Monthly Archives: April 2013

Dress Fitting (or The Reason I Took This Trip)

On Saturday, us girls (me, my brother’s fiancée Krystle, and Krystle’s friend Anna) had a very busy day planned.

We started our day by walking a couple of blocks up the street for brunch. We went to Blackwood, which is a Thai restaurant that does some really good egg breakfasts.


I decided to get the spinach scramble. It seemed like one of the healthier choices. I was pretty surprised when I got my plate and it looked like this.


I’ve never had scrambled eggs that looked like an omelet on top, and in the middle it was all scrambled. Nevertheless, it was delicious!

Next, we headed over to a bus stop so we could ride the bus over to where the bridal salon was. It was a pretty nice ride. The bus wasn’t crowded at all so I was able to look out and check out the city. We drove through Chinatown, and then we were over by Union Square which is where the salon was.

Krystle’s dress is by Jin Wang. The store was gorgeous, but you weren’t allowed to take pictures of dresses that you didn’t purchase so not photos to show how nice the store was.

I did get this picture of the sign in the entryway.


And this photo of the dressing rooms where Anna and I waited for Krystle to come out in her dress.


Krystle’s dress is really pretty. I would love to post photos of it on here, but she doesn’t want my brother to see them (I don’t know if my brother even reads this, but knowing my luck this will be the first post he looks at).

So the only photos I can share are these cropped ones that Krystle gave me permission to put on here.

IMG_1691 IMG_1700

After the fitting was done, we headed over to where our next adventure would be: Burke Williams! But before doing that, we realized that we all forgot to bring swimsuits and we wanted to use the hot tub/steam room/sauna at the spa, so we made a quick side trip to Macy’s where all 3 of us bought new swimsuits.

Now, I have to say, I haven’t worn a swimsuit in forever. Before purchasing this one, I didn’t even own one in my size. So this was an adventure all in itself. I don’t love the swimsuit I bought, but it fits and works for now.

My mom’s goal for me for this trip was to bond with my future sister-in-law. Between going to her dress fitting and then trying on swimsuits together, I’m pretty sure I met that goal.

I’ll write all about the spa tomorrow! There’s so much to say that it needs to be its own post!

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (or How I Got To San Francisco)

As I mentioned before, I was a bit nervous about my trip to San Francisco. There were a bunch of parts of it that I had never for before and that always makes my panic/anxiety disorder come up.

The trip started easily. I drove my car to LAX and parked it in the garage that I usually use (The Parking Spot for those who care to know). Took the shuttle to LAX and headed to the gate.

I had a minor issue at TSA. For some reason, the RapiScan machine saw something suspicious on my body. The suspicious thing was near my chest, so I’m guessing it was my underwire in my bra. So besides getting scanned, I got a pat down as well.

When I got to San Francisco, I first had to head to the tram that connects the terminals. Fortunately, the signs were pretty easy to follow.


I got off at the terminal where the BART station is (I think it was the international terminal).

Then I ran down to catch BART. Thankfully there was a train there when I got my ticket. I got a nice seat and tried to relax for the ride.


I kept stressing out that I would miss my stop. So I was glad I chose a seat with a good view of the map of the BART line.


Literally after every stop, I’d check the map again and count how many more stops I had to go.

It took about 40 minutes to get from the airport to the stop that my brother told me to get off at.

Finally, my brother met me at the station and drove me over to his place. It was a long journey, but I’m glad I did it successfully.

As soon as I got to my brother’s house, I had only enough time to change my shoes for dinner. I’m glad I didn’t travel in my sloppiest clothes. We went out for Mexican food that was served family style, so I got to try a little of a couple of things. We had carne asada tacos, enchiladas, something that was fried (and I didn’t love too much), and really yummy guacamole.

After dinner, we walked down the street to a bar that had tabletop shuffleboard. My brother and his fiancée, Krystle,  played a few games, and then I joined in along with Krystle’s friend, Anna, for one game.

After that, it was midnight and I was exhausted. I headed back to my brother’s place before the rest of the group, got into my pjs, and prepared myself for a busy weekend!

Oh, and since I promised it, here’s a picture of me in my new skinny jeans. My legs look funny because of the way I’m standing (my front leg is bend and my back leg is straight), but you get the idea.


Trying To Stay Calm (or Not Letting Panic Take Over)

Today, I’m heading out to San Francisco for the weekend. I’m going to be staying with my brother and his fiancée and the main event for the trip is my future sister-in-law’s wedding dress fitting.

