Tag Archives: lazy

Over-scheduled and Bored (or Why Can’t I Find A Happy Medium)

Lately it has seemed like my schedule has had some serious ups and downs. I’ve had days where I’ve had absolutely nothing planned (or nothing planned beyond having to work that day) and then I’ve had days that were so over-scheduled that I was stressed out about how I would manage to do it all without running late. It’s so crazy to me that one day I could be sitting at home bored out of my mind and the next day I could be gone for almost 16 hours from the time I leave my house for the first thing planned until I get home from the last thing planned.

I do like to be busy. First, that gives me something to blog about. If I just sat at home every day after work, this would become a very boring blog. I’d still have some personal and emotional things to write about (like this post), but there would be no adventures. And I also know that when I’m busy I either don’t have the desire to binge or I don’t have the time to. Sometimes when I’m super busy I do still have a binge eating episode, but those are not as often as they are in my normal life.

I know that I can’t depend on my schedule to get me into recovery or to eliminate binges, but it’s almost like a fantasy in my mind that I would love to have come true. I know that there have been things that have happened in my past that have put me in a temporary state of recovery, but when that ended my eating disorder was back. I know that recovery isn’t just being too busy to have an eating disorder because your eating disorder will find a way to become a priority in your schedule again. But I feel good knowing that at least right now in my life, my eating disorder has to work around my schedule and that I’m not cancelling plans to have being episodes.

In an ideal world, I would be able to handle being busy enough most of the time that bingeing doesn’t happen that often, that would get me to recovery, and it would stick even if my schedule got less busy in the future. But I don’t live in an ideal world and being busy most of the week isn’t good for my mental health. I occasionally have mini-breakdowns where I have gotten too overwhelmed by everything and just need to have a day at home where I do nothing. Of course, those days never happen to fall on days that already had nothing scheduled on them. But I try to be flexible with my schedule to allow myself to have a mental health day when I need it.

And I have been trying to find a good happy medium between having too much and having too little to do. I don’t know what that happy medium looks like yet. I thought I had gotten there a few weeks ago, and then I had a moment where I freaked out because I had so many unread emails and tasks I needed to check off. I’ve been trying to make daily checklists to get things done, but on both busy and lazy days sometimes I’m not able to get those done. And then those things that needed to get done just pile up and continue to overwhelm me.

I think that part of the overwhelming feeling is that only some of my schedule is in my control. Many things have to be done at the time they are scheduled (like work) and I can’t get around that. I have to plan my other things around it and sometimes 2 non-flexible things are up against each other and I either have to prioritize and say no to something to ask someone to move their schedule around. I hate asking others to adjust to my schedule because I don’t want to feel like I’m inconveniencing someone. But sometimes I need to have the courage to do that or to say no to something that I know would be at a time that wouldn’t be best for me.

I’m really working on planning out my days better so that on both over-scheduled and lazy days are productive and as stress-free as possible. I’m trying to take travel time in consideration when planning things so that I feel confident that I can make it from one thing to another. And I’m continuing to try to work on figuring out how much stuff in one week is too much and how little is too little. It’s a weird balancing act to try to figure out, but I know that as long as I’m working on it that I will get there eventually.

 

LA Staycation (or Hanging Out With Family and Friends)

Normally, I try to keep myself pretty busy. Between work, workouts, acting, and having a social life my calendar can get full. And when I have downtime, sometimes I stress out that I should be doing more and I don’t feel like I’m really enjoying some free time. I don’t get to take vacations that often because I don’t have the money to do it and I don’t have paid time off. So I’m pretty much in a routine in my life in LA.

I’ve been joking for a while that my vacation this year was going to be the time in the hospital after surgery. I knew that while I was in the hospital I would have no responsibilities and wouldn’t have to worry about what I should be doing. And then when surgery got cancelled, I started to look at my schedule again to try to get things back to normal. I’m not taking that much time off of work because I want to save the banked hours for future things. But I did take a few days off since my parents are here in LA for the week (they couldn’t cancel their trip when my surgery was cancelled so they decided to have a low-key trip here).

Most of the time that my parents have been here, we’ve been doing a lot of lazy stuff. And honestly, all that lazy stuff has been perfect with me. I’m not working most of the days they are here (I did work on Saturday since my shift was done at 11am) so we have the entire day free. And we did try to make some plans with family and friends so my parents could take advantage of their time in LA. They usually aren’t here for more than a day or two so this was a rare trip for them as well.

