Monthly Archives: April 2018

Working Through Physical Challenges (or Not Letting Feeling Bad Ruin My Workouts)

This past week of workouts weren’t the best for me. I was so hopeful with feeling ok when I thought I wouldn’t, but that decided to come at me this past week. It’s not easy working out when you don’t feel great, but if I let that stop me I would only be working out half of the month. And I just can’t do that to myself. It’s not fun when I don’t feel 100%, but I think I made the most of it this past week.

Monday’s workout I went into feeling pretty confident. I hadn’t been dealing with the nausea I was expecting the week before and I thought maybe I wouldn’t have to deal with any nausea this month. Of course, being that confident about things meant that they were going to get crazy. The workout was an endurance workout and we had 3 groups, so I knew I’d only be on the treadmill for about 15 minutes. But I only lasted on there for the warm up and then maybe 4 more minutes.

The treadmill workout was based on doing 2 minute push paces and then base paces in-between. And during the first 2 minute push pace, my nausea came at me with full force. I left the workout to take my anti-nausea medication, but I also knew that I wouldn’t be able to stay on the treadmill and do much. So I grabbed my things and went over to the bike to finish the cardio part of the workout. I honestly wasn’t focused too much on when we had a push pace versus a base pace. I was just trying to get through the workout and hope that my medication would kick in soon. For my mileage challenge this was easily the worst workout I have had, but I also knew that there would be at least a few workouts that would be like this when I felt horrible. So I just had to push through and try to keep pedaling when I could.

Next I was on the rower where we had 2 different attempts at a 500 meter row. My medications were finally starting to kick in, but I was still feeling off so my first attempt was pretty slow. By the time I had the second attempt I was doing a little better and was able to do my row about 20 seconds faster. We also had pull challenges where we tried to see how far we could get in 20 pulls on the rower. Feeling off worked to my advantage since I was super slow and I got much further in 20 pulls than I expected I could do. And on the floor, we started with mini-band work with suitcase squats with weights, lateral walks, and upright rows with weights. I finally found a good spot to put the mini-band so it wasn’t twisting up my leg and I went heavy with the weights to make up for my lack of cardio work. We were supposed to do plank work, but I knew that if I did plank work that I would feel every more nauseous, so my coach had me use the straps to do tricep work to work the same muscle groups. I left the workout feeling a little disappointed because I know I wanted to do better, but I also know that my struggles were due to things out of my control which does help a bit.

I was worried about how I’d feel on Wednesday for the workout, but I was doing a bit better. And because the workout was a power day with lots of switches, I decided to go for the treadmill instead of using the bike. I also may have been a bit stubborn because I wanted to get the mileage for my challenge. The workout was kind of a run/row format, but it was pretty unique with the blocks being 3 or 4 minutes long.

I started on the treadmill where the first block was a run/row with a .1 mile power walk and then a 200 meter row. I was doing my normal speed and incline even though I wasn’t feeling totally great. It was a bit tough, but I managed to do it. After that block, we went to the rowers where we had rounds of 100 meter rows and squats. Then it was back to the treadmill for another run/row that was .08 mile power walks and a 150 meter row. Then back to the rower for rounds of 100 meter rows and squats. And the last block was a run/row of .05 mile power walks and 100 meter rows. Then it was time to switch to the floor.

But even though I was on the floor, we still had treadmill blocks. First we had a block that was all timed exercises. The exercises were supposed to be pop jacks, pull ups on the straps, sit-ups with rotation, and burpees to step ups. But because of how I was feeling, I couldn’t do a lot of the exercises. Instead of pop jacks I did squats, I did crunches instead of sit-ups, and instead of the burpees to step ups I did lunges. It still wasn’t easy with no breaks between things. After the exercises, we had a 3 minute block on the treadmill. Then 2 more rounds of exercises with a block on the treadmill in-between. It wasn’t easy, but I managed to get it done and be on the treadmill when in the recent past I would have been on the bike.

After feeling better on Wednesday, I was hoping that trend would continue and I’d be ok on Friday. But that wasn’t the case and I went to my workout with horrendous nausea. I really wanted to use the treadmill, but there was no way for me to do that without feeling sick so I used the bike. The workout format was similar to Wednesday with it being unique and different. While it was a run/row day, it wasn’t the normal run/row format.

I started on the bike to warm-up and normally if it’s a run/row day that means I do the run/row work first. But this time, we had a 1 minute all out pace and then headed to the floor while the people who warmed up on the rower did their row and then went to the treadmill. All 3 blocks I had where I started on the treadmill/bike side started that way with the 1 minute all out pace and then going to the floor. When we were on the floor it was mainly work using the Bosu. We had kneeling tricep extensions, crunches, hip bridges, and pullovers with weights. There was also some work that we had in plank positions that I knew I couldn’t do because of how I was feeling so I did squats or extra core work in place of the things I couldn’t do.

When we switched, I had the run/row (although I guess technically it was row/bike for me). Each block started with a longish row. The first block was 500 meters, the second was 600 meters, and the last was 700 meters. The 500 meter row was tough for me and I took longer than I should have. But for the 600 and 700 meter row I was within the goal times we had for the rows. And after each of the rows, there was a run for distance which was a bike for distance in my case. I tried to just keep pedaling until the block ended but there were a few times where the nausea got really bad and I just had to take a quick break on the bike before continuing. Even with how badly I was feeling, the workout seemed to go by pretty quickly which helped.

Saturday’s workout was another one where I thought I was feeling ok at first but before getting to the workout I knew I wasn’t going to be able to use the treadmill. I ended up using the bike again, but that was a good thing because one of my friends from the Brentwood studio was in that class and on the bike next to me! We tried not to turn the cardio time into social hour, but we did spend a bit of time catching up. That helped to pass the time and to distract me from feeling as queasy as I was feeling.

