Category Archives: Tough Stuff

Hitting Some More Writer’s Block (or This Could Just Be A Temporary Thing)

Posted on January 17, 2023 | Comments Off on Hitting Some More Writer’s Block (or This Could Just Be A Temporary Thing)

Over the years I’ve written this blog, I’ve encountered writer’s block several times. It’s never a fun feeling, especially since I’ve been pretty dedicated to writing on here every weekday and have managed to keep that up since July 2012. But I also know that because I write on here so frequently, writer’s block is bound to happen from time to time.

Sometimes, it’s due to something happening either in my life or in the world. I remember at the beginning of the pandemic I questioned how frequently I would want to write here. I figured I would have nothing to say since nothing was going on in my life and I wasn’t planning on taking any crazy risks of being around other people. But looking back at those posts, I’m so glad that I have a record of my life during that time. Every stage of the pandemic has been different and I have a very good record of how I felt, what I was doing, and what the world seemed like to me. Not all of my moments of writer’s block feel like that or have a positive outcome when looking back at it, but that’s one that worked out really well for me.

I feel like it’s been a while since I’ve had writer’s block, so I guess I was due to experience it again. And there could be a couple of reasons why it hit me this time. I’ve been feeling nauseous on and off for quite a while. I used to get time off from nausea, but the injections have made it continuous. Fortunately, I have learned that by injecting them into my leg instead of my stomach, I can tolerate them better. So now that I’m at the tail end of my regular nausea, hopefully I will finally get a break. It’s also been raining here for a while and I don’t enjoy being out in the rain. I haven’t been going out and doing much lately anyway, but when there’s rain I have even less motivation to attempt to make plans. So my life has been very routine and boring with very little difference from week to week. I know I need to keep rebuilding my social life, but I haven’t had the motivation to do that, especially since the start of the year when the storms started.

But I also wonder how long I’ll be keeping up with daily writing. I do still enjoy it, especially when I have things planned out that I want to write. But when I have nothing on my schedule for ideas (which is what I’m pretty much experiencing now), it’s hard to think that writing every day is still the right thing to do. I’m sure eventually I’ll cut back on writing, but I think it’s a hard transition to make. A lot of my friends who also still blog have been cutting back, so I know that it’s something common to do and more and more people have been making this choice. And one of the reasons I started this blog in the first place isn’t really a factor in my life anymore. I did want to see if I could turn this blog into a day job for me or at least make some extra income from it. I have made some money, but it’s never been enough for me to make up for what I spend on web hosting and other things needed to maintain this site. And I don’t know if I ever care to try to do that much in the future. It would be nice to have extra money, but I’m also in a much better financial state than I’ve been in the past so it’s not as much of a focus for me as it has been before. And I know that if I wanted to try for that, it would take away from time that I should be using to be more social and hang out with friends. So it’s not something I think about much or make much effort into now. And whenever I do make money from an affiliate link or something else like that, it is nice but it’s not a big deal since it’s rarely more than $10.

I have no clue what I’ll be writing about this week since I have no ideas or fun things happening that I know of. But I do plan on still writing every day this week since that’s what I have committed myself to. And if in the future I change my mind about that, I’ll make a very intentional plan to do so and not just because I’m experiencing some writer’s block.

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Default ThumbnailI Keep Hitting Little Moments Of Writer’s Block (or Not Sure What To Say) Default ThumbnailHitting Some Writer’s Block (or This Is What I Thought Would Happen) Default ThumbnailHitting Writer’s Block (or This Is Going To Be Me Rambling) Default ThumbnailHaving A Bit Of Writer’s Block (or I Really Thought More Might Happen This Week) Default Thumbnail9 Years Of Blogging (or Just Keep Writing) Default ThumbnailI’ve Got Writer’s Block (or I Might Have Taken Too Many Pain Meds)

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Getting Through A Tough Week (or Rain And Pain)

Posted on January 16, 2023 | Comments Off on Getting Through A Tough Week (or Rain And Pain)

I knew this past week of workouts would be tough on me since it would likely be a week of bad pain and nausea. I didn’t expect the extra pain because of all the rain, so that just added to the difficulty of the week. And as much as I wanted to challenge myself in my workouts, I knew I just had to do what I could and hope for the best.

On Monday, I wasn’t feeling too nauseous but I was having quite a bit of hip pain. So I had to work around that and make sure that I didn’t do anything that was too painful for me.