On Thursday (what would have been surgery day), we drove out to the valley to see my dad’s friend. He and my dad have been friends since they were kids and my dad tries to see him when he’s in LA but he doesn’t always have time. My dad’s friend is very into gardening and succulent plants and has been getting ready to various garden clubs to come over to his house for a plant tour. So we got to see the rehearsal for the tour and check out all the amazing plants that he has in his yard. His garden is almost nicer than some of the huge ones around LA so it’s pretty incredible.

My dad’s friend also has a dog that Tucker loves. I don’t think their dog, Sunshine, loves Tucker as much as Tucker loves her. But that seems to be the case with a lot of dogs. Tucker just wants everyone to love him at all times and doesn’t understand why other dogs or people aren’t the same. But the dogs get along enough so we took them out for a walk and to a park so they could run around a bit. And when they both got tired, they were relaxing near each other nicely and seemed to be getting along more than they were at the beginning of the visit.

On Friday, we had lunch with some of my mom’s cousins. I hadn’t seen these cousins since I went to Passover a few years ago so it was great to get to see them again. We went to a restaurant near the rental house my parents were staying in, and while the food was ok the service was pretty awful. Servers were bringing food over to our table before we even ordered and nobody could remember what drinks went to which table. I think we were offered drinks every few minutes and they were never ours (it also took them like 15 minutes to get my mom an iced tea). I’m glad that we had a nice visit with family and that the bad service at lunch didn’t bring us down.

Most of the rest of the time on Friday was spent with taking the dog to a few different dog parks. He loves going to dog parks and there are some really nice ones in LA. We have been really liking the ones in Playa Vista because they aren’t just dirt like the one near my house. There’s one dog park that is bark and the other is fake grass. Both were really nice and had some fun dogs for Tucker to play with. I don’t get to hang out with Tucker that often, so just watching him at a dog park is a nice treat for me.

I’ll write more about what we did on the second half of their time here in another post, but I’m glad the time that I was expecting to be in the hospital were spent doing much more fun things. We didn’t have anything planned at first but we were lucky that we were able to get some plans organized pretty quickly so we could do some nice things while my parents are here. I know that they probably won’t do a long LA trip again soon unless there is a specific reason (like if I do have surgery eventually), so I’m taking advantage of having them here for a while without anything that we have to do.

Being Sick (or Feeling Off)

As I mentioned in Monday’s post, I was having some trouble with my workouts because I was feeling off one day and sick another day. Fortunately, I’m finally feeling more like myself now but this bug that I caught just took it out of me like I wasn’t expecting.

This all started on Wednesday when I was feeling fine except for a weird sensation in my throat. It’s almost like a feeling of insatiable thirst. Whenever I get this, I’m usually about to get sick so I was trying my best to take care of myself. I was drinking lots of water, eating as healthy as I could, and making sure I got extra sleep.

Thursday morning, I woke up at 4am feeling like I had daggers in my throat. That’s never a good feeling and I was on my phone right away to see how early urgent care opened at Kaiser (urgent care is a $45 co-pay for me but the ER is a $500 co-pay). It wasn’t going to open until an hour before I had to start working and I didn’t want to ask for time off, so I decided I was going to make it through the work day the best I could.

I did let my manager know that I was feeling sick, but since it was only my throat hurting and no other symptoms, I was guessing that I had strep throat and figured I would go straight to urgent care after work and get whatever prescription I needed. My throat continued to feel worse and worse as I worked and I finally asked my manager if I could end work an hour early to get to the hospital. I promised I’d make up the hour and she let me log out.

I had an interesting adventure at Kaiser. I was starting to feel a bit more sick than before and I got really confused on where to go to check in for urgent care. Somehow, I ended up signing up for a nurse’s visit to get a strep test without confirming that I didn’t need a regular appointment. It was all corrected in the end, but I was so confused and my head was starting to hurt.

Before I had my tonsils out almost 8 years ago, I got strep throat pretty regularly. I was used to doing throat cultures and just assumed things would be easy for me this time as well.

kaiser

It wasn’t easy this time and it hurt so much that I almost punched the nurse helping me! I felt so horrible after that and kept apologizing, but she was really nice about it all and said that it happens all the time.