This trip was planned back in August, so I’ve known about it for a long time. But over the past few days, I’ve been getting increasingly panicky about the trip.

I’ve talked about my panic attacks before. Many of them are caused by something that I don’t know. But besides going to the dentist, one of the main reasons I get panic attacks is traveling and going or doing something unknown.

When I travel to see my parents, I know exactly what the airport is like, where I meet my parents to pick me up, when I call them to get me. Everything is easy because I’ve done it so many times before.

But I’ve never flown into the San Francisco airport (I’ve once flown out of it). This time, I’m taking public transportation to meet my brother at a location closer to his apartment where he will pick me up and take me to his place.

These are all unknowns. I’ve done a ton of research on the public transportation from the airport so it will seem at least a little familiar to me, but I’m still freaking out. And I know that this feeling won’t go away until I do it (it will lessen a bit when I take my panic meds right before flying, but I’m waiting until closer to flying time to take them).

My poor parents have both already talked with me while I’m panicky (my mom got to deal with a long rambling phone call where I feel like I must have sounded drunk). I know that they are trying to ease my stress and fears, but I know from past experience that nothing makes this go away until I finish the task.

I felt the same way when I did the Hollywood Half 5K. I didn’t know the course going into the event. I researched it a ton online, looked at Google street view, but I was still so nervous and panicky until I crossed the finish line.

I’m starting to realize that maybe I should treat my panic attacks the same way I treat my eating disorder. I know that I will have my eating disorder the rest of my life, I just have to get used to managing it. I will most likely have panic attacks the rest of my life. Instead of trying to avoid them, maybe I need to accept them and work on overcoming each one as they come.

Even knowing that, I can’t wait until I can take my meds, get on the plane, and get safely to my brother’s place so this will all be over! Well, until Sunday when I have to fly home.

Busting Out Of My Comfort Zone (or I Bought Skinny Jeans)

I definitely have a comfort zone. There are a lot of things that I do now because I like how they feel as part of a routine.

I was like this with exercise. For a long time, I really didn’t want to exercise anywhere besides in my house or at Richard Simmons’ studio. These were places that I felt safe exercising. Nobody was going to judge me for my weight (which sadly is something I’ve experienced at 2 different gyms I used to belong to in LA). But I went outside my comfort zone when I saw the free spin class on twitter, and now going to SoulCycle is one of my favorite things to do! I never thought before that I would say a form of exercise is one of my favorite things to do!

I used to hide the fact that I have an eating disorder and credit card debt. I liked that I could hide behind a facade and seem to not have those troubles in my life. But once I stepped outside my comfort zone and admitted those things (essentially to the world), I’ve been able to deal with them much better. I still have debt, but I’m working on paying it down. And I’ll always have my eating disorder, but I don’t feel like it is as out of control and running my life as it used to.

What does all this have to do with me buying skinny jeans? Well, I totally have a comfort zone when it comes to clothes. For a long time, I told myself that it was like that because there are so few options for me. I have my favorite jeans (which seem to be the only jeans that really fit me well), and I love my Old Navy shirts. I wear those items a lot. And at my day job, where I’m on the phone all day and never have to see anyone besides my 5 co-workers, I don’t feel the need to dress nicer.

But I don’t want to look sloppy all the time. There is a time and place for that, but that is not everyday. This upcoming weekend I’m going to San Francisco for my future sister-in-law’s dress fitting. Besides the dress fitting, there are a bunch of other events during the weekend including 2 nice dinners, 2 brunches, a shopping outing, and going to a club. That’s a lot of clothes for a weekend, but I’m willing to figure out how to make it all fit into a carry on.

I recently got some new clothes from one of my favorite store, Kiyonna. I bought 3 new tops (but I think I’m sending one back because I don’t love it in person), and when I tried them on with my favorite jeans, it didn’t look right.

My favorite jeans are bootcut, and when I went back to the Kiyonna website I noticed that they had the model styled in skinny jeans for the tops I bought. So I went to the store that carries my favorite jeans, and they happened to have dark wash skinny jeans in my size (and in petite). It was fate!

I tried them on, and I didn’t love them. They aren’t what I’m used to. But after 3 salesgirls and 6 customers told me how much they loved the jeans on me, I had to trust them and get them.