For cardio, we had a long block that had pretty short intervals. We did a push pace to base pace and the each push/base interval was the same amount of time. So it was a 30-second push pace and 30-second base pace for the first interval. And they went up by 15 seconds each time. At the end of the block, we had a 30-second all-out.

On the rower, we also had a long block. We started with squats to front presses with a medicine ball and then we had a 200-meter row. Then we had the medicine ball exercise plus lunges before a 400-meter row. Then those exercises plus shoulder presses and then a 600-meter row. I actually didn’t get beyond that because my rowing was so slow, but it was a decent amount of work for what I could do.

And on the floor, we had neutral grip rows, sumo squats to upright rows, squats, and high rows on the straps. None of the floor exercises were too hard for me with the hip pain, but I did have to take some time with the squats because those were starting to bother me a bit. I wasn’t in pain, but I can tell when an exercise just isn’t feeling right and I need to make sure I’m not having sloppy form or something else that could cause pain later.

Tuesday I was definitely feeling nauseous plus still had some hip pain, so again I had to go easy and listen to my body. I knew that both of these feelings were temporary and that soon I would feel better, but it doesn’t always make it easier.

We had 2 blocks for cardio and both blocks had some incline work in them. We alternated between a regular push pace and a push pace with an incline with a base pace in between. I did go higher on my resistance levels to do the incline work, but I know I wasn’t pedaling that fast for either of the cardio blocks.

On the rower, we did stroke drills for both blocks. In the first block, we did a 12 stroke drill, rested, and then repeated the drill with the goal to beat our distance from the first one. And after that second row we had squats before repeating the pattern again. In the second block, we did 15 stroke drills and had lunges instead of squats.

And on the floor, we had one long block that had cluster sets. We had 3 exercises to do as cluster sets and we did each one 3 times. We had chest presses, tap squats, and overhead tricep extensions. For the sets, the first time was supposed to be 6-10 reps and then the second time was just to do as many as possible.

Wednesday’s workout was a benchmark and I knew it wasn’t going to be a great one for me. My nausea was pretty bad and I just wasn’t in a good mood because of how I had been feeling all week. This time, the benchmark was the 1 mile challenge, and I knew I had done really well on it the last time. This time, I just wanted to get through it and see what happened.

Our entire cardio block was focused on the benchmark. I knew I would finish in under 10 minutes, but I wanted to see if I could maybe do it in under 9. I didn’t put the resistance level that high since this benchmark is all about speed. I also knew that it would make things a bit easier on me since it wouldn’t take as much effort to pedal. And somehow, I made it just under 9 minutes so I was very happy. It was far from my PR, but I hit the goal I had set for myself.

On the rower, we had different row distances and we were supposed to do jumping jacks between them, but I knew I couldn’t do that. So for the entire row block, I just rowed as long as I could and then rested when I needed to. I wasn’t worried about distances or anything like that, I just kept going to maximize my time on the rower.

And on the floor, we had circuit work. We had 2 rounds of each circuit and then we did them as one long block after that. We had single arm rows and chest flys for the first circuit and step-ups and deadlifts for the second circuit. I was able to lower the bench so I could do the step-ups, but they did take me a while since I had to make sure I stayed balanced.

My hip pain was finally starting to be done by Thursday, but my nausea really kicked in hard. Plus I was dealing with very intense cramps so I don’t think my lack of hip pain helped me too much. But I knew this would be my last workout of the week so I wanted to just try the best I could.

Every section of the room had 3 blocks for this workout. For cardio, the blocks were always a push pace, an all-out, a 1-minute recovery, a push pace, and an all-out. In the first block, the push and all-outs were 1-minute, in the second block they were 45-seconds, and in the last block they were 30-seconds.

On the rower, we were timed the same way as cardio so we had the push and all-out rows. But instead of a recovery, we had the minute to do 10 overhead presses with a medicine ball and then we could rest for any time that was left over. I usually didn’t have much time to rest, so I just got my feet back into the rower and had a few seconds to breathe before doing the next set of push and all-out rows.

And on the floor, we had 2 exercises for each block. In the first block we had goblet squats and then we were supposed to do jumps to shuffles. I did squats to calf raises instead of the jumps. The second block had lateral lunges and skater lunges. And the last block was all core work and I really struggled with it with all my pain so I just did crunches for that last block to make sure I did something close to what we were supposed to do.

Considering how bad this past week could have been, it wasn’t too bad. I’m hoping that this week isn’t bad either and at least the end of the week should hopefully be ok for me. And even though I won’t have another benchmark to do this week, I can still try to keep pushing myself and making sure that I work extra hard when I feel ok to make up for weeks like this past one.