The cardio blocks all had the same format with the people on the treadmill starting with doing .1 miles on a high incline and then we had regular push pace intervals. For the bike, I did .4 miles with a very high resistance and then did the resistance I usually do to replicate my push and all out paces. I did have moments where I needed to stop pedaling because the nausea took over and I needed to let it pass, but they were much less frequent than they had been earlier in the week. That was good and I felt much better about my cardio on the bike than I had in the other workouts.

On the floor we also had 3 blocks. The first block started with ab dolly rollouts. I knew I must be feeling better because when I’m really feeling nauseous I can’t do anything in a plank position. But I was able to do these with very minimal nausea so that felt like a victory to me. In that first block was also had squats with leg lifts using the bands which normally would be tough on my hip but I was able to do. So that was another victory. In the other blocks we had sprint rows, lunges with shoulder presses, pull-ups on the straps, hip bridges, and knee tucks. While I still had some nausea from time to time, it was decreasing as the workout went on so I was just so happy about that.

I’m really hopeful that this week of workouts the nausea will either be super limited or gone. I know the timing of my body and it should be over in a few more days. Then I have 2 weeks of freedom before I feel it again. So many people tell me that they couldn’t do a workout when they felt the way I feel, but for me it’s becoming a normal part of life. And each month that I have to go through this I keep proving to myself that I don’t let feeling nauseous stop me from trying my best during a workout. And while my best during these weeks isn’t usually close to my normal best, I’m really trying hard and hopefully I will start judging my nauseous workouts against the other nauseous ones and not against the ones that happen when I feel fine.

Not Blaming Myself (or Still Learning From Online Dating)

I’m so sorry there have been so many posts about online dating lately! It feels like lately my life has become a soap opera and I’m not used to dealing with all the ridiculousness I’ve encountered. And since so many things in this adventure are new to me, I’m still trying to figure out how to handle certain situations. It feels like I’m a teenager in some ways but I also know from talking to my friends that they would be reacting the same way I’ve been reacting.

Unfortunately lately I’ve had some not great situations happen to me. And it would be so easy to blame myself for what happened, but I also know that I didn’t do anything that would make that real. But it’s tough to tell myself not to feel at fault when that’s how my mind works.

One situation ended up resolving pretty well. I had a few dates with a guy and then things got awkward and our communication slowed down significantly. I know I didn’t do anything wrong, but my first thought was that he obviously found out something about me that he didn’t like or he never found me attractive. My default thought is to think that there is something wrong with me that is causing someone to either not be interested or stop being interested. But once this guy and I had a chance to sit down and talk, I found out he was blaming himself for the situation too and was dealing with the same thoughts. It’s almost funny how it turned out because we were thinking the same thing and it was a relief to talk things out. We get along really well and are just now trying to figure out if we are meant to be friends or something more. But it’s nice to have that stress off my mind now.

Another situation is still making me feel like I’m to blame a little bit even though I know that can’t be truth. I’ve been seeing someone on and off for quite a while now. It was never serious or exclusive and we were open with each other about that. He knew that I had dates with other guys and I assumed he had dates with other women (although he claimed he hadn’t). I thought we were being honest with each other and that’s one of the reasons I think we were able to be on and off with each other without too much effort.

But last week, I got a message on Facebook from a random account that said this guy had a girlfriend and I should stay away from him. I didn’t know what to think and I took some time before I did anything. Eventually, I took a screenshot of the message and sent it to the guy asking if he knew who was messaging me. I wasn’t as much concerned about the girlfriend thing (although it meant he was lying to me at some point), but I didn’t know who he told about me and who had my information.

I still haven’t heard back from the guy. I’m guessing at this point that he does have a girlfriend and I called him out on it. I don’t think he had a girlfriend the entire time he and I had been on and off, but the fact that he was lying and claiming he hadn’t gone out with anyone since we met isn’t ok with me at all.

Looking back at this and writing this out, I think it’s pretty obvious that I did nothing wrong. Even he going out with other women wasn’t wrong since we had discussed that we weren’t exclusive. But somehow I blamed myself briefly for him lying. This is a ridiculous idea, but in my head I was thinking that I must have done something that made him feel like he should lie to me. But in reality, this guy is just not a nice guy and did something wrong.

I’ve gone through this blame idea or the idea that I’m not worthy of someone respecting me before. It’s something I’m working on getting over. And with this recent situation, I’m seeing progress. While the first thought in my head was trying to figure out what I did wrong, I pretty much immediately realized that was a stupid thought and I was blaming myself for someone else’s lies. I know that I did nothing wrong and didn’t deserve to be treated like this. It still hurts to know that someone who I thought respected me clearly didn’t, but I think most people would have that same reaction even if they never thought they were to blame.

I don’t expect to ever hear back from that guy and that’s fine with me. Anything he would say to me would be an excuse for his behavior and I don’t really care about that. But even though this on and off dating situation came to an end that was pretty negative, I do feel like there are some positives that came out of it. And one of the biggest positives was the progress I had in not blaming myself for someone else’s actions. I knew immediately that I deserved better than what I had and I’m not trying to figure out how to fix this situation. I’m moving on and I know that I will find someone better and more worthy of my feelings. So for being able to realize that, I am grateful.

A Quick Happy Hour (or Making Myself Be Social)

I know there are times that I write about how I wish I had more fun stuff in my life or how I need to work on doing more when I’m not working. And I’ve gotten pretty good at scheduling stuff and finding things that I like to go to do. But then there are times where I just want to sit on my couch and watch tv. But I know if I just do that, I’ll feel like I’m missing out on something and I’ll regret it later.

