Monthly Archives: November 2012

Happy 100th! (or Guess I Might Be A Writer)

It’s my 100th blog post! I’m kind of in shock. When I started writing this, I hoped that I would love doing it and it would become a part of my day that I looked forward to, but I was not sure. Fortunately, I’m loving this!

I never really thought of myself as a writer. But I’ve always thought of a writer as a screenwriter or someone who writes books. I’m not very good at either of those. I wish I could write scripts, but there is a disconnect in my brain for writing something for visual media.

But ever since I started writing this blog, people have commented to me in person that I’m a good writer. I’ve even had a few people ask me why I’m not writing this as a book instead of a blog. Whenever I got those comments, I blew them off. I always said that I’m not a writer.

But maybe I am.

When I was at the Women in Film mentoring event this week, everyone else was introducing themselves as a hybrid (actor-writer, writer-director, producer-makeup artist). I’ve always said that I’m an actor. That’s it. Even though I produced a documentary, I don’t think of myself as a producer. That was a passion project and I’m not seeking another producing job.

But I started introducing myself as an actor-blogger at the event this week. And to my surprise, everyone seemed impressed that I write a blog. Maybe I’ve been underestimating this, but I was surprised how much people wanted to know about the blog. But I was so excited to be able to introduce myself as a hybrid that I’m proud of.

In the first 100 posts, I feel like I’ve gotten so much off my chest that I’ve been keeping secretive. Now that I don’t have to focus on hiding those parts of my life, I’ve been able to focus on moving forward and growing as a person. I feel like I am a much better me than I was 100 posts ago.

Can’t wait to see where I am after the next 100!

Getting Mentored (or Wanting to Have Positivity Around Me)

I joined Women in Film last year during one of their membership drives. Honestly, when I joined, I wasn’t sure what I wanted out of the membership. At the time, I was at an old job where I only worked Monday-Wednesday, so I had time to attend a couple of events. But what sparked my interest the most was their mentoring program.

The mentoring program then was a one on one program where everyone got matched up with someone in the industry. They might not have been in the same part of the industry as you, but that’s a good thing in my mind. A bunch of my friends and I all applied for the program in January. And then we waited.

Out of the 6 friends that I know who applied, only 1 got a mentor. The rest of us didn’t hear anything.

Well, it turns out, way more people applied this year than expected, so they changed up the program for the future. Now, we are going to be in mentoring circles with 9 or 10 mentees and 1 mentor.

Personally, I’m super excited about the change. I think that it will be amazing.

Since there were so many of us who applied in January who didn’t get matched, Women in Film hosted a get together for us this week. It was a little party to say thank you for being patient and an opportunity to mingle with other mentees and some of the mentors.

This event was exactly what I needed. There are far too many negative people in this industry. People try to put you down or make you feel less so that they feel more. There are so many scams out there that seem legitimate. But this event was all positive people who just want to help look out for one another and make sure that we all can succeed together.

There are very few industry places where I feel this much positivity. Being a member of The Actors’ Network is like this too (if you aren’t a member of that organization yet and want to check it out, there are 2 free orientations left this year). I feel like I need to be a more active participant with this positive groups to outweigh all the negativity out there. It’s tough with the job right now. I need to find a way to balance working so late 3 nights a week and trying to attend events. But whenever I do make it, I feel like I’m recharging my batteries and I’m ready to go out and battle whatever I encounter out there.

Trying to Gain The Fitness Bug (or I Wish I Was More Motivated)

I’m not doing too shabby on eating better. I eat breakfast every day (normally some toast with peanut butter and some fruit) and I’ve been pretty good about trying to bring my lunch to work. Dinner is still a bit tough because I never want to cook when I get home after leaving work at 9pm, but my parents just bought me a slow cooker, so hopefully that will change soon.

Where I’m struggling is working out. I like to go hiking, but with my current schedule, it’s tough to find time to go. Maybe that could change when I’m unemployed for a few months. I’ve tried yoga, and while it’s fun, I don’t think I’ll continue on a regular basis after my Living Social deal is done. It’s pretty expensive. I like doing 5Ks, and I’m signed up for another one next year already, but I need something to do on a regular basis.