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Default ThumbnailPRs and Pain (or Another Up and Down Workout Week) Default ThumbnailA Much Better Workout Week (or At Least This Time My Pain Was From Working Out) Default ThumbnailPRs and Pain (or A Very Up And Down Week) Default ThumbnailAnother Painful Workout Week (or Swapping One Pain For Another) Default ThumbnailPushing Through A Tough Workout Week (or At Least It’s What I’m Used To Dealing With) Default ThumbnailSwapping One Type Of Pain For Another (or I Feel Like This Happens More Often Than I’d Like)

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So Many Meetings (or I Can’t Do Everything)

Posted on January 13, 2023 | Comments Off on So Many Meetings (or I Can’t Do Everything)

Maybe it was because this week was the first full work week of the new year or maybe there’s no reason for it, but this week I had so many different meetings I was supposed to be a part of. Every single day, I had at least one meeting on my schedule. Some of these were for work, some were for acting, and I also had an HOA meeting. And because there were so many meetings and I had to make sure I didn’t neglect other parts of my life, I just couldn’t make it all work.

Of course, my work meetings took priority. There is a lot going on right now so I’ve been a part of various meetings to plan and discuss things. Some of these meetings were planned in advance and some were only planned a few minutes before it was supposed to start. I’m grateful my job is mindful of my time and when I put in my schedule when I’m not available, so these all worked within my regular work hours. I know that being a part of some of these meetings is a sign of trust that the executive team has in me and shows my seniority within the company, so I didn’t take it lightly when I was added to a meeting. I did a lot of listening and not as much talking since some of these meetings were mainly higher-ups and I was there to either add a little bit more information or just to hear what is coming ahead.

We also had our belated work holiday party which was a Zoom meeting this past week. That was fun and we had different competitions such as best cocktail/mocktail and best Zoom background. I did make a fun background, but I didn’t win this time. But that’s ok since I won for Thanksgiving.

Also on my schedule this week was an HOA meeting for my condo. This isn’t something I have to go to, but I want to attend as many as I can so I can know what’s going on. Since this meeting is in the evening after most people are done with work, I was easily able to add it to my schedule. And since we just changed HOA management companies recently, I really wanted to hear what everyone else was saying. I haven’t noticed a huge difference with the new management company, but I haven’t had to do much through them since the renovation. And it’s always good to hear what is happening with the HOA dues and what things are being considered. There wasn’t too much discussed in the meeting, but there are some things coming up that I’m aware of now. Mainly dealing with the recycling and upcoming compost (which is required now for us) as well as some possible changes to the equipment in the gym. They also discussed that the roof is in good condition which is important with all the rain. I wasn’t too worried about the roof, but it was good to hear that I really don’t need to worry.

But the meetings I had to be ok not attending were some union/acting meetings that I had on my schedule. I really was looking forward to these meetings and they had been on my calendar for a while, but then other things came up that I couldn’t get out of or had to prioritize such as my work meetings. I know that this is a normal thing that so many people deal with, but it was still frustrating when I worked hard to try to attend meetings that were planned in advance. But I know that people understand when something comes up like this or if someone had to miss a meeting due to an emergency or being sick. But I still didn’t like it.

Having a week like this past week isn’t normal for me and I’m glad it’s not since having so many meetings can be stressful and overwhelming. But I made it through the week with only a few missed meetings and I know for the next few weeks my meetings will be much more spread out so this won’t be something I should have to deal with again for a while.

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Default ThumbnailStill Learning More About Being A Homeowner (or Observing Another HOA Meeting) Default ThumbnailMissing Some Union Meetings (or Even Virtual Meetings Don’t Guarantee I Can Go) Default ThumbnailMore Virtual Union Meetings (or Hopefully We Will Be Back To In-Person Meetings Soon) Default ThumbnailMy First Real HOA Meeting (or This Felt Like A Union Meeting) Default ThumbnailMaking Sure I Make It To Union Meetings (or Sometimes I Can’t Help My Schedule) Default ThumbnailLots Of Virtual Meetings (or Virtual Union Meetings)

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So Much Rain (or At Least I’m Not Really Going Anywhere)

Posted on January 12, 2023 | Comments Off on So Much Rain (or At Least I’m Not Really Going Anywhere)

I think the rain happening in California has been in the news for everyone, no matter where in the country you are. Yes, we have needed rain and we need to get out of a drought, but this amount of rain isn’t what we really needed. Because of the multi-year drought and how quickly this rain is coming, so much of the rain is going out to the ocean since we can’t store it all. But it is better than no rain so at least something is happening.

