Monthly Archives: May 2019

Mental Health Month (or Better Late Than Never)

May is Mental Health Month. And yes, I’m aware that today is the last day of May so it’s pretty much over. But I wasn’t sure if I wanted to write about it or not. And I realized that my indecision about it was probably a sign that I did need to write something. I’m getting it in just before it’s too late, but that’s ok. I’m still getting it done.

I’ve written about mental health on here a lot. I’ve written about my various struggles as well as the struggles of people in my life. For so long, mental health was something that wasn’t shared openly. If people were struggling, they didn’t share it because they didn’t want to be judged. Now, while there still is some stigma it is getting so much better. People know they aren’t alone in their struggles and there is no shame in asking or getting help. If someone is going to treat you badly for working on yourself, then they are the bad one and not you.

I’ve been lucky that I haven’t really had people who have treated me badly for my mental health struggles. I know that some of them have confused friends and family and I still have to explain myself. I would say my eating disorder is the thing most misunderstood or questioned in my life and I understand that. Binge eating disorder is a relatively new eating disorder when it comes to being a real diagnosis and not everyone understands that it is not just wanting to eat. I usually don’t want to eat when I have a binge episode.

The other mental health thing of mine that seems to be misunderstood is my OCD. I don’t have it the way that most people imagine it to be. I think people think of OCD as rituals or cleaning techniques. I know some people also think it has to do with personal hygiene such as washing your hands endlessly or needing to use certain products to feel ok. For me, my OCD is mainly about having things look right to me. There’s not an easy way to explain it, but I will see something that looks off and I can’t focus until I fix it. It’s not always something crooked or dirty. If my pens look like they are not in a good order for me, I have to fix it. If there is a plate of fries and there’s one that doesn’t look right, I can’t stop thinking about it until it has been eaten (which isn’t easy to make happen if it’s on someone else’s plate). I’ve had some people claim I couldn’t have OCD because I don’t act like what they expected. It’s not upsetting to me anymore that someone questions my mental health issues. It’s a little annoying and I usually feel like I have to explain how it works for me. It’s a bit of education for them and a bit of reassurance for me that I am heard and hopefully understood.

Lately, I have wondered if I’ve been struggling with mental health because I’ve been dealing with a lot of mood related things that I usually don’t go through. I’ve been much easier to upset and anger and I haven’t been holding my emotions back. But I’ve realized that these are probably not struggles as much as progress. I have been working on standing up for myself more and I think that makes things more emotional. If someone is treating me a way I know I shouldn’t be treated, I don’t let it slide anymore. I call them out and that can get me upset. That’s not a sign of a struggle. Allowing myself to let my emotions out is a good thing and can feel very cathartic at times.

I know that I am incredibly lucky when it comes to mental health. I have insurance that covers medication and doctor appointments and I have a diagnosis. That is a lot more than many people have. And I have been working on this for a while and have seen so many steps forward. I have some people in my life still at the beginning of things and they worry it will never get better or that things will turn around. But I know that for them it will get better and they will see the other side of things. I know it’s hard to believe that when you are in a dark or difficult place, but hopefully they will see things from another perspective soon.

My First Subpoena (or A Date For Court)

About a month ago, I posted about a drunk driving accident that was on my street. It was a crazy night and even though it was an accident with only one moving car involved it was not as simple as that. The driver hit and totaled multiple cars and many neighbors had to deal with the aftermath. I expected the police to need to talk to everyone with property damage. What I wasn’t expecting was to need to be interviewed as well.

I took the keys out of the car that the drunk driver was driving because he was trying to turn it on. I don’t think he was trying to get away, but because of everything leaking from his car, I didn’t want something to catch on fire. It turns out that by being the person who took the keys, I became one of the main witnesses. The night of the accident I ended up staying up until it was the morning because of needing to be interviewed. That was a little annoying since the next day I was exhausted, but I was happy to help and found it almost funny that I became an important witness just because I was scared the car would blow up.

When I was interviewed, the police told me they would contact me if they needed anything else. But I really didn’t think there would be more. The entire thing seemed pretty simple. The guy hit these cars and it wasn’t a question of if there was another car at fault. I know they did some sort of sobriety test on him so I figured that would be that as well. So a few weeks ago, I was shocked when I received a court subpoena!

I had never received a subpoena before and honestly I was scared when it happened. I didn’t know what was going on because I didn’t think it was related to the accident. But that was obvious when I opened up the envelope and read through the paperwork. Unfortunately, a lot of other things weren’t too obvious.