This week I RSVPed to go to a happy hour that was hosted by the NextGen Performers committee of SAG-AFTRA. These happy hours are really just a good excuse to get together with awesome, like-minded people and to have fun. There is no agenda for the event, nothing is really scheduled, and everyone is usually in a great mood because there is free food (the key to making lots of actors happy). And I was excited to go because I knew I’d have some friends there and since it can be tough to find time to see them, these events are sometimes they only time we get together.

When I RSVPed for it, I assumed I’d be looking forward to the event. And I was until the day of. It had nothing to do with the event, I just was not feeling up for going out. I was dealing with nausea, I was tired, and I just didn’t feel like getting myself together and being social. But I thought about it and realized that I would regret it if I didn’t go. So I took my time getting dressed and ready and headed over to happy hour.

It helped that it was held at Rush St. which is super close to my house. I would have walked, but I don’t like to walk home in the dark alone so I drove there. But it still was very nice to have it be minutes away so I didn’t really have any excuse not to go and make an appearance. And I was hoping that once I got there, my mood would improve and I would feel better and I would spend a good amount of time there.

Unfortunately for me, my nausea wasn’t going away while I was there. I didn’t have any food because I didn’t know how my body would react to it, but things just weren’t getting better for me. I tried to focus on talking to a few of my friends who were at the event which was fun. We all always have lots of random updates on our lives to share. And many of the people at the happy hour were attending their very first union event so it was fun to talk to them about what other opportunities are out there for them to participate in. I always want to help union members (whether they are new or not) to get more involved if they want to do so. There are a lot of opportunities for members even if they don’t want to be involved in the politics of the union. And some people do want to get involved in the politics and I’m glad I can share my experiences with them so they know what to expect and what they need to do to run for an office.

Even though I was having fun talking with people, while I was there I just kept thinking how I really didn’t feel up for being social. It had nothing to do with the people I was talking to. I think almost anyone can relate to just wanting to be home and by yourself when you don’t feel good. I can’t let this be an excuse for me since I seem to feel nauseous 2 weeks out of each month, but I also don’t want to push my body too hard and then make things worse for me. So after being at happy hour for about an hour, I made my rounds of saying goodbye to my friends and headed back to my car to go home.

I wish I had been able to stay longer because I was having a good time there, but it just wasn’t meant to be. And I was also a bit worried that some of the new people I was meeting might think I was being annoyed by talking to them or something because I know I was a bit distracted. Again, it had nothing to do with who I was talking to. My body was just distracting me. But I think making myself go out to happy hour was the right choice because I did get to have some fun and I never have regrets about going out and having fun.

A Dapper Day Attempt (or Trying To Make The Best Of An Afternoon)

Disney has lots of unofficial days in the park. I almost never go to these because they are on weekends and I rarely go to Disneyland on a weekend. I have gone to Pin-Up Day once but I haven’t gone back to it since. But of all the unofficial days, Dapper Day is the biggest one for sure. I had never been to the park during Dapper Day and never really had a plan to, but when my Disney friend Michelle asked me if I wanted to go I decided to check it out.

Dapper Day is a day when lots of people go to the park dressed up like they would have dressed when Disneyland opened in 1955. I don’t have a lot of outfits that would fit that idea, but I tried to pull something together that looked a bit more vintage than my usual outfits.

Michelle has a ton of vintage outfits so she had a super cute dress on but I didn’t end up getting a photo of us together. But there is a good reason for that.

We had a bit of a later start getting to Disneyland. I had my brunch in the morning and I headed straight to Michelle’s place and got there around 12:45pm. We were in the car quickly and there wasn’t a ton of traffic getting to Disneyland. We were at the exit for Disneyland in about 45 minutes and saw a line of cars trying to exit. We knew the day would be crowded so seeing a line of cars didn’t surprise us too much. We figured it would move quickly and we would be parking soon.

Then we noticed that we just weren’t moving. 30 minutes passed. An hour passed. And we still weren’t off the freeway. The flyover from the freeway exit to the parking lot was closed so we thought maybe it had to do with cars trying to get through the traffic light. But that didn’t explain it enough. We finally started to get closer to the parking lot entrance, and we noticed some cop cars and an ambulance going by. I still don’t know why they were there, but we were not allowed to go into the parking lot and were being redirected to park at the convention center.

Even once we were on Disney property trying to drive over to the convention center, the traffic was still unbearable. It had been about 3 hours after we got to the freeway exit and it didn’t seem like anything was getting better. And after being in the car for so long, both of us desperately needed to find a bathroom. We were terrified it would take another 2 hours to park, so when we saw the street to the Grand Californian Hotel, we turned and begged them to let us park the car so we could run into the lobby to use the bathroom. Fortunately, they let us do that and then we got back into the car to try to figure out how to get to a parking lot.

Because of how the exit from the hotel went, we couldn’t continue going toward the convention center. And it was so weird because the endless traffic jam that we were caught in was gone and there were no cars on that side of the street. We drove back toward the entrance that we came in and discovered the parking lot was open again! We had to drive a little bit of a loop, but we managed to finally park the car in the parking lot that we attempted to get to about 4.5 hours earlier.

I know that Disney did their best for the crowds that they were dealing with and they may have been a medical emergency that was causing more issues, but we were both feeling a little bit fed up once we were out of the car. Instead of heading straight into the park to see everyone in their Dapper Day outfits, we went to the Mexican restaurant in Downtown Disney to decompress and try to get into a better mood. Fortunately, margaritas and chips helped us and we were in a slightly better mood when we finally headed over to Disneyland.

