Category Archives: Dating

More People From My Past (or Really Trying To Stand Up For Myself)

It was only a few weeks ago that I wrote about how I rematched with guys from my past. Those were guys I matched with on dating apps for the second time, but I do think that for both of them I had messaged with them outside of the dating apps. So I think they both had my number, but they never reached out again until we rematched on the app. And I wrote about how I was open to seeing what would happen, but I was cautious.

For both of them, I ended up unmatching with them. For one guy, I knew it couldn’t lead to anything serious because of his work situation. I was open to seeing him again because our date before was really nice, and it seemed at first that he was open to that as well. But things just didn’t happen and it seemed like he either lost interest or was only willing to message me when he had free time and not plan. So I unmatched with him because I don’t want to be someone’s backup plan and there’s no reason for me to continue something without a future.

For the other guy, I was willing to hear out why he ghosted me before, but he never seemed to want to answer that question. And there were other issues with him that made me feel less certain about him. I didn’t like that he was lying about his age. Whenever someone does that, it makes me wonder what else they might be lying about. I know that they might only be lying about their age to get different results in the app’s algorithm, but I still feel that’s weird. Also, this guy doesn’t live that close to me. When we went out a few years ago, he mentioned possibly moving more toward my part of LA, but he hasn’t done that. So I figured between not getting answers from what happened before and the other issues, there was no point in moving forward. I did tell him that it was nice to chat again but I don’t think we are a match this time, so at least I didn’t ghost him.

And again, another person from my past has come back. This time, it wasn’t from matching on an app again. He and I went out years ago and we had each other’s phone numbers. And he has texted me over the years. But last year, I said that I would be willing to give him a chance if he would call me and not text because calls can get things done while texts can take a while to get a response from. And he wasn’t understanding me or didn’t believe me because he continued to just text. But we finally had a phone call this past week and I said that as long as he continued to call and not text, I would consider seeing him again.

When he and I stopped seeing each other, it wasn’t because anything bad happened. We wanted different things and he had some issues with following through with seeing me. Just like I said before, I’m not someone’s backup plan. I want someone who wants to make plans with me, not just see if I’m free when they are free at the last minute. And I told him this when we talked this week. If he wants to see me, there has to be a plan and there has to be effort. I don’t need anything fancy. Even just asking if I wanted to meet up for coffee or something simple would be fine as long as it was a plan.

And I’m trying to stay strong with this mindset. It’s really easy for me to just accept something less because I was told by people for a long time that I don’t deserve nice things and should just be happy that anyone would be interested in me. I know I deserve more than what I have gotten in the past. I know that someone should be as excited as I am about going on dates. I don’t know what will happen with this guy or if we will end up going out, but I’m really trying to hold him to the standard that I’m asking for. I know I’m not asking for much, and if he decides that he’s not ok with that then we aren’t meant to go out again.

I have been trying to be stronger with how I am with my dating life. I am not playing the cool girl or acting like I’m good with whatever I’m offered. I don’t need to put up with a situation that I’m not happy with just because the alternative is not dating anyone at the moment. The pandemic really taught me the difference between being alone and being lonely. And as long as I have time with others in my life like seeing friends or going to my workouts, I’m not lonely. And being alone can be better than being in an unfulfilling dating situation that makes me feel insecure.

It’s not always easy to remember that, especially when I want someone to like me, but I’m trying. And hopefully, whether it’s this guy from my past or someone new, they will respect that I’m standing up for myself and what I want and will be happy to meet my standards (and hopefully exceed them).

Repeating Patterns In Dating (or Seeing Guys Reappear Again)

For most of the time that I have used dating apps, I have seen guys come up in my feed multiple times. Most of the time, they are guys that I never matched with and I usually swipe the same way on them that I did the previous times that I saw them. And occasionally, I would see a guy come across my feed that I had gone out with before. If I had gone out with them and didn’t want to see them again, I usually block them but occasionally I forget to do so. So if I see them again in my feed, I’ll block them that time. But sometimes, I see someone in my feed that I had gone out with and was ghosted by. That’s always a weird thing.

Getting ghosted sucks. There’s no eloquent way to say that. Even if I wasn’t sure about seeing them again, I respect someone more who can tell me that over ghosting. And I try to do the same for guys I go out with. I have only ghosted on occasions where I feel like that is best for my safety. I hate telling someone I don’t want to see them again, but I know they deserve that respect from me.

