Tag Archives: 2018

A New Year Of Workouts (or Finally Starting To Feel Like Myself Again)

This past week was the first week of workouts for 2018! I’ve got a big number as my goal for my workouts for the year, so I’m glad I got off to a good start!

I did do a class on New Year’s Day since I usually do a class that day plus it was a Monday (one of my normal workout days). But this time it was weird for a few reasons. First, I was still not feeling good so I knew I would have to take it easy. But also, this was my 4th workout in a row! I think I’ve only had 4 workouts in a row once before (I know there may be another one coming up soon) and it’s a lot. So I was pretty tired going into the workout and knew that combining being tired with not feeling great meant I wasn’t going to have my best workout to start off the year. But I did start it off in style with breaking in some new workout shoes!

The workout was an endurance and power day. And despite it being the first day of the new year (so you’d expect a ton of resolution people at the workout) the workout wasn’t that packed so it ended up being a 2 group class instead of a 3 group class. It was a run/row format but I did it as a bike/row. And this type of run/row workout was one where we built upon each block. So we started with block one of the run/row and then we did block one and block two and so on. I made it to the last block when time was called so I was pretty impressed with how far I got even though my workout didn’t feel that strong.

On the floor we had one long block. The moves included plank punches, mountain climbers, plank jacks, squat rows with weights, high/low row combos on straps, and hammer curls. All the moves that had me in a plank position or bent over were making me feel pretty nauseous so I had to go easy on all of those. It wasn’t an easy floor block to get through, but I pushed as much as I could and was just glad that I showed up when I know in the past I would have used how I was feeling as an excuse.

Wednesday I was finally feeling better so I could have a good workout! It was a power day with 3 blocks on each side. On the treadmill, blocks 1 and 3 were pretty similar with push to all out paces. And block 2 was 4 rounds of a 45 second all out pace followed by a 30 second walking recovery. Between the 3 blocks, we had 11 45 second all out paces! I decided to try to do some running so I walked the base and push paces but ran for all 11 of the all out paces! It felt so good to feel normal again and I was so happy that it was a workout that I could push myself in.

On the floor, the first and third blocks were on the floor. We had push ups, chest presses, triceps with weights, squats, side raises, lunges, pull ups on the straps, and triceps on the straps. And the second block was on the rower where we had the same pattern as the treadmill with 45 second sprints with 30 seconds to recover in-between. While I didn’t do anything spectacular on the floor or rowing work, the fact that I felt like myself was such a victory that I didn’t care. Even though I was only feeling sick for a week, it seemed like forever and I worried when I would be able to get back to working on my workout goals.

Friday was an endurance day with no switches between blocks. As much as I wanted to work on running again, I also knew that I need to take things easy as I got back into it so I did all my treadmill work as power walking. All of the blocks had a similar format with a 2 minute push pace and a 2 minute push pace to a 1 minute all out in them. I did 6% for my inclines on my pushes and 8% for my inclines on the all outs.

On the floor we had 1 long block that started with a 500 meter row (I finished it in 2:11 which is pretty decent). Then we had add-on blocks on the floor. Every block started with burpees and then we added things on like squat thrusters, roll outs, swings with weights, and knee tucks. Doing all those burpees wasn’t easy, but somehow I managed to get them done. And we were supposed to do a second 500 meter row once we finished all the moves on the floor, but I was just finishing up my floor work when time was called so I never got to do the second row.

And even though I started the week with my 4th workout in a row (3 of those workouts being for the week prior), I still got a 4th workout in this past week! This time it was a strength based workout but it was a 3 group class. Because it was a strength class and I knew that meant inclines on the treadmills, I did another power walking day. Both blocks on the treadmill were similar with a longer base at an incline (I did 6%) and push to all outs at inclines (I did 8%). I was at my normal treadmill speed but I think I might have been able to push it a bit more in my inclines.

Next I was on the floor where we had 2 blocks as well. The first block was rows with weights, shoulders with weights, and plank leg lifts. The second block was uppercuts with weights, pushups, and running man. And on the rower we started with a 500 meter row and then went down 100 meters each time. After we got to 100 meters, we went back up by 100 meters each time. I made it to the second 300 meter row before class ended.

While this wasn’t the incredible start to my year of workouts, I think it wasn’t too bad. I was dealing with circumstances that I couldn’t control that affected how well I was able to work out, but I still showed up and started off the year with 4 workouts! Now I just can’t wait to see what will happen throughout the rest of the year!

