Monthly Archives: September 2012

My Current Diet (or I Miss Food)

Posted on September 14, 2012 | 11 comments

I’ve been on a weird diet lately. And I don’t mean that I’m on Atkins, the Zone, Paleo, or the HCG diet. I mean the food I’m eating is weird.

I had the start of my dental adventure, and next week, it finally ends. I’ve had one permanent crown repaired and I’ll have my temporary crown replaced with a permanent one next Tuesday. For a while, I could not have any food that needed to be chewed. My meals pretty much all looked like this:

 

Not too exciting. I can now  have “regular” food, but I can only chew on one side of my mouth until next week. So I’m being safe and only having soft foods. So a lot of overcooked pasta and soup everyday.

This makes me miss food.

It also brings back memories of the times I was on the UCLA RFO Diet. Basically, it’s an all liquid diet. Everyday, I had 6 shakes that were each 100 calories. I was constantly monitored by doctors (appointments every week, blood draws and EKGs twice a month). I also went to therapy classes there. The first time I did the diet, I did it for 9 months without cheating. The second time, 10 months without cheating. I lost 100 pounds both times.

I missed food so much when I was on the RFO program. All the shakes where so sweet and I craved salt. Eventually, I just got a spoonful of Kosher salt once a week and ate it.

The diet worked while I was on it, but obviously, I wasn’t able to maintain the loss. That’s one reason why I’m trying to do it this time in a “normal” way. I can’t keep bouncing back and forth.

Right now, while I’m not really eating, I keep having dreams (or nightmares) that I’m back on the RFO program. I wake up panicked about it.

I’m so glad that by Wednesday next week, I won’t have to miss food anymore.

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Being Grateful (or Maybe I Am One of the Lucky Ones)

Posted on September 13, 2012 | Comments Off on Being Grateful (or Maybe I Am One of the Lucky Ones)

I’ve been working very hard at being grateful for things in my life. I’ve never been a really ungrateful person, but I always referred to myself as an unlucky person.

I felt that I was unlucky due to certain circumstances that I can’t change. I inherited most of the bad stuff from my parents. I got my dad’s bad teeth, both of my parents’ bad vision, the obesity gene from both my parents, and it even turned out my hip problem was something I was born with. And the job that I’ve dreamed of doing my entire life is not a job that guarantees success (unlike my brother who has always wanted to be a doctor). A lot of these things have caused me to be in the place I am right now.

But things could be worse. I know people battling cancer and trying to find a treatment that works. I’ve had a few friends recently miscarry their babies. I have friends who don’t have jobs, who have to give up their apartments, who have to leave LA and move back home because they don’t have any other options.

My health issues are here to stay. Those will never change. Eventually, I will have my left hip fixed and then I don’t have to have the idea of surgery hanging over my head, but even when it’s fixed, it will still be a problem.

But outside of the health issues, I’m lucky. I have an apartment that I love (and I can finally afford the rent without struggling too much). I have a great job where I have fun and can make some really decent money. My boss at my job is awesome and is always open to letting me miss work for appointments, auditions, or classes. I have great friends who love me no matter what size I am. I have amazing agents who believe in me and who I consider not only my agents but my friends. And I’m loving writing my blog, and based on my reader numbers and comments, I think people love reading it too.

I never really thought too much about writing this blog, just that I should do it eventually. Now, I’m so happy writing 5 days a week on here. It’s therapeutic for me, and is helping me along on my journey.

Thank you everyone who is reading this. I still can’t believe that I have readers, but I am beyond grateful for you all because you are keeping me honest. Not just honest with you, but honest with myself.

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Keeping Life Exciting (or Making Sure Tomorrow is Different Than Yesterday)

Posted on September 12, 2012 | Comments Off on Keeping Life Exciting (or Making Sure Tomorrow is Different Than Yesterday)

Along with my focus on trying to get healthier, I’m also trying to mix up things in my life. It’s a bit tough to have a super active social life when you work 6 days a week (and 3 of those days include evenings), but I try.

I try to go out on adventures on Wednesdays when I get out of work early. I’m investing in Groupons and Living Social deals to try new things (although that doesn’t always work out how I would like). I’ve got plans for some trips coming up (Texas for my friend’s wedding, home for Thanksgiving, and San Francisco for my future sister-in-law’s dress fitting). I’m even starting to get back into acting class (currently signed up for the SAG-AFTRA Conservatory and Marci Liroff’s Audition Bootcamp).

Since I’ve done this, I’ve been a lot happier in my life. I’m still a bit exhausted sometimes from my schedule, but overall, I’m happy. And yes, most of these things cost money, but it’s worth it. And I feel like I’ve been able to cut back financially in other areas.