I was given a date to appear in court as a witness but it also said I was on call and may not need to appear. I did understand that I had to fill some paperwork out and get it back to the court right away. So I did that and then continued to be confused about whether or not I had to go to court. I did let my manager at work know what was going on as I tried to understand if I actually was going to miss work. Fortunately, my manager is super understanding and she just told me to tell her when I knew what was happening.

I had some time before that court date, so I did do some research. It appeared that I didn’t have to go in that date unless I was called, but I also had to call in every day for 2 weeks from the court date to confirm things. I tried to call the day before to find out if I was supposed to go in, but nobody answered nor did they return my message. I didn’t go (I assumed they would have told me if I did need to go in) but I did spend that day working wondering if I would be getting a call. I dressed the way I would need to dress if I was going in instead of my usual yoga pants in case that call happened and I had to get into my car immediately.

But I didn’t get a call. And when I called in that afternoon to find out about the next day, I finally got through to someone. They confirmed that I wasn’t needed that day, but I was still on hold for the next day and had to continue to check in every day until I was told otherwise. Fortunately, I only had to call in another day after that before I was told the trial was done and the case was settled. I was told what the driver had as a penalty (I don’t know if I can share it, but it’s basically what the standard punishment is for a DUI) and I was told that I no longer needed to call in.

I was glad that I did do all the correct things and I didn’t find out that I was supposed to be there when I was at home. It was a little nerve-wracking because so many of the forms I had to sign said that I agreed I would be arrested if I didn’t do what I was supposed to do. But even though I’m glad that everything turned out fine and the trial ended, I was a little disappointed I didn’t get to go and testify. I listen to a lot of true crime podcasts and I was curious to see what court would be like. I’ve never been to court and it’s a big mystery to me. I was excited to see how things work. But I know that it’s probably for the best that I didn’t have to miss work to go in. But it was an exciting idea that I was possibly going to go to court. I’m just glad that this is now all done and hopefully everything was resolved properly for everyone.

Just A Normal Weekend For Me (or Lazy Days Are Surprisingly Busy)

Many people had a 3 day weekend this past weekend. But whenever there is a holiday on a Monday, it doesn’t really affect my schedule. Since I work Tuesday-Saturday, I just have my normal time off. I used to mind this a lot more than I do now. The only thing that bugs me about having holidays that happen on a day that I typically have off is that it isn’t easy for me to do my errands. I like to get things done on Mondays since most people work that day. When others have that day off, it makes stores more crowded than I am used to them to be. That’s a minor inconvenience, but considering how many holidays fall on a Monday it is something that I deal with often enough.

A lot of people did something for Memorial Day weekend. I thought about trying to do something, but the weekend was when my nausea really kicked in so I decided it was best for me to focus on myself and trying to make myself feel better. I’m still looking for the miracle combination of things that will make my nausea either not be as severe or go away completely. I’ve tried so many things and while I haven’t figured it out yet I still stay optimistic. There are still lots of things I haven’t tried, although some of them are more expensive so I’m going through the cheap stuff first.

Even though this past weekend was supposed to be easy, it ended up being a very busy weekend for me. I’ve been doing a lot of work with the union election and that doesn’t take time off for holidays. I still feel so lucky that I get to be so involved and that others have been happy with my work so far. But I still want things to be better and I spent time over the weekend working hard at that. We also have figured out better ways to communicate as a group so I had a lot of messages from others asking questions or putting in requests for things they are looking for.

I also spent a lot of time just catching up on things that I have been slacking on lately. I’ve been working on organizing and cleaning my house for a while and this is a much bigger project that I thought it would be when I started. But I’m glad I have gone bigger because I think when I’m finally done it will be so worth it. I have been slowly going through the things in my house and discovering things I forgot about or things that I know now that I don’t need. I’ve been making donation piles as well as trash piles and it has been so nice to see things not feel as cluttered.

Along the same lines as organizing, I also had to catch up on a lot of deep cleaning that I know I haven’t done. I wanted to be able to hire a cleaning service for a one-time cleaning to do a big deep clean, but that’s just not in my budget and I can’t keep putting things off until I feel like I have a clean slate. I have been going around my house to see what cleaning supplies I have (I keep some in my kitchen and some in my bathroom) and found a few things I was lacking and some things that I needed to throw out. I’m still working on organizing everything and taking an inventory, but it’s also in a much better place than it was before. I also noticed that I no longer had a mop (I don’t remember getting rid of the old one, but I also don’t remember the last time I had one), so I made a quick run to the store to get one and spent part of my Sunday mopping my entire house.

