Not Letting A Slip Up Be A Set Back (or I Splurged Again)

While I thought I had learned my lesson about splurge meals, I guess I didn’t. I did another splurge meal, but it was more of an afternoon than a meal.

A little back story.

Over the years, certain grocery stores feel “unsafe” to me. I know where the things are that I like to eat, and with muscle memory it seems like I just walk to those foods and put them in my basket. So I’ve avoided certain grocery stores over the past few years.

Now I go to 2 different stores near my house, an Albertsons and a Trader Joes. I used to go to Albertsons a lot more, but there are more “bad” foods for me there. So I only go for certain items that I know I can get at Trader Joes (which used to include a specific sparkling flavored water but I haven’t had one of those in over a month).

But even though I go to this particular Trader Joes, it’s starting to feel unsafe for me.

Yesterday, I had to go to Trader Joes to pick up a few items (mainly household things). I decided that since I wasn’t doing my usual shopping, I wouldn’t walk through the aisles the way I typically do. I thought that would shock my muscle memory and I would be able to walk out with just the few things I needed.

I got my items but ended up right next to one of my “bad” foods, which happens to be the fresh mozzarella. I wasn’t planning on buying it (I didn’t need it), but somehow it ended up in my basket along with a few other things that I used to eat all the time but have tried to avoid lately.

And like I was on auto-pilot I bought those items, brought them home, and ate them (in a particular order which I’ve always done).

And as soon as I did it I felt sick. There was no need for me to eat these things. Looking back, I had forgotten to eat at all before going to the grocery store (the graveyard shifts throw off my meal times) and that was a huge mistake. I try to never go to the store hungry. Not only does that make me feel like I need a certain food, my willpower is lowered and I just don’t think about it.

But I’m trying to tell myself that just because I had a bad few hours yesterday doesn’t mean I can’t have good hours after that. In the past, I would always tell myself that I could start a diet on “Monday” (Monday is really any arbitrary day in the future). I would tell myself that I would get what I wanted until then and then once “Monday” comes I’ll be good.

I’m not doing that this time. Today is a workout day at Orangetheory Fitness and I have all my meals for the day planned out (and I’ll be under my calorie goal so that will help with the excess of calories from yesterday).

This is progress for me. It might not seem like it, but I know that it is. I just have to accept that slip ups will happen from time to time and that I have to be ok with that. And that I can get back on track immediately and don’t need to go crazy.

I’m going to try to eliminate those “bad” foods from my diet, but I’m slowly removing “bad” foods. I haven’t gotten any fast food in a month (unless you count one In-N-Out burger on the way to Lake Tahoe). And there some delivery food that I used to get way too often and I haven’t ordered it for 3 weeks (which is really good for me). And there are other foods from Trader Joes that are “bad” and I have been able to avoid getting them for over a week.

It’s baby steps, but there is progress. I’m just trying to be patient with myself and more accepting of my flaws and slip ups. And just because I’m accepting doesn’t mean I’m ok with them. I just know that I can’t be too harsh on myself because if I do, I’ll just go back to how things used to be.

3 responses to “Not Letting A Slip Up Be A Set Back (or I Splurged Again)

  1. It’s so interesting to read about your issues with food – because as you know, I have issues with food as well.

    My thing is, I’m trying to reframe things from “bad foods” to “bad behavior with food.” Because really, for me, anything can be a “bad food” if I shove it into my face. It’s awesome that you know what your “problem foods” are, and that you do consciously try to stay away from certain things if you know how they affect you. But I wonder if considering something a “bad food” just makes it that much more appealing and “forbidden” in some way, rather than just changing your behavior around it?

    Legit question – and everyone’s different, so I don’t even know if or how that would work for you.

    For me, I know that eating a lot is tied to my financial life and feeling unstable. I tend to eat more when I have less food in the house, which is weird. But I tend to binge when I have nothing in the house, feel “hungry” then run to 7-11 to get something unhealthy because I feel like I’m “gonna starve.” But when my apartment’s fully stocked, I feel less of a need to eat and am clear-headed enough to make better choices, because I don’t feel deprived in any way.

    Sorry for the ramble. Mostly talking this out for myself. 🙂

    • I probably should have explained what defines a “bad” food. Those are foods that I don’t feel like I could safely keep in my house. If they are in my house, I am very likely to binge on them and/or eat the entire thing in one sitting.

      Ice cream is a good example. I can’t have it in my house but I’m ok going out to get it. Or if I do buy it, it has to be those tiny ones that really are single serving.

  2. DAGNABBIT! I wrote a whole reply via my WordPress dashboard, clicked Reply, but it didn’t take, and now it’s disappeared. Grr.

    Now, keep in mind that I know that your problems are not the same as mine, and other people have entirely DIFFERENT issues with food. I get that. So, I’m just talking about me personally, not prescribing anything. Just some things to think about. Because there are legit food allergies, tolerances, etc that also affect our predisposition to eat certain things…

    Anyway, the gist of what I said is that, yes, I get what you mean by “bad foods” – the thing is, for me, LOTS of foods are bad foods in that regard. But I don’t want to live a life of depravity either, and I think that calling things “bad foods” or “trigger foods” or whatever gives them undue attention and power over me in my life. As if it’s the foods that are making me eat them, which they’re clearly not. I’m trying to get to the issues behind WHY I binge, rather than focusing on any one kind of food or the other, because if I don’t do that, I’ll never be able to be around certain things, and that’s not the kind of life I want to live. I want to be able to be around blocks of cheese (which are a HUGE binge food for me) without feeling the need to shove it into my face whole. Right now, I know I can only buy cheese once in a blue moon, and I enjoy it (and SHARE it as much as possible), and that’s it. But it’s starting to get to the point where, if I get it, I leave it wrapped and unfinished in my fridge longer and longer, whereas it used to be that a block of good cheese wouldn’t last a day in my fridge. And I know that, for me, my eating is very tied to my financial stability. From the time I was a kid (my parents made ends meet, but we were never financially secure), I was never sure that I was going to be ABLE to eat, so whenever I CAN eat, I do as if I’m never gonna have another chance. So, I’m trying to break that cycle/way of thinking by 1) working on my finances, and 2) remembering that every time I go to binge. That I’m OK, and that I can take care of myself and that I’m not gonna STARVE. It’s really really hard. But that’s also why I tend to eat less the more food I have stocked in the house – because that, to me, feels like I’m “doing well” so I don’t feel the need “to get food in my face while the getting is good.” Does that make sense?

    Anyway, I’ve babbled long enough. 🙂

    But I do wonder, are these “bad foods” foods that you’re planning on keeping out of your house FOREVER, or are you working toward being able to reincorporate them?

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