After being at urgent care for almost 3 hours, it was figured out that I didn’t have strep and was sent home with instructions to get rest and drink plenty of fluids. I thought maybe I’d only have a really bad sore throat for a few days and would be done with it.

Turns out, I was pretty sick with a cold. The entire weekend was spent on my couch trying to catch up on sleep (since I wasn’t sleeping well at night), drinking lots of water, taking decongestants, and just getting through the day. I hate being sick like this because I really wanted to get stuff done and was supposed to be working over the weekend. But the best thing for me was to lay low and just let this bug get out of me.

Even though I’m finally feeling a bit better now, I’m still feeling off. Being sick with a cold is usually a longer recovery process than any of us would like to put up with and I’m trying to be patient with my body. I know that I might not be totally better for another week or so and I’m trying to be easy on myself. Sleeping is getting better so my mornings are better than they were over the weekend, but I’m still getting really exhausted by the end of the day.

It’s been almost a year since I was sick like this. If I get sick once a year, that’s not too bad. And once I’m feeling better, I’ll be getting my flu shot so I can do my best not to catch the flu this year. Hopefully I won’t have to be doing another sick day post for another year and I can remind myself that sometimes we don’t get to control how we feel and we just have to get through it.

Low Key Labor Day (or Just A Regular Weekend)

I know so many friends of mine were so excited to have a 3 day weekend this past weekend. For me, it’s a normal weekend since Mondays are always a day off for me (and I worked my regular Saturday shift as well). It’s weird to see so many people saying how amazing having an extra weekend day is when I know that everything is the same as usual for me (I won’t even get extra time off at Christmas or New Years because of the days of the week the holidays fall on).

My holiday weekend did get off to an exciting start with my outing to the Bowl. But being out later than normal for me (plus my hips were killing me) caused me not to get that much sleep on Saturday night. I woke up later than normal on Sunday feeling groggy and still tired. I’ve been working lately on getting my sleep schedule to be the same pretty much every night (it’s been tough for me) and sleeping in really did seem to throw my entire day off.

I spent the beginning of my Sunday during my usual errands for the weekend, and then my friends Marie and Chris were throwing a Labor Day party. They did their party on Sunday so people would have Monday to recover from being out all night. And while I didn’t get to make drunk fruit like I have for several parties, I did have some of the leftovers from the Bowl (fruit and sea salt brownies) to contribute to the party.

I really wanted to be social and have a great time at the party, but the exhaustion was hitting me pretty hard. I still had fun seeing all my friends and just having a good time being outside with everyone, but I was just feeling off while I was there. I was hoping that I could get over that feeling once I was at the party and around all the energy of my friends, but unfortunately it stuck with me. I managed to stay at the party until about 9pm and then felt it would be best for me to get back to my house to get a decent night sleep.

Labor Day wasn’t anything special for me. I did my usual Monday morning workout and then I really didn’t have much of a plan. I thought about trying to see if any friends wanted to hang out that day, but I never got motivated enough to try to make some plans.

So instead of being out at a BBQ or some other party on Labor Day, I spent the day at my house watching movies and being lazy. It wasn’t the best thing I could have done, but it seemed to be the best thing for me at the time. I really enjoyed just relaxing and watching movies that I’ve been wanting to see while on my couch. I took a couple of breaks throughout the day to read (something else I love) and then went back to watching movies. It really was an ideal day for me and I finally got over my exhaustion and felt back to my normal self.

Now that the summer is over, I’m getting ready for fall and the end of the year (which will be here before we know it!). I know I’ll get time off of work for Thanksgiving but like I said before I won’t get any extra time off for Christmas or New Years. It’s not horrible to not get any extra time off, but I was sad when I realized that I would only get my usual Sunday and Monday off for each of those. But I’m planning on maximizing those two days off each week through the fall and I’ve got some really fun things that I think I’ll be able to do with my weekends coming up!

Getting Back To Normal Again (or An Off Week)

After a weekend of fun and travel, once I got back to LA it was time to get back to real life. I was pretty exhausted on Monday evening after traveling for 13 hours to get home, so I didn’t get too much done. All I really did was unpack my suitcase and sit on the couch watching some shows my DVR recorded. I tried to stay up until 10pm so that I wouldn’t wake up too early the next morning, but I didn’t accomplish much more than that.