By the time we were in the park, it was getting close to 6pm and we were already exhausted. But we wanted to try for at least a few rides and we were thinking about trying to stay for the fireworks. Our first ride was Pirates of the Caribbean because it was the last day before the ride went down for a refurbishment. They are changing the bride auction scene and are turning the redhead from that scene into a pirate. So we had to say our goodbye to the redhead.

The ride was as good as it always was and while I love the ride as it is I’m excited to see the changes when it reopens.

After Pirates, we went on the Haunted Mansion since it was located in the same area of the park. We were checking out some of the fun outfits that people were wearing for Dapper Day, but I think both Michelle and I were just kind of feeling done with the day. The long wait in the car while trying to park kind of wore us down and we never recovered from it. So after the Haunted Mansion, we were back on the tram to take us to the parking lot.

We did figure out that technically we were at the park a little bit longer than we spent in the car trying to park, but it’s sad that it was only maybe a 20 minute difference. When we were stuck in the car, we had talked about just giving up and going home, but we were stuck where we couldn’t turn around. I’m glad we didn’t go home and we did manage to get on a few rides, but it was not the best first time going to Dapper Day. If I go again in the future, I’ll make sure I try to get there around the time the park opens so hopefully there won’t be the same parking issue. But to be honest, I’m just happy to go on my random Mondays and don’t know if going on the unofficial days is really my thing.

Another Delayed Brunch (or I Wish I Had More Accomplishments)

I’ve been doing my meeting with my WIF mentoring group for a few years now. At the beginning we were really good about meeting every other month as a group (when we started, the alternate months were meetings with our mentors). When we were on our own, we still were pretty good about maintaining our every other month meetings and they seemed to be much easier to schedule. But lately, we’ve been having some issues with scheduling which is fine. The reasons have been because everyone is getting very busy with some awesome career stuff, but we are still trying to make an effort. So after a few reschedules recently, we finally had our 2nd brunch of the year this past weekend.

I’ve struggled a bit lately in our brunch meetings with what I have to share with the group. I always feel like I’ve had a lack of progress compared to everyone else, but I also know that it’s not good for me to compare myself to the others. We all are on our own paths and are at different stages in our careers. So there’s really no way I can look at what someone else is doing and compare my accomplishments to theirs. Even so, it was a bit frustrating that I didn’t have really anything related to acting to share with the group this time. I know that the point of our meetings isn’t just for me to share what’s happening in my life but for me to support the others in the group, but there is almost a sense of feeling left out when I don’t have good things to share.

I did share about some craziness that’s been happening with my day jobs and how I’m doing social media management as a side job right now. I know that sometimes I think that there isn’t much happening in my life until I look back at various blog posts, but I think this time there really wasn’t much related to my acting career since the group met back in January. I’ve started to wonder if I haven’t been focusing on it enough, but I know that I’m staying involved in the union and other actor related things with various groups and meetings I’m attending. That counts for something even if I’m not auditioning a lot. I would like to get back into class eventually, but until I’m in a better place financially I can’t afford to do that. But maybe this feeling of left out will help kick my butt into gear into figuring out what else I can do that is not dependent on me having auditions.

Even with my negative feelings about my personal accomplishments, I was so happy to be at our brunch so I could hear about the accomplishments that everyone else had! Because we’ve been meeting for so long, when someone has a big breakthrough it sometimes feels like I’ve had the breakthrough too because we’ve been going on the journey with them. I love getting to hear that someone had an amazing meeting with a producer, is getting financial backing for their project, or that they just had fun on set. I’m not feeling jealous of any of them at all. My feelings of being left out are more to do with my lack of accomplishments and not at all about their successes. I guess if I must have any negative thoughts, I’m glad that they are just a me issue and it’s not about anyone in the group.

The other thing that made me so happy with this past brunch was that we had almost everyone in the group there. We were only missing one person and it felt amazing to have all of us who could make it at brunch. Of course, we all would love it if we all could make it but we know how tough that is with our schedules. But getting to see everyone I did see and seeing how excited they all were to see each other really made me so happy and grateful for the group that we have.

We really are striving to have another meeting in 2 months, but we are also aware that we may need an extra month or two to get everything scheduled. At least we all understand the situation and nobody was upset that we missed having our brunch last month (they are all just grateful that I am willing to schedule and organize our brunches so they continue). And while I can’t control if I have any auditions or bookings before our next meeting, hopefully I can figure out something else to move my career forward that I can share next time.

A Badass Workout Week (or Better Than Expected)

This past week of workouts had the potential to not be as great as I would like. Because I know when I typically will be nauseous, I was worried that 2 of my workouts would be affected by that since going by a typical schedule I should have started to feel nauseous mid-week. But my body decided to go easy on me (maybe my body was also celebrating my Medical Miracle Anniversary too!) and I had a much better workout week that I was expecting!

Monday’s workout was a 3 group switch workout. It’s funny how normally I love these types of workouts but when I’m trying to get a lot of treadmill mileage for my challenge they are my least favorites. But I was just happy to have a workout that I was excited about even if it meant I wouldn’t be spending a lot of time on the treadmill. Essentially, we had 3 rounds around the room and each block was 4 minutes each, but we also had 1 round that was a little bit different.

For the treadmill, the first and last round was a 4 minute distance challenge. I knew I couldn’t run this even though I really wanted to, so the first time I did it I just did my normal speed with my push pace incline. But when I got back to the treadmill for the last time, I really wanted to do a little bit better so I increased my speed by .1 for the first 3 minutes and then bumped it up again for the last minute. Power walking that fast was a bit tough and I don’t think I could do it for a longer block, but it did make me think that maybe I could work on testing my walking speeds a bit more. And on the rower, the first and last round were 4 minute distance rows. I got over 800 meters both times and did better when I did it the second time which is always something that makes me happy.