So when I see someone who ghosted me in the past come across my feed, it’s usually weird emotions. I usually am angry about what they did and I have no interest in hearing what they might have to say. Rarely, I will swipe right to see if we will match. I don’t know what I expect if I match someone who ghosted me, but for some reason, I will have a pull to consider giving someone another chance. And it usually doesn’t end in anything good. The best example of that is when I gave someone another chance and they ghosted me again. But it did give me a sense of closure that I didn’t have before. The first ghosting hurt and made me wonder what I did wrong. The second ghosting showed me that they really are an inconsiderate person and that I don’t have any interest in being with someone who would treat me like that.

For some reason in the past few weeks, I have been seeing more and more guys from my past on dating apps. Maybe they were seeing someone and it ended and they are all getting back on the apps now. I don’t know why it’s happening so much now, but I have also been a bit more open to giving people second chances or at least trying to hear them out. So I have swiped right on a few of them and have matched with 2. One guy technically didn’t ghost me, it was more of a slow fade but I think I was more interested in continuing things than he was and he never said it.

But the second one really did ghost me and I have always wondered what happened. But after matching with him again, I question if I care to see what his excuse or explanation is. He doesn’t live that close to me so when we went out it usually was a big ordeal to figure out traffic. And after matching with him again I realized that he was either lying about his age before or now. I think he’s lying now, but 4 years ago he had his age as 37 and now he has it as 34. I know that some people lie about their age, but it always makes me wonder what the end game is for them when they do that. They will have to reveal the truth if they want to see someone more than just casually and I would always wonder what else they were lying about. But since it doesn’t take me much effort to text with him and hear him out, I will give him a chance but proceed with caution.

I know that I have learned things from everyone that I have gone out with, but sometimes there is something that makes me wonder if our story was really over. There are some people who will never get a second chance (like those who have hurt me or lied about serious things such as being married), but I am trying to be open to opportunities in dating and elsewhere in my life. So giving someone from my past a potential second chance could lead to something. But I also know that giving someone a chance doesn’t give them a free pass either. So if they want another chance beyond matching and texting, they do have to earn it.

The Same Dating Issues As Always (or Maybe It’s For The Best Things Aren’t Really Happening)

I haven’t written about dating for a little while, and that’s honestly because I haven’t had a lot to write about. I am getting a bit burnt out with dating apps, but I also know they are almost a necessary evil. So I’m trying to set times to make an effort but I’m not as focused on them as I was in the past. I also have so many other things happening in my life right now so finding time to go on dates isn’t as easy as it normally is.

I don’t know if I’d say we are in a post-pandemic world since the pandemic isn’t really over, but it’s not the same as it was at the beginning of the pandemic. So I guess I’ve experienced pre-pandemic, pandemic, and almost post-pandemic dating at this point. And honestly, there haven’t been a lot of things that have been different when comparing each time. The biggest difference was during the worst of the pandemic, I was trying to date before seeing someone in real life since you had to have a lot of trust in them to risk things like that. I’m glad that we are pretty much past that point in the pandemic and as long as you are meeting in an outdoor space, it’s pretty safe. I know you still have to be cautious and we can’t be quite as carefree as before, but I’m glad it’s better.

But besides that main difference, so much is still the same and it’s really frustrating. The lack of follow-through and getting ghosted are at the top of my annoyance list. Being ghosted always sucks and I hate it. I haven’t really been ghosted much lately, but that’s only because I haven’t had a lot of dates recently. And I don’t know if I count someone that I’m messaging with who stops responding as someone who ghosted me. I know some people do think of it as the same thing, and I can see why they would think that. But for me, it’s a bit different.

But messaging someone who stops responding goes along with the idea of lack of follow-through. There are so many guys I have talked to who have asked me if I wanted to meet up with them in person and I’ve agreed. But then when it comes to making plans, they just don’t say much. There was someone recently who asked me to meet them for coffee, and I agreed. They asked me when I was free and I gave them a few options. They responded that they would need to check their schedule and get back to me. Maybe I’m wrong for following up with them after not hearing back for a few days, but I try to give people chances. But more often than not, either they don’t respond to my follow-up or they give me another non-specific answer or leave things up in the air. I don’t know if they are just flakey people or if they never really wanted to meet up in person. Either way, I’m over that feeling and dealing with it. I know I have to allow for some flexibility and I can’t expect that someone wouldn’t have something that requires them to postpone (I’ve had to reschedule before), but unless there is a plan happening after we’ve made plans to meet in person, I don’t have to just sit and wait for them to let me know when they are ready for me.