I didn’t really plan much for my week besides doing errands, working, and working out and I’m pretty glad about that. I was feeling really jet-lagged on Tuesday and it really surprised me. I didn’t feel any jet-lag on the flight there and I was feeling pretty good on Monday after getting home. But Tuesday was just a very off day for me and I couldn’t seem to get things back on track for me. I eventually just had to accept the fact that the day was going to be off and hopefully Wednesday would be better.

Fortunately, Wednesday and Thursday were much better. But I still ended up being pretty lazy at home. I don’t know if I was dealing with post-vacation let down, realizing how much I did miss my family and wished I could see them again, or just was feeling off but I wasn’t having the best days this week.

I got all my work done and it was easy enough to get back on track with work and workouts. But my food and mental health were off. I was doing so great before my trip and even on my trip (I did gain 4 pounds on vacation but that could be due to a lot of factors other than bad eating). And I’m aware that off weeks are to be expected in life, even when I’m fully recovered. But they still annoy me and I get a bit depressed and upset about them.

I’ve been trying to get food and stuff back on track but it’s not happening for me yet. I know that it’s important for me to keep trying and it’s going to stick again soon. I can’t be too upset with myself because this is normal. This is what recovery is about. This is what my life may look like for the rest of my life.

I’m working on a checklist for myself to try to get things back on track. I’m breaking things down into the smallest steps so I can feel accomplished as I check things off one by one. It’s going to take time to get back on track, but I want to be able to be proud of myself for doing things step by step and not doing things stupidly in a way that cannot be maintained like I have in the past.

I can’t do much more for myself than to try. It’s not easy to be patient with myself, but that’s something I’m working on and I know that this is a test in patience for me.

A Friend Weekend (or Getting Up Early and Not Doing Much)

Since my friend Kate was going to do the Hard Rock Cafe 5K with me, she came down for the weekend to hang out (she lives in Northern CA now) and spent some time with me. I hadn’t seen Kate in a while, so I was excited for some weekend catching up and hopefully some fun too. But even though she was coming into town for the weekend, since she was coming in later on Friday and leaving early on Sunday we only had about a day and a half to hang out. And we had a race to do so it was going to be an interesting mix of craziness and relaxing.

Kate got to LA on Friday afternoon after I was done with work. So I got her at LAX and we went to an early dinner at Lyfe Kitchen since we knew we were getting up early the next morning. It was a fun dinner and we got to catch up on all the crazy and random stuff that has been happening lately (we’ve both had some tough times lately). After that dinner, we went to my house and went to bed pretty quickly.

On race day, we were up at 4:30am and then had the race at 7am. After the race, we had breakfast at Hard Rock Cafe and then went back to my house. We spent some time relaxing and then went out on a fun and random shopping adventure. Neither of us bought anything, but it was fun hanging out how we used to in high school.

After our shopping adventure, we headed to another early dinner. This time, we went to Bottle Rock for some wine and yummy food. I love going to Bottle Rock because there is always great wine and the food has never disappointed me. Plus, it’s not loud or too crazy on weekends so you can relax there and not worry about people being obnoxious next to you.

We both got wine flights and of course I got 3 different sparkling wines.

Bottle Rock

I drank most of my tastes (they were all so yummy!) and we got a bunch of different things to split between us to eat. We tried a bunch of food and got some dessert (we burned off some calories by doing the race that morning and we had both skipped lunch). But since we had been up for so long that day, we didn’t stay out too late that night.

The next morning, Kate had a flight back home. But before her flight we went to iHop near LAX to have breakfast. It was another good meal and again it was fun getting to just talk.

I’ve missed having Kate in LA and it was nice to have her back here for the weekend. Even though we didn’t go do a ton of stuff (and there were so many things that I thought we could go and do), it was a great visit. We both have said how it’s nice to be such good friends that it’s ok if we don’t do much or if we have a quiet hang out.

Kate will be back in LA next month and I’m hoping I’ll get to see her again then (she’s coming into town to see a different friend and I am working a lot the weekend she’ll be here). But even if I don’t get to see her on that trip, I’m glad that we had this fun and chill weekend this past weekend to hang out and do our best on our 5K.