And I have noticed a bit of a steady weight loss since doing this. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m eating differently or if letting go of some of my stress is helping, but I’m glad the numbers on the scale are going down. I still need to make a bit more of an effort to get the numbers to go down at a rate that I would like, but I always figure a tiny weight loss is better than a gain or being the same.

Soon, I might have a lot more time to be social. My current day job is seasonal, but right now, the end of the season is up in the air. In past years, the end of the season would be coming up in 3 weeks, but that isn’t probably happening. We might start having our hours cut back, and that would give me more than one day free a week. I’m kind of excited to see what other fun things I can bring back to my life when I have a bit more time! But for now, I look at my calendar and smile at all the fabulous things I have scheduled.

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Never Forget (or How I Will Always Remember This Day)

Posted on September 11, 2012 | Comments Off on Never Forget (or How I Will Always Remember This Day)

It’s the 11th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. I didn’t lose anyone that day, nor did anyone I know have a close call. But I will never forget exactly what happened that day for me.

I was in my freshman year at LMU. I had a great schedule of classes where I didn’t have to be up early any day of the week. On Tuesday morning, I had my acting class. But before my alarm went off that day, my RA knocked on the door. My roommate answered, and my RA asked if either of us had family in New York, Washington DC, or in Pennsylvania. I answered that I had family in all three places and my RA said “you better call and make sure your family is still alive”. I will never forget her saying those words. I’m sure they came out so harsh because she was stressed and had to deal with a lot of freshmen under her care. But those words shook me to my core. I called my mom, and none of my family was affected. But I was scared beyond belief.

This happened less than a month after I left home for the first time. I didn’t know what to do. Was I supposed to get into my car and drive the 6 hours back home? Did I have to go to class that day? Was it still safe in Los Angeles?

I ended up going to my acting class. My professor excused us all. None of my classes happened that day. I remember finally getting a waffle to eat sometime in the afternoon. And then I watched all the news I could on the tiny tv my roommate had in our dorm room.

The next day, at least in the little bubble that was LMU, everything was back to normal. I went to all my classes. That weekend I was scheduled to work at a charity car wash. I don’t remember what the original charity was, but we had changed it to go to help the rescue effort in New York.

I will always think about those lives lost 11 years ago. Today is a day to remember, and to never forget.

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Dealing with Living Social (or I Thought I Bought a Good Deal)

Posted on September 10, 2012 | 3 comments

As someone who is trying to bring down their credit card debit, I love good deals! But I still enjoy fun things in my life. I try to do spa stuff during Spa Week (which is coming up in mid-October). I look out for sales on clothes and shoes. And I love Living Social deals!

Or at least I did love those deals.

About 3 weeks ago, I bought a deal for 6 laser hair removal treatments for $99. It was at a place in Beverly Hills and the reviews on Yelp were all 4 and 5 stars. I was excited because this would be a great way to see if I could handle the pain of laser hair removal and would want to do it on other parts of my body.

I finally got through to someone on the phone this past Saturday. He was extremely rude on the phone to me. No greeting when he answered the phone. And as soon as I said I had a Living Social deal, all he said was “we can’t see you until October”. I said that was fine as long as I could use all 6 of my treatments (the deal had a promotional value expiration date of December 17th). The guy said that they would only let me use treatments until December 17th, therefore I would only be able to get 1 or 2 of my 6 treatments done.

I think that this is crap. I pretty much said that to the guy on the phone, who claimed to be the manager. If you are too busy to see me for over a month, you should let me complete all my treatments as long as I start them before the expiration date.

So on Sunday, I called Living Social. I explained the situation and said I wanted a refund. They weren’t able to offer me a refund, but they did credit the amount I paid to my account. And then the guy on the phone told me that they were having a lot of complaints about this vendor not honoring the deal they offered.

I’m glad I got my money credited to my account. Even if the laser hair removal place apologized to me, I wouldn’t want them to have my money. I’m a little sad because I was excited to try laser hair removal. I guess I’ll have to wait until another good deal comes along.

Oh, and all those 4 and 5 star reviews on Yelp? I think they are fake. Now when you look, it’s a lot of 1 and 2 star reviews (including my 1 star review on how they treated me).

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52 Weeks (or What Can I Do in a Year?)

Posted on September 7, 2012 | 6 comments

One year from tomorrow will be my brother’s wedding in Kauai.

I’m excited for their wedding. I really like my brother’s fiancé, Krystle. She’s very nice, and she invited me to come up to San Francisco in April for her dress fitting. I’m excited to have her as my sister next year.