But for the second round around the room, the treadmill and row was almost more of like a run/row format. The block was split into 2 and we had 90 seconds on each side. I did it twice since we had one run/row when I started on the treadmill and another run/row when I started on the rower. This was when I really started to test my speed on the treadmill for power walking. I kept my incline at my base pace incline but worked on increasing the speed. I got it up to .3 faster than I normally walk but that was almost too fast for me. I managed to keep it up for the 90 seconds I had to do it, but I’m pretty sure that I couldn’t do much longer than that.

And on the floor, each of the 3 blocks started with lunges and then we had 2 different exercises to finish out the 4 minutes. The first block was full thrusters with weights and high rows with the straps. The second block was squat low rows with weights and bicep curls on the straps. And the last block was pull ups with the straps and seated torso rotations. I was using lighter weights than I have in the past because I was getting really tired on the floor. I worked really hard on the treadmill and rower and I know my floor work suffered a bit because of that. I also was using the floor time as almost a bit of a rest time since we were going so much with very little rest time between rotations. I know the idea is to keep working because when you work through you build up endurance. But I’ve also learned from all my coaches that it’s so important to listen to your body and my body was saying I needed to take things a bit easy on the floor.

Wednesday’s workout was a strength day which meant inclines on the treadmill. I was a bit worried about the workout because I really didn’t sleep the night before. I tried to sleep, but even though I was in bed for 7 hours I only got about 90 minutes of sleep. That’s not the best way to sleep before a morning workout but I was determined to see what I could do. We had 3 blocks on the treadmill and they all followed the same pattern: 90 second push pace at an incline, 45 second base pace at no incline, repeat, and then end with 90 second push pace at incline followed by 30 second all out pace.

The first block I did the inclines at 8%, the second block I did at 7%, and the last block I did at 6%. Those inclines were a bit lower than power walkers were supposed to do, but they were pretty good for me. And with the final push to all out pace, I just kept my incline the same so I basically ended each block with a 2 minute push pace. The first block at 8% was really tough for me because that is usually the incline I use for all out paces and those aren’t more than a minute. So to do it for 90 seconds and 2 minutes was not easy. I did have to take some breaks during the inclines, but I did much better than I expected. I kept my normal speed for all 3 blocks and got a decent amount of distance on the treadmill by the time we switched to the floor.

The floor also had 3 blocks. Each of the blocks had a 300 meter row if you got done with the floor work, but I never made it to the rower. The first block used the mini-bands for 2 exercises. I’m used to using the bands on my legs, but this time we used them on our arms. We had walkouts with the bands which made the walkouts so tough! My shoulders and arms were really feeling it but it was good because walk outs are typically pretty easy for me. We also had lunges with arm rotations with the bands on our arms. Again, that made me feel it in my shoulders so much. The second block was bench burpees and lateral lunges. And the last block was lunges and crunches. For the weighted work I used my normal weights, but I also added a dumbbell to my crunches which isn’t something I always do. It definitely made them harder to do, but I think I needed to push myself a bit when I know that crunches can be pretty easy for me.

Friday’s workout was on my Medical Miracle anniversary, so I was excited to work out. Marking 1 year since not needing surgery was a big deal and I was happy to celebrate it by sweating hard! This workout was endurance, strength, and power based and I started on the treadmill.

We had 5 blocks and they all were themed to one type of workout. When we had power blocks, they were short and either short push to all out paces or just an all out pace. For the endurance block, we had a longer push pace, a base pace, a shorter push pace, a base pace, and an all out pace. And with the strength block, we had incline work with the inclines going up every minute. For most of the blocks, I did my usual inclines and speed. For the strength block, I wasn’t able to get the inclines up as high as I should have but I still tried to increase my incline each minute. I was having some minor nausea issues that morning so I did need to take some breaks to let that pass, but it wasn’t that bad compared to what I usually experience.

The floor was also 5 blocks and it was very focused on core work and lunges. We had a block with ab dolly knee tucks and ab dolly roll outs. A block with clean to presses with weights, lunges with shoulder presses, and then rowing for distance until time was called on the block. Another block with ab dolly knee tucks and ab dolly roll outs. A block with lunges to shoulder presses, bicycle curls, and rowing for distance until time was called. And we ended with a block of ab dolly knee tucks. I usually love ab dolly work, but it was a bit tough with the nausea. I just worked on taking breaks and getting upright when I needed to and was able to get through it pretty easily.

Saturday’s workout was a signature workout for Orangetheory. This was the Orange Inferno and it was a workout I had done before so I wasn’t too stressed about it. My main fear was that I was going to be super nauseous during the workout, but before going in I was still feeling pretty decent so I was optimistic that I’d do ok in the workout.

The Inferno was during the cardio which was a run/row. We had rounds of .25 mile runs (.13 miles for me since I was walking) and 200 meter rows. The goal was to do 5-8 rounds in 23 minutes. Run/row days are some of my favorites, but I also knew that I’d have to work extra hard because a run/row meant I wouldn’t get as much time on the treadmill. I think I might have to keep doing mileage challenges because they really are motivating me on the treadmill! After my warmup, I had a goal in my head that I wanted to at least complete the 6th round on the treadmill. Because of the distance in my warmup, that would get me to 1 mile for the class which is a good goal to have.