Ringing In 2018 (or Being Festive While Being Lazy On The Couch)

I had been looking forward to New Year’s Eve for a while. It’s always a great party and I knew that I’d be seeing a bunch of my friends there. And I was hoping for a much easier time getting home after the party compared to the year before (that’s when my car died). Everything seemed to be going my way until the week of New Year’s Eve.

That’s when I started dealing with the nausea and pain from hormones and I started to question if I was even going to make it to the party. I felt so horrible and wasn’t sure if I’d be a good party guest. But then I realized that not going to the party wasn’t going to make me feel better and I wanted to see my friends no matter what. So I took all my medications to try to help me get through the evening and headed to the party.

I did accessorize with my bracelets with my words of 2017 and 2018 on them because it felt like a fun way to celebrate a new year.

When I got to the party, I wasn’t feeling too bad. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to eat anything, but I was able to hang out outside and be social with my friends. It was a smaller party than it has been in the past so it was easier to talk to people and catch up.

But after about an hour, I felt like my medications weren’t working anymore and the pain and nausea were getting to me again. I wasn’t going to leave the party, but I decided to go lay down on a couch in their living room to try to feel better. For a little while, I was by myself in there and that was fine with me. But slowly people started joining me in the living room to hang out and dance. I stayed on the couch being lazy and trying to feel better but it was nice to feel like I was still involved a bit.

Pretty much everyone at the party knew the situation with how I was feeling, so nobody was making a big deal out of me not doing much at the party. And people seemed to be making a bit of an effort to come over to hang out with me since they knew I wasn’t going to be getting up from the couch. And while I was feeling bad most of the time, there were moments that I felt like myself again and I managed to take a fun photo with some of my friends.

I was at the party for a few hours, and for a majority of that time I was on the couch not feeling so great. It was nice to have the distractions of my friends, but it was a bit frustrating to not feel like myself and to not be participating as much as I would have liked. Everyone seemed so happy and at times I worried that I was being a downer and bringing the party down (I know in reality I wasn’t, I just felt that way).

Right before midnight we turned on the tv to watch the ball drop (even though it was technically a 3 hour delay from when it happened in New York). I fortunately was feeling slightly better as midnight approached so I got off the couch and joined everyone to celebrate the new year. Even though I don’t drink that much now, I would have had some of the champagne if I was feeling ok. But I didn’t think mixing pain and anti-nausea meds with even a little bit of alcohol was a smart idea. So I toasted the new year with water instead.

I was happy that I made it to midnight with my friends, but right after I decided it was time to head home and get to bed. The party was going strong when I was leaving, but everyone knows that I like to leave before it gets too late because I don’t want to have to deal with crazy drivers on the road. I was also a bit paranoid that something would happen on my drive back like last year. Fortunately, I got home without any issues and was in bed before 1am.

While this wasn’t the New Year’s Eve that I had been looking forward to, it still ended up being a fun time. I think that just being around my friends is what makes these parties so great for me. The next party will be the Oscar party and I’ve already started to work on my costume for it. I’ve got a fun idea for the costume and I think it shouldn’t be too tough for me to do!

My Word For 2018 (or Time To Be Fearless)

Most of my posts this week will be all about new year stuff. A new year brings a lot of new beginnings, and this is another one. This is all about my word for 2018! I’ve been doing a word of the year for a few years now and I always try to pick something that seems really positive and powerful. Those are attributes that I know I need to work on and the words I pick seems to be things that I feel like I was lacking the year before.

Last year, after I had picked my word for the year, I found a bracelet from MantraBand that had the word on it. This year, I knew I’d want a bracelet so I decided to use the MantraBand website as my inspiration for what words I wanted to consider. I had a few different ones that seemed to be really perfect for me and I took time to think about what they all meant to me and what seemed to represent what I wanted to accomplish in 2018. And I finally decided on one just before NYE.

There is so much that I am scared about and I want to work past that. And the word fearless works so well for so many different aspects of my life. I know that being fearful can hold me back so I want to make sure that I don’t use that as an excuse to not try. This is for sure something I struggle with and I know that working to get beyond it really will be life-changing for me.

I love the idea of being fearless and just going for what I want or what I love. I love the idea that I won’t be second guessing myself or worried that I might do something that can ruin something for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be scared to see what would happen if I take chances in my career, my recovery, or my life.