Since the wedding is in Kauai, clearly there will be some activities in the water at some point. Water activities involve swimsuits. The last time I wore a swimsuit was in 2006 and I looked like this:

I was about 100 pounds smaller than I am now. I wish I could go back to this time. I thought I was still so heavy, but looking back now, I know better.

So with the wedding one year away, that’s 52 weeks. And people say that a sensible weight loss is about 2 pounds a week. Therefore, it should be possible for me to lose 100 pounds by the wedding.

I’m not saying that this will definitely happen. I’ve tried to do this a million and a half times. I’ve failed most of those times. And the few times I’ve done it, it hasn’t been a sustainable way.

So I’m not trying to focus on losing 100 pounds. That’s too scary and too big. I’m going to try very hard to focus on losing 2 pounds a week.

That’s a very frustrating thing to do. I partially blame that on the crazy diets I’ve done in the past where having a 10 or 15 pound loss in the first week or two isn’t unreasonable. And most weeks I would lose at least 5 pounds a week. I also blame it on shows like “Biggest Loser” where when contestants lose less than 10 pounds a week, they feel like failures.

2 pounds a week doesn’t seem like enough in my head, even though when you add it up over 52 weeks it will be amazing. But I’ve always had trouble focusing on the small victories instead of the big picture.

The one thing I do have going for me right now to jump-start this is the fact that I’m on a soft food diet due to my temporary crown. So I’m living on a lot of yogurt, cooked veggies, and bananas right now. I know that this weight loss won’t be the norm, but at least it might get me motivated.

I don’t want to make this blog a focus on me losing 100 pounds before the wedding, so I probably won’t do a ton of updates of where my progress is. But I just wanted to share this with all of you. Even if I don’t lose 100 pounds, I’d love to have the confidence in a year to wear a swimsuit. Otherwise, I don’t think I’ll be having a lot of fun at the beach.

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Another LA Adventure (or It’s Drag Queen Bingo!)

Posted on September 6, 2012 | 2 comments

Last night, I was invited to go to Drag Queen Bingo at Hamburger Mary’s. I had never been before, and the celebrity caller for the night was someone who I had met before (she had sent me a facebook invite for the event).

We got there right before it started, paid our $20 for our bingo cards (we got extras for being facebook friends with the caller for the night), and got seated pretty close to the action. All the money went to an animal charity so I figured even if I didn’t win anything, I could feel good about donating $20 to a charity that I would support anyway.

I’m not a big bingo person. The last time I played was a few years back in Las Vegas. And then, I only played because we were waiting for a table at dinner and bingo was right there.

But this was really fun! The hostess for the night was Belle Aire. She had been doing this for 14 years, and this happened to be her last night. So there was a great crowd and an awesome vibe in the room.

One of my favorite moments was after each game. The winner takes a victory lap around the restaurant and everyone else crumples up their used bingo card and throws it at them. And there’s no mercy! When Jennifer Love Hewitt won, everyone had a pretty good time throwing their cards at her.

My friend and I didn’t end up winning any of the games, but that’s ok. It was just a great night out and I was constantly laughing. It was exactly what I needed.

When the game was done, we got our bill for our drinks and food, and the bill came in a stiletto.

That was pretty funny too.

And after we paid our bill and used up all of our bingo cards, it was time for the night to end. Mainly because there was also a 9pm bingo show and we had to clear out so the next show could start!

I said goodbye to Elaine Hendrix, who was the one who invited me.

And my friend and I headed out, passing the gigantic line outside for the 9pm bingo.

I had an awesome time last night. After feeling so low the past few days, this was exactly what I needed.

And if anyone out there wants to come to Drag Queen Bingo with me, I totally want to go again!

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I’ve Got Writer’s Block (or I Might Have Taken Too Many Pain Meds)

Posted on September 5, 2012 | Comments Off on I’ve Got Writer’s Block (or I Might Have Taken Too Many Pain Meds)

I survived part one of the crown procedure. It took two shots to get me numb, but I didn’t pass out with either shot. I might have broken a finger or two on the dental assistant’s hand, but I didn’t faint.

My boss was nice enough to give me the entire day off to recover. I was planning on being super productive and get some work done around my house.

Nothing happened all day.

On the way home, I stopped by the grocery to get food that is appropriate for a temporary crown (soft and not sticky). I will be surviving on a lot of yogurt, applesauce, and eggs for the next two weeks.

I got home, and I slept off the numbness and then slept off the pain.

Why am I telling you all of this mundane stuff?

Because I honestly have no idea what else to write.

I took a bunch of panic medication yesterday and today to help me get through the shot portion of the procedure. And when I got home, I started taking pain medication. The injection sites in my mouth are extremely sore, same with my jaw.

The day was almost a wasted day. All I got done was play a few rounds of Words with Friend (I’m kicking your butt, Dad), sent a few emails, and did laundry.