I have so much other stress and frustration in my life right now, so maybe it’s for the best that I haven’t been able to make plans with anyone. My time should be spent working on moving and focusing on that. I’ve been busy pretty much every day after work for over a week now and I’m glad I used that time for stuff related to the move. If I was actually dating someone and not just going on first dates that might not lead anywhere, maybe I would feel differently. But for now, my time is better spent on stuff I know I need to do this month and not things that only have the potential to be something. But once I’m moved into my new place, I hope that I feel a bit reinvigorated and will be back to my regular dating style and maybe things will be a bit better.

My Usual Non-Plans For Valentine’s Day (or It Seems Like A Lot Of People Felt This Way)

I don’t normally do anything for Valentine’s Day. I can only think of one Valentine’s Day where I had a date, and that was not something that was planned. It was someone I had gone out with a few times, we planned our next date, and the day of we realized it was Valentine’s Day. So in my mind, that’s not really a Valentine’s Day date.

While I don’t want to be single forever, I also don’t really mind not doing anything for Valentine’s Day. There is a lot of pressure to find the right thing to do and it’s nice to not have to think about it. And this year, I didn’t do anything special for Valentine’s Day just like I pretty much always have.

And it seems like so many people felt the same way. I don’t know if it was because Valentine’s Day was on a Monday or it was the day after the Super Bowl, but it felt like most people didn’t do anything crazy or extravagant this year. Even with one of my day jobs, Valentine’s Day is one of the busiest days for us. The shows we do are typically Saturdays only, but a lot of the locations will do a show on Valentine’s Day no matter what day it falls on. And for most years, that show has sold out weeks or a month in advance. But this year, while a lot of locations sold out, we had a few that had a few tickets left the week of. The shows were almost all sold out by the weekend before, but it took longer to sell out than it has from what I remember from every other year.

I did have a few things that made Monday not just a normal Monday. One of my jobs sent all the employees in my department a gift, so I got a box of nice cookies which I appreciated. And I did a Zoom hang out with my friends since none of us had plans that night. The Zoom wasn’t necessarily Valentine-themed, but it was a good opportunity for us to schedule a time to have a hangout for our group.

And also, the podcast episode that I recently recorded was released on Valentine’s Day! This interview was an update on some of the dating stories I had shared before on the Secret Life podcast. It was fun to share these updates even if they weren’t necessarily happy or positive stories. But I don’t feel like I need to ever hide the negative stuff that happens in my dating life. I know that when I hear other people sharing crazy stories I feel less alone. So sharing my stories hopefully makes other people feel less alone.

I think not being surrounded by a ton of people talking about elaborate Valentine’s Day plans also made me feel less alone. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything even if I still feel lonely and wished I wasn’t single. This year, it seemed like everyone had the same feelings about the day as I did. It was something to remember was happening, but not necessarily something that you had to make a huge effort to do something special for. And I’m aware that I might have very different feelings about things if I was in a relationship, but at least this year it felt like nobody was really celebrating and I’m ok being a part of the majority.

Doing Another Podcast Interview (or I Guess People Enjoyed My Stories)

I’ve had a few opportunities in the past to be on podcasts. Most recently, I had 2 different interviews on the Secret Life Podcast. I did one episode about my eating disorder, but the most recent one was about dating. I have shared plenty of dating stories on here before, and it’s clear that I’ve had a lot of crazy stories. And I know that it probably seems like I only have negative experiences, but that’s because those are the ones that are more interesting to share. It’s not as fun to say how I dated someone for a month or two and they were a really great person but just not meant for me. I think people enjoy hearing me talk about getting ghosted or catching cheaters.

And when I went on Secret Life to talk about dating, I did share a lot of those crazy stories. I know they are funny and I know that I have had some really out there experiences. Maybe someone will feel better about their bad dating experiences after hearing my stories. But I just enjoy sharing them because I know they are entertaining and I like to entertain others.