I know that this isn’t as easy as being a warrior or being strong, but that’s one of the reasons I picked this word. This not only means making a positive change but changing a negative one that I already have in my life. But because it is going to be more difficult to do, I think that means the results are going to be so much more powerful in the end for me. I have the little voices in the back of my head telling me I should be fearful of something or to hold back from trying something new and I need to find a way to make them be quiet. And once my fearlessness is louder than the voices telling me to be fearful, I think that so much will be possible.

I think that I have made a lot of steps in 2017 to being a bit more fearless already. Getting back into the dating word is a huge step and I put myself out there so much. I allowed myself to be hurt which is something I avoided for a long time. It’s tough for me to be fearless with dating and take chances since in my past someone told me that I would never be loved by anyone. I always have a fear that the date that I’m on might be the last date I have the rest of my life. I know that the chances of that happening are pretty slim, but it’s very tough to believe it when someone told me otherwise for so much of my life.

But if I didn’t put myself out there, I wouldn’t have had the positive things as well. And I know that I want more of that feeling in my life. It’s scary to have faith in yourself and believe that you are going to get good things to come your way, but I’ve finally started to experience that and I know that I am worthy of the good and that the bad are the rare things I have to deal with. I don’t deserve the bad, but sometimes I have to weed through those to find the good. And I’m no longer as fearful of the bad because I know the good is out there.

When I got my MantraBand bracelet, the packaging has a little blurb about what the word means. And I love the one that they have for fearless.

To be fearless is to do what scares you, to take a chance, to make a change. To love again. And to get back up after you fall. To be fearless is to know your fears, but never let them stop you.

This is so perfect. I know what scares me. It’s getting beyond that and doing things anyway that I need to work on. I’m really hoping that this year I can learn how to become more fearless so I can see what possibilities are really out there for me.

So here’s to what will hopefully be my year of being fearless and seeing what amazing things can happen to me when I stop being scared and start living without fear!

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My 2018 Goals (or Pushing Myself And Being Gentle With Myself)

I think that my goal setting for each year always takes an interesting twist. I get so ambitious with what I want to do and then I get so fearful that I won’t be able to accomplish them. I know that not succeeding at every goal is ok, but I do also like to set myself up for success. So when I was thinking about my goals for this year, I did a lot of reflection on what has worked in the past and what hasn’t worked as well. And I think I created a pretty good set of goals for the year.

My first goal for 2018 is a Orangetheory one. I like setting a workout goal for the year because it helps me stay on top of things. And when I have an annual goal, I can break it down and know what my monthly goal needs to be as well. Last year I did pretty amazing with my workout goal so I want to push that just a bit further. I want to do 199 workouts in 2018. I think it should be possible because I’m pretty much doing 4 workouts a week every week. I need to make sure that I do that again this year. And there’s a chance I might have to have a few 5 workout weeks to make up for things. But I know what I need to be doing each month to accomplish this so I can keep checking in with myself as the months go on this year.

My next goal is to find at least 1 5K race to do. Neither of my regular races are probably happening this year, and I don’t want to have a year that I don’t do at least one race. It’s been a long time since I haven’t had any races in a year and I don’t want to make that this year. It was weird enough only having 1 race last year. I would like to try to have 2 races, but I am picky on what races I do and since I have no clue what will connect with me I don’t want to set myself up too much for that to not work out. Hopefully I’ll have more than 1 race, but I’m going to make sure that there is at least 1.

The next goal could be related to either of the previous goals. I want to set a new PR with my mile time. It’s much more likely that it will happen at Orangetheory when we have a mile challenge than in a race where I need to pace myself, but you never know when it will happen. I know what my mile PR is and I know it will be very difficult to beat it. But I think that having that as a goal will help me work harder on my running so that the goal is much more possible at some point this year.

Next is something I also had last year. I want to get my debt down to a number that is a goal in my head. I missed hitting this goal last year but I also had some financial setbacks (mainly having my hours cut back significantly at one of my jobs) that I think really contributed to me missing the goal. But now with my current financial status I think I can hit that goal and maybe even get a bit further than that. It won’t be easy, but I’m really going to try. I know that no matter what, I will get my debt down more and that is always a victory. But I’d really like to hit this goal this year!

And finally, I set a recovery related goal. It’s always tough for me to pick a recovery related goal because this is where I can really set myself up to feel like I failed. As much as I’d like to say that I want to be in recovery by the end of 2018, that is not realistic. And the baby steps in recovery aren’t easy to measure (or at least, not easy for me to measure on my own). So when I was thinking about what I wanted to do in my eating disorder recovery this year, all I could think about is how I can’t just keep doing what I’m doing. I need to make changes to see changes. And that idea inspired my goal. I want to try new recovery methods and ideas this year. I don’t know what methods and ideas they may be, but I want to be more open to new ideas and see what sticks. Trying new recovery methods doesn’t mean that they will work, but I won’t know unless I try which is the idea of this goal.