I have a fitness bike in my house that I really like. It’s right in front of my tv so I can catch up on my shows while I work out. I try to get on it 3 days a week, but lately that’s been tough. Part of it was my travel schedule and trying to fit everything in before I went home for Thanksgiving. I find it easiest to workout on the days where my shift starts at noon. I can work out when I wake up and have time to shower before heading to work. Since it’s in my house, I don’t have to worry about driving to a gym or if I have gym clothes without holes.

I’m pretty steady in my bike workouts, but I want to push myself more. It’s hard to self motivate, especially when you are working out alone in your house. I started by wanting to add more minutes to my workout. But now, I want to try to increase the resistance. I’m going to try to go slow (that’s what worked for increasing the time), but I wish it was easier.

I know plenty of people who are essentially addicted to exercise. They crave it every day. I want to be one of them. I just don’t know how to get there.

Maybe I Should Be A Wine Drinker (or How We Spent My Grandma’s Birthday Dinner)

One of my family’s traditions at Thanksgiving is to go out for a really nice dinner for my grandma’s birthday. Her birthday falls around Thanksgiving, and we either go out the night before or the night after Thanksgiving.

This year for my grandma’s birthday, we went to Plumed Horse in downtown Saratoga. This is totally a place that I could not afford on my own (the menus didn’t have prices on it, so you know it was very expensive).

The food was unbelievably good. We could order up to 4 courses, but most of us seemed to get 3 (appetizer, entrée, dessert). But since there were 2 appetizer courses, if you hadn’t ordered something to go for that course, they brought out a treat. My first appetizer was a green salad (my choice), my second appetizer was a parmesan black pepper soufflé (their choice), my entrée was a steak, and for dessert I had the Meyer lemon soufflé. The portions were on the smaller side, so even though I felt stuffed after the meal, it wasn’t too bad.

One of the highlights of the restaurant was their wine cellar. The head waiter for our private room gave us a tour of it. There are hundreds of bottles and the floor is clear so you can see everything in the basement.


For the meal, we had some red and white wines for the table. I really don’t like red, so I had a little of the white. But I really wish I could have ordered one of the yummy sparkling wine bottles I had seen in the cellar.


It was a great evening. Almost the entire family made it (one of my cousins wasn’t able to fly in until Thanksgiving day). And I’m glad I had a super cute little black dress to wear too (I got several compliments on it).

I’m Back (or Planning On Keeping My Routine)

I’m finally back home! I had a great Thanksgiving week with my family. Lots of quality time with everyone. And lots of funny memories and stories were said. Some of my favorites were from my cousin’s kids. Her 5 year old was convinced that my older cousin was Superman and called him that for 2 days (we explained that his cape was at the tailors being hemmed). And her 3 year old had one of the funniest quotes of the week. On Friday at dinner, she suddenly shouted “roll me in sugar and bake me in the oven!”. None of us know where she got that, but it was pretty entertaining.

Yesterday I spent the day unpacking and then spending time with my brother and his fiancée, who came to town for the USC game.

But today, it’s back to usual. I’m back to my 6 day a week job (at least until the season is supposed to end in January). I’m back to my own food. And I’m back to the schedule that I’ve gotten used to for the past 6 months.

I’m trying to plan out things to do when it’s the off-season for my job and I’m unemployed. My mom and aunt are coning to visit me in February to see a taping of one of our favorite tv shows “2 Broke Girls”, and my future sister-in-law and I are thinking of taking a trip to NYC sometime in the winter as well.

I have no idea what life is going to look like for me in the off-season (which is supposed to be January until the beginning of May). But I’m trying to schedule things for myself that I would have done even if I was working.

I just signed up for The Color Run in February. I decided to create a team (called Hue Did It!). Right now, I have 3 members on my team, and need to have at least 4. So if any of you readers are interested in doing The Color Run, you can sign up for my team here.