And of course, I did take some time for myself to relax and be lazy, but it really ended up being a minority of the time I had over the weekend. I probably should have done more laziness because my body was really feeling like I needed it by Tuesday, but I was also grateful I got so much done. So on Tuesday, I made it feel a bit more like the weekend. I still had to work just like normal, but I made no plans for the evening so I could do a lot of the laziness I forgot to do over the weekend.

I know that before I know it, I will be saying that I feel like there is nothing happening in my life and that I need more to do. But for now, I’m definitely in a phase of life where my lazy days are busier than my busy days can be when things are slower.

Last Dentist Appointment For A While (or Not Really A Quick Appointment)

Last week I was back at the dentist again for the 4th time in 3 weeks. But at least this time it was the last of my appointments for all the work I had done. It was supposed to only be 3 appointments (my original cleaning and exam, part 1 of a crown, and part 2 of a crown), but I did have that extra appointment the day after the first part of my crown to have the temporary fixed. For someone who fears the dentist, this was a lot to go through. But going into the last appointment I was trying to tell myself that it was going to be the easiest and quickest appointment.

Of course, like everything that happened over the past few weeks, it didn’t quite go like that. It should have been easy to remove the temporary crown, fit the permanent one, and cement it down. I don’t know exactly how long it should have taken, but I expected to be out of there in under an hour for sure. I was hoping it would be under 30 minutes. But things were not just in my favor. First, the dentists were running a bit behind. Another patient had an emergency and I understand those things happen. I didn’t mind that it was running late and was ready to get things started by the time I was in the chair.

Once my temporary crown was removed, the dentist noticed there was a little bit of plaque on the tooth underneath. I was afraid something like that happened because the night before I was worried that a bit of food got under the temporary crown. It doesn’t fit perfectly so that is possible and that’s what probably happened to me. But in order to keep my tooth under the crown healthy, they had to clean it. And since the tooth is shaved down, things hurt more than cleaning normal teeth. I was given the option of getting numbing shots, but I preferred to deal with the pain of the cleaning over shots. It wasn’t fun and I had to have the dentist take breaks from time to time, but I got through it and was ready to move on to fitting the permanent crown.

The crowns never fit perfectly and they always have to be fitted. But for some reason, my crown just was not fitting right after multiple attempts to fit it. My dentist was able to get it eventually, but it took several tries. Every time it was attempted, it did hurt a bit. It’s a weird pain sensation when it happens and I remembered exactly what it was like from the last time I got a crown. I braced myself each time because it never got easier. But the downside to doing the fitting so many times is that my gums got a bit inflamed and swollen. Which made it even harder when it was time to cement it down. My dentist had me do some things to help make it better, but it took time waiting as well.

Finally, we got to cementing the crown on. That part was probably one of the most painful parts for me (it’s the pain of the tooth underneath and the coldness of the cement), but I was so glad we were finally at the last step. I was ready to be done because this “quick” appointment really ended up taking almost 2 hours. I know that things were just not happening the way they should have and this was not anyone’s fault. But it was a little frustrating that everything seemed to be working against me and making this so much harder to deal with.

But I tried to focus on the positives. I did get all the work done that needed to be done. If it wasn’t done, things would have been so much worse for me when I did have them fixed. And I shouldn’t have to do a crazy amount of work like this again soon, hopefully. I do know that the other crowns I have will eventually need to be replaced, but I’m hoping it will be years later. And I think this was a great way for me to become very comfortable with my new dentists. They are aware of my fears and issues and are very willing to work with me. I feel confident that when I need to have major work again that they will be just as willing to work with all my issues. They have only been my dentists for 3 weeks, but I’m almost as comfortable with them as I was with my old dentist who I had for almost 18 years.

I have no clue if these intense appointments made my fear of the dentist better or worse, but I do know that it helped me feel more comfortable with what happens going forward. Just because I’m comfortable doesn’t mean that I’m not as fearful, but it does mean that I’m not scared that I will be at an appointment and the dentist will not be ok with making sure I’m ok. That’s a good step for me.

A Week Of Mayhem (or 2 Perspectives On A Crazy Week)

This post is going to be a little different from my usual workout recap, but it’s for an awesome reason. First, this past week of workouts was Mayhem Week, which is similar to Hell Week. All of the workouts were extra hard and if you completed 4 out of the 6 workouts you got a hat. I was totally excited to get the hat, but even more excited when my friend Andrew asked me if I wanted to collaborate again. He and I worked together in the beginning of the year when we discussed our Orangetheory goals for the year. This time, he was planning on doing all 6 days of Mayhem and a vlog for each day. He asked me to be a guest on one vlog, and since he was going to do all 6 workouts I asked if he could do some recaps for me!