But even though the rain is good for the state and helps a lot of things, it’s also causing a lot of issues. I’ve been lucky with my place because I haven’t really had any flood or water issues. I was worried about it since I am on the first floor and I do have a little backyard. But I think either the rain was flowing away from my door or it was not puddling up. I also didn’t have any issues by my front door, but that’s probably because there is a little overhang from the floor above me over where my door is. And I guess it’s good that I don’t have any leaking from my windows even though they are old and probably need to be replaced.

At the building I’m in, we’ve had some standing water issues because the drains were being overwhelmed. There was a lot of water in our parking garage because it’s below street level and the water was flowing in, but it wasn’t flooding like I had seen other people have problems with. I just had to be careful where I stepped so I didn’t step into a deep puddle of water and get my socks and shoes wet.

I know LA has been luckier than other parts of the state. In Santa Barbara, there have been evacuations and their airport had to shut down due to flooding. In the Bay Area, freeways were flooding and cars were getting stuck. I know we had some mudslides in LA County, but they have been in very different parts of the county compared to where I live.

But even though the rain wasn’t causing a lot of property damage, it was still tough for me to get around. Whenever it’s raining or the weather is similar to when it’s raining, my hip hurts much more. I have been in a lot of pain since these back-to-back storms have been happening and I really try to not go too many places because I’m just in that much pain. I also know that the rain and water on the ground make things more unstable for me and I don’t want to risk falling. I’m staying home except for going to my workouts or doing errands that I can’t avoid doing. But even for things like getting groceries, I’m doing grocery delivery to be able to stay home and not have to worry about the pain or slipping.

Right now, we have a break from the rain but the next few storms are supposed to start soon. I’m going to try to get out of my house a bit while we have this break, but once the next storm comes in I will be staying home as much as I can again. I know that this is a lot less rain than most of the country deals with, but I still can’t wait until we are back to our normal sunny weather and I don’t have to have all these other concerns while trying to be out in the world.

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A Delayed Dentist Appointment (or Still Trying To Not Panic)

Posted on December 28, 2022 | Comments Off on A Delayed Dentist Appointment (or Still Trying To Not Panic)

I feel like even though I still don’t do great at the dentist, I have been doing a lot better lately than I did years ago. I still have some tough appointments now that make me feel like I’ve had a setback, but I still think there has been some forward progress for me. So even though I still hate the dentist, I don’t put off going because I know I need to be on top of things. The only time I really was putting off an appointment in the recent past was at the beginning of the pandemic when they canceled all regular appointments and were only seeing emergencies. I did end up having an emergency so I went in for that and the cleaning that I missed. But I think having that appointment be delayed really reinforced the idea of not missing or putting off appointments because that was a much harder appointment than normal.

I was supposed to go to the dentist in November, but right before my appointment was when I got sick. I knew it wasn’t Covid and was likely just a cold, but I didn’t want to expose everyone at the dentist’s office, especially since there’s no way to keep a mask on there. I think that the staff appreciated my being cautious as well. When the rescheduled date ended up not working for me because of a work conflict that I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to have to move my appointment after already doing that once, but I didn’t have a choice. So I finally was able to go to the dentist yesterday for the overdue appointment.

I think knowing that I had this appointment about a month after it was supposed to happen made me extra nervous. I know I try to do everything right for my teeth, but my genetics make me have bad teeth compared to others. That’s why I go in 3 times a year instead of just twice. I have to make sure I get more cleanings than the average person to make up for the bad genetics. I know that this delay wasn’t as bad as the one I had at the beginning of the pandemic, but I was still worried that the appointment would be that much more difficult for me to tolerate and get through.

I also think it didn’t help that it was raining that day so I was dealing with hip pain as well as the side effects from my injection. I tried to tell myself that those would be good distractions, but it doesn’t always work out like that, and sometimes having other pain or issues just make everything else feel worse. But I did my best to not panic as much as I could and went into my appointment with a somewhat positive mindset. But as always, I was worried that I would be told some horrible news about my teeth while I was there.

When I finally got to my appointment, I encountered another delay. Another patient had an emergency and it was taking longer than expected. I told them I could just wait until the dentist was done since I didn’t want to put off the appointment any longer. I know that was the right choice even though waiting there for a while made my nerves kick up even more. By the time I was seen, I was really trying my best to stay calm but I knew I wasn’t doing a great job at that.