While I can’t plan too much since I don’t exactly know what’s going on, I’m trying to plan on doing things that I would want to do whether or not I’m working. I’m hoping that this will help make the transition to being temporarily unemployed (whenever that may be) easier.

Thanksgiving Recap (or My Attempt At Blogging From an iPad Today)

First of all, if this blog looks weird, I’m blogging from an iPad. I did buy a wireless keyboard to use with it in the future (thank you Apple Store for doing Black Friday online), but for now, it’s the touchscreen and an app.

Thanksgiving was awesome. Lots of good food and fun with my family. My mom made an awesome turkey.

Even my dog wanted to eat it.


While we were waiting to eat, we started playing with my cousin’s kids’ sticker set. And of course, in our silliness we took pictures.




Our table looked beautiful and I made a nice plate for myself (even though I didn’t calorie count, I don’t think I went too overboard).



Today is another family day, and then tomorrow I’m back to LA and hopefully back on track with everything.

Happy Thanksgiving (or Hope You Are Spending Time With Those You Love)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I’m at my parents’ house spending time with my family (all 4 generations of us). Yesterday, we went to my cousin’s ultrasound and found out she’s having a boy!

This is going to be a short post because I’m trying to help out with the table settings and the food.

I just wanted to say how thankful I am to have all of you reading and joining me on my journey!

Now time to google now long we need to cook the turkey! 😉

No Stress Dinner (or Not Missing Thanksgiving Dinner Again)

I’ve mentioned how I’ve done the UCLA RFO diet before. I actually did it two times, in 2006 and 2007. In 2006, I did it mainly because I needed a fast way to lose weight before having hip surgery. I started the diet in February and stopped in October so I could eat Thanksgiving dinner.

That Thanksgiving dinner was one of the first real meals I had after being on the RFO program. I was so nervous to eat food, so I spent about 2 months prior to the date working with a therapist on exactly what I would eat. I planned out every bite. I brought my own measuring tools (because I knew I could trust them).

And what I learned is that the meal I planned out was actually more food than I usually would have allowed myself to have. My big weakness is the stuffing, so I do have to make sure I don’t go overboard on it.

In 2007, when I did the diet again, I actually was on the diet on Thanksgiving. Everyone was enjoying the meal, and I drank a 100 calorie chocolate shake. Not so fun.

Since 2007, I really did realize that one meal will not make or break it. It’s how I react to that meal that makes the difference. If I feel like I blew it, I can’t go overboard for a month after (it’s happened), because I screwed up for one night.

So for tomorrow, I’m going to enjoy my meal. I will possibly measure out the stuffing (since it’s at my parents’ house I know I can trust their measuring devices), but I’m not going to stress over it.

Tonight is a fancy meal to celebrate my grandma’s birthday, so I know that I’ll be having 2 big meals in a row. And to keep my sanity, I am not planning on weighing myself again until the middle of next week. The combination of big meals, stress from flying, and taking my panic medications will make me take on some water weight, and I know that the number will be a “fake” number.

Trip Prep (or Guess I’ll Find Out Who Reads My Blog Soon)

It’s almost time for my Thanksgiving trip! Thanksgiving is a big holiday for my mom’s side of the family. We all get together every year. It rotates whose house it’s at, and this year it’s at my parents’ place.

I’ve been busy getting all my clothes and stuff ready for the trip (Thanksgiving is casual but we also have a fancy dinner for my grandma’s birthday another night). I’m also helping out my mom a bit by doing the place cards, so I’m bringing those in my suitcase. And I also have Hanukkah presents for my mom, dad, brother and his fiancée (it’s cheaper than shipping it all to them).

There will be 15 members of my family over 4 generations at Thanksgiving this year. I personally thinks that’s awesome and I feel lucky that we are all able to gather every year.

I’m so excited to see my relatives. My cousin is expecting her 3rd baby and we are going to find out the gender tomorrow! My cousin’s son and I have a super special bond and I can’t wait to see him and hear all about his adventures in school. And there’s one aunt that I’m super close to (we speak every week), and I’m happy to see her in person to discuss all of our favorite TV shows.