So this post is all quick recaps of the workouts from both of us. Andrew (which will be the italics text) has something to say every day. I had a lot of rest days (which I will discuss at the end of this post) so I don’t have as much to say. But before I get into our recaps, Andrew wanted to share a little bit about his plan:

This year was my second All Out Mayhem at Orangetheory (kind of strange to write that) and, unlike last year, I decided to go beyond the minimum amount of classes to ‘complete’ the challenge and aim for all SIX days…

Those six days came and went and since I’m still alive, I thought I would give a quick review of each class (written RevRun-style, soaking in a tub of Epsom salt).

Sunday (Unrest)

Me: Rest Day

Andrew: To Paraphrase Maya Angelo, “people won’t remember what you said or did, but how you made them feel”. That’s me with this workout. I don’t remember what the format was exactly, but I do remember during it I began to question my plan of doing this 5 more days in a row…

Monday (Bedlam)

Me: This was the day that I appeared on Andrew’s vlog, so you can see a little bit about my experience on there. I was happy to have a 3 group class because we didn’t have nearly as many all outs as the 2 group class. I had to go a bit lower on my resistance level on the bike because all of the all outs were at inclines/high resistance levels, but even going lower than normal made it hard for me. I didn’t get as far on the rower as I would have but I still had a great time with this workout and felt amazing after completing it!

Andrew: This was the day with the 20 (Yes, TWENTY) All Outs on the treadmill. While it did have a “sticker shock” effect upon hearing it presented by your coach, it really wasn’t that bad -Although I might have preferred to start my Monday morning with the 3G version (only 12 All Outs). Spoiler: in hindsight this day ended up being my favorite. 

Tuesday (Epocalypse)

Me: Rest Day

Andrew: This is when my body started to get a little mad at me. With this being my 3rd day in a row, my legs and arms really started to hurt. After class, I actually had to foam roll the backs of my arms (you can laugh) to relieve the pain. 

Wednesday (Commotion)

Me: This workout was a bit weird for me because the rower at my station wasn’t working. So instead of having 15 minutes at each section of the room, I had 30 minutes on the bike and 15 minutes on the floor. But it turned out that the rowing blocks actually were almost no rowing but instead 30 seconds of rowing and then we finished the block with sumo squats and tricep extensions. The floor was all squats, sit-ups, and push ups. Everything was very repetitive and I was so glad to have work after my workout so I could sit and be lazy.

Andrew: I hated this one. Moving on. 

Thursday (Disturbance)

Me: Rest Day

Andrew: At this point in the week, my body was giving up. I powered through however and made modifications to both the floor and the tread blocks to not make matters worse for my lower legs & feet (I threw the burpees away). 

Friday (Pandemonium)

Me: This was the first workout of the week that I had my horrible nausea. I am so glad it started toward the end of the week because I honestly was expecting it all week. We had a ton of squats in this workout and they were unfortunately making me nauseous (which I don’t think has ever happened with squats before), but I just took my time and did them at my own pace. The floor was all upper body and went much better than I thought I could do with how I was feeling.

Andrew: I remember telling the staff at the front desk before that I was jealous they got to sit there while I had to go workout (I swear I like Orangetheory y’all, I’m just dramatic lol). By the end of class I decided I had put in way too much hard work & dedication to end the week with a less than average effort. So I spent the last 30 seconds at a 10.2 on the treadmill -super high for me! 

Overall, I’m really proud of myself for sticking with my goal of going all 6 days. The point of Mayhem for me was to get myself back on track with my consistency and I think it truly worked.

*drains tub* 

As you can see, I only did 3 days of Mayhem. I don’t know what I was thinking but I thought it ended on Saturday so my Saturday workout would have been the 4th day. I only realized my mistake when I was in class on Friday so it was too late to do anything about it. I had a moment of real disappointment and feeling mad at myself, but I got that thought out of my head quickly. I still did 3 days of Mayhem and 4 workouts that week since I did still go on Saturday. That’s not something that everyone can do.

And what Andrew did with doing all 6 workouts is even more incredible! I’m so lucky to have friends like him who inspire me to do more and work harder. Hopefully I will be able to do better with the planning for Hell Week and Mayhem next year.

Make sure you go to Andrew’s channel to subscribe so you can see all of his vlogs about his fitness journey! And you can see my appearance regarding Monday’s workout below!

Figuring Out My Own Advice (or Why Is It Easier To Help Others?)

I’m pretty sure this is close to a universal issue, but it is so much easier for me to give advice to others than to give it to myself. Even when the advice I’m telling someone else is exactly what I need to do as well, it’s still easier to tell it to someone else. I know that some of it is probably being resistant to change and so I might be hearing my own advice and just not taking it. But more often than not I feel like the advice isn’t something I realize until I say it to someone else.