Fortunately, my appointment went ok. Things weren’t as great as they normally are, but I know that’s because my appointment was pushed back by a month. It really does make a difference in making sure you go on time. I know that I shouldn’t push an appointment back unless absolutely necessary, and this showed me yet again how true that is. But at least it was only slightly worse than normal and I wasn’t told any exceptionally bad news. I know that one day I’ll have another cavity or need a crown redone, but I’m grateful that wasn’t at this appointment.

I’m planning on going back again in 4 months like I’m supposed to. And I’m going to do whatever I can to make sure I don’t have to reschedule again since I think that makes things worse when they don’t have to be. And maybe if I don’t have a pushed back appointment and if there is no delay when I get to the office, things will be better for me next time.

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Default ThumbnailA Boring Visit At The Dentist (or Getting Ready For A Future Bad Appointment) Default ThumbnailAn Outing To The Dentist (or Doubling Up On The Panic) Default ThumbnailGetting Used To A New Dentist Routine (or This Wasn’t The Appointment I Expected) Default ThumbnailAnother Panicky Dentist Appointment (or I Don’t Like Unexpected Moments) Default ThumbnailFeeling A Bit Less Stressed At The Dentist (or Just Having Normal Panic) Default ThumbnailLess Panic At The Dentist (or Am I Finally Over This?)

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Finding Some Good In Life (or This Feels Like A Turn Compared To The Beginning Of The Week)

Posted on December 16, 2022 | Comments Off on Finding Some Good In Life (or This Feels Like A Turn Compared To The Beginning Of The Week)

I finally had a change for my week. I hated feeling like the week wasn’t a good week, but I also knew I just needed to get through it and things would be better. I’m not in a great mood and still have some negative things, but I’m so happy that I’m ending my week a lot better than how I started it.

I still have some bad pain and nausea, but that’s my normal and I’m used to this. I know it will get easier over the weekend and at the beginning of next week. And hopefully, by this time next week, I won’t have any of those issues to deal with for another few weeks. And the side effects from my injection are much better now. This is what I’ve been expecting since they usually go away toward the end of the week each week. Just feeling a bit better made a huge difference in my mood. And it also makes it feel like things are on an upswing compared to being in the middle of a frustrating time. I know that I will have the side effects from my injection again at the beginning of next week, but each week that passes brings me closer to hopefully not having any more of these bad side effects. It might be a month or two before I get to that point, but I’m closer now than I was before.

And I just had some silly random moments come up in the past day or so. Some of my friends have shared some ridiculous things that they knew would make me laugh. And there have been some really crazy things in the news in the last day that you couldn’t help but laugh at. I hadn’t had many random laughs like that earlier in the week and I really needed these. I didn’t have a ton of leisure time, but at least these little breaks in my day to look at something that wasn’t related to work made my work time a bit better.

I also ended up having a bit less work to do this week than expected. It was a really busy week because this time each month I have a few tasks that have deadlines. But I was originally supposed to add on another task to cover work for someone else. That changed and the extra work was covered in a different way. I had to modify a few tasks because of the change, but it wasn’t much more than I’m used to doing so that was good. And the modifications I have to do to my work might bring a few new workflows that I can use in the future that might make my regular work a little easier. I’m not sure if these processes will help, but it doesn’t hurt to see what other ways I can do my work.

And as I wrote yesterday, I’ve been working on focusing on what I can control and manage. Making sure I’m eating ok helps my mood and can sometimes help my pain and nausea too. And I’ve been continuing to work on getting more sleep since I know that can make the most difference in how my mood is and how I’m feeling.

Things aren’t perfect for me right now, but they are better. And I think it’s important to recognize when things aren’t going so great since sometimes that can mean that you could need more help than you thought. I have been dealing with stuff like this long enough that I knew I would be ok and wasn’t having a bigger mental health issue. But if I was, I wouldn’t hesitate to get help. And if you haven’t been going through this sort of thing, you might not be able to tell the difference. Mental health can be a slippery slope, especially when it’s combined with physical health stuff. But I’m glad that it seems like I’ve turned a corner and hopefully the second half of my month goes much better than this past week.