Well, I guess quite a few people agree that they are funny and entertaining because I found out that my episode about dating ended up being a bit hit for the podcast! It’s a little hard to believe that people loved hearing what I had to say when there are interviews with some pretty big celebrities on the podcast too, but I’m so glad that what I had to say was relatable. And because it was a hit, Brianne asked me if I’d come back on the podcast for a follow-up!

I was very excited to be given that chance because quite a few things changed since we recorded that interview. We did that interview a while ago and the stories I shared were accurate at the time of the recording. But there were a few stories I shared on the episode that had some pretty big updates. I shared about a guy who had ghosted me who had come back into my life again (and I won’t say more on here because I want you to listen to the episode!). And I shared a story on the original episode about someone I was seeing non-exclusively that I learned some really big things about since then that has made me feel very differently about the situation.

And I also wanted to share about how dating during a pandemic has been a very tough experience. In a time when I was seriously lacking any physical touch, I wanted to go out and date to try to find someone. But at the same time, I had to keep my health and safety in mind and there is a lot of trust you have to put in people who you don’t know. I know this will be relatable because I don’t know anyone single during this time that hasn’t had the same struggles as I have had. And because none of us have been in a pandemic before, there aren’t rules or guidelines to follow and we are all just trying to figure it out.

I don’t want to share too much about what I said because I want you all to listen to my follow-up episode. And you won’t have to wait long because Brianne let me know that she is going to release it as the Valentine’s Day episode! So I hope you all check it out, and while you are waiting for my next episode to come out, you should check out all the other episodes and interviews because they have all been amazing!

Another Podcast Appearance (or Sharing My Dating Stories Again)

A while ago, I mentioned how I did an interview for the Secret Life podcast. I actually did 2 different interviews. I did one where I talked about my eating disorder and that episode came out at the end of 2020. That episode was a bit more serious and I think the idea of it was a pretty stereotypical idea of someone keeping something a secret. But the second interview I did was something that a lot of people who know me might not realize. And that episode came out this week.

I did an episode about how much I hate online dating. I don’t know if everyone who knows me how much I hate online dating because I use apps and that’s pretty much where I meet anyone I go out with. But it’s the truth.

I got onto dating apps with the idea of wanting to be off of them. I don’t enjoy the game of dating. There is a meme about how single people want to find someone and get married but they don’t want to date. And I feel like that is accurate. The process of dating, especially online dating, is really tough and can be annoying. I’ve wasted so much time talking to guys on different apps to have it lead nowhere. Or if I do go out and meet them, I’ve found out a lot of them are not who they say they are. Sometimes it’s a lie such as them exaggerating their height or claiming they don’t smoke when they do (or they don’t consider vaping the same as smoking). Other times it’s them lying about being single or they use photos that are very old or are of someone else so you are not meeting who you are expecting to meet.

If the first guy I met from a dating app ended up being the perfect guy for me, I would have been happy deleting all the apps after that. I never wanted to use dating apps for an extended time. And I never imagined I would be on them as long as I have (although I don’t know if the past 2 years really count since I didn’t date much). But as much as I hate online dating, I also don’t know how else I will meet someone. So it’s a necessary evil for me.

Even though I hate online dating, I try to stay hopeful and not give up. I try not to assume the worst of someone when I start talking to them or when I’m going to meet them. It’s not always easy because I have been let down so many times, but I think the hope that I still have is what keeps me going on the different dating apps.

This podcast episode is definitely sillier than my first one. I shared a lot of stories from dating and dating apps that I know are funny. They might not have been funny when they happened to me, but I can look back at them and see the comedy in those moments now. And sometimes I think that the bad dates and stories are worth it if I can entertain other people with them. I still wish I didn’t have all these stories, but I’m trying to see the positive side of things.

I hope that you all will check out this episode and the rest of the Secret Life podcast. I haven’t been on many podcasts as a guest, but I had the best time with Brianne when we did the interview. She really is a great host and I think you can tell that from listening to any of the episodes. But I can also say that being someone she is interviewing is really an easy and relaxing experience. It felt like just chatting with a friend and I didn’t have many nerves while recording it because she put me at ease. And I have been listening to all the episodes of her podcast and they are all amazing! I feel honored that I got to be a part of this podcast twice!