But I’ve noticed a related issue lately for me. It’s so much easier for me to work for something for someone else than for myself. For example, if I need to work on something for myself it seems like an endless task that is impossible to start. But if someone else asks if I can help them with something, I don’t see those challenges and I am able to not only start right away but complete it quickly. I have no clue why I am so much more willing or able to help someone that isn’t myself.

I’m sure someone would say that it’s about how I value myself against others. And there likely is an element of that happening. I don’t see myself on the same level as others around me and I feel like sometimes my issues are not as important as someone else’s. Or I feel so much easier to put myself last and prioritize what other people need. I can always make excuses to myself for why something isn’t done but I can’t do that for someone else. I’ve known this is a problem for myself for a while and it is something I am working on. But it seems to be so easy to drop everything to help someone else when they ask, so I keep doing it.

But I also have people in my life that call me out for doing that. Even if I’m sharing advice that someone thinks I could use too, they will point it out. I really appreciate when someone does that because it does make me more aware of when it’s happening. I do get a bit annoyed that it has to pointed out and not that I realize it on my own, but that has to do with me and not with other’s pointing it out. And I have asked friends to continue doing it because it is much more helpful than annoying and I know I need it.

What I have started to do as people point it out is to make a note of what the advice is. I’m hoping I can find some trends of what type of advice I can easily give to someone else but not apply to my own life. I know a lot of it has to do with how I see myself compared to how others see me as well as realizing my importance, but that is something that I have struggled with for so long so I think it may be an ongoing issue for me. But if I see specific advice happening over and over again that I share with others, maybe that can give me a bit of guidance to what I should focus or work on.

But at least when friends point it out to me, they share that they have the same problem which does help. There are some things I struggle with that I wonder if I’m the only one who has the issue. But not being able to take my own advice is something that at least the people I know have trouble with too. I think because it is something that is so well understood by others that they are more willing to help me figure it out and don’t judge when I am having trouble with it. If only so many other things in life were so easy to relate to with others. I’m sure it would make working on things so much easier.

Les Miserables (or Another Classic 19 Years Later)

My group is coming to an end to our season at the Pantages. We only have 2 more shows left and they are both in July. After that, one friend and I will be continuing for the next season which will be starting in October. But I will miss the group we have this year because it’s been so great (I miss my group from last year too). It has been a great season this season and I’ve said it many times that I’m loving seeing classic shows again or shows that I’ve seen before. And this week the show was another show I was familiar with.

Before this week, I think I had only had seen “Les Miserables” one other time on stage. I saw it when I went to NYC with a high school group 19 year ago. It was an amazing trip and I got to see some incredible shows. One of the other shows I have left for this season is a show that I saw on that same trip (although that show is one I’m not as familiar with). But even though I’ve only seen the show on stage one other time, I have seen other adaptations of it since then. There was the movie a few years ago which did a great job of keeping the adaptation close to the stage show. And I’ve heard the songs in other shows I’ve gone to. Since the show is almost all singing, knowing the songs pretty much means knowing the show.

We were seated up in the mezzanine this time since we were not attending on our usual night. But we were almost in the center which is a nice treat. I do think I still prefer being close to the stage and to the side because I like being able to see the actors’ faces, but being in the center and not having any part of the stage blocked is good too. And even being almost in the back is still close to the stage compared to other theaters. I know that next season won’t be the same because some of the shows are at the Dolby and that’s a much bigger theater. But hopefully our seats there won’t be in the far back.

“Les Miserables” requires some incredible singers. Not only does the show pretty much only have singing and no dialogue, but there are so many songs that I know are technically difficult. I’m not a singer at all, but I still know when a song is tough to sing. So having strong singers is a requirement for the show to succeed. And this touring cast really did have some talented performers! I was getting chills at times during some of the more dramatic songs. I was prepared to cry while watching it since I know I have cried before with this show. Somehow I was able to hold it together, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t emotional or didn’t enjoy it. I just think I was so focused on watching it that I didn’t have the time to have the emotions hit me or make me react.

Something I’ve been enjoying with all these shows I’ve been able to see is how the sets work. I know with touring shows the sets can’t be as elaborate as they are on Broadway or if a show is staying in a theater for a long run. I think most of the shows I’ve seen the past few seasons have had very interesting sets and I’m always fascinated to see what they do and how they use what they put on stage. This show was no different. They used the depth of the stage in a unique way and used the buildings in the town almost like curtains to block the stage to change the sets. Since they didn’t use the regular curtains and had a set acting as them, the show didn’t have to stop when the sets changed and they were still able to use lots of different set options. And they had a screen on the back of the stage that they used for a few moments to convey motion. The first few times they used the screen it surprised me. And toward the end of the show when they used it to show movement in the sewer it was so perfect and I loved what they were able to do without making it look like a movie or theme park ride.