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Default ThumbnailThis Month Feels Like It’s Already Done (or I’m Not Going To Get All The Things Done) Default ThumbnailFinally It Feels Like Things Are Normal (or A Week Of Various Self-Care) Default ThumbnailPlaying Catchup (or Recovering From The Beginning Of The Week) Default ThumbnailStill Finding New Life Lessons With Dating (or Some Skills I’m Proud Of And Some I’m Not Sure About) Default ThumbnailNot Really In A Mood (or I Guess This Goes Along With Not Feeling Well) Default ThumbnailAdding A Little Control In My Life (or Finding Little Ways To Be Helpful)

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Trying To Not Keep Writing Negative Posts (or Doing What I Can)

Posted on December 15, 2022 | Comments Off on Trying To Not Keep Writing Negative Posts (or Doing What I Can)

I feel like every post recently has been something negative. I don’t like that at all. I know it’s being truthful and honest and I don’t hide how I feel, but I also don’t feel like all the negativity is really accurate with how my life is going. The things I’m going through sound a lot worse than they are. I know a lot of people in my life feel bad for me when I’m going through pain and nausea. And I do appreciate that my friends know that it can be really bad and don’t try to downplay what I go through. But at the same time, this is something I go through every month so I can usually tolerate it. Or if I can’t tolerate it, I have things I can do that help. It might mean I don’t do much with my time outside of obligations, but I know I will always get through the pain and nausea eventually.

I can’t necessarily control when I’ll be feeling this way, but I have a general idea of when it will happen and how long it will last. Sometimes I’ll be surprised and things start sooner or later than normal or the duration is different from normal. And it’s always a variable about how severe things can be on a particular day. But I’m grateful that at least I can plan a bit for when this will be happening. But between feeling sick and the other not-so-great things going on in my life, I’m really focusing on what I can control at this point.

I’ve been really trying to focus on making sure I take care of myself in whatever ways I can. I’m still not great about getting enough sleep, but I’m making more effort to work on this. I’m making sure I go to bed at the time I should, I just don’t always fall asleep quickly enough. And sometimes, if I’m reading in bed and almost to the end of a book, I’ll stay up later than I should so I can finish the book before going to sleep. I’m trying to be good about what I eat as well, but that’s a harder struggle than most things. But I’m still trying and making an effort to be thoughtful about my meal planning (even if that means my plan is to order food). I’m also making sure that I pick things that I know my body tolerates better than others because I know some food might make me feel worse. This is a bit of trial and error because the new medication has made me have different reactions to different foods, so I don’t always know if something will be ok or not. But I have to keep trying so I don’t get into a bad food rut. And when I do eat something that makes me feel a bit sick, I don’t get mad at myself because I know I didn’t know that would happen.

And I’m allowing myself to practice self-care in whatever way feels right. Sometimes that means spending my free time reading or watching tv and not doing much else. Sometimes that means trying to find a friend to talk to in order to get some feelings out there in the open. And sometimes that’s doing stuff that others might see as frivolous but I don’t really care because they are things I like or that make me happy.

I can’t exactly predict when I will be feeling better or at least more like myself. I have an idea of when the pain and nausea will end, but that’s not the only thing controlling my mood these days. But all I can do is make the most of what I can each day and continue to hope for the best. I know this feeling is temporary and soon I will be much happier and more excited about things. But for now, I’m just going through a moment of a low and I have to allow myself to work through this time.

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Default ThumbnailSleeping Away The Day (or Sometimes The Pain and Nausea Are Just Too Bad) Default ThumbnailSorry For A Quick Post (or Going Through A Tough Day) Default ThumbnailSometimes I Feel Cursed (or At Least I Think I’m Feeling Better) Default ThumbnailJust Dragging On (or Another Apology For Another Short Post) Default ThumbnailFeeling Normal and Less Anxious (or Sorry I Keep Writing About The Same Thing) Default ThumbnailA Low Key Post (or I Guess Things Come In Threes)

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Not Really In A Mood (or I Guess This Goes Along With Not Feeling Well)

Posted on December 14, 2022 | Comments Off on Not Really In A Mood (or I Guess This Goes Along With Not Feeling Well)

Compared to when I wrote my post yesterday about not feeling great, I’m feeling both better and worse right now. I’m glad the rain ended (even though we do need the rain in LA) because my hip is doing much better. But my pain and nausea are much worse right now. The side effects from my injection are about the same right now, but that’s what I was expecting. It seems like they are only easing off in the last day or so that I have them and then sometimes I’ve gotten a break before I have to do my next injection.