My Return To Disneyland (or Being Lazy And Enjoying Air Conditioning)

It’s been a long summer blackout for my annual pass at Disneyland, but I was finally able to return to the parks this week! I had this on my calendar since my last Disneyland day, so I’ve been looking forward to it for a while.

I went again with my friend June (who went with me for the last day before our blackout). June lives 2 blocks from my house, so it’s pretty convenient to go to the parks together. And since I have parking on my pass and she doesn’t, we like to carpool.

Just like our last day in the parks, it was another super hot day. We got there at about noon (I had my workout early in the morning) and we were off and running as soon as we parked. First on the list was to get our favorite treat: Dole Whips!

Dole Whip

Last time, we enjoyed our Dole Whips in the shade outside of the Enchanted Tiki Room, but since it was so ridiculously hot out we decided to go inside. I usually don’t go into the Enchanted Tiki Room, but the air conditioning was totally worth it!

Tiki Room

Next on our list was something we had both been waiting on for a while. The Peter Pan ride had a pretty big refurbishment and had opened over the summer when we were blacked out. So we wanted to go on and see how the refurbishment looked. I’ve seen several videos on what they worked on so I knew to look for particular things in the ride. Overall, it looks pretty cool. I’m not too happy with the scene where you are flying over London. To me, it looks too bright and not as three dimensional as it looked before.

Next on the list was another ride that we knew would have some air conditioning: Indiana Jones. This is definitely one of my favorite rides and it didn’t disappoint. There was a weird technical glitch where things weren’t syncing up properly with the ride vehicle (the boulder scene was delayed and the Indiana Jones animatronic at the end didn’t come alive until we were driving away), but I actually thought those technical issues were pretty cool. I go on the rides enough that when I get to see things not show perfect, I’m pretty exciting. It doesn’t top when I rode the Finding Nemo submarines and all the computer imagining failed, but this was a pretty fun glitch to watch.

After Indiana Jones, we were feeling pretty overheated and a little hungry so we rode the Monorail into Downtown Disney for a late lunch/early dinner. We went to Tortilla Jo’s because we both were craving ice-cold margaritas (mine was a virgin since I am still on painkillers for my torn calf).

Tortilla Joes Margaritas

I had a pretty amazing steak burrito for my meal. While there are some good food options inside the parks, I have to remember to go to Downtown Disney too because they have a lot of variety for meals.

After the food, drinks, and air conditioning, we were ready to go back on some more rides. Next on the list (after riding the Monorail back into Tomorrowland) was Space Mountain. We waited for the ride and just as it was our turn the ride broke down. There was no set time for when it would re-open, but we decided to wait it out a bit. Just as we were getting close to the time deadline we had set for our wait, the ride started back up. We got to ride in the front of the car and it felt so much faster than it ever has. I’m not sure if I just forgot how fast it feels or after it’s shut down for a while somehow the ride gets faster. But it was perfect!

Space Mountain

The last ride in Disneyland was Star Tours. That was a relatively uneventful ride. Except the guy sitting next to me was grabbing the outsides of the armrests so he was almost holding onto my leg instead of the seat and I wasn’t able to hold on on one side.

We headed over to California Adventure next where we had hoped to get some Fastpasses for World Of Color. Sadly, those had gone pretty quickly that day so there was no way for us to see the show. We were a little disappointed, but decided to just ride a few more rides before heading home. We rode Soarin’ (one of my favorite and the music from it is the ringtone on my phone). That ride will been changing the movie in the future so we want to get as many rides on it as we can.

Then it was time for another cool down break inside of Starbucks where I got a strawberry smoothie. After that, we were feeling pretty lazy and didn’t want to walk over to our next ride, Tower of Terror. Honestly, it isn’t that far away but we just didn’t want to walk it. And California Adventure has a little trolley that goes through a couple of parts of the park. So we waited longer than it would have taken us to walk to ride the trolley to what was going to be our final ride of the night.

Tower Of Terror

After Tower Of Terror, the trolley happened to be right in front so we hopped back on and rode it to the exit gate of the park. But before we left, I wanted to make one more quick stop.

I never get the buttons at Disneyland, but I wanted to get an “I’m Celebrating” button to celebrate my SAG-AFTRA convention delegate win!