This show was one that my entire group was familiar with and I think we all went into it knowing we’d enjoy it. Obviously with it being a sad show we didn’t leave gushing about how much we liked it or talked about things too much. We all kind of took time to let it sit with us. But even though we weren’t saying it, I think everyone enjoyed it as much as I did.

I’ve got a bit of time now before my last 2 shows this season. But with how quickly time is flying by, I’m sure it will be here before I know it!

Saving Money and Trying To Be Green (or Revamping Some Things)

This post is a bit of a mishmash about a few different things, but it weirdly all is about one purchase I made on Amazon. I recently purchased reusable cotton rounds to replace the single use cotton rounds I use twice a day for my face toner. And that purchase inspired a few changes that I’ve been trying to make.

The original reason I bought these reusable cotton rounds was that I realized how many I went through in a day. My bathroom trash can was usually at least half full with them because that’s one of the few disposable things I use in my skin care routine. It’s not that they are super expensive, but it does add up when you go through over 50 in a month. And I had read a few stories online about how they can have different chemicals in them and that they aren’t the most environmentally friendly because of how they are made. It seemed like an easy purchase to make so I did it. They weren’t that expensive, although since cotton rounds aren’t that expensive to begin with it might be a bit of time before I break even. But it wasn’t just about money, so that’s not that important.

So that single purchase got me thinking about what other disposable things I use in my day to day life. I’m proud that there aren’t that many things, but there are enough to look at what options I have to replace them. There are a few things I had already done like getting nicer straws so I didn’t use disposable ones (although when I did use those, I used them for a while before throwing them out). And I’ve looked at paper towel alternatives, but I haven’t found any that I like and I still like to use regular paper towels. But it has gotten me to look at what I buy and what I have stored in my house.

As I have been replacing things, I have been able to clear out what I have been storing in my little storage area in my house. It’s been a slow process because I do try to finish out what I have already purchased, but it’s getting there. I am not buying things in bulk and trying to find a place to put them. And I don’t have to think about repurchasing something because I am running out. It’s been a nice feeling when I don’t have to make a trip to CVS in the middle of the night because I desperately need something.

The few purchases that I have made that are more environmentally friendly haven’t always been because of that reason. The cotton rounds were more about being aware of what I am using on my face and I was tired of feeling like I was just throwing out so much every day. I also hated that even the premium rounds I purchased left fuzz on my face and hands. The fact that they were better for the environment was a bonus after I looked into them more. But I guess it doesn’t matter what the motivation was for the purchase, if they are more environmentally friendly that is a good thing. I know we all need to be more aware of the single use things we have in our lives, and I’m slowly doing that and seeing what I can replace.

Just like so many other parts of my life, it’s hard to make the changes until I really become aware of what the problem is. I can’t just look at my house and see what I need to change to save money or have greener options. But once I’ve discovered where the issue is, I have been quick to look into what I can do. I know that not every green option is the best for my financial situation, but not all of them are that expensive if you take the time to shop around online. For example, some of the cotton rounds I found were over $20 and that seemed too much. But I looked around and found them for about $5. I have to be picky right now on what I buy so I don’t just spend money, but again, it will save me money in the long run.

I’d love to hear what other inexpensive changes I can make to be more environmentally friendly. I know there are so many things I don’t know about yet that would be easy swaps. And obviously if they also save me money that would be amazing.

Adult Conversations and Feeling Like A Kid (or A Very Busy Saturday)

This past Saturday was quite a day. I had my usual things like work and my workout, but it also ended up being an overwhelming day. Everything that made the day overwhelming were things that were last minute, so I had no way to prepare for them. Fortunately, I ended the day on a positive note when I didn’t think that was possible earlier in the day.

The overwhelming stuff started with having a very difficult conversation with someone in my life. I’m not trying to be vague, but I do want to protect who they are since this is something that isn’t completely resolved. But this person is someone who I thought cared about me (and I cared about them) and they hurt me. They actually hurt me about a year ago and this conversation was something we have needed to have since then. I was ready to discuss it right away, but they kept putting it off.

I knew that I might have to be ok with not having the discussion I wanted and trying to let things go, but it was not easy to do that. Fortunately, they agreed finally that we needed to be adults and talk things out instead of just ignoring them. And part of this talk included being very open and vulnerable with each other and asking and answering questions. It was hard, it wasn’t easy to hear some of the things they had to say, but it needed to be done and I’m glad we did it.