These jeans are a big break out of my comfort zone. It’s almost harder for me to love these pants than it was for me to love spinning! I’m sorry I didn’t get a picture of me in the pants on here (yet), but I wanted to wash them before I wore them.

I’m planning on bringing the new pants with me to San Francisco this weekend. I’m hoping to wear them for some of the events. I haven’t convinced myself not to also pack my favorite jeans just in case, but I’m hoping that I’ll have the courage to do that before zipping up my suitcase tomorrow.

Pictures to come, I promise!

Setting Myself Up To Win (or More Preparation)

I do a lot of things to try to make my life easier. When I have late shifts at work, I try to get some extra sleep (because I really do function better on more than 5 hours a night). I know that when I don’t remember to prepare a lunch or a dinner one day, I can always find something at Subway or some salad places near my house. And I try to get things done on my day off so I don’t have to try to squeeze them in before or after an 8 hour work day.

But just because these things are easier doesn’t mean that they are good for me. I’m trying to look at things now as better options, not easier options.

One thing that I’ve been able to do is figure out when I can fit in spin class into my work schedule. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I have a shift that starts at noon. In the past, I used the late start to catch up on sleep. On Monday nights, there are times that I don’t get home until 10pm and then I still need to have dinner and get work done. But now I’m making going to an 8:30am spin class a priority. I know that this won’t happen every Tuesday/Thursday (yet), but I’m working towards it.

Also, I’m trying (again) to be better at having food prepared so I don’t have to think about what I’m going to do for lunch or dinner. I’ll admit that this week I haven’t been good. I’m going out-of-town this weekend and didn’t want to go to the grocery store if I didn’t have to before my trip. But no matter what I eat, I am tracking all my calories on my app on my phone. I’m holding myself accountable for my good and bad choices.

Finally, I’m allowing myself to make mistakes. I really am an all or nothing sort of person. I didn’t want to start this blog until I knew I could maintain doing it 5 days a week (there’s no way to get yourself ready for that). So when I’ve had slip ups in the past, I’ve allowed myself then to continue slipping up until a determined date/time that I was going to “start over”. There’s no starting over in this now, just continuing on. I’m not letting a speed bump stop me completely.

I’m hoping with this new mindset not only will I be moving towards my goals a bit faster, but I’m hoping that I will not feel so over worked and stressed about being at my day job 6 days a week. I need to allow myself time to have a life and do things that are good for me and I enjoy. I didn’t allow myself that freedom last year.

Of course, I could completely change my mind about all of this next month, but I’m giving it a shot for now.

Some After Work Fun (or I’m Definitely Getting The Most Out Of My Disneyland Pass)

After my first full week back at work, I was ready for some fun. So when I found out that my friend Kate was planning on going to Disneyland with another friend, I decided to join in.

I headed down to Anaheim after my work shift on Saturday. I actually got out an hour early because I worked some extra hours on Friday. I was at the park at about 2pm, and met up with Kate and her friend.

Our first stop was to get some Dole Whips. I do love my Dole Whips, but it was also so hot there that the soft serve was nice and refreshing!


Since this was the only day that Kate’s friend had to go to the park (he’s from out-of-town), we sped through the rides. Right away, we did the Matterhorn, rode the monorail round trip, went on Star Tours, did Buzz Lightyear’s Astro Blasters, and then took the train through the Grand Canyon diorama to get to New Orleans Square.

The next ride was Splash Mountain. I am not a huge fan of this ride. First of all, I don’t like getting wet (or having to be wet the rest of the day). Secondly, the last time I rode it, I got stuck for a very long time and had to be evacuated. This was when I was on crutches and we got stuck at the top of the main drop, so it was not good.

But since it was so warm I decided to go on it. The three of us went through the single rider line since the main line was well over an hour. I ended up in one log and Kate and her friend were both in another log.

At first, I was nice and dry, and then as soon as we did the first little drop, a wave went through the log I was in. My shoes and jeans up to my knees were soaked. I mean dripping wet! I didn’t actually get wet at all on the big drop, so once I was off the ride, I was only wet from my knees down.

You can’t really see how wet my pants are in this picture, but you can see my cute new shirt I bought on my last Disneyland trip!


Since my pants were so wet, I ended up rolling them up so I didn’t keep tripping on them. Then we were off to keep riding all the rides. We did Winnie the Pooh, Peter Pan, Snow White, Pinocchio, Mr. Toad, and Alice all before stopping for dinner.