I was talking to a friend on the phone yesterday about how I was feeling and I had a weird realization. Other than being annoyed with the pain and nausea I was experiencing, I wasn’t necessarily in a bad mood. I wasn’t in a good mood either. I couldn’t figure out how to explain it other than saying that I wasn’t in any mood. I wasn’t necessarily numb, which I know could be a sign of depression, I just didn’t really have a sense of how I was feeling and I didn’t think I was feeling any particular way.

After having that call, I started to think about that idea more. I think I’m having this lack of mood for a few reasons. I think the biggest reason is that I’m in a rut with a few different things right now. My regular daily schedule is a bit of a rut because I’m not doing much after work. But I’m also not doing much after work because of how I feel. It’s really tough to want to do something after a full day when I spent most of the day feeling off and all I want to do after work is to lay down or rest. It’s hard being in this repeating cycle of feeling off. I was used to it when it was 2 weeks a month and I had a good idea of what the pattern would be. But now, it’s every week and it’s a bit unknown how each week will be. I know this is temporary and hopefully within a month or two I’ll be over this and not spending every week dealing with side effects.

I think also I’m in this weird non-mood because of the holiday season. I don’t hate the holidays, normally I would say I’m someone who likes to celebrate all holidays big or small with weird little traditions. And I’m still planning on doing some of my regular Christmas traditions that I do on my own. But I think it’s more the realization that another year has passed and I feel like very little has changed in my life. I know this isn’t true. Buying my condo and all the changes with my day job situation are huge. But I think I look at the stagnation in my personal life as more powerful than other changes I might have made. I know I had this feeling a lot during the first year or two of the pandemic when it felt like my life was on hold. It feels like the last 3 years haven’t really happened. I can’t believe that I’ll be turning 40 next year. I know I need to let go of some of the ideas I had in my head about what 40 would look like, but it still seems like I’ve gotten stuck in the same place for years. And having the holidays coming up is just another reminder that this year is almost over and I have to think about what I have accomplished and what I want to accomplish.

I also think that I’m a bit lonelier this year during the holidays than I was before. Before the pandemic, I had a lot of friends that lived here and we would do silly things this time of year. Being single didn’t bother me as much because I had other things going on. And now, so many of my friends have moved away, and being single hits me a bit harder. I haven’t hit a wall with dating just yet, but it’s very frustrating to have the same conversations over and over again or to have the same situations happen. I’m ready for something to be different, but there’s no way to force that to happen. All I can do is try to not think about the past when going into a new match or date and believe that this could be the one that breaks the mold.

I know that I’ll be out of this non-mood soon enough (or maybe I should say I’ll be in a mood soon). I have a bunch of factors right now that are just making things not great but not awful for me and I need to let this time pass. And hopefully, once I’m passed this time, I can get into the holiday spirit a bit more and enjoy everything that is out there to enjoy.

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Not Starting My Week Off On The Best Note (or When It Rains It Pours)

Posted on December 13, 2022 | Comments Off on Not Starting My Week Off On The Best Note (or When It Rains It Pours)

I knew that yesterday was likely to be a rough day for me. I had been dealing with pain and nausea over the weekend and I knew it would only get worse as this week went on. And I know that my worst day for side effects from my injections has been either Monday or Tuesday since I started them. So I had mentally prepared myself for how I would deal with those things.

Getting prepared usually means making sure I have foods I can tolerate and won’t make me feel worse as well as starting to take medications as soon as I might have any symptoms to stay on top of things. I don’t like to medicate when I don’t need to, but when my nausea gets really bad I usually need to take something before it gets to that point in order for them to help. If I feel horrible and then take them, they usually just take the edge off of things. But if I’m smart and take them early, then I can sometimes make it so I don’t feel things too much. Or maybe I’m just getting used to feeling rotten so I’m getting better and tolerating things. But over the weekend, I wasn’t feeling too horrible so I didn’t think I needed to worry about taking medication just yet. But of course, I should have known better when I had that thought.

When I woke up yesterday, I was pretty nauseous and that was before I had done my injection. But what made things worse was the extra pain that I was in. We’ve had a bit of rain lately and I thought it was done by yesterday. But when I got up, it was pouring outside. I’m not great about checking the weather and I don’t watch the news that often, so I was definitely unprepared. I’m lucky that I don’t have to be outside too much. And yesterday I only had to drive to go to my workout. But the bigger issue for me with the rain is how much pain I’m in during that type of weather.