Celebrating At Disneyland

And after that, both June and I were ready to go home. The drive home was pretty quick and we’ve already made plans to go in a month to see the Halloween decorations.

Overall, I think it was a pretty great day at Disneyland. We were much lazier than usual, but that’s one of the perks of being an annual pass holder. We felt no need to rush around all the rides and we took advantage of whatever air conditioning we could find. Hopefully when we return next month, it will be a bit cooler.

I can’t wait to see what the Halloween decorations will look like! I know that that Disneyland day will be another great memory!

Lazy Christmas (or Cleaning And Chinese Food)

I hope that you all got to celebrate Christmas exactly how you wanted to yesterday!

I spent the day at home by myself, which was fine with me. Spending time with my family on Christmas isn’t something that usually happens and last year was the first time that I was there on Christmas in possibly 10¬†years.

My day started off by sleeping in. This is something that I rarely get to do, so it was very nice to sleep in past 7am (I was still up by 8, but that’s an extra hour of sleep).

My entire day was unplanned, so I just relaxed. I started by hanging out reading on my couch. After a minute, I realized that one of the tv stations has the fake fireplace airing during Christmas morning, so I put that on and pretended to be reading by the fire.

IMG_4342

After reading a couple of chapters, I decided to work on doing a big clean up of my house. It wasn’t necessarily dirty, but to do a good cleaning job takes time, and I usually don’t have the uninterrupted time to do it.

After cleaning, I went through my kitchen to do some rearranging. While doing that, I realized that I had way too many water bottles. I get them a lot in swag bags and I have just been storing them. I counted 27 water bottles when I really only use 2 of them. So I bagged the extra ones up and will be making a stop to donate them (along with some other items) next week.

After cleaning, I decided to work on some decorating ideas. My parents gave me a teak tray back in August. They have had it for a long time but don’t use it. And I figured I could do something cool with it. When my parents were here for their layover visit, they bought me a cube ottoman and the tray has been living on that ever since.

But it had been empty since I had no idea what to do. But yesterday, I was inspired. I put some candles on there along with a driftwood candle holder my dad made and the pine branch bouquet I made at the event at the mall. I want to replace the pine branches with some flowers (the branches are dying and dropping needles everywhere), but I think that it looks pretty good so far!

IMG_4343

After all of that housework, I spent the rest of my day watching movies and tv shows on Netflix. I didn’t really feel like driving anywhere and was just happy spending a day being super lazy.

And of course, for dinner I ordered some Chinese food from my favorite place. It’s a big calorie splurge for me, but I think that on special occasions it is worth it!

All in all, it was the absolutely perfect Christmas for me!

I’m A Lazy Cook (or I’m a Fake Vegetarian)

I’ve been making a conscious effort to prepare more of my meals at home. I’m probably going to always stop at Subway every so often for my veggie sandwiches because sometimes when I’m done with work at 9pm, I really don’t want to have to think about dinner.

I’m a decent cook. My mom is an awesome cook, and for some reason, I didn’t inherit her cooking abilities. As long as I have a recipe, I’m good. But I don’t know if I’ll ever be the person who looks at what is in their fridge and can come up with an amazing meal.

The cooking part I don’t mind, it’s the clean up that I hate. Also, I hate that most recipes are for 4 or 6 servings and there’s just me. There are only so many days I can eat the same thing in a row. And when I’ve tried to freeze my leftovers, I end up forgetting about them until it’s a questionable amount of time later.

So I’ve been pretty lazy with my cooking. A lot of salads, a lot of yogurt creations, and once it’s cooler here I’ll make a bunch of soups.

But one thing I’ve discovered is that for some reason, I pretty much cook vegetarian at home. I’m not a vegetarian at all. I love steak. But steak seems to be the only meat you can cook and not have to worry if it’s done enough. Chicken can’t be only partially done. And I’m not too fond of fish. But steak is expensive, so unless I’m having a crazy craving for it, I won’t buy it.

I think I need to get over my issues with eating so many leftovers. Maybe I can try to cut each recipe in half so I don’t have so many meals left over. And I’ve seen single serving recipes before, but that just seems like too much effort for only one meal. I’d like at least one extra serving.

Any recommendations for cookbooks that have recipes that only have two servings? That would be awesome!