We went to Cafe Orleans near the Haunted Mansion for dinner. We wanted some nice food and a sit down restaurant, but didn’t want to spend a ton of money.

I ended up getting the veggie ragout with blackened chicken.


It was so delicious and filling! And I don’t think that this was a bad food choice at all! For dessert, the 3 of us split an order of beignets.


I love that they are Mickey shaped!

After dinner, we did a quick ride on Pirates of the Caribbean (where some annoying teenagers behind us spent the entire ride trying to throw pennies at the various animatronics), and then we decided it was time to head home.

I was at Disneyland for 7 hours, and managed to do 12 rides plus dinner. Not bad considering that this was just a quick after work trip!

I’m going to be going back to Disneyland on a Sunday late next month, but I don’t know if I’ll go back before then. But I have been able to go 4 times in the 2 months I’ve had my pass. That’s pretty darn good!

PS: don’t forget you still can enter my “Cougar Town” contest! Comments must be in by midnight on Thursday to be eligible!

Seeing My Hip Doctor (or Looking Cute In A Hospital Gown)

Last Friday, I finally went in to see my hip surgeon. I had been pretty anxious for this appointment as I’ve been feeling pain in both the hip I had operated on as well as the hip that needs to be fixed.

I also wanted to ask my surgeon about the pain I feel when I’m doing the standing up work in spin class.

As soon as I got to the appointment, I was sent to get my x-rays.


I had to get two different x-ray views. The first was pretty easy. I was laying on the x-ray table with my toes pointed in. It took a few tries to get a good x-ray, but it was easy enough to pose like that. The second pose was super awkward. The x-ray tech put a stool on the x-ray table and I had to put my legs and feet on it. Then I had to keep my feet together and my knees out. I’m glad that I had a female x-ray tech because the hospital gown did not cover much when I was in that pose!

After the x-rays were done, I took a shot showing how awesome I looked in the hospital gown.


After my x-rays were all done, I got dressed again and went back to the regular waiting room to wait to see my doctor.

I was finally called in, and I have to admit the room was a little scary looking to me.


It was nice to see my surgeon again. I had my hip surgery in 2006, and I haven’t seen my surgeon since my 1 year post op appointment. We spent the first few minutes catching up, and then it was time to look at my x-rays.

The x-rays looked good. My right hip is showing no signs of early onset arthritis (I’m at high risk for that). And on my left hip, you can see the bone spur that is causing me pain (I had one on my right hip too, but that was removed in surgery).

Then it was time for the physical exam part of the appointment. My surgeon moved my legs around to do full range of motion of my hips to find out where my pain was.

The outcome of my appointment: there is no reason I should be having pain in my right hip. Therefore there is nothing I can do for it. And my left hip is showing signs that surgery will be needed. But it’s not urgent now. The next step for me would be to get an MRI to see the damage, but I’m not going to do that now. My surgeon suggested waiting until the pain is much worse before I do the MRI.

Overall, the appointment was almost all positive news. The negative news was about spinning. My surgeon said that if something is causing me pain in spin class, I shouldn’t be doing it. It’s ok if the pain is after class, but when it’s pain in class that is not good.

I’m glad that I saw my surgeon last week. I’ve been really nervous about the pain I’ve been feeling, and now I know that I haven’t been doing damage to my body. I have a timeline in my head when I want to go ahead with the MRI, but if I’m in a lot of pain before then, I’ll go ahead and do it. Having a plan makes me feel a lot better about a situation that I really don’t have control over.

And having a plan is really all I can do about this now.

200 Posts! (or My 1st Giveaway!)

I can’t believe I made it to 200 posts! That’s so amazing! And thank you everyone who has read at least some of those 200 posts!

And to celebrate, I have something for you. A while ago, I ordered a DVD of one of my favorite TV shows. It got lost in the mail, I had a new one sent to me, and then weeks later the original one showed up on my door. I asked the company if they wanted me to send it back, but they told me to keep it.

And I’ve decided to pass on that DVD to you!


It’s season 3 of “Cougar Town”, which in my opinion is one of the funniest shows on tv right now. If you haven’t seen the show before, you should totally check it out. Here’s the extended preview of the 3rd season which aired last year.

So, what do you have to do to win this DVD? It’s really easy. All you have to do is comment on this blog post with either your favorite “Cougar Town” episode or if you’ve never seen the show, your favorite TV show. Make sure to include your email address so I can contact you if you win (it stays hidden and only I can see it). You have until midnight April 25th to enter. And on April 26th, I’ll be announcing the winner (which I will choose by using That’s it! (US residents only.)