One day, I hope I won’t have to hate online dating anymore because I won’t need the apps anymore. But until then, I just have to tolerate dating, get some good stories out of it, and try to enjoy things until I find the one who gets me to delete all my dating apps.

Excitement and Speaking Up (or My Last Monthly Challenge of 2021)

It’s so crazy that it’s already December. This year feels like it didn’t happen, but I think part of that is similar to what happened last year with the pandemic. I didn’t get to fully live my life the way I’m used to, but in other ways I created new things within my life. But still, this year is almost done and that just seems bonkers!

And since it’s the beginning of the last month of the year, it’s also time for me to review last month’s challenge and plan out this month’s challenge. Last month, my monthly challenge was to be more excited in my life. I knew I needed this challenge because I was feeling like I focused more on negatives and preparing for the worst and it was really starting to affect my life. I know I did this partially as a coping or protection mechanism because of some things happening in my life, but I knew last month I needed to move on from that feeling.

And I think I did a pretty good job with this challenge. A lot of the things that were causing me to focus on the negative were out of my life. I also worked on trying to make plans or have more things in my life that make me happy. Things are still not perfect and I do still worry about things more than I probably should, but I think the balance is much more toward the positive and excitement than to the negative. And just like with so many of these types of challenges, the biggest progress has been in my ability to recognize when my thoughts are getting this way and being able to take action sooner than I did before.

And for my last challenge this year, I have decided to do something that I have struggled with for a while but I have taken steps toward progress recently. This month, I challenge myself to speak up more for myself. This isn’t about being bossy or not listening to others, but about being a better advocate for myself.

I struggle a lot with this because I feel like speaking up could make me seem difficult or unlikeable. But I need to get over that feeling because I shouldn’t have to tolerate something that I’m not ok with just to assume the other person is going to be upset with me if I say otherwise. And this is something I struggle with in both my personal life and my work life.

For my personal life, I see this being an issue most with dating. There is the idea of being the cool girl and not pushing for things or stating you might want something more than what a situation is at the moment. I don’t think I was ever fully like that, but I know I didn’t speak up a lot in the past when I could have done so. I shouldn’t have to fear asking for what I want. If me saying I want to find something serious scares someone off, then they never would have been right for me. There is a saying that you will never be too much for the right person. I have to remember that. It would be better to stay single than to tolerate multiple half relationships where I don’t say what I really am hoping to find. I’ve been getting better at this, but there’s still a lot of work to go and fear to get over.

And for work, I’ve gotten much better about this, especially recently. There are a lot of systems at my job that just don’t make sense or work for me. And for many of them, there doesn’t seem to be a reason why things are like that other than that’s how it was done before and how we were trained. But as the company grows, there’s no reason to avoid change. But unless someone speaks up and explains why a system isn’t working, there’s no way for those in charge to know and look into alternatives.

I feel like I do have an advantage with this since one of the executives at the company is a friend of mine. And when he was sitting in with me while I worked, I was able to be very blunt and honest about systems that just make work harder than it needs to be. I know that this really is a benefit with this job that I can keep in mind when discussing ideas like this with other jobs. But it’s still the same idea about not fearing I will be fired because I bring up a concern.

I hope that I find some good ways to speak up more for myself when I need to this month. I know that I am worth asking for what I want or expressing when things don’t seem right to me, but sometimes it’s hard to believe that in the moment.

Even More Pandemic Dating Adventures (or Getting Out Of The House)

Just like so much in my life, my dating life is somewhere between what it was like before the pandemic and what it was like during the worst of the pandemic. I am able to go out and meet people I match with on apps, but the locations I feel ok going to are limited. And most of my usual go-to places haven’t reopened yet. I also am still doing voice calls through the apps, which is something I started during the worst of the pandemic. I still don’t love phone calls, but it’s better than texting and it allows me and them to feel more comfortable with meeting in person after we have spoken. Maybe doing calls before meeting is something I will continue to do even when I can meet someone quickly? I’m not sure, but at least it’s something to do to make sure I want to meet up with someone in real life.

