually a bit relieved that my vision didn’t get better. I’ve felt so disconnected from my body with the entire tumor situation and to not realize that my vision got better would make me feel that way even more. When the eye doctor told me my vision was better, I was actually a bit disturbed that I didn’t notice anything. And I tried to let that feeling go because I thought that I was just being crazy.

So to know that I shouldn’t have noticed any differenced helped to make that feeling go away. I also like knowing my vision is still the same because it gives me the option to get laser eye surgery if I chose to do so. It was a bit annoying to have to go through 2 different doctor appointments and some complications with ordering contacts and glasses, but that’s a minor inconvenience compared to how disconnected I was feeling.

I still have the medical miracle going on with my liver and my tumors, so that’s pretty awesome. But I’m ok with only having one miracle going on at once.

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A Tumor Miracle (or I Wasn’t Expecting This)

Posted on April 13, 2017 | 11 comments

Today I should be going to my pre-op appointments for my surgery. But that has been cancelled because my surgery was cancelled! This is totally not what I expected but it’s true! But I should probably explain a bit of what has happened over the past few days.

When I found out that my tumors were adenomas, I learned quite a bit about that type of tumor. One of the main things that I learned was that they are a 1 in 3 million side effect from hormonal birth control and the best way to stop them from growing more is to stop the hormonal birth control (or whatever hormonal treatment you are taking). But in almost all the case studies, it says that the tumors have to be surgically removed as they typically cannot shrink. And if they do shrink, it’s only a little bit.

One of the reasons I was waiting a few months to have surgery was to hopefully have the large tumor shrink a little bit. The smaller the tumor is, the easier the surgery will be. The large tumor was almost 10cm and in my head I wanted it to be under 8cm. I knew that would take a miracle, but I spent time every single day working on visualization and just trying to be as healthy as possible. But I also knew realistically that the chances of the tumors shrinking were really slim and that’s why I’ve been working so hard lately to get ready for surgery.

I had my MRI last week and I figured that I’d learn about what the tumor situation is like at my pre-op appointment. But on Tuesday afternoon, I got a phone call from my surgeon. Not only did my tumors shrink, they shrunk significantly!

My 10cm tumor is now about 4cm, one of my 3cm tumors is now about 1cm, and my other 3cm tumor is not able to be found anymore! This is seriously a miracle! My surgeon has never seen this happen with any of his cases before. There is no medical explanation for what happened so I’m just considering it a medical miracle! I know that there is some serious power behind positive thinking, but this is beyond what I ever imagined could happen!

While there are still issues that can happen with having the biggest tumor in me, it is no longer as serious as it was before. The size of the tumor and how it is situated in my liver now makes it something that I could live the rest of my life with. It would still make being pregnant in the future a bit risky, but nothing compared to what the risks would have been if it stayed the original size. And I still cannot use any hormonal treatments as long as the tumors are in me.

But since my life isn’t as threatened as it was before, the plan now is to cancel the surgery. My surgeon gave me the option to continue with it, but it is not his recommendation anymore. Instead, his recommendation is to do another MRI in  the fall to see what’s happening if the tumors then. If they are bigger, I will have surgery. If they stay the same size, I will probably have surgery. But there is now the chance that maybe they will shrink even more and maybe disappear completely. This is not normal with these tumors, but nothing is ever normal with my medical situations.

I completely trust my surgeon’s judgement and he has been very open and honest with me about the risks to keep the tumors in and the risks of surgery. He has answered so many of my questions (and there have been so many questions!) and I never felt like he was getting annoyed with me. I’m very lucky to have a surgeon who has been so awesome and I’m glad that he told me honestly that he doesn’t recommend surgery for me right now. If he left it up to me, I probably would have been going back and forth on what I wanted to do.

I’m totally excited to not need to have surgery. This surgery would have been major surgery and there are always risks when you have any surgery. And this one would have had more risks than any other surgery I’ve had before because of potential blood loss and other complications. And I was not looking forward to recovering and not being able to do everything that I’m used to doing.

But at the same time, I do feel a bit weird that I’m not getting rid of these tumors. I’ve been focusing on how glad I will be to have them out of my body that the idea that they are staying is a bit odd. I’m sure that a lot of it is just shock right now and I still can’t believe that I am lucky enough to have my tumors shrink without medical intervention. Soon enough I bet I’ll just be happy that I didn’t have to disrupt my life with a major surgery and the idea of keeping the tumors in me won’t be as weird. I also feel like I was overreacting before with getting ready for surgery, but honestly there is no way we could have known this would happen to me. If my surgeon has never seen this happen before, why would I ever expect it to happen to me?

This is seriously a miracle and I just want to thank everyone who has sent positive and healing thoughts my way or who have kept me in their prayers. I don’t know how this happened to me, but I’m so grateful that for now I don’t need to have surgery next week. My parents will still be coming to town, but now we get to spend a couple of days having fun instead of them having to be here to take care of me while I’m recovering. They don’t come to LA that often and when they do it’s usually for a super short time. So I’m pretty excited to get to spend almost a week with them in LA!

If anything changes or if something doesn’t feel right, there might be a tumor update within the next few months. But if everything keeps going the way they have been going, I won’t have anything to blog about regarding my tumor until my next MRI in the fall. It’s crazy how quickly this chapter of my tumor journey is closing, but I guess since it started in such dramatic fashion that it’s fitting it is ending the same way!

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