So there are my goals for 2018. I think that I’ve set some things that I should be able to do and things I will need to strive for. And I can’t wait to see how these end up getting accomplished this year and I know that before I know it I will be writing my post updating you all on how it went!

Reflecting Back On 2017 (Kind Of Reaching My Goals)

I can’t believe this is my last blog post of 2017! It seems like it wasn’t that long ago that I was writing my goals for the year. This year definitely wasn’t what I expected it to be, but that was mostly for the best. But because of things not being the way I thought they would, some of my goals didn’t end up happening the way I thought. For some goals I totally surpassed what I expected and for others they didn’t happen. But even with the non-successes (I don’t consider them failures), I learned a lot.

My first goal I had for 2017 was 181 workouts. When I set that goal, I expected to be out for a little while when I had surgery so I thought it might be a bit of a stretch. I tried to make up for the time I thought I would be missing by doing more weeks of 4 workouts a week. That ended up being my new normal which was pretty exciting. And then I didn’t have surgery so I didn’t have to take the time away that I thought I would. But that didn’t slow me down and as long as the last few days this month go as planned I will be ending the year with 196 workouts!

I was pretty shocked when I looked at my total and saw how far over my goal I had gone. I knew I was going to be doing more than I thought, but I didn’t think I’d be 15 workouts ahead of my goal. That’s pretty amazing and even if every workout wasn’t the best one, consistency is so important and I think I’ve proved to myself that I have that.

My next goal I had for the year was to get through my liver surgery as easily as possible. I’ve got a history of having an easy time with surgeries, but this was going to be the first time I would have to stay overnight at the hospital and it was a much more extreme surgery than any I’ve had before. Well, as you all probably know from all of my posts about it, I didn’t have surgery. So technically there was no way for me to accomplish this goal. But I reframed it in my mind to be more about getting through this entire situation about my liver with less stress. And I think I did accomplish that. I think that I will always be a little nervous before going in for an MRI because I don’t want the tumors to grow, but beyond that time I really don’t think about my tumors that much at all. I do think about them once a day when I do visualization, but after that I try to not focus on it.

Next was to work on my recovery and hopefully reduce my binge episodes. I’m torn on how I did on this goal. I think that I have made some big strides in my recovery and there was some time where my binges were the most infrequent they have ever been, but that didn’t last. I don’t know what I need to do to keep that momentum, but my awareness is higher than ever and I consider that a win. I think this past year I’ve also become more aware of how long this recovery journey may take and that even if it doesn’t feel like I’m taking steps forward I am. I wish that some of my progress was more obvious and the results could be seen, but I think I’ll just have to wait a bit on that. But it’s a good thing that there isn’t a deadline to be recovered.

Next was a money related goal. I wanted to reduce my debt to be at a number that I had in my head. That reduction would have been about 25% of the debt I have and would have been amazing. I didn’t quite make it to that number, but I did get my debt down about 19% which is better than I have done before. This is also after getting a major reduction in my hours at one of my jobs. I went from 12-15 hours a week to 4 which cut my income down a lot. So to be able to reduce my debt that much and re-budget my life with the reduced money coming in is a big step. I wish I could have done more, but I also know that the circumstances weren’t easy and to reduce the debt at all took a lot of work.

I also set a goal to have a new PR in my 5K race. That worked out pretty well for me since I had a new PR at the one 5K I did this year. I had that PR on the course with the hills which usually slows me down. But because I had my running intervals longer that made up for any decrease in speed I had on my hills. To PR is awesome and I’m so happy that I was able to do that. But I was sad that I only had 1 race this year and that I didn’t have another chance to try to improve on that PR. Next year will be weird because neither of the 5Ks I usually do will be happening, but at least I know that I hit my 2017 goal for my races!

And my final goal for this year was to have more fun. I think I totally succeeded in this! I had so many Disney and Universal adventures with friends. I went to a lot of fun parties and just tried to have a lot of fun with the random things of life. And even though dating can be crazy and stressful at times, I’ve been having fun with that too. It does help that I’ve been turning all the bad stories into stories for my book so whenever I have a bad date I think about how funny it will be when someone else reads it. I haven’t gotten serious about anyone yet, but to have fun with dating is something that hasn’t really been in my past before and I’m glad that’s kind of my experience now.