My hip always does horribly in the rain or when the pressure in the air is different. I know this is something that a lot of people deal with. Typically, I think people who have broken a bone have this issue. For me, my hip surgery shaved off the top of a bone, so the way it healed was very similar to what a broken bone does. I’m guessing that’s why I have this issue. It’s not something that any doctor has been able to confirm with me, but it’s common enough that I feel certain that I’ve figured out why. But just because I figured out why doesn’t mean I know how to make it better. And often when I have this weather-related pain, it’s not helped by painkillers.

So yesterday was a triple-issue day for me. And that just made the day pretty miserable for the entire day. I did whatever I could to try to feel better, but things just weren’t helping. I hate when I feel so uncomfortable in my body and there’s nothing I can really do. I’m just lucky I work from home and can move around while I’m working. So if things feel better if I’m sitting on the ground, I do that. If I feel better laying in bed, I bring my laptop into my room and I can work just fine from bed. Ideally, I’m working at my desk, but that’s not always the best option for me to be productive.

I’m hoping this was just a one-day thing for me. I know the weather is getting better, so I won’t have to deal with the extra hip pain. And having that not affecting me will take the edge off of things a bit. But I know the pain and nausea are likely to get worse during the week and I have no idea what my side effects will do. So I just have to wait and see what happens and try to manage whatever issues come up as I figure it out. But even though the rest of the week could be worse, this really was an annoying way to start my week when I was expecting things to be rough but not this rough.

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Default ThumbnailEnding Some Pain and Starting Other Pain (or At Least I’m Stocked Up) Default ThumbnailPain Distracts From Other Pain (or The Rain Isn’t Too Bad This Time) Default ThumbnailOnly Knowing Some Of The News (or Several Rough Nights Of Sleep) Default ThumbnailIt’s Another Short Post Type Of Week (or Sorry About This) Default ThumbnailJust Being Lazy In The Rain (or Not Much To Write About) Default ThumbnailFeeling The Pain With The Weather (or The Full Story About My Hip Problems)

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This Month Feels Like It’s Already Done (or I’m Not Going To Get All The Things Done)

Posted on December 9, 2022 | Comments Off on This Month Feels Like It’s Already Done (or I’m Not Going To Get All The Things Done)

I know that December just started, but at the same time, it feels like it’s almost done. I had a lot of things that I wanted to get accomplished this month and I’m already starting to wonder if I’ll have the time to get them done. I’m sure I’m overreacting and I’ll be able to get things done, but since some are time sensitive I know that I probably will have to accept that some things will either need to be done later than normal or just not done at all.

I think part of the problem for me has been that I haven’t been feeling well except for a few days. This is mainly due to the side effects of my medication, but I do think it’s getting better. I’m still having a lot of side effects most of the week, but at least this week it seems like the end of the week is better than it was last week. It could just be in my imagination, but I’m trying to believe that I’m going to not have to deal with side effects as long as some people have. I know it will still affect part of my week each week for a while, but if things do get better that will help me to find some more free time to get things done.

I also have an unexpectedly crazy week with work next week. I can’t get into too many details, but I’m helping to cover some work that needs to be done that normally isn’t a part of my tasks. And this work will require extra hours and potentially working at odd hours. I am going to be paid more because this will require me to work more hours than I do right now, but I know that the limited free time I have now will be even more limited next week and possibly the week after. Fortunately, this will be a one-time thing, so I won’t have to worry about this being a part of my regular life.

And with the holidays coming up, I feel like that limits when things can be done because I have to work around things being closed on days that I would typically go to do them. Also, some of the things I want to get done are connected to the holidays and I don’t want to send things to people late. I have had something I needed to mail for 2 weeks and I just haven’t had the free time during the hours the post office is open to go and do it. I’m hoping I can find some time this weekend after work, but it depends on how crazy things get since the post office has limited Saturday hours.

I have a feeling that the week between Christmas and New Year’s will feel like it’s not as fast since it’s always a weird week. But if I want to do things like get holiday cards out, I try to do them before the holidays start. But this year, I think that’s going to have to be something that is late since I haven’t even started to design the postcards that I want to send out. I know it’s not a big deal if they are mailed in January versus December, but I really thought until this week that I had plenty of time to get it done, and then I realized that I really don’t.

I don’t want to end this year feeling stressed about getting everything done, so I’m really going to work on prioritizing things and seeing what I feel better about putting off a bit longer. And I might end up surprising myself and actually getting more done than I expected. I have 3 weeks left this month and I know that means that so much can happen and change. But at the same time, I do need to recognize that the last 3 weeks have potential issues with me being able to do everything that I planned and I want to be prepared for that so I’m not disappointed if that ends up being my reality.

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