I’m sorry for the boring post today. I made a deal with myself that once I started this blog, I will write every Monday-Friday without fail. And so far, I’ve been able to do that. And if it takes a few boring posts every so often to help me accomplish this, so be it.

I promise to be more interesting soon. I have to be.

Plus, tonight, I’m going to Drag Queen Bingo at Hamburger Mary’s! I promise to let you all know all about it!

Oh, and just to add a fun picture to a boring post, here’s a self-portrait I took after the drilling portion of the procedure was done.

 

I wanted to smile, but they were doing an impression for the permanent crown when I took the picture and my teeth and lips had to stay closed.

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Learning From My Dental Situation (or How Getting A Crown is Educating Me on My Weight Loss)

Posted on September 4, 2012 | 1 comment

I’m writing Tuesday’s post on Monday night because tomorrow morning is part one of my crown procedure at the dentist. I’m horribly nervous and can’t wait for this whole thing to be done.

The only positive that I can see out of having this done is getting an extra day off of work (but that also means less money in my next paycheck). Also, if this wasn’t being done now, it could end up being a root canal (which I’ve never had and never want).

Sometimes, you just have to suck it up and do something because in the long run, it will be a good thing, even if in the short term you are extremely unhappy or stressed.

This crown is costing a ton of money (and my insurance isn’t very good so at most, half of it is covered), but a cracked tooth or a root canal would be way more money.

Yes I’m missing out on another day of work, but my supervisor knows and if any of my customers call in, he’ll take the order for me and I’ll get my commission.

Yes, I hate that I have a ton of weight to lose now and a bunch of debt to pay off, but if I don’t do it now, how much worse will it get?

I’ve talked about the “what ifs” before, and I don’t want this time in my life to be a  “what if” in a year or two. If I don’t take action now, I’m going to regret it later in life. This I know for sure.

I’m going into tomorrow expecting a bad day. It will go one of two ways. Either my mouth will be so sore and so numb that I won’t eat anything all day and that will be that. Or I’ll be in a ton of pain until right before dinner and then I’ll be starving. I’m hoping it will be the first, but I’m trying to prepare my house with foods that are safe both for my crown and my waistline.

Soups, whole fruit popsicles, yogurt, and jello all seem like they are safe in both ways. I’ll have to be careful eating with the temporary crown, but maybe that will help kickstart this attempt at weight loss.

I’m hoping to not get too out of control tomorrow. But I’m also allowing myself to do so and not go into a downward spiral. If tomorrow is a bad day, why does the next day, or week, or month have to be bad too.

This is the lesson I’m hoping to learn from this really sucky dental situation.

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Being SAG-AFTRA! (or I’m Proud to be a Union Member)

Posted on September 3, 2012 | 5 comments

Happy Labor Day blog readers!

I hope a bunch of you are relaxing today with a day off of work! I’m not working at my day job today (and I also have tomorrow off for my dental work), so I’m enjoying having more than one day off this week!

I’m going to spend today hanging out with some friends and catching up on work at my house (I’m currently redoing my closet and I joke that I’m in Phase 2 right now).

I’m very happy that right now, I’m in a day job that is supportive of my acting career and I have a supervisor who is super cool (and I’m not just saying that because there is a chance he might read this). But I’m also super proud of the steps that I’ve taken recently in my acting career.

Right before the SAG-AFTRA merger, I joined AFTRA. I was SAG-eligible since 2007, but joining AFTRA pre-merger was about $1,000 cheaper. So now, I’m a proud SAG-AFTRA member and have been enjoying some of the perks of being a union actor.

There was recently a makeup class done by MAC makeup artists and I went to check it out with a friend. And by attending the class, we got a year membership for the MAC professionals program for free! So now we get a discount on all MAC makeup!

I’m also excited that now, I’ll only book acting jobs that have residuals. I did an infomercial for a hair product in 2007 and was paid $250 and got a few month’s supply of the product. That infomercial is also in commercial form and is still airing today. I’m not making any more money on it because non-union acting jobs don’t have residuals.

I feel that even though I’m not where I want to be in my acting career right now, I’m taking the steps I need to get there. And I know that my big moment is just around the corner. A friend of mine was saying how I need my “Bridesmaids” moment where it seems like I’m an overnight success even though I’ve been working at this for years.

I know that my weight might be holding me back a bit, but right now this body is what I have to work with. And while I’m trying to change my body to be what I want it to be (and not what the industry might want me to be), I’m going to keep trying to kick ass and keep enjoying my new perks in SAG-AFTRA!

Happy Labor Day to all union members! I’m happy that I was able to join your ranks this year!

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