But I’m also a little nervous this year. I know that there are some of my relatives who read this because they’ve mentioned something to me. But then there are other relatives who I have no idea if they’ve read any posts or even know that I have this blog. I have revealed things on here that I’ve never discussed with my family, and I really don’t necessarily want it brought up at dinner.

Obviously, all of my family has known for years that I have a problem with my weight, but I don’t think anyone really knew that I have an eating disorder (and have been through some treatment for it). And I can guarantee that nobody in my family outside of my parents knew that I had any credit card debit.

I don’t want Thanksgiving to be any different this year know that I’ve made this information about my life public. I’m hoping that either we will casually discuss this blog or it doesn’t come up at all.

Just want dinner to be filled with our old traditions. Which include someone making a big announcement at dinner (it’s usually my cousin announcing she’s pregnant but I wonder what it will be this year), watching a kid’s movie at some point (this year, it’s “The Brave Little Toaster”), and something making us laugh so hard that we cry.

All of us (minus my cousin John) at Thanksgiving last year.


Running Into An Ex-BFF (or How I Survived My Pedicure)

Yesterday, I went with my friend Stacia to go get a pedicure and eyebrow waxing in preparation for Thanksgiving. I’ve been going to the same nail salon since I moved to LA over 11 years ago, and I was excited to bring Stacia there for the first time.

As we were pulling in to the parking lot, I was telling her about my ex-best friend and how we used to always go to this nail salon together. I was friends with this person for 8 years, from freshman year at LMU until about 3 years ago (our friendship ended on the Saturday after Thanksgiving in 2009). To this day, I’m not exactly sure why our friendship ended. But to be honest, looking back now, I feel like we had outgrown our friendship.

For the last 3 years, I’ve never seen my ex-best friend. The people who work at the nail salon always mention how we miss each other by a few hours a lot of times. But as I was parking, I noticed my ex-best friend. She was getting out of the car, so I could only assume that she was going into the nail salon. I was pretty upset to know that I was putting myself into an uncomfortable situation, but I took a deep breath and went inside.

As we were picking our colors, we were inches away from my ex-best friend and her mom, and either they didn’t notice us or they chose to ignore us. I didn’t say anything. But as we were getting seated in our pedicure chairs, my ex-best friend’s mom saw me and came over to say hello and give me a hug. I was polite and honestly was happy to see her. But I didn’t ask about my ex-best friend or anything. We all went back to our chairs, and that was the end of our interaction.

I held it together during the pedicure, but I did wait until my ex-best friend and her mom left the salon before I got up to leave. But once I was in my car, I broke down. I surprised myself by crying, I thought that I wouldn’t care if I saw her again. But what it came down to was the fact that my ex-best friend didn’t even acknowledge me. I’m sure her mom mentioned that she just said hello to me so she had to know that I was there. And I know that I was also in the wrong for not saying anything.

It’s just so sad that there is nothing left there. This was my best friend for so long. She knew so much about me. We had a tradition that we could only pick pedicure colors that had cute names, and I still do that today (the color I got yesterday is called “Leading Lady” and is a red sparkly color). She is the person who was there when I met t-shirt guy (a story for another blog).

I have to focus on not what was lost, but who I have become since then. I’ve become a much more confident person. I have made so many friends that push me to want to be a better person. I have come clean about my credit card debt and my eating disorder (I never was fully honest with my ex-best friend about either). I’m so much happier now than I was then. And I really do hope that my ex-best friend is too.

And if she is reading this (which I doubt, but you never know), I’m sorry our friendship ended. But I hope that you agree with me now that it was for the best. And I’m sorry I didn’t say hi to you at the nail salon. I was so shocked to see you, and only thought more about it once I was out of the situation. But I do hope that you are happy. And I hope that maybe next time that we run into each other, one of us will have the courage and guts to say hello and not make it as awkward of a situation as yesterday was.