This contest is being paid by me. I was not paid or sponsored to do this. I just wanted to share something with a reader, because you guys keep me going on this blog. I’d probably still write a little if nobody read it, but to do this 5 days a week for 200 posts is a lot!

So thank you for being on the journey I’ve gone on for the last 200 posts! And here’s to the next 200!

Update: Congrats to Erin who won the DVD!!

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Readjusting (or I Guess I Forgot What It Felt Like To Work My Work Schedule)

I’ve been back at work for a few days now. At first, it was really nice. I got to see my co-workers, I was making money, and I like feeling like I have a purpose.

But the honeymoon stage of working again wore off pretty quickly. And it’s the little things that bother me. I miss knowing that I can go to spin class whenever I want. I’m trying out going to a class this morning, but I’m worried I won’t have enough time to get ready to go to work after. I hate eating dinner at 9 or 9:30 at night, but if I don’t have some sort of dinner, I’m too hungry after work (and it’s hard to eat while I’m working on the phone). And I don’t like being limited in when I can go run errands. Just last night, I was supposed to have dinner and hang out with a friend, but it had to be cut very short because I needed to go to the grocery store and get gas for my car.

I know that I’m whining, but this is honestly how I feel. And I’m not going to look for a different job since this one pays well and my boss is cool with me going to auditions (which is incredibly hard to find). I’m also just surprised that the schedule shocked me so much since this was exactly what I was doing 6 weeks ago before my unemployment started.

So to fix my feelings, I’m trying to get better (again) at planning. Like I said, today I’m testing if I have time to go to a morning spin class before work (I have a late start time today since I have to work until 10pm so there is room in case I take longer getting ready than I hope to). I’m working on re-doing my food plan again so I could get away with only having a light snack at night instead of a meal. But that’s tough because I get up at 7am, have a little something in the morning, eat my breakfast at 11am, and have my lunch break at 4pm. If I stop eating for the day at 4pm, I get very hungry when I’m trying to fall asleep.

Again, these are all things I need to work on getting adjusted to again. It wasn’t easy when I started this job a year ago. I was just leaving a job where I worked 8-4:30 3 days a week (but the job made me very unhappy so I didn’t want to stay there). Getting used to being at work 6 days a week is not easy. And it’s not any easier this time because I’m also trying to have a life this time around.

I remember reading somewhere that it takes 21 days to create a habit. So I’m hoping that on my 21st day of work this season, things will start to get easier. And if they don’t, I might just have to plaster a smile on my face and pretend that everything is great until I do something like win the lottery or book a tv series.

LA Actors Tweetup (or My LA Family)

On Monday, after hearing about what happened in Boston, a lot of people I know wanted to spend time with their family. None of my family is very local (I couldn’t drive down to San Diego after working an 8 hour day and then needing to work the next day), so spending time with them wasn’t an option.

Fortunately, that night was the LA Actors Tweetup. I think I’ve mentioned the tweetup before, but it pretty much is just a fun group that gets together every month or so. Yes, most of us are actors and are on twitter, but everyone is welcome.

The tweetups starting back in 2010, and it was at a very weird point in my life. It was right after my friendship with my college best friend ended, and I kind of lost all my friends and social life when that happened. So I went to the tweetups very open to meeting new people and making new friends, and I’m so glad that I did! Some of my best friends now are people I’ve met through the tweetups!

So Monday, after my shift at work was over, I headed out to Busby’s East, where pretty much all the tweetups happen. I had a really great time  that nights, and it was exactly what I needed after reading everything that was going on in Boston.

I got to see Gedaly, who I’m pretty sure I met through the tweetups (sometimes it’s hard to remember!), who gave me some great advice about this blog and my actor website.


He’s actually checking out the blog in this picture.

I also got a chance to catch up with Ben, who is one of the creators of the tweetup event.


I stayed as late as I could, but I had to get home so I could get up early enough the next day do get everything I done that I needed to do before my work shift started (I already miss unemployment!). But Ben promised to wear my name tag to promote my twitter account after I left.


This was exactly what I needed to do on Monday night. Good friends, good conversation, and a lot of fun.

And if any of you are in the LA area and want to come to the next tweetup, check out the website. The tweetups are about every 6 weeks and the next one will be on June 3rd. I hope to see some readers there then!