The first time I was on the treadmill, I did my usual speed and at 6% incline which is what we were supposed to be at. But after that, I realized that I would have to kick things up a bit to get all the rounds I wanted to get in. The next 2 rounds I increased it by .1mph and it didn’t feel too bad. At the end I had to get to the max I can do as a walk in order to make sure I finished and that was pretty tough. I probably could increase my walking speed a bit, but I totally went too hard at the end. And with all the 200 meter rows, I had to look at those as almost my recovery time since I didn’t want to waste time doing nothing. But even considering those as recovery I always got them done in under a minute. Once we were done with the 23 minutes, I hit my goal and actually went a little bit further. I didn’t switch over to the rower at the end, but I did .15 miles in that last round which brought me to be just above a mile for the entire block.

Once I was on the floor, I was exhausted. My legs were so tired, but fortunately the floor work focused on upper body and arms. The first block had push ups, chest flys with weights, tricep work with weights, and crunches. The second block was plank low rows with weights, low rows on the straps, hammer curls, and sit ups. And the last block was a core blast with leg raises and sit ups. I didn’t go too heavy with the weights I was using because I was feeling tired and I knew my form was a bit sloppier than I would have liked. Heavy weights would have just made my form worse. But even with the lighter weights I still felt it and was ready to take a nap when class was done!

I’m so happy with how this past week of workouts went for me. I really was expecting it to be so much worse than what it ended up like. I am still worried about when my nausea may hit me, but I’m trying to stay optimistic that maybe this month I won’t have to deal with it or I’ll only have it for a week instead of 2 weeks. I’ve only got about 5 more workouts in my mileage challenge and I’ve already hit the first goal I had in mind. But I’m only halfway to the next goal I had and I don’t think that I’ll be able to make it to that one. But I’m definitely debating doing these mileage challenges on my own each month so I’m just looking at this as my starting point. I know that I can do better in the future!

Medical Miracle Anniversary (or A Year Of My Liver Being A Badass)

1 year ago today I was supposed to have my liver surgery to remove my tumors and about 30% of my liver. And as you know if you’ve followed my blog for a while, that surgery didn’t happen. Even though the research shows that the type of tumors I have don’t typically shrink on their own, somehow mine did. The tumors were caused by hormonal birth control and I guess going off of it made the tumors smaller. I’ve done some research on my own and it seems like even though this situation is still very rare, it is a bit more common than we previously thought.

For my hip surgery, it’s easy to know what the anniversary is because it happened on a certain date. For this medical situation, it was a bit tougher to pick what my anniversary date would be. There was the date when my OB/GYN called me to tell me my MRI results were in and the tumors shrank. At that time I only knew the tumors shrank and that it was almost unheard of that happening. She didn’t know what was the next step and I assumed I might still be having surgery. Then there was the phone call I had with my liver surgeon that happened 2 days before I was supposed to go in for my pre-op appointment. That was when my surgery was officially cancelled and I knew that I was a medical miracle.

But to me, I think I want to consider my non-surgery date as my medical miracle anniversary since it is the anniversary of my surgery not happening. It’s also an easier date to remember because I have to look back at a calendar to figure out what dates I got the phone calls from the doctors. And the surgery date was ingrained in my head while I prepped for it so it will be hard for me to forget it. So that mean today marks my 1 year anniversary of being a medical miracle.

It’s weird to think that 1 year ago I would have either still been in surgery or in a recovery room recovering from a major surgery. While I was looking forward to the surgery because I knew that I needed it, I’m much happier that I didn’t have to deal with a very long recovery from a major surgery. While I’ve had a few surgeries in my life, this would have been the biggest one and the first time I would have been in the hospital overnight (I would have been there for multiple days and nights to recover before going home).

When my surgery was initially cancelled, I did have a bit of a struggle because it felt like something in my life was unfinished. I also felt a bit out of control and disconnected because I had no sense that this was happening with my body (both the tumors existing and the tumors shrinking). It took a while for that feeling to go away, but now I’m just so grateful that I was lucky enough to not need a major surgery. As much as I prepared for that recovery, I know that there really isn’t a way to prepare and I was worried about how painful it might be and what my body may not be able to do for a while. I’m glad I didn’t have to have those worries but instead just got to enjoy a long visit with my parents instead of being in the hospital.

Since my medical miracle, there has been very little I’ve had to do with my liver. I am still limiting my drinking since I know alcohol can stress my liver (and I doubt stress is good for it). I’m taking some supplements for liver health because I figured it can’t hurt to do that and it’s not expensive to take them. And while I don’t have to worry about the tumor breaking off and causing me to bleed internally as much as I did before, I’m continuing to be cautious of not bumping my stomach into anything and avoiding any trauma I can to my abdomen.

I had an MRI 6 months after the miracle because my surgeon had no idea what really would happen with the tumors. The hope was that they would continue to shrink, but there was the possibility that they would either stay the same or grow and that would have led to me needing surgery. Fortunately, they did shrink a bit more (but not nearly as significantly as they did previously) and my surgeon and I went over what the plan would be. The plan is pretty limited as this is not the normal path, but basically I’m just continuing doing what I’m doing and then I’ll have another MRI in October (1 year from the most recent MRI).

Even a year later, I still think I’m a bit shocked about how this all turned out. Discovering I had a tumor was pretty dramatic with a full day at the hospital. Discovering what type of tumor I had and how large they were was pretty crazy too. And then being a medical miracle and having my surgery cancelled is something I never believed could happen. Even though my family always believes in the best for medical situations, my tumors shrinking to the point of my surgery being unnecessary didn’t really enter any of our minds. Hopefully the dramatics with these tumors is done now and my next MRI and all future ones will show the tumors shrinking. I guess I’ll find out in 6 more months.