I do miss how easy and carefree it felt before to go and meet someone. There was always a place to meet up that was open, being in crowds was actually better and felt safer, and I could find out quickly if the person I had matched with was a good match for me or not. It’s so hard to tell if there is chemistry or a connection over text or the phone. You really can’t replicate in-person chemistry any other way, and that’s what made dating during most of last year so hard. But at least it is a little easier now, especially with so many people being very open and excited to share they are vaccinated (my photo of me with my vaccine card is on my dating profiles since I feel like that is a good picture of me).

And it is nice to get to meet someone new, even if the date isn’t perfect. I don’t get out of my house as often as I would like to, and having a date is a good excuse to dress in clothes that aren’t yoga pants and tank tops and be out in the world again. Mostly, I have done dates outside somewhere since that is still safer than being inside. But with my work schedule the way it is now and it getting dark so early, it’s not always the best option to meet outside. So for a date that I had this week, we were trying to find where to meet up that was easy and casual but also open after work. We ended up finding a Starbucks that didn’t close at 7pm like most of them do and met up there.

If this guy is reading this (he mentioned when we met that he had read a little bit of my blog), don’t worry. I’m not going to say it was a horrible date or anything. It was an okay date. We weren’t a great match for each other and that’s fine. But I did go inside my first Starbucks since the pandemic which was an odd adventure in itself. And it was really nice to meet someone new, talk for a bit, and feel like things are almost normal. I know they aren’t, but it didn’t feel as abnormal as so many things do these days either.

And soon, things might change again to be even more like normal. At least when it comes to feeling safe being out. In about a week, vaccines will be required for most things around LA. I know that a vaccine doesn’t provide full protection, but it will be nice to know that at least everyone in a space has been vaccinated and less likely to be sick or contagious. I will still be cautious about where I go and who I meet up with, but anything that can make me feel safer is a positive change. And maybe with a positive change in one part of dating I’ll have a positive change with the dates that I have too!

Dating App Patterns (or Losing Hope But Trying To Stay Hopeful)

Since I put myself out on dating apps again, my dating life seems to have a few different patterns it typically follows. And none of these patterns are really that great and it’s really frustrating.

The first (and most common pattern): I match with someone on a dating app. Either they message me if they can or I send the first message. If they message me, often it’s just “Hi” or an emoji and I respond and don’t hear back from them again. Or if I send the first message with an opening line that usually asks a question so they have something to respond to and I never hear from them (or if it’s Bumble, the match goes away after 24 hours). This is annoying, and I never understand why they would keep a match that they have no interest in talking to. Being unmatched after matching isn’t fun, but at least I can understand that behavior more.

The next pattern I see a lot is that I match with someone and we have a great back and forth messaging for a while. Sometimes this is for a day, sometimes it’s for a few days or a week. Occasionally, there is discussion about meeting up in person since I’d rather meet in real life over texting. And then, the next day I might message them to continue the conversation and I never hear from them again. I think some of these guys are using dating apps as something to boost their egos and only want to know that someone might be interested in them. I hate that I can’t figure out who might be this type of person before I have some hope that I might be able to meet them, but there aren’t necessarily signs leading up to this. Everything seems normal until it doesn’t.

And the most annoying pattern is when I’m messaging someone and all of a sudden the conversation takes a hard turn. This can be within the first day of messaging or even weeks later (if I’m messaging someone that long before I have the chance to meet them). And the turn usually goes from a normal conversation into them sending me a nude picture or their attempt to turn the conversation really sexual when it wasn’t like that at all before. I’ve had guys who have responded to my opening line, ask me something in return, and then their response to my answer is a naked photo. I will never know why guys do that, I highly doubt that many women have responded to a nude photo with something positive. Maybe they think they just need to keep trying and eventually someone will react the way they hope?

Of course, not every guy I match with on dating apps falls into these patterns. I think the main reason I still use apps is because of the ones that are different. They don’t happen often, but often enough that just when I’m feeling hopeless I get a new burst of hope and keep going. And I know that I don’t need every guy I match with to respond or be a person I want to meet. While it is a bit of a numbers game, it’s not a numbers game that way. I don’t need dozens of perfect matches. I just need one.

I wish that knowing these patterns happen so frequently would make it not as bad when it happens. But it does still bother me, especially when I’ve been talking to someone for a few days and they either stop responding or turn the conversation into something I’m not ok with. But I am not going to give up just yet and I just have to keep going. And I have to hope that pattern changes sometime soon.