We talked things out for several hours before I had to leave and while things are not settled yet they are in a much better place. I cried leaving because so much of the stress and hurt I have had for the past year was finally being released and it was such a good feeling. I don’t think things will ever be the way they were with this person again, but we are going to hopefully work toward getting close to that (I am happy to work toward that, I don’t know if they will be as willing). This felt like such an adult and mature moment for me because there were so many ways we could have skipped what we discussed and it probably would have been easier in the moment. But in the long run, having this talk will be for the better.

I was emotionally spent after that talk and when I got home I was ready to just sit on my couch and do nothing. But I also didn’t want to have the rest of my evening consumed with thinking about it. I called my friend Dani to decompress from things and to talk things out. And while we were talking we both agreed we should go out and do something but didn’t know what to do.

We ended up deciding to go and see the Avengers movie (which I hadn’t seen yet) and there was a screening of it at the theater near me an hour after we decided that’s what we were going to do. And this worked out even better because Dani just moved to an apartment near my house! It’s not that common to have friends that live walking distance from me. It almost feels like it did in high school when all my friends were super close.

Even though we are walking distance from each other, it was late and I didn’t want to walk alone. So I drove to pick up Dani and got a chance to see her new place. Then we went to the movie and after I drove her home so she didn’t have to walk alone.

Avengers was an awesome movie, the only thing was it is a long movie and we went to a late screening. I knew it was long and people warned me to not drink too much water before so I wouldn’t have to leave for the bathroom. Maybe it’s because I cried earlier in the day, but I had the opposite problem. I was so thirsty during the movie and had to leave to get more water. That also gave me a break from sitting so I could stretch. But overall, I loved the movie and it was such a beautiful conclusion for many of those characters.

By the time I got home, it was really late and I was ready for bed. I was still a bit drained from earlier in the day, but I was doing so much better than I was before the movie. I ended the day seeing a great movie with an awesome friend and it took my mind off of other things that happened. And even though this issue with the other person in my life probably will be something I have to worry about again in the future, I really haven’t had to think about it much since Saturday.

Being an adult and having a tough conversation with someone in your life isn’t easy. I know I have skipped doing it many times that I should have gone for it. I have let things sit when I wasn’t ok with them and I have gotten to a point in my life where I don’t want to tolerate that. But at least I have other people in my life who like to act silly just like I do who can turn around a day when I need it.

Lots Of Lower Body Work (or A Week Of Froggers)

This past week of workouts was not what I was expecting. Every workout at Orangetheory is different, but we had a lot of similar things throughout the week. I definitely pushed myself and sometimes that is a bit much, but this time the pushing just led to soreness which proved I was working hard.

Monday’s workout was a themed class for National Frog Day (yes, that’s a thing). Every section of the workout had frogger squats as a big part of it. Sometimes it was an exercise in the workout and sometimes it was timed within a block. But there were a ton of frogger squats the entire time.

For cardio, every block was the same. We had a 30 second push pace and 45 second base pace that repeated and then we had a 30 second all out pace. After that we had a minute to recover and get off the treadmill/bike before we had 30 seconds of frogger squats. All 3 blocks were like that and the frogger squats weren’t too bad since for me it was the beginning of the class. I did keep my bike resistance levels a bit lower just to not overwork my quads before all the squats.

For the floor and the rower we switched between blocks. So when it my technically my rowing time I had 2 blocks on the rower and 1 block on the floor. And for my floor time I had 2 blocks on the floor and 1 on the rower. On the rower, we started with 10 frogger squats and 1 single arm snatch with a dumbbell on each side. Then we went down 1 frogger squat and up 1 single arm snatch. We had that for about 4 minutes before heading to the rower for a 30 second all out row. When we got back to the rower, we picked up on the exercises where we left off.

The floor was a similar pattern to the rower. We had exercises and then at the end we had 30 seconds of frogger squats. The exercises were high rows on the straps, knee tucks on the ab dolly with pushups, and ab dolly roll outs. The exercises weren’t too hard and I didn’t need that many modifications, but the frogger squats were getting tough. I have no clue how many I did over the entire workout, but they did make me sore and I really didn’t want to do another frogger squat for a long time after I was done.

Wednesday’s workout was an endurance day and it was designed to help get us ready for the 12 minute run benchmark that we will have coming up soon. I have a different feeling about running themed benchmarks now that I do them on the bike, but it’s not a bad feeling. It’s less pressure since I don’t have a big history of what I can do, but also a little uncertainty because of the same reason.