I Love Good Customer Service Stories! (or Sometimes A Dream Purchase Isn’t One)

I’ve shared a few different customer service stories on here. While I’ve had some bad experiences, I’d rather share the good ones. Maybe this is because I work in customer service and I hope that my customers feel as happy as I do after a positive outcome. Or maybe it’s because my dad and I love to share customer service stories (good and bad). Either way, I’m happy I’ve got another good one to share.

I’ve been trying to get better with my spending. I have been working on cutting back where I can but occasionally I do still have splurge purchases. And most of the time, these splurges are either things that I have been looking forward to (like my Disney pass or Pantages tickets) or something that I’ve been stalking online or in stores and wait for it to go on sale. A lot of the time, if I’ve been stalking something I’ve wanted to buy eventually I don’t care about it anymore. But there was a purse that I had been stalking online for a while.

I’m not going to name the company because I don’t have the best things to say about the purse, but this isn’t a designer bag even though it wasn’t cheap. But I view purses as investments and this cost about the same as what my last purse cost and I’ve been using that bag for about 8 years! So spending more to have an investment piece is worth it. I didn’t need a new purse (my current one was starting to show wear, but it wasn’t broken or torn), but I did want one. And when I saw this purse for sale online, I jumped at the chance to get it!

I was so excited because one of the features of the purse was how roomy it was even though it was a smaller bag than I’m used to. There were a bunch of videos online about how to pack it full of lots of things. While I do keep my purse clean, I keep a lot of stuff in there. I have a bag that has all the random things I may need when I’m out (lip balm, hair tie, mints, safety pins, pen, notebook, and other things like that). Based on the videos that I was watching online, I should have been able to fit all my things in the bag with room to spare.

And when the bag arrived earlier this week, I loved how nice it looked! It wasn’t showy and it was smaller than I’m used to, but it seemed super functional. That is, until I tried to start putting my stuff in it. Maybe if I didn’t have everything organized into a bag and had all my money things in a wallet, it would have worked. There were lots of pockets for organization, but the larger pockets didn’t really fit my things in it. I tried putting my stuff inside and walk around my house and it just wasn’t meant to be. Not only did I have issues with the bag seeming overstuffed and being difficult to pull things out of, the way the strap of the bag hung on me was just off. The strap was cutting into my neck (which totally surprised me) and one of the adjustment buckles on the strap was getting caught in my hair and pulling some strands out!

Honestly, I thought about if I could make this bag work. I tried to downsize what I carried in my purse but I still had issues with it feeling overstuffed. I readjusted the strap to see if it wouldn’t bother my neck or if the buckle wouldn’t get caught in my hair. But when I adjusted it to fit my body and hair better, it wasn’t the length of the strap I wanted it to be. It’s unfortunate because I really loved this purse but it just wasn’t meant for my body or my lifestyle.

I looked at their website to see their return policy and it stated that the purse had to be in completely unused condition to be returned for a refund. But in order for me to try the purse, I had to unwrap the tissue it was wrapped in. And the tissue on the straps had tape so there was no way to put that back exactly like it was when it was delivered. But I took a chance and emailed the company to see if there was anything they could do to help me out.

Within minutes of me sending the email, I got 2 emails back from them. The first was an apology that the purse wasn’t working out for me and that as long as I had the tag with the bar code (which I did) that they would accept the return and refund my money. And the second email was a shipping label that I could use to send it back. I wasn’t expecting this at all since their return policy was pretty clear that it had to be totally unused, but it made me so happy that they were willing to try to make me a happy customer even if I didn’t love the purse I bought. There are other bags they sell that I would totally consider buying in the future, but I don’t need them now.

While I had been dreaming of having this purse for so long, it just wasn’t meant to be for me. And while I really wish I could have made it work, I know that the money I spent on it could be used for other more important things. I probably shouldn’t have made the purchase in the first place but it was something I had been wanting for a long time and the want for it wasn’t going away. I had to take the chance on getting it when it was on sale, and I’m just lucky that even though I have to return the purse that I experienced amazing customer service so I don’t have to worry about the money I spent.

Doing Some More Dating Reflection (or It’s Been An Interesting Year)

About a year ago, I got back into online dating. It wasn’t the first time I had tried online dating, but from the very beginning this time was so different. Immediately, I was getting more matches and more dates than I had in the past. There are a few reasons my friends and I joke about why this could happen, but there is really no good reason I can think of. It’s ok that I can’t think of a reason because it really doesn’t matter. And when I got back into online dating, I didn’t really have a timeline of how long I’d be doing it. I know for sure I didn’t think I’d still be doing it a year later.

To be totally honest, I really hoped that I would meet someone incredible and that I wouldn’t need online dating a year later. I’ve met some great guys (and I’m still seeing a few to see if it turns into anything), but nothing significant has come out of my dating adventures. Well, I should probably rephrase that and say that no significant relationship has come out of it. But some significant things have happened to me.

As much as I hate to say that I gained confidence by being wanted, that’s something that happened to me. After being told by someone that I was not worthy of people caring about me, I do like having the validation that it’s not true. I’m not dependent on others to gain confidence, but it did help me at first. Now I’m not feeling the same need to be wanted, but it’s still nice to have.

I’ve also gained some strength in knowing what I want and not tolerating what I don’t want. In the past, I would tolerate things that I shouldn’t have to because I was scared that I would not be able to find someone better. I know that that’s not the truth for sure now and if there is something that is a deal breaker for me I don’t feel the need to see if I could put up with it and see if I could make the relationship last (or make a date turn into a relationship). While I do have a little lingering fear that I will end up alone the rest of my life, being alone forever is a better option that putting up with crap and I’m glad I’m confident in that idea now.