Sometimes I Have To Be The Bad Guy (or At Least This Isn’t Really About Pandemic Dating)

I know I just wrote about dating the other day. But honestly, it’s one of the few things I do that isn’t just about me being isolated at home. It’s still not super easy to figure out how to go out and date, but doing virtual dates or phone calls at least makes me feel a bit less isolated. And I know that this past year and a half has really taught me what I’m looking for in another person because I know my limits for being alone. I have always known I didn’t need a boyfriend or husband, but I wanted one. But now I know more about how I could fit someone into my life and what type of support I would want from another person. And I think being clearer on what I’m looking for is one of the things that keeps me going on dating apps when it can be so overwhelming and upsetting.

Before the pandemic, I would always try to meet up with someone as soon as possible. You can have amazing chemistry over text and not have it in person. There are some people who are only on dating apps just to text and get an ego boost. So meeting in person can help eliminate those who have no interest in meeting at all and those with who you don’t have great chemistry with.

And it is a little easier now to feel ok meeting up in person. Especially with people very happy to share that they are vaccinated (I wouldn’t meet with someone who said they weren’t vaccinated right now). And so many have their vaccination cards on their profiles which is nice. And even though I don’t feel safe going to a lot of places, I know I can still find places to have dates. And that’s what I did this week.

I matched with someone last week and we were texting for a few days before having a phone call. And it was a really great call and we ended up talking for hours. I try to not get too excited before meeting in person, but I was thinking he could be a really great match for me. A lot of what we talked about were more intense topics than you’d normally discuss with someone new, but it also allowed us to know we were on the same page with a lot of things. He agreed to come to my part of LA and we decided to meet up in downtown Culver City where there are a lot of nice places to sit outside and talk.

I knew I’d get there first because it’s so close to my house. So I found a nice picnic table to sit at and wait for him to arrive. It’s been really hot in LA, but I was in the shade and it was starting to cool down. So I was just enjoying the view and being outside while waiting.

And he ended up being about an hour late. It wasn’t really his fault and we were texting while he was late. But where we met has a similar name to another location and his rideshare driver convinced him that he was going to the wrong place. He wasn’t, but he didn’t know so the driver took him to a different location that was about a mile or two away. He was confused about where I was and I told him he went to the wrong place. So he walked over to where I was. I can’t fault him for being late since he really didn’t know and if his rideshare driver didn’t think they knew better, he would have been on time. And I was enjoying the people watching so it didn’t seem like I was waiting that long.

And unfortunately, we just didn’t click and connect in person the way we had on the phone or over text. I know he was upset about being late, but I told him that it was fine and I wasn’t upset. And if I wasn’t ok waiting, I would have left. I don’t know what was making our meeting so awkward for me, but it wasn’t the usual awkwardness from a first date or meeting. It was just more of a sense of knowing this isn’t someone I’m meant to date. I tried to give him a chance, but I couldn’t shake the feeling. I ended up staying later than I originally planned to since I wanted to see if my feelings changed. And when I said goodbye, I didn’t imply that I felt the way I did (but I didn’t say anything about seeing each other again either).

I hoped after that, he would message me saying he didn’t think we clicked so I could know we felt the same way. I know how much it can hurt when you think you are on a good date and then find out from the other person they didn’t feel the same way. But I also didn’t want to wait too long and leave him thinking something different. I hate to be the one to reject someone. I don’t want to hurt anyone. And I have the little voice in the back of my head saying to me that I have no right to reject someone because I don’t deserve anything good. But I knew I had to say something.

I sent him a message saying that I was grateful we could meet and thanking him for coming to my side of town, but that I didn’t think we clicked in person the same way we did on the phone. And I wished him luck and told him that I hoped he found someone amazing because I know he deserves that. And I don’t know if he felt the same way or what, but his response back to me was very low key and just thanking me and saying that sounds good. After his messages, I unmatched with him since I knew he saw my rejection. And I can move on.

Even though I know he and I weren’t a good match, I still have that annoying voice in my head making me question it. I hate being the bad guy, but I had to. I know more than ever now the type of person I deserve and what I want, and this guy just didn’t match that. He’s not a bad person or anything, he just wasn’t what I’m looking for. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I just have to keep telling the voice in my head that same thing.