Overall, I think I had more wins than non-successes with my goals. I might not have achieved everything I wanted, but that’s not really what goals are about. If they were all easy to reach then I didn’t set them high enough. I need to be striving for things and not reaching my goals does motivate me to do better. Look at my workouts as an example. I missed my goal in 2016 but far surpassed it in 2017. Missing that goal last year motivated me to do even better this year.

My next few posts will all be about what I’ve got in mind for 2018. I’ve got some big goals again that I’m thinking about and I’m excited to share them next week. But for now, I guess that’s a wrap on posts for 2017! It was a great year for me and I’m so grateful for you all following me on my journey! Have an awesome NYE (and please don’t drink and drive!) and hopefully we all have an incredible start to 2018!

Starting To Wrap Up 2017 (or Getting In All My End Of The Year Things)

I can’t believe that it’s almost the end of the year! I keep thinking I have more time in December, but there are only about 2 1/2 weeks left until it’s 2018! And I feel like I’m playing catch up in so many aspects of my life and I really want to get everything done that I am hoping to do by the end of the year.

It’s been pretty busy for me lately so that has been distracting me from getting stuff done. Busy is good, but now I need to refocus my energy. For the past few weeks, so much of my attention was on the podcast party. But now that it was a success I can stop worrying about it even though I already have started to work on ideas for our 400th episode party in 2 years. But that’s 2 years away and there’s stuff I want to get done in 2 weeks. So that’s the priority.

I like to send out holiday cards because so many people don’t get anything besides bills in the mail. Sending something fun in the mail is a nice treat and I’m happy to do that. Plus, it’s a great way to let my friends know that I’m thinking about them and that I care about them. I decided to do holiday postcards instead of regular cards this year because postcards are cheaper to mail. I won’t save a ton of money, but any time I can save a little bit of money is good for me and working on my budget.

I found some cute postcards and ordered them and got enough postcard stamps to send them all out. But I haven’t started on them and I really need to do it. Fortunately with postcards I won’t be writing as much as I did when I sent cards out, but I still like to personalize them. I will be working my will-call box office job this weekend (where I really just sit there and read for a few hours because the job is minimal work), so if I don’t get a chance to work on my cards before this weekend I think I’m going to use my work time to do them. Hopefully if I do that and get them in the mail by Monday they will get to everyone in time. But if they are late, it’s not the worst thing.

I’ve been also reflecting back on my goals for this year and seeing if there are places that I should be focusing over these last few weeks of the year. Fortunately, I seem to be on pace with the ones I can do (there will be more on that when this year is over) so I don’t have to worry too much about them. But I still want to maximize this time and get as far with my goals as I can possibly get. I’m happy that I have made a lot of progress in my life this year, but I know I can still do a little bit more in these last 2 1/2 weeks.

But one thing that I realized just the other day that I should try to get done before the end of the year involves some planning for my word of the year. I’ve done a word of the year for a few years now, but this year was the first year that I ended up buying a bracelet from MantraBand that had my word on it. I liked having it as a reminder whenever I was out and I’ve decided that I’d like to do that again for 2018.

I don’t have to have my bracelet (or necklace if I get one of those instead) on January 1st, but it would be nice to have it then. Plus, I do need to decide what I want to use as my word of the year and I’m using their website as my guide. I do want to pick a word that I can have as a piece of jewelry. Fortunately, they’ve got a ton of options and I’ve currently debating between about 7 words that could be really good for the new year. But again, I need to decide sooner rather than later so I can order it and then also get ready to have it as my word for the new year. I do a few other things as reminders on my phone and laptop so I want to get as much done now so it’s all ready to go.

And the last thing I need to catch up on is making my plans for the holidays. I don’t really do anything for Christmas, but I want to see if maybe I’ll be meeting up with friends for lunch or dinner. I’ve texted some friends to start the planning because I know if we don’t do it now it will be Christmas Eve and we are trying to figure out our schedules so we can meet up. And I’ve gotten a few invitations to different NYE parties and I’m working on how many I can hopefully stop by so I can maximize how many friends that I will get to see that night.

This catch up time isn’t necessarily stressful, but it did seem to creep up on me and I wasn’t as prepared as I usually am for wrapping things up for the year. It also probably doesn’t help that this year I don’t necessarily get any time off for Christmas or NYE because the holidays fall on what are already days off for me so we don’t get additional days off. I just will have my normal schedule and will need to make sure that I don’t forget that it’s also holiday time.