For cardio, we warmed up with a 1 minute push pace before having a recovery and then a 5.5 minute run for distance. I set the resistance level at my old push pace and it was a bit tough to maintain that the entire time. After the 5.5 minutes, we had another recovery before doing the 5.5 minute distance run again. The goal was to do at least what we did the first time. I was able to use the same resistance level and I got a bit further in the distance so I was very happy with that.

On the rower, we started with a 2.5 minute row for distance. I was able to get a little bit further than what I normally can do. Then we had lunges with tricep extensions using a medicine ball. For each round on the rower we were supposed to decrease our row by 100 meters and we kept the lunges with tricep extensions the same. Normally when we have workout plans like this I just use a round number for my rowing distance. But I decided to use my actual distance and do the math each time I was on the rower. It wasn’t too hard, but it did make the rowing a bit longer than it would have been with round numbers.

On the floor, we had 2 blocks. The first block was all work with weights. We had shoulder presses, double crunches, and weighted hip bridges. I didn’t go too heavy with the shoulder presses or double crunches because I was still trying to be careful with my back. But with the hip bridges, I did go heavy. I used to be very worried about putting weight on my hips, but I’ve realized how strong they are and I love that I can use a weight that seemed impossible to me before. The second block had toe taps using the bench which I was able to do with holding on to the straps and doing a single leg squat as well as roll outs using the straps. The modified toe taps were tough and I had some issues balancing. I just tried to do what I could and sometimes that meant taking a break and having both legs on the bench between each one.

Friday’s workout was a power day and it had some really awesome moments and some moments that were a real struggle. But the struggle in the workout was something that I think most of us struggled with so having that support helped.

For cardio, we had 3 blocks that were the same. We had a 30 second push pace, 1 minute base pace, 30 second all out, 1 minute recovery, and then a 30 second push pace to 30 second all out. For the first push and all out, I did my new resistance levels since we had a bit of recovery after them. And for the back to back push and all out, I used my old levels since there wasn’t the recovery. I’m glad I have gotten out of the mindset that I have to stick to one set of bike resistance levels since I have been enjoying going back and forth and playing with it.

The rower was where most people in class struggled. We had 3 blocks and each block had a 200, 150, and 100 meter row. And between each row we had frogger squats. Most of us in class also took class on Monday so when we heard we had to do more frogger squats we were pretty annoyed. We were given the option to do regular squats instead and I took that option. My legs were sore after all the frogger squats and I didn’t want to do more. Some people tried them, but I think all of us were not happy that frogger squats made an appearance again so soon.

On the floor, we had 2 blocks. The first block had lunges while holding weights, lunges without weights, sit-ups, and full burpees. I did my burpees on the bench like I’ve been doing for a while and even with that modification they were tough. I think it’s been a while since I’ve done them so I was a bit rusty with the movements. The second block had lunges with single arm shoulder presses and pop jacks. I did the pop jacks with the bench like the burpees and had the same issue with not being as fluid as I would have liked. I wish the burpees and pop jacks had gone smoother for me, but at least they weren’t hurting me and I could do them.

Saturday’s workout was strength based and it was a great class to end the week on. I felt really strong and powerful and even though this was a strength class it felt like it was more than just that.

For cardio we had 2 similar blocks. We had a push pace, base pace, base pace at incline, regular base pace, and an all out. I used my old push pace for the flat push paces and my new push base as the base pace with incline. It was a great mix of using the resistance levels on the bike and I really pushed myself to pedal faster when we didn’t have incline work. I don’t know why I felt so amazing and powerful in that class, but I did and the cardio work match perfectly for me.

On the rower, we started with a 200 meter row and we counted the strokes. Then we took the number of strokes we did and used that for medicine ball squat front raises. Then we went down one stroke and one squat each round. The goal was to do the strokes on the rower slowly to not have the count be so high. A lot of people rushed through the row, but I took my time. I still did a higher stroke count than I would have liked, but it was not too high which helped me not to have to do as many squats.

And on the floor, we had a lot of weighted work and some Bosu work. The first block had single arm hip swings with weights, half get ups with weights, and pullovers with weights on the Bosu. The second block was weighted hip bridges on the Bosu, chest presses with weights, and plank pull throughs. I was glad to get a break from lower body work on the floor and I was using some heavy weights to feel powerful.

This past week of workouts really had a lot of tough work, including a ton of lower body work. But this week might make this past week look easy because it’s Mayhem time! Hopefully I do ok in those workouts and I can’t wait to see what happens because I am really on a high with feeling awesome!