It hasn’t all been good. I’ve encountered more guys that I’d like to think about who are online and trying to cheat on their significant other. I’ve been getting good and figuring out those guys and I usually call them out about it. And of course there are a ton of scammers and fake accounts on all the different sites I use. Those are usually easy to figure out too, but sometimes it takes a few messages exchanged before I realize they are fake. There’s only been one faker that I feel like I wasted way too much time with, but he was a pretty good fake account. But as soon as I figured it out, I moved on. The only thing that annoyed me was the time wasted and not that he wasn’t real.

I’m still pretty active with a few different dating sites. There are 3 that I pretty much only use but I’ve got 2 others on my phone that I’ll check occasionally. And I do try to check the main 3 apps every day for at least a few minutes. I know how easy it could be to just not bother with it, but I do want to try to find someone who I really like and wants to possibly be serious with me. And as much as I don’t love online dating, I know it’s the best chance for me to meet someone these days. So I just have to keep chugging along and making an effort to put myself out there each day.

I would love it if I don’t have to celebrate 2 years (or more) of being back on online dating. I really am trying to stay hopeful that I will find a guy who becomes the person who gets me to delete all the apps. I am trying to find the fun in dating and with first dates, but they can be a bit stressful too. I just keep trying to remind myself that each new first date is a potential new chapter in the book I’m working on about my adventures in online dating. But I’d love to have the final chapter figured out so I could just move on from the first date portion of my life.

A Gift From A Stranger (or Positivity Online)

There are so many social media and forums online that there is no way to participate in them all. I am on a few forms of social media (FB, Twitter, IG), but I’m sure there are at least a dozen other apps and sites that I’m not on. I can’t be on everything, so I pick and chose the ones that fit into my life. The same with online forums. I use FB a lot of online forum type discussions and for a long time I used the forums on IMDb to discuss tv shows and movies. But when the forums were shut down, I started looking for new places to chat with other fans of shows and movies I love.

I was never a real big user of Reddit in the past. I would look at it occasionally, but I didn’t do anything on it. And I never really thought I would use it. But after the forums on IMDb shut down, several people were saying how they were using Reddit instead so I finally signed up for an account on there and was pretty much just a lurker when I started. But I started to figure out how to use Reddit and subscribed to several subreddits for things I love (like Orangetheory!). Ironically, I don’t use Reddit for discussing tv and movies except on rare occasions but I’ve been enjoying Reddit for what I do get out of it.

There have been gift exchanges through Reddit several times a year and I participated in my first one during the holidays. It was fun buying a gift for someone who I didn’t know and they posted online about how much they loved their gifts! The gifts I got weren’t things I necessarily loved, but I put the blame for that on myself. I wasn’t that great at filling out the form to let my Secret Santa know the types of things I like. They got me things that fit what I said I liked, but not necessarily things I would use (such as t-shirts with the poster of a show I like, except I would never wear it).

So when I decided to sign up for another Reddit gift exchange, I tried to be much more specific about what I like and the types of gifts I would love to get. This exchange was to celebrate the 400th gift exchange so there wasn’t really a theme to the gifts. They did say we could send 400 of something, but it wasn’t a requirement (some of the gift exchanges are pretty specific like comic books, bookmarks, or themed for a specific hobby). I pretty much wrote in my gift preferences that I love to listen to podcasts and I love Disney. I think that pretty much sums me up!

When the matches were done, I was excited to see who I got to send a gift to. As I’m writing this, they haven’t posted on Reddit if they liked their gift or not. But they mentioned they are in dental school and love candy. So I found gummy candy teeth to send to them. They also joked that they would like $400 million as well, so I found fake $1 million bills to send to them. I didn’t send 400 fake bills, but hopefully they will get a laugh out of it.

Right after I sent off my gift, the gift I got from my Secret Santa (who isn’t the same person I sent a gift to) arrived at my door. They had given me a heads up that it was going to be in 2 shipments, but they happened to arrive at the same time so that was fun. And when I opened up the box, I was smiling so much!

While I don’t need a book on how to start a podcast, it’s going to be the perfect thing to tell others to read when they ask me about doing a podcast! And while I don’t have a trip planned yet for Disney World, I’ve been telling my friends how we need to figure out how to get to Disney World since it’s been a while since I was there and so many new things have opened at those parks!

But the book on poster art in Disney parks is the most amazing and perfect gift! I haven’t seen this book before but it is totally something that I would have seen and would have loved to buy but wouldn’t get it for myself. I’ve looked through the book a few times already and it makes me so happy to see all the incredible posters that are in each of the chapters. I love anything to do with Disney and love Disney history so this is the perfect thing for me!

I seriously love everything I got and these gifts almost make me feel bad for the person I bought gifts for because I know these gifts are so much better than what I bought. But I also can’t always compare what I gift to others to what others gift to me (this is true with Reddit gift exchanges and in normal life). This person happened to guess pretty perfectly what I would love but they had a chance that I wouldn’t love it. I’m just so grateful for what I got and have thanked them for figuring out the best gifts to get me.

I’m going to do more Reddit gift exchanges since I’ve had fun with them with the first 2 I did. I won’t do too many since I do have to spend about $20 on the gifts and then pay for shipping sometimes. If I had more money to spend I could totally see myself doing a ton of these exchanges and hopefully one day I’ll be able to do that. But for now, I’ll just have to be picky about which exchanges I’ll do. I’ll maybe pick one more to do that is fun plus the holiday time one. And there do appear to be some exchanges that are about postcards so those are less expensive to do. I’ll just have to do some investigating since these gift exchanges are still a bit new to me.

But I’m so glad that I did take the chance on doing them and that I lucked out and got someone who really did an amazing job picking